Personal Jesus

To occur in the 'road to the ninja' movie alternate universe

Almost everything is the same, except Hidan is a 'good guy' and Obito isn't running Akatsuki

Wet feet stepped silently over dew covered ground. As if darkness wasn't enough, tall grass and cat tails taller than her head shielded her presence. Using the river as her guide out of the village, she found her destination in a field about a mile away. A large oak tree obstructed what should have been a full moon.

She slung a coil of rope from around her shoulder and tied it to the trees middle and then proceeded to climb with the end of it in her mouth. Bark bit into her hands, but it wouldn't matter anymore she reasoned, not in a few minutes. Stopping at the first branch and climbing out, she took in her environment as she tied the rope. This was a peaceful place, off the beaten path, that's been the reason she choose it. No one could stop her now, and if she was lucky, no one would find her after. Her body could become part of the earth. There wasn't anything to say, she mused, slipping the rope around her neck.

He watched her jump, from afar. She hadn't even known he was trailing her.

If anything, she'd just committed a sin, and he wasn't about to stand for that. Seconds later, she was laying on the ground. He wasn't sure if he'd made it in time, but as he bent over, feeling her neck, her wrist, her ankle, for Jashin's sake, for a pulse, he thought he been a second too late. He tried once more too see if she was alive, pressing his ear to her chest, and found not only was her heart beating, but she was breathing too, faintly, but she was breathing.

If she wanted to die so badly, he'd glad to help her along. He pulled a long metal rod from his person and cast out the pointed spike from its hiding place inside, the rod becoming a sturdy pike. He cut his hand and drew a circle on the ground with his right foot with the blood that fell and raised the weapon above his head to deal a finishing blow when he was cut off.

"Hidan, we don't have time for another one of your rituals," came a gruff, deep voice. The owner of the voice appeared next to him seconds later.

"You asshole! Screw off, can't you see I'm busy? Seriously!" The man with the weapon, Hidan, hissed, pushing his silver hair back with his free, unbloodied hand.

"Hold your tongue before I do it for you," the taller, masked man growled.

The girl, who'd been out cold up until this point, was waking up, and she woke up more than angry. While the other two bickered, she was gaining her barings. She looked up at the man standing over her, at the other man in the clearing, and then at the cut rope hanging from the tree she should have been in.

"It's a fucking sin to kill herself! I'm doing her a favor!" Hidan shouted, his hands wide out as if to say, what the hell are you talking about?

"Fucking sin or not, if I want to die, I want to die!" She shouted, the ligature marks on her neck turning red and bruising, "you stupid fucking son of a bitch! How dare you!"

"She's alive," the taller one muttered.

"No shit!" Hidan shouted, "and if you'd sit still you mouthy bitch, I'll kill you right here, right now!"

"Oh, go fuck yourself! My life is mine to take!" She yelled, sitting up, "screw off!"

"Fucking cunt!" The silver haired man shouted, stabbing his pike for her heart, but she was quick out of the way. She took off running with him close on her tail. He pulled a red, three bladed scythe from his back, and slashed at her, missing her skin by a hair and ripping the shirt off of her back. She looked behind her, changing directions quickly to avoid another slash. Those black cloaks, red clouds, wait a second, she'd just read about them!

"I know you guys! Your those Akatsuki mercenaries!" She shouted, dodging another failed slash. If he wouldn't have been so pissed, if his aim wouldn't have been off, and if she wouldn't have been so fast, he would have hacked her in half. When he finally caught up to her, he threw her down using the bunt end of his weapon and throwing her onto her back between the blades of tall, wet grass. With a crazed look on his face, he muttered something about praying to god, he rose the scythe above his head, blade thirsty for her skin.

"I wanna hire you!" She shouted, shielding her face from his weapon. Suddenly the strike of the scythe was stopped. Long, black threadlike tendrils wrapped around it and it's weirder, throwing the blade away behind him.

"Kakuzu! What the fuck!"

"She said she wants to hire us shit for brains," Kakuzu muttered, "what do you have to offer?"

