A/N: My first X-Men fic. I watched the entire set of films over three nights, and they are incredible…I couldn't believe the lack of Scott/Logan fics though, so when I couldn't find the one I wanted, I took it upon myself to write one.
And so, 2 hours later, I lend the internet my baby, born of an over-active imagination, yaoi goggles and a bit too much junk food (also known as me in a nutshell). Be careful with my baby; enjoy!
Wings made of ice
The first time they meet, there's an instant attraction.
Logan can feel the energy, the magnetism that thrums through the air and binds them together, connects them to one another, and he can't help but notice the smoothness of the other's skin, the redness of his lips, the grace in his movements.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the guy just saved his life, but maybe it's just fate.
Of all people, Logan knows that fate has a weird way of working. He's alive, isn't he?
He learns the guy's name quickly: Scott Summers.
It's not what he expected (out loud he'd snark out a "Gabriel" or a "Sam", goody two shoe names that seem to fit a little mummy's boy. He'd never admit that he'd been anticipating a "Zach" or a "Phil", something cool and perfect for the surprisingly edgy man) but it fits none the less.
It fits almost too well and Logan's standing too close again, inches away from Scott's flawless face and decidedly not noticing how firm his muscles are when he reaches out a hand on the pretext of shoving him further away (he can't pull him closer. Not in this world).
In fact, Scott fits his name like a glove; well worn and comfortable, but still tight enough to leave little to the imagination.
Logan is definitely not checking him out as he walks away.
Once, he gets into a debate on gay rights with the Professor, and Scott walks straight into the middle of it.
Logan's arguing pro rights (he's sick and tired of this world where he always has to hide. Bad enough being a mutant, he refuses to believe that there's something else wrong with him) and Professor Xavier solidly refuses to pick a side, instead calmly arguing against whatever Logan says.
When Scott catches the tail end of Logan's arguments, he stops where he stands and quietly agrees.
Logan is too stunned to do anything but blink as Scott and the Professor leave for lunch ("Did he just- agree with me?" he asks).
He's not addressing anyone but the air and is receiving no answer, as surprising as that seems. It's a sharp bark of laughter later and the seed of a bulb planted when he finally stumbles out of the study and staggers into the lunch hall, and a million and one people ask him if he's okay- the world has flipped on its axis when he's injured.
Only Scott stays away, and Logan just knows that the other is laughing at him through dark shades and stoic expressions.
He scowls back.
They're still playing, still dancing around all the issues that matter ("keep off my girl""If you have to tell her to keep away, then she's not really your girl") but Logan's not getting any younger.
It's a moot point that he doesn't grow old either.
In the meantime, people start to notice his fixation with Scott, with laser-eye guy, and Bobby approaches him once with it ("I've seen the way you look at her") and he wants to laugh because this is the boy who is the new generation of mutants?
He fancies Rogue, and so Logan supposes he can't really blame the boy for narrow-mindedness. Maybe he should count himself lucky that Scott always has the doctor lurking around him; he's created an iron tight cover for them without even trying (but there's nothing to cover, nothing to hide however much he wishes otherwise).
The only real way to open their eyes is through plain old deeds, but Logan can't be blamed either for not having the courage to go through with any course of action.
Later, when the whole "saving New York" thing is over, Scott goes to Logan.
They're alone, in Logan's room in all its simplistic glory, and Scott apologises (sincerely) for all the trouble he's caused, as if it was his entire fault.
Logan rolls his eyes "Stupid" and looks Scott straight in the eye (as close as he can) and grabs his dark head, pressing their lips together and he's so glad that he finally worked up the courage to do this.
Only, the other man pushes him away ("What the hell are you doing!") and Logan is left alone.
He sits on the bed of his room and proceeds to pick up the pieces of his broken heart, and if some things in the room were broken through sheer brute force that night, no one ever commented.
The tension is there now, every time they meet, and the rest of the world put it down to them both loving the same girl (but Jean Gray is nothing special and Logan can't imagine ever loving her) whilst the true messed up nature of their relationship is a secret; Logan loves Scott and Jean loves Scott and no one even knows who Scott loves, but Logan thinks that Jean's cottoned on to who he really likes.
They're in competition now more than ever, but it ends abruptly with a failure.
The dam explodes and carries away Jean in its watery grip, and Scott's screaming and wailing and falling apart right in front of Logan and he's just numb to it all.
In the end, Jean was a good friend but Scott loved her and she's gone and Logan feels awful, but he's glad she's gone.
Cyclops and Wolverine don't speak for weeks on end.
Every time they pass one another in the corridor, Logan looks up through his lashes at Scott who glares back and Logan ducks his head, ashamed ("I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry") and they walk on by, and he's slowly dying, piece by piece, and he wonders if this is how Scott feels with Jean gone.
