The first time you prayed about Brittany and Santana you were seven years old. Miss. Martinez had told you that from Monday you'd be working on a project in class with some of your other classmates. Over the whole weekend, every prayer you said ended with and please, God, let me have Brittany and Santana with me for our group project.
In Friday night's prayer, that was all you said. On Saturday night, you told Him that you deserved to be rewarded because you helped your mom out with chores. On Sunday, you made sure that God knew you wanted to be in their group because you liked them the absolute best out of everyone, not because you disliked the other kids in your class. (You'd never tell God that you didn't like some of your classmates, even though there were a few you thought were gross.)
On Monday, when Miss. Martinez placed you, Brittany, and Santana in a group together for your science project, your faith became a little stronger.
You thanked Him later that night.
/
Over the next few years your faith went through it's ups and downs. Your parents started taking you to church more often, thinking you were now old enough to understand some of the more complex parts of Christianity. They let you sit through the adult sermons, listening to the pastor talk about sin, and love, and forgiveness.
When you started at McKinley High, it shook you. No-one liked going from being the oldest at one school, to being the youngest again. You were thankful that Santana and Brittany came with you. They didn't even judge you or say anything when you decided to go by 'Quinn' this time, not 'Lucy'. It was a new start, and a new you. You were thankful to have the same friends by your side though.
Cheerleading became your passion, and nothing was going to stop you from getting to the top of the pyramid, literally and figuratively. The girls on the squad respected you from day one, even though you were younger than most of them. You started going to sleepovers every weekend, and Brittany and Santana came, too.
That's when what you had learned at church became real.
A few weeks before your sleepover at Hailey's house, the pastor had done a sermon about homosexuality and sin. He used words like 'forbidden', and 'disgusting', and 'lifetime in hell'. It terrified you, and you didn't understand why he was being so negative when he usually preached love.
Hailey suggested a game of spin the bottle, and whoever the bottle landed on, you kissed. You were starting to grow up, and wanted to practice making out a little, but everyone at the sleepover was a girl. God would hate you if you kissed anyone here. You panicked.
Beside you, Santana spun the bottle, and it landed on Brittany. They smiled at each other like they expected it, and you watched in horror as Brittany tilted her head to the side and leant in. Santana met her halfway, and they kissed for longer than they needed to. You couldn't take your eyes off them, transfixed.
Later that night, you went to the bathroom and prayed.
God, please forgive Brittany and Santana. They don't know what they're doing. They don't know the consequences of what they've done. They don't deserve to go to Hell. Please forgive them. And forgive me for not stopping them.
/
Your faith and your friendship came head to head a year later when you found Santana crying under the bleachers on her own during lunch one day.
"She chose Artie," she sobbed. "Can you believe that?"
You couldn't. But then again, you couldn't believe that Santana had actually confessed her love for Brittany. You knew they were close, you knew they loved each other, but you had no idea that Santana was in love with her.
It made your stomach flip.
"She'll realise she's made a mistake," you told her. Once it was laid out in black and white for you like this, you looked back over their whole friendship and suddenly it all made sense. "She loves you, too. She'll come around."
Santana looked at you with wet eyes. "Aren't you meant to, like, throw Holy water on me or something? Tell me I'm gonna burn in Hell?"
That's what you'd been taught. That's what your pastor had told you, what your parents told you when they saw gay couples on TV. But this was Santana. One of your oldest friends, and she was in love. She'd been a million things that were worse than this - she'd been horrible to people in Glee club, on the cheer squad, and even to you sometimes. Seeing her like this, you couldn't help but think that out of all the things she's ever done, this seemed like the least sinful.
"I don't care if you're in love with Brittany," you told her. "But a lot of other people will."
"I know." She looked so defeated, so small, and it broke your heart. You never saw her like this. The only time Santana ever cried in front of you was either with anger, or when she was drunk. Never sober, and never like this.
Before you went to sleep that night you prayed for her.
God, I'm sorry if this is inappropriate, but I want to pray for my friend, Santana. She's in love with a girl, and she's scared. I know you think that being gay is a sin, but I can't see the sin in this. Does that make me a sinner, too? God, please help Santana find strength to get through this, and help Brittany to realise how much she's hurt her friend by choosing Artie. Please just help them get through this. They can't lose each other. They belong together.
/
You were the first person they told when they got together officially. You were so overjoyed you almost cried. They both looked so happy - happier than you'd ever seen them before. Their hands looked like they should always be together, not linked pinkies, but properly held. For a few weeks, everything was perfect for them.
Santana was just getting used to having a girlfriend, just getting used to accepting herself for who she was. You knew that Santana wasn't someone who let herself have happiness easily, so it took time for her to let it in. You could see it slowly but surely working it's way into all her cracks, filling her up from head to toe.
And then the campaign ad aired and everything fell apart.
Brittany called you that night, her voice shaking. She didn't know what to do, and neither did you. This was something bigger than just the kids in your school finding out. Everyone in your state had just found out that Santana was a lesbian, and it was long before she was ready for them to know.
You thought you couldn't see Santana cry harder than you did when Brittany turned her down, but there she was, in front of you, with Brittany's armed wrapped around her, sobbing the hardest you'd ever seen her cry. Brittany was kissing her forehead and stroking her back trying to calm her down. You felt useless. If Brittany couldn't soothe her, nothing would. You stayed there for company, and Santana eventually calmed down.