"Uh, money," she stuttered though lost breathe. Her chest felt like it was on fire!

"How much?" The tall man asked, approaching his partner and possible new client.

"Uh, well, I don't know," she stuttered yet again, and the masked man sighed.

"No deal," he replied, and the other man got quite exited to resume his rage fueled murder attempt.

"It's a lot of money! I just uh, I don't know how much, uh, it's a lot!" She nearly shouted, watching the silver haired mans face change yet again to distain. Kakuzu seemed to conciser it.

"What's the job?" He asked, releasing his hold on his partner

"I need," she sucked in a breathe, "I need to find my father. He's been missing since I was young, he left me with my mother and I-"

"We don't need your life story, where is he?" Kakuzu asked, cutting her short. He was a man of few words and he liked other people the same way.

"If I knew I wouldn't have these," she seethed, pointing to her neck. The older man rolled his eyes and started for the road, his cloak catching the grass as he stepped away.

"Hidan, get your things. We're leaving. Where are you staying?"

"Oh come on!" The silver haired man groaned childishly. The silver haired man stared at his partner a moment before walking off after him like a lost puppy, grumbling something about ruining another offering all the way.

"I live in a brothel," the girl muttered under her breathe. The comment earned a humorous glance from her newly hired, scythe wielding mercenary.

"Shut up! It's not my fault!" She exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I didn't say anything," he smirked, stifling a laugh, "What's your name?"

"Sika," she answered.

"Like the deer?" He returned, eyebrows raised. She was getting more and more interesting by the second.

"Yeah, like the deer," she grunted, her bare foot scraping itself on a broken stick, "hey, jerk face, carry me."

"Like hell!" Hidan really did laugh this time, "my partner might be a money grubbing whore, but that's not in my job description, in fact, neither is hunting down some dickhead for a prostitute, but I guess when lot and money are in the same sentence, right you miser son of a bitching-"

"Hidan! Silence!" Kakuzu bellowed, and the entire country side complied.

"When we get to town, collect your things. We are not spending the night in a whore house," Kakuzu droned, about a mile down the road, the town was in sight.

"I want to get on the road tonight, I don't have anything worth bringing," Sika answered.

"As much as I'd love to, Hidan and I have some business to attend to," the taller man spoke, causing the shorter to scoff. Sika didn't understand, but as long as she didn't have to go home, it didn't matter. She supposed she'd have to hide though, her mistress would be coming after her any time now.

" I don't have any money," she mumbled, and it was true. She saw a lot of cash but never got to keep any of it.

"Add it to your bill," Hidan huffed, shoving his way past his new boss and partner to stomp off angry into the streets. Kakuzu watched him go, a disapproving look set on his visible features.

"What's he so pissed about?" She asked, almost in a whisper. Kakuzu laughed rudely.

"About your money," she mumbled again, "my dad is loaded. I'm sure he'll pay you guys."

"He'd better pay me, or you will with your life," Kakuzu growled, leading her to a not so great part of town, not far from the red light district, to a cheep hotel, "I need some information to go on."

She sighed as she drug her feet after him, and as he guided her into the hotel they'd be renting from. It wasn't anything special, but it was better than the brothel. Sika mulled over the information in her head, climbing onto the bed to cross her legs as he hung up his red clouded coat and pulled out a sealing scroll.

"I moved here from Kiri after my mother kicked off on a mission, I sort of just, uh, well," she muttered. Without saying it, she implied she'd been left with no choice but to resort to working at the whore house, "anyway, he was a pretty talented swordsman and a shinobi. He was a jonin, and we lived pretty high. My mom was pretty talented too, but not like him."

"If you came from shinobi, why arnt you a shinobi?" The masked man asked, wondering why this girl couldn't find her damn father herself, why she had to be bothering his old ass, disturbing his peace and such.

"Mom said it was too dangerous," she sighed, clearing her throat, "hey, do I get to sleep on the bed?"