It's got to the point where Rogue and Storm and Charles ask if he's okay, a constant stream of questions barraging him from all sides and he's numb now. Numb to it all ("I'm fine. No, really, I am,").
One day he is called into the Professor's office where he sits on a hard wooden seat (he's not a fucking student, only it feels like he is more now than ever) and Charles says that he knows.
Knows everything.
Logan feels his breath start to quicken, and he topples out of the chair with a head spinning full of fears and apprehension and hope and he's lying on the floor and there's no air and then-
"Breath Logan!" and he inhales sharply, dragging in air until he's fine again, but he wonders in the back of his mind if he could just stay there, on the edge of dying (but he's already there, so close to the cliff and not allowed to step over) and the professor just sits there with knowing eyes as he pours out everything.
He's not being judged. Not being judged for his secret, his being, and the relief is so intense that he finds himself sobbing into Charles' jacket for a few minutes.
He's not wrong. He's allowed to exist.
The day slips into night, bringing with it nightmares and darkness, but something in this night is different.
Scott slips in through the door and the night lights up as if it is day, and Logan doesn't know what's happening.
He doesn't really care either when harsh lips smother his own and he's being pinned to the bed. This situation spells only good things for him, so he doesn't resist, not even when he wakes up alone the next morning, and the next and the next and the next.
It's a vicious cycle that isn't stopping, but Logan's not getting off this ride so easily.
The day that Logan finally starts to believe that he can have this, be this, is the day when he wakes up with Scott in his arms, asleep and happier than he's seemed in a long time.
Logan wakes him with a clichéd kiss, and their relationship grows wings and flies, leaving behind the harbour and setting sail for the sun.
They still hide out of habit, but Rogue has guessed and Bobby's been told, Storm just knows these things and it's no exaggeration to say that Professor Xavier's psychic, whilst at least 5 students have caught them kissing in the corridors when they didn't realise anyone else was around.
It's not the world's biggest secret, but it's more than good enough for Logan. It's a world formed from rubble and dust, but it's his and he doesn't want to ever lose it.
In the end, it takes seconds to rip away what took months to build.
Scott was at the lake, Alkali Lake where they lost Jean, and past that, Logan knows nothing.
All he knows is that one day he's flying and the next his wings are broken and fractured to nothing (and how come nobody told him that his wings were made of ice?) and the only thing left now is a set of sunglasses, carefully manufactured for Scott and somehow outliving him.
When Jean finally reveals herself, Logan kills her himself. It's part love, part hate, part revenge and part selfishness, and he collapses at her body with his purpose served, but there's more for him to do in life now ("Scott wouldn't want this") and he keeps moving ("never look back and you'll be okay").
He goes to Scott's grave, once. It stands as a dwarf next to that of the Professor's and holds its own with Jean's (and it's sad but he's jealous that they stayed together even in death) but Logan's lost them both now and who is there to turn to when both the one he loved and his teacher and guide is gone?
The moon is out and the birds are asleep, but Logan stands silent vigil over the grave all night, not a word spoken to Scott but there for him all the same.
Logan doesn't even notice that he's crying until Storm joins him (dusk changed to early morning) and gently wipes away the tears that fell, and Logan realises that he has to endure without Scott, but for Scott.
They stand there until the bell rings and students flood around them, but nothing changes (Scott's gone. Logan can't change anything. The Professor's dead. It's him against the world now).
Logan endures more years. He endures the passing of time, and he never changes, never grows closer to joining Scott in the afterlife where he longs to be, but can't bring himself to abandon the school and the young mutants for.
They are his reason to live, the reason he is alive, but everyone's dying now and Logan wonders pessimistically if he's going to end up being the last man standing (and how cruel of fate to destroy him as such. He doesn't think that he'll last a day if everyone else is gone. There's no point in living if he has no purpose).
When he finally sees him again, years and decades on, Logan cries.
He's just arrived back in the new future, and no one's dead and yes, Jean's back, but he'll take the two of them over two deaths any day so he stumbles down the hall (tripping over everything in his path) and reaches out a trembling hand to caress Scott's rough cheek and everyone else looks on in avid curiosity.
It's Scott.
They aren't dead, they aren't dead, and Logan throws back his head and laughs, elated at this outcome, and drops caution out the window.
His lips are a single step away, so Logan bounds forward and kisses him twice; once viciously and animalistic like the rest of their relationship and the second soft and sweet like the calmer facets that they are still sorting out.
A tear drop races down his face, and he hugs Scott tightly, feeling the pain of his death lift off of Logan's chest and flutter off into the sunset.
Logan's not dead, Scott's not dead, and that's more than he ever hoped for.