Shadowhunters
Saphael
Title: Dear Raphael
Summary: Sequel to "Imperfect" Simon writes Raphael a song to truly apologize for everything he has done.
Author's Note: This is another songfic with yet another original song. I decided to write this as a three part series before I wrote Imperfect but seeing all the positive reactions makes me want to write it that much more. So thank you for that.
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No One's Pov
Simon sat cross legged on his bed at the Hotel Dumort and patiently waited. He honed his advanced hearing and listened throughout the hotel as doors lightly shut and one by one the others residents went to sleep. He waited until there was complete silence before he got to work, he didn't want anyone to know what he was doing until it was done and it was perfect.
He had come home to the clan about a month ago and things were slowly but surely getting better but things were still tense. Simon could see how when some of the others crossed his path their eyes would grow cold and they would surpress a growl but when they looked at him they just smiled but sometimes it didn't reach their eyes. He understood that things weren't going to be fix so quickly so he could stomache the hatred that some of them still possessed, it would all be worth it once things were back to how they were.
There was one thing that make those looks vanish though, Simon's song. Raphael insisted that every Friday morning before the sun rose and they all went to bed that Simon play the song for the clan, to remind them why Simon was here and to remind them of the goal they had set. Simon couldn't have refused, things were still too new and he wasn't going to push anything when it came to Raphael but he wouldn't have anyway. He missed the days where hew would perform for people other than himself.
That was part of his plan tonight, without anyone's knowledge Simon had begun to write another song and this one he hoped would be just as moving as the last, and tonight was the night he believed he would finish it. Tonight was the night he'd perform it for the first time.
Dear Raphael
I've written this song a hundred times
Trying to get every word right
So that I can truly apologize
I hurt you
I broke you
I betrayed you
I'd be lying if I said it hurt me more than it hurt you
Raphael stood outside Simon's door as he heard him sing his name. He knew the other thought he was asleep but no, every night he just shut his door and waited until he heard the boy's guitar before he slipped out of his room to stand outside Simon's. He knew it was an invasion of privacy and he originally had no intention of doing this but when he heard Simon say his name it peaked his interest. He never stayed long though, he knew the song was for him but he didn't want it to be spoiled, when it was ready Simon would share it with him. Tonight things felt different to Raphael, he felt like for the first time that he should be there, that is was finally time.
Quietly Raphael entered the room and shut the door with a small click. He stared at the boy on the bed who was oblivious to his visitor, he was already lost in his music.
I'm sorry that I tore your heart out
I'm sorry that I took your trust away
I'm sorry for everything that's happened because of me
If you took your revenge
If you destroyed me today I wouldn't blame you
I'd take every hit too
It's the price I pay for all your pain
Raphael's heart wept as his fledging went on, the words hit him close to home like Simon had found his way inside his head and knew everything he had felt after what he had done. He clearly had put not only his heart and soul into his work but also Raphael's as well, he sought forgiveness that much from him.
In that moment all Raphael wanted to do was pull Simon into his arms and never let go, whisper into his ear that he was forgiven and tell him just how important the younger vampire was to him. He could feel Simon's phantom touch clutching at his shirt and the boy repeatedly mumbling 'I'm sorry' and 'thank you' into his chest. Salty tears would invade his senses and soak his shirt but Raphael would only focus on Simon's un-needed breathing evening out and the soft feel on his hair between his fingers.
But not yet, not until Simon was finished and knew that he was here.
Dear Raphael
I wish I could take back everything
Calling you a monster
Saying you'll never be my home
Before the world fell apart
You were my everything
But I broke it before it even started
As he continued to play Simon felt his emotions beginning to well up. He didn't know how it was possible but this song was more meaningful and more important than 'Imperfect'. Maybe it's because if was for Raphael, because he owed him so much and what does he do? He turns his back on him and completely destorys both of their lives. But now he was willing and would do anything and everything to fix his mistake, even if it meant leaving Raphael alone for centuries. For now however Simon prayed that his new song would at least break the ice in Raphael trusting him again. It worked the first time so he hoped that second times the charm would actually work. Because losing Raphael, losing his heart and his home again would be the greatest torture.