"Left side," the older man grunted, excusing himself to the bathroom for a shower. Sika shrugged. When he returned, he was dressed in what Sika assumed to be clean cloths, and much to her distain, mask still intact. She'd hoped she'd get to see behind it eventually. He retrieved a book and pencil from the sealing scroll. He sat down on the bed, leaning on the head board, folded the book cover over, and started writing. Sika watched him a while before she asked what he was doing.

"Accounting," he replied, short and sweet.

"You don't want to talk or anything?" She offered, watching him from her spot at the foot of the bed. He shook his head no.

"Can I see under the mask?" She questioned.

"No. Keep asking questions and see where you end up," he growled, and silence fell over the room for a while until the younger mercenary joined them. The first words out of his mouth were,

"Your letting the fucking slut share the bed with you, seriously?"

"Your just mad because I got here first," Sika replied, sticking her tongue out at him. He narrowed his eyes, taking off his red clouded cloak to reveal his scarred, shirtless abdomen decorated with shallow stab wounds.

"A little help here?" He nearly shouted, scaring Sika off the bed to retrieve a towel. When she returned he was sitting in an uncomfortable looking chair on the side of the room. Handing him said towel, a silver pendant around his neck caught her eye.

"What is that?" She asked, going to touch it, only to have her hand slapped away.

"It's a connection to God," he returned, pressing the towel on to a low riding wound, hissing in pain all the while.

"I was a nun before I was a harlot, I've never seen anything like that in either profession," Sika replied, folding her arms. He asked for another towel to which she obliged, wetting a hand towel for him to wash the blood off of his skin.

"I worship the Devine Lord Jashin, God of death, destruction and self sacrifice. Though him, I invented my own special immortality," he replied, moving on to another wound higher up.

"So what? You can't die?" She asked, watching him, looking very serious as he nodded. She nearly died laughing. "Your ridiculous!"

"Shut the fuck up you dumb cunt! It's real!" Hidan shouted back, earning a dangerous look from Kakuzu. If the Jashinist started something he had to finish, well, Hidan probably wouldnt be able to feel anything lower than his eyes. Kakuzu knew his money ticket was only good alive, so he better warn his partner not to skin her alive now.

"On a scale of 1 to brain washed, your Jim Jones, I swear," she said, whipping a tear from her eye and going back to sit on the bed.

"I'm not brain washed! One day, all you heathens will see, seriously," Hidan grumbled, afraid to yell at the girl now.

"Whatever," Sika rolled her eyes, "can you do any cool stuff? Your mercenaries, you gotta be able to do cool stuff, right?"

"Define cool," Hidan grunted, having to stick a towel into a larger hole near his shoulder to stop the blood. He looked up, and seeing she was not about to explain, sighed.

"Yeah I guess. I've got the scythe, and I have a sacrificing ritual I use when fighting, all it takes is a drop of blood. My skin turns black and outlines my bones," he boasted, "Kakuzu might have the thread things, but I can send a guy flying and change direction in midair, all at once."

"Do you know about a jutsu called Sweet Sakura Mist?" She asked. Very suddenly, the aura around her and the mood of the room shifted.

"I've seen it," Kakuzu interjected. In his ninety-some years he had seen a lot, but that plant and water based jutsu stuck with him,"Why?"

"No reason, I just, I've always wanted to see it," Sika mumbled, and it was clear to Kakuzu something was up, but he didn't mention it.

"Hey!" Hidan shouted, angry the attention had been shifted away from him, "what is it? This flowery, misty thing?"

"It's a paralysis ninjutsu, the caster uses a sweet smelling mist to immobilize their opponent, however, as soon as someone touches the victim, it's over. Useful for escaping, but not much else," Kakuzu explained.

"Where did you see it performed?" Sika asked, twisting around.

"On the boarder with grass country some years ago, a man used it on a pair of swordsmen," the masked man answered.

"You've meet my father then!" Sika gasped, "he invented it! Only he my mother and I," she paused as if her brain needed to buffer, "Do you know what happened to him after?"

Kakuzu shook his head.

"He could be anywhere by now," Hidan noted.

