A/N I don't own Innocent, or any PJO/HOO characters. Taylor Swift and Uncle Rick do. Now, the songfic.
I guess you really did it this time.
Left yourself in your war path.
Lost your balance on a tight rope.
Lost your mind tryna get it back.
Octavian would always remember the day he showed up again at Camp Jupiter to tell them he wasn't dead, the day he expected to be welcomed back warmly. He wasn't. Even those of him who had sided against the Greeks gave him cold, hard glares as he walked back to find Reyna. When he found her, she greeted him with simple words.
"You lost your mind, yourself trying to help the Romans," she told him. Frank—who would've ever thought he would be Praetor?—sat there, fidgeting and looking at his feet. Was this what Octavian had become? A monster?
Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into.
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you…
He was still haunted by the memories, the good memories. He used to be cared for, and loved. As soon as he discovered he was a demigod, and accepted into Camp Jupiter, he thought he could improve the camp. His help wasn't wanted, and no one wanted him. He acted like it was different, and that their words didn't hurt him, but they did. It was terrible.
Octavian thought maybe, just maybe, defeating the Greeks' camp could show his power. The little that had trusted him? They came too. But as soon as they saw the monsters that had joined the job, Octavian knew they were only there so as not to be destroyed with the other camp. It was gone. No one believed in him.
It's alright, just wait and see your—
String of lights is still bright to me, oh.
Who you are is not where you've been…
You're still an innocent.
You're still an innocent.
But then, she came along. Rachel Elizabeth Dare, the mess of an Oracle who couldn't even go out. But that evening, they took a walk along the banks of the Little Tiber, and she said she'd talk to his dad—or the Greek version of him, of course—about it. She smiled her beautiful smile at him. "You're not a bad guy, Octavian," she told him. "You were just confused. When there's a sudden change of wrong to right, you get confused."
Octavian hadn't believed her, hadn't listened. But now…now he did. Now that his dad said yes, they could go out, he realized she had really meant what she said. "You're still an innocent," she had whispered. "You're still an innocent."
Did some things you can't speak of.
But at night you live it all again.
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now.
If only you had seen what you know now then.
Even now, as a grown man, Octavian still had nightmares. Filled with destruction of a camp he often visited, or of himself as he fought through the burning pain and saw an explosion of Gaea's end. Rachel would comfort him, but the nightmares were too real.
He was broken, and he wished he hadn't done everything. If he knew what he would be suffering because of his choices things might've been different. If only he had seen what he knows now then.
Wasn't it easier in your firefly catching days?
Everything out of reach someone bigger brought down to you.
Wasn't it beautiful running wild 'til you fell asleep?
Before the monsters caught up to you.
If only Octavian could be then. When he didn't worry about the others faking forgiveness, or worrying about becoming Praetor. Mental monsters, as well as real ones, always haunted him. How could he destroy them into dust without remember how he was willing to do that to the Greeks? The Greeks that Rachel was part of?
If only he didn't have to work his way up to the top shelf anymore. Not worrying about getting lost again.
It's alright, just wait and see your—
String of lights is still bright to me, oh.
Who you are is not where you've been…
You're still an innocent.
Rachel didn't treat him any different. "I still believe in you. I knew since the moment I met you that you weren't bad," she would say. "You've done terrible things, but it's okay. You're older now. You're still an innocent."
Octavian still had doubt in his mind. Who wouldn't, after that? But Rachel let him know it was alright. He was still perfect to her. He was still an innocent.
It's okay, life is a tough crowd.
Thirty-two and still growing up now.
Who you are is not what you did…
You're still an innocent.
Octavian was learning again. Some people still hated him, but even though he was a grown man he was learning new ways. Rachel guided him, helped him. "Who you are is not what you did," she said. "You're still an innocent."
People would never truly trust him fully, but at least now they'd made a little progress.
Time turns flames to embers.
You'll have new Septembers.
Every one of us has messed up too.
Rachel had told Octavian times she'd messed up. Kissing Percy even though she knew Annabeth liked him. Nothing was as bad anymore, the memories, the pain, the everything. As an anniversary of sorts, Rachel would always make a new memory on the day it happened.
Minds change like the weather.
I hope you remember:
Today is never too late to…
Be brand new.
She always reminded him he could be a new person, and helped him become one. By the time they died, people loved him. It was nice. He was brand new.
It's alright just wait and see your—
String of lights is still bright to me, oh.
Who you are is not where you've been.
You're still an innocent.
One day, when Octavian was thirty-two, they got together to celebrate the day the Greeks and Roman united. Octavian was nervous. "It's okay," Rachel told him. As soon as they stepped into the large tent set up, they saw the oh-so-famous seven sitting in chairs in the center. Piper stood up, nervously, and started to sing.
"It's alright, just wait and see your—string of lights, is still bright to us, oh. Who you are is not where you've been…you're still an innocent."
It's okay, life is a tough crowd.
Thirty-two and still growing up now.
Who you are is not what you did…
You're still an innocent.
You're still an innocent.
The whole crowd joined in, including Rachel.
"It's okay, life is a tough crowd. Thirty-two and still growing up now. Who you are is not what you did. You're still an innocent. You're still an innocent."
Lost your balance on a tightrope.
It's never too late to get it back.
Octavian didn't care anymore, he let a few tears fall out of his eyes. The song finished, with the ultimate truth. Except for the fact that…he did get it back.