"Everyone's going to hate me, aren't they?" Santana asked, her voice small.
It broke your heart. "No. Of course not. Santana, anyone who hates you for this doesn't deserve you anyway. You'll have everyone in Glee club. You'll have us."
"And what about my parents? My Abuela?"
You didn't want to lie to her and tell her they'd be okay with it. There was a very high chance that they'd react badly.
"We'll deal with them when the time comes. Either way, you have us."
That night you were angry when you prayed.
Why do you let bad things happen? God, why are there people on this earth who make life hard for others? You know about Santana, and you know what's happened to her, and I want to know why. She's tried so hard to accept this, and now she's back at square one. And you know what's getting her through? Brittany's love. How can that be a sin? How can people hate her for the one thing that makes her happy? Can you please give her parents the strength to accept her for who she is? To let them see that their daughter is still the same person she's always been. If you could do that one thing, it might make it easier for her. You're all about love, and I doubt when you look at Santana when she's with Brittany that you can't see how much she loves her. God, please just make things a little easier for her. She doesn't deserve this.
/
Life became harder when you went to college. Yale was tough, and you barely had time to make it back to Ohio to see everyone, or to New York to see Rachel. In the first six months you were in college, you only managed two trips to see everyone from Glee club. You kept up with what was happening through Facebook and watched as almost every couple broke up. You weren't surprised at Kurt and Blaine, or even Finn and Rachel, but when you went onto Brittany's page one day and saw that her relationship status was 'single', you felt your stomach drop.
Everyone headed back to McKinley for Mr. Schue's wedding. Santana was there, and she looked incomplete without Brittany. You felt incomplete, but for a whole bunch of reasons that you didn't want to admit, so you held onto her for the night and kept her by your side. You saw her eyes wander to Brittany every few minutes, and you decided that Santana needed some alcohol to make her forget everything. (Or rather, you needed alcohol but didn't want to drink alone.)
When the slow songs came on, Santana danced with you. You thought back to a few years ago where she'd never be seen dead doing this, and it warmed your heart slightly to think of how far she'd come. Another part of your brain wondered if anyone at the wedding thought you were Santana's girlfriend. The thought excited you and you shook it off.
Another five rounds of drinks later, you were naked in a hotel room upstairs and Santana's mouth was in places you never, ever imagined it would be. You'd never experienced anything like this before. You'd slept with Puck, and a few guys from the football team, and had some one night stands at Yale, but what Santana's tongue was doing to you was beyond any of that.
You felt yourself build up to your release, and the closer you got the harder it became to stay silent. Oh God, oh God, oh God, you said. Jesus Christ, don't stop.
You returned the favour for Santana, hoping that you were giving her even half the pleasure she gave to you.
Waking up the next morning to an empty bed felt like a punch to the gut. No note, nothing. Santana's clothes were gone, and so was she. You closed your eyes and prayed.
Lord, I need to ask you for forgiveness. I've betrayed my friend, Brittany, and I feel awful. Please give me the strength to be honest with her, and give Santana the strength to be around her without feeling so upset. I know you have the power to fix this mess. I've seen you do it before. I know there's a reason they're apart right now, and it's part of your plan. I just hate seeing them so upset. Please make things a little easier for them, and bring them back together.
/
When Finn died, everyone kind of went off the rails. No-one knew what to do, or what to expect. None of you had lost someone so close to you and so young before. Everyone was heading back to McKinley for a tribute to him, but you couldn't face it.
You prayed harder than ever in those days and weeks.
Why him? Why now? He didn't deserve this.
Rachel needs your help. Please get her through this. Please take away some of her pain.
Lord, please let my friends forgive me for not being there to say goodbye to Finn. And tell Finn that I love him, and I think about him every single day.
/
The next time you're back in Ohio is when Rachel rounds up all the old gang to kick start the Glee club again. Everything feels very full circle, that the students are now the teachers. You recruit some new kids, and sit in the choir room with them as they take part in their first Glee club meeting. You think about how they have no idea how powerful this club can be, how much can happen in this room, how much this can change their life.
Santana and Brittany get up to sing first to show the new kids how it's done. You watch them sing with ease, as they play off each other as they always have. When you found out that they got back together, you weren't surprised. They were just meant to be together. One without the other just didn't seem right.
When the song ended, Rachel put on her best teacher voice and went to continue the lesson, but Santana had other ideas.
You couldn't quite believe that you were listening to Santana propose to Brittany, and more to the point, that you'd just heard Brittany say yes. The pure joy on their faces was nothing like you'd ever seen before. The room erupted in applause, until Kurt had to make everything about him again. You braced yourself to step in when Santana inevitably lashed out at him, but she didn't. You'd never been more proud.
That night, in the same room you'd prayed for Brittany and Santana to be in your group in school, you prayed one more time.
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I know you helped her through this whole thing. Thank you for showing her what it feels like to love someone, and also to love herself. Thank you for giving both of them the happiness they deserve. I'm asking you for one more thing, Lord - please let them keep this happiness for the rest of their lives. Bless them with everything they could ever want. Give them a family, give them acceptance, give them love. Help them show the world that loving a girl isn't a sin. Help them to face any challenges this world throws at them together. I know you will, God, because you've helped them this far. I believe you'll show them the same love you'd show anyone else. Thank you for that. Amen.