"It's the only clue we've got," Kakuzu sighed.

xXx

Sika's feet touching down on the floor was enough to wake the ninja in the room. Though Kakuzu lay still to listen, Hidan opened his eyes and watched her though the darkness as she stripped her shirt off and left herself in a lacey bandeau that exposed the tops of her breasts. Her bare feet thumped quietly on the wood flooring and the door squeaked a little as she closed it behind herself. The thumps grew louder as she turned and ran down the hall until eventually they disappeared.

"What should we do?" Hidan asked quietly, his tone low and tired. He sat up straight in the chair he'd slumped over in and cracked his neck.

"Get up and go after her. I'll be along," the miser returned and moments later the jashinist disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

He reappeared on the roof top, eyes scanning the lantern lit streets for the back of the girls head. He finally found her, walking around a corner. She turned down another street, this one lit entirely in red. It reoccurred to him she'd said she was a prositute, and he didn't doubt it after a cow of a woman came out of a whore house and grabbed her by the wrist.

Hidan jumped from one roof to the other and dropped down from the building, he shoved his hands in his pockets and got a gander at the place before he entered. Women wearing clothing (if you could call it that) made from strings greeted him with smilies and playful attitudes, though he stood far enough away from them that he wouldnt be touched. A drunk man staggered inside moments before him and they'd practically ate him alive with their hands as they guided him in the door. Not that these girls weren't pretty or enticing, but Hidan had swore off sex, and he wished there was a commandment against this in his religion, but if he had to go inside he had to go inside. Whatever Sika was doing had better be pretty damn important. Begrudgingly the jashinist strode in, brushing off the girls and giving them a dirty look as he passed.

The building smelled like sweat and sex, the humidity was high and all of the light bulbs had been replaced with ones of color save for one over the fat woman from the street. She sat at a podium in the middle of the room and behind her he could see the girls in the changing room though an open door.

"Can I help you?" The Madame drawled, looking up from a magazine. She did a double take at him and after realizing he was a man, painted a Cheshire grin on her sleazy face. "Oh, my apologies sir, how could I be of service?"

Hidan chewed his cheek for a moment before he answered, "yeah, I wanna talk to Sika."

"I'm very sorry we don't have a, oh, oh you mean," she paused, her grin widening as she drummed her perfectly manicured nails on the podium, "I'm not used to men asking for my girls by real name. I hope you'd know, sir, I do not allow my girls to date."

Hidan scoffed and made a rude comment about the nature of the building and the portly woman herself which the Madame tried hard to ignore. Now forcing her smilie she lead him back and up a flight of stairs to a ten by ten room with only a bed. Sika was flung into the room moments later.

"Oh no, please," she whined, eyes like dinner plates and her legs trembling. They'd left her cloths on, the bandeau wrinkled and her shorts that showed too much leg, though now she looked tired and her hair looked wet with grease and sweat and who knows what else.

"All that stuff I said earlier, I'm sorry for it, please," she pleaded, "just go on, I give up on my father, I don't need your assistance anymore. And, and you, you don't want me, I'm disgusting, look," she said, pointing out a darkening stain on her croch.

"Yeah that is pretty fucking gross..." The jashinist trailed off, "I don't understand why you wanna sin like this, first you try to kill yourself now your whoring yourself out again?"

"Oh come on," she sighed, "don't do this please."

"No, I'm gonna do this. Sex out of wedlock isn't a sin, but sex for money is. Lord Jashin will show you the way. He will forgive your sin Sika! But only now if you repent them," the priest replied, "I can show you the way."

"I get it," the woman said ripping off her top and unbuttoning her shorts, "you wanna have some kind of weird ass kinky sex. Okay god, punish me."

The jashinist gazed at her body but not in longing. Her ass was red with a clear imprint of a hand and the ligature marks on her neck had bruised a dark cosmic purple. Hidan didn't feel bad for anyone, but he might have felt a little concern for her.

"You two get your shit together," a gruff voice came and seconds later the door opened, Kakuzu barged in and slammed the door behind him.

"Put your top on," he commanded, his voice seething anger, "and Hidan stop your yammering. I didn't tell you to conduct a church sermon, I told you to fallow her."

