It's been almost a year now. For almost a year I've been here, at this settlement helping out Nate. It's boring as hell but hey, I've got good company, steady income and a little place of my own here. Sometimes he's nice enough to let me tag along, heh. Nate never fails to get himself into something, and believe me, from experience - it's always a good time.
This guard post will be the end of me. I stand here all day, nothing ever happens. Every once in a while a few mutants and raiders try and come in but it's never a challenge.
Nothing fulfills me anymore. I just try to think about the caps and Duncan. I'll kill myself if I think too hard about him, but it's all for him. I can't complain. I just wish it was more exciting around here is all.
That Vault-Tec ghoul mans a trading post, Curie runs the medic station. Deacon, Cait, and a few bots keep crops healthy and growing, and Longfellow runs an armor stand. I'm not sure what everyone else does. The longer I'm here the more I keep to myself. I'm pretty certain Piper, Hancock and Danse got off easy - for now at least. Once we get more people looking for a job and a place to call home, more jobs'll open up to keep the place running.
"Mac Ree Dee," I turn around, "it is my turn, you go. Strong watch for enemies". I was so lost in thought I didn't even notice the sun falling. See? Boring as Hell around these parts. A few days out of the week, Strong keeps guard overnight - the other nights Nate'll have one of the bots do it. Strong is probably best suited to guard the old Starlight Drive-in, people think twice about trying to come in unwelcome when they see a super mutant at the door. I'm pretty confident in the fact he enjoys it, too.
"All right, buddy. Keep us all safe". I wish him a good night.
Before I head to the little shack that is home, I stop at the bar Nate set up. It's a nice place smack dab in the middle of where all the cars used to park. I go in, share a couple of drinks and a few smokes with Hancock and Cait, usually listen to a new story he's got to tell. I know it's time to turn in when she starts to slur her words into one another, because that girl can drink any man under the table.
"Aye Mac when you gonna find yerself a lady? Maybe ya won't be so goddamn mopey once you got a pretty lady to keep ya warm at night in this shitehole". I'm sure everyone knows by now about Lucy. The only people who I've told myself are Nate and Hancock, but when you're in a tiny settlement living with these people day in and day out, I guess you've gotta find something to talk about. It's a topic that's never discussed and people know to keep it that way - except for an inebriated Cait, I guess.
I ignore her suggestion but I can see Hancock staring at her, disappointed. I know he'll give it to her once I walk out the door. Guy's had my back since day one.
"Well, I think it's time I head to bed," I smile halfheartedly, get up from the makeshift table and turn my old stained cup upside down.
"See you all bright and early". Cait says nothing, just keeps drinking her drink, unaware of the little nerve she had struck. I knew she didn't really mean it like that. Hancock gives a nod, and I leave the bar.
Lying on my mattress on the floor I stare through the gap in the ceiling at the stars, thinking about what Cait said. Mopey. I WAS mopey. In this place, around all these people, I am still lonely. I'm still goddamn lonely. I realize, I'm not so sensitive anymore about Lucy - I realize in this moment, I have moved on. Up to several months ago if Cait said that then, there would have been one hell of a fight in that crappy bar. I still mourn her, my wife, the mother of my child for Christ sakes but I'm not sad about it anymore. In this moment, I can literally feel this weight coming off of my chest. I feel liberated. Liberated but still sad. I think I'm just sad because I'm alone. Mopey. The word doesn't leave my head - it's a scab you can't help but pick. A cut on the roof of your mouth you can't help but tongue at nonstop. Christ, I'm letting this keep me awake.
I thought I was hiding it well but if she notices it, everyone does. The only person I talk to, I confide in, I trust - is Nate. I consider that guy my best friend, but he's never around. I still don't know what I'll ever do to repay him for what he did for me. He helped save my son's life. How can you repay someone for that?
But Nate's a busy guy - I'm looking forward to when he comes to bring supplies, at least then I'll have five minutes to talk to a friend, to get this crap off my chest. I try to think of Duncan's smile and drift off to sleep