He wasn't sure if anyone had picked up on it but before everything happened he had started to fall for his leader. Sure he was grumpy, sarcastic, a little mean sometimes and a little bitchy but he loved it. Plus he had the rare privilege to see then man's softer side. He was caring to those close to him, he was extremely loyal (minus Camille) and protective. And for some reason Simon was unsure of Raphael was fond of the boy, even if he talked too and was constantly bugging him.
I'm sorry that I tore your heart out
I'm sorry that I took your trust away
I'm sorry for everything that's happened because of me
If you took your revenge
If you destroyed me today I wouldn't blame you
I'd take every hit too
It's the price I pay for all your pain
Raphael heard the sound of faint voices from somewhere deep in the hotel and he recognized them as Lily, Elliot and Stan. Apparently they were woken up by the music and were debating whether or not they should listen in once they heard what the song was about. Carefully so that Simon is still unaware of his presense he leaves but only takes a few steps away from Simon's door to speak to the others.
"Do no continue to listen. This is meant for Simon and I only and it will remain that way until he says otherwise. Now go back to sleep"
They went silent when they heard their leader speak. From above he could hear them all go back to their respective rooms and he trusted that he wouldn't listen to Simon sing another word. Raphael carefully went back into Simon's room to see that his boy had started to cry but he kept on singing, he was determined.
I've lived with unrequited love before
I can't go through it again
So I'll do everything I can
To get you to love me
I'll work myself to the bone
Because you I refuse to let go
Raphael let a bloody tear stain his face when he heard the heart broken boy sing those words. Simon loved him and he had never even noticed, Simon cared about Raphael just as much as Raphael cared about Simon but he was blind. Blinded by so many things but mostly because of the recent events, Raphael refused to say or even thing the b word. Now he had a mission, to prove to Simon just how much he cared and mattered. He needed to show Simon that he wasn't holding anything against him anymore.
I'm sorry that I tore your heart out
I'm sorry that I took your trust away
I'm sorry for everything that's happened because of me
If you took your revenge
If you destroyed me today I wouldn't blame you
I'd take every hit too
It's the price I pay for all your pain
Simon was done. And as soon as the sound from the last note echoed away he let it all out. A flood of tears began to fall leaving a bloody mess on his face that splashed onto his guitar and the sheets. He pushed the instrument aside and wrapped his arms around himself, looking for some comfort. Raphael couldn't take it anymore, he ran over and wrapped himself around Simon. Simon stiffened but when he recognized Raphael's cologne he snuggled in closer but sadly that didn't stop the sadness.
Raphael pulled him impossibly closer into his lap and began trailing kisses where ever he could reach: his hair, his face and his neck all while whispering sweet and comforting words into the boys ear.
"It's okay"
"I'm here"
"Don't me sad mi amor"
"I forgive you"
It was those three words that made Simon react. He pulled away to stare at Raphael's face, looking for any sign that he was joking or any hint of doubt. When he found none he beamed and without another thought leaned over and lightly kissed him. The older vampire kissed him back softly but still full of passion. They pulled away after a few moments and pressed their foreheads together, staring into each others eyes.
"You have no idea what it means to hear you say that Raph" Raphael chuckled as he swiped some hair away from Simon's face.
"After that kiss I think I do baby. Now lets get you cleaned up and we'll go to bed. Then tomorrow I think you and I need to have a long talk"
"Yes Dad" Simon teased and Raphael gave him a blank stare.
"What? You're acting like a dad and treating me like a child"
"Oh yeah? Then I guess I get to punish you for being naughty" He whispered into Simon's ear which made him shiver and would have made him blush.
They were done talking after that. They both cleaned up, Raphael quickly left to change and came back to find Simon in bed waiting for him. He wasted no him into crawling in behind him and wrapped himself around the boy yet again.
The boys were both at peace, things were looking up for them.