"Whatever old man," Hidan huffed. Kakuzu took the girl up by her hand, threads locking them together and yanked her face to face.

"Just what exactly do you think your doing?"

"I, I, " she stammered, "I don't need any more help. I decided to stay here."

"Lier," he shouted, giving her a violent shake.

"I came to get some kind of money to pay you!" The girl shouted back, her eyes clenching shut in fear. The banker seemed to consider it. She informed him of a twenty in her panties but told her to hang on to it a while longer after he judged her to be dirty.

"I was just thinking, what if we never find my father, I, uh, Im afraid is all," she murmured, averting her now slightly open eyes.

"I have never been unable to find someone. I know every nook and cranny and if I don't, I have someone else that does. When you hired me, you agreed to my conditions, condition number one is you cannot fire me," Kakuzu had had enough, his lust for money was the only thing keeping him from killing the scrawny girl, "whatever it is you need here, get it."

Before the older man could finish his threats, the door opened yet again to reveal a big burley man carrying a night stick. His uniform and posture suggested he was the buildings bouncer.

"These guys bothering you, sugar?" The man asked, his voice deeper than Kakuzu's. Sika shook her head but the man wouldnt budge.

"The misses says there's something goin' on up here. You boys ain't puttin' our merchandise in harms way now are you?"

"it's okay Hiro, really. They aren't hurting me," Sika pressed, she knew if they were going to make an escape they couldn't have this meat head on their tail.

"I beg to differ," the bouncer replied, and twisted the club he held in his hand and pulled the end off to reveal a double edged sword. Before anyone else could move, Sika noticed a growing wet spot on the bouncers shirt over his heart, seconds later Kakuzu's tentacles tore though the flesh and the skin, pulling the man's still beating heart from his chest. As the body fell to the ground and the tentacle thread pulled away, Sika realized Kakuzu had used her to channel the thread. A line of it ran down the right side of her body, out of view of the bouncer and down the floor boards where it turned and went to the door frame to kill the bigger man. She hadn't even felt it touch her skin.

"Oh my god," Sika gaped, watching as Kakuzu pulled the heart into his person and she thought she might puke.

"I'll dispose of this. Hidan, take her back to the hotel. Don't open the door for anyone," the banker warned, and then hefted the man's dead body up and left with it though the same window he'd used to get in down the hall. The pair needed to get out of here, and fast. Nevermind the blood spatter on the walls, the floor was soaked and a trail of the red sticky liquid trailed in droplets down the hall.

"Come on, we don't got all night," Hidan huffed, starting out into the hall and pulling her along with him.

"I need my stuff from downstairs," Sika interjected.

"Don't care," the preist drawled, after she stopped in her tracks he was forced to turn and look at her or drag her. He didn't want to do either, but he figured hearing her out was better than pulling along her dead weight.

"Unless you wanna clean this up, I need my stuff," she growled, pointing yet again to the wet spot in her pants. Hidan paled.

"Okay, okay, fine," the jashinist spat, "where's your stuff?"

"I have a room in the basement. And there's a closet in the madame's room, I need a pack of, uh nevermind she said, beginning to look quite nervous, "I'll that stuff, go the opposite way down this hall, down two flights, tell the girls I'm getting out."

Sika turned and the jashinist let loose of her hand, they parted ways, the girl moving much faster than the man. She pushed past men and other whores as she tried to forum some kind of pathetic excuse why she needed to go into the owner's office. Her face lit up for just a second as she came up with the mealy mouthed reason she skipped her birth control pill that day and needed it now. In all actuality she just needed some for the road.

However Sika was in luck. She snuck in to the room without incident and snuck out with a couple hundred little pink pills in her pocket. There'd been a big box of the little wheels and she'd just started packing her pockets.

"Payback for all that fucking shit.." she mumbled, trailing off as she exited the room. Hidan poked his head out of another doorway as she emerged, and as they meet in the hall and ducked into another room, he shoved a pink bag into her arms and closed the door.

