That night changed everything. She was so brave, so incredibly brave. It made me proud. The feeling felt like a lump in my throat and threatened to undo me completely. I'd always considered Emily to be so tiny and fragile. Something to be protected, but tonight she was different. Tonight she was suddenly the Emily I had snatched glimpses of in the past, cast out of her sisters suffocating shadow to finally lift her head up high. She made me feel like I should be stronger, could be if I would only be brave like she had asked me to be.
The truth is I did feel brave tonight. Admittedly I had been driven to the dance by my anger and bitterness at the idea of my Emily in JJ's fumbling hands! I couldn't get the image of them out of my head and it filled me with sickness. But I wasn't angry with her, not really. I was angry with myself.
Did he deserve her more than I did? I hadn't exactly been kind to her. I had no right to be mad at her for sleeping with him after all she wasn't mine. No, but it felt like she was. It was a hard pill to swallow. Acceptance didn't come easily to me. It wasn't until somebody else wanted her that I realised how much I did.
So I went to the dance to fight for her. Originally anyway. But seeing them on the steps all neatly packaged like a pair of stepford wives brought up too much in me. I reverted back to the old me. Blunt and head strong. It was meant to be a brilliant performance but all I did was show how much I really cared about her.
I can still picture her on the floor with clumps of Katie's auburn hair in her hands. All that rage. The girl would make a good activist one-day, with the right teacher. It didn't matter that all those faces surrounded her. Emily had, had enough and finally she was telling the world that she wouldn't be walked on anymore. The message was like an arrow straight to my head.
I breathed in. 'Be brave' I told myself. The words were repeated in my head like a mantra.
'I love...her' She had extended her hand, briefly, in my direction, her eyes meeting mine so dark they were almost chocolate. She loved me. For all my flaws, despite my crazy cult house she still wanted me and somehow it was enough. It was enough to drive away all the insecurities, all the doubts. I held my hand out to her and waited patiently for her to come to me. When she did all eyes were on us. I could feel them burning in to me but it didn't matter. I smiled at her and out we went, our exit marked by scatterings of applause.
"I love you too," I said to nobody but her and the cool summer air. She seemed to know it.
We walked back to mine in virtual silence. Content just to hold hands.
"Get through the crowd and say nothing. Do not engage anyone in conversation and keep your eyes to the ground." I had warned her as we stood outside my house, music spilling out onto the streets and the silhouette's of people dancing through the windows.
She blinked back at me before breaking in to a grin "You make them sound dangerous"
"Do you want to spend your prom night listening to the wonders of hemp?"
"No"
"Exactly. Anyway I have other things in mind"
"Really?" She almost purrs. "Like what"
"You'll see"
When I kissed her I could feel her entire body sigh with relief. Her hands had snaked around my back, hugging me to her tightly. As the kiss deepened I felt my mind switch off and my emotions take over. I kissed her almost desperately, my fingers pulling at the thin fabric of her slip. It wasn't enough. I needed her. Needed to be closer to her, to feel her. I slipped off her 'dress' throwing it to the floor with a grunt.
"Let me..." She began to say but I brought my lips back to hers cutting her off mid sentence. I ran my hands over the silky expanse of her skin. "I want to feel you," She whispered in to my ear. When I looked in to her eyes they were filled with lust. I complied instantly, unzipping my dress and letting it fall to the floor with a rush of air.
I led her to the bed and we slipped under the covers fitting into each other perfectly.
When the sun had begun to creep up at the lazy hour of the early morning I'd cupped her face in my hands, the tips of my thumbs stroking her cheeks. Her eyes had been struggling to stay open. "Go to sleep" I'd whispered kissing her eyelids.
"I don't want to" Her voice was hoarse, her words sleepy.
"I'll still be here when you wake up" I assured her, moving a strand of red hair away from her eyes. "I promise"
She'd smiled and snuggled into my neck.
Minutes later she had fallen asleep her features framed with a peacefulness that threatened to close my eyes. She was beautiful. I'd always thought so and now it was about to change everything.