"Now what?" He asked, looking more irritated than anything. Sika imagined the girls hadn't given him a warm welcome.

"The front door is the only way in and out," she replied, shoving the pills into the bag from her pocket. She noticed the girls had sent along a few things that weren't hers, a bar of chocolate, extra soap, hair ties, those sorts of things. She made a mental note to try and get a few more of these girls out if here if she ever got the chance, "can't you just kill the bitch?"

"I'm not supposed to do anything illegal in plain sight. It'd look bad on my organization," he answered. A knock at the door prevented any further conversation.

"Finished?" A gruff voice asked.

Sika turned and looked at him, shaking her head no and making a slicing motion across her neck as if to say they'd be dead. The person at the door knocked again. 'Fallow my lead' Sika mouthed, and in her best actor voice moaned as loud as she could.

"Yes!" She screeched, and made a motion for Hidan to do the same. The now blushing man flipped her off and shook his head no.

'Fuck you!' He mouthed, causing Sika to grit her teeth.

"Yes, your finished?" The voice asked again. Oh shit!

"Ahh! More!" Sika moaned, but it was not convincing enough apparently, because the door knob started to turn. Thinking fast, Sika did the only thing she could think to. Hidan moaned all right, but not because he liked it. Her knee meet his croch.

"Oh fuck!" He shouted, and the knob stopped. The man on the other side grunted and left as Hidan fell to the ground clutching his crotch.

"Son of a fucking bitch!" The jashinist shouted, groaning loudly in pain, his entire body on the floor unable to get up.

"My god! You big baby!" Sika commanded, "and shut up! Your gonna attract attention to us!"

"When your fucking cunt hurts as much as my dick, then you can tell me to shut up!" He shouted, "until then, you shut up!"

When he looked up again, tears brining from his eyes, she was laughing. Small giggles lead to stomach clutching cackles that shook her whole frame. She wound up on the floor next to him, still laughing her ass off as he writhed in red hot burning pain.

"I'm gonna wring your fucking neck!" Hidan roared from the floor, staggering upright and stopping to rub a sore spot before he charged for the girl. He'd left his weapon in the hotel room, but he didn't need a blade to strangle her.

Sika tore out the door, barely grabbing her bag in time to skid down the hall, tripping over her feet once and nearly costing her her life. There was no time to sneak or so much as even say a word as they rushed from the building. People flew by and so did the red lights, screams from the Madame and shouts from people on the streets. Sika has no one to stop him this time, or so she thought.

Another, different sounding shout came from the crowd, and looking back Sika realized they were being pursued by more goons from the whore house. Hidan was forced to turn around and fight, but Sika kept running. Her already strained leg muscles screamed for her to stop as her stomach did flips. She couldn't stop, and she knew it least she be murdered or hauled back to the whore house. Familiar grass tickled her legs and cat tails again loomed, telling her she'd reached the plains outside the city. She watched as the oak passed by, the grass growing taller until it morphed into trees. Finally, she fell, her legs giving out and letting her crumble to the ground.

The girl heaved, loosing her lunch as her lungs begged for air and her stomach begged for something to settle it. She heaved again and again until she had nothing else to loose and still after she gaged. She surmised she needed to hide, so after brushing leaf cover over, she crawled away to curl up next to a tree.

The next thing she knew she was being shaken awake without knowing she'd fallen asleep.

"Hey, Kakuzu, she's over here," a familiar voice called, and opening her eyes she found Hidan looking over his shoulder. Kakuzu dropped down from a tree, landing behind him and approached.

"At least she's alive," the older man huffed, "you idiot, you can't do anything right, can you?"

"Hey! She kicked me in the nuts!" The younger shouted.

"I don't care about that. You made a scene and slaughtered all those men. Do you know much much it's going to cost to sweep that under the rug?" The older man scowled and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"As if money means a god damn thing anyway," Hidan grunted, looking back at Sika. His face was covered in cuts she was sure would scar and a deep gash had his shirt tore and chest bleeding for the second time tonight.

"Your hurt!" Sika exclaimed, afraid the man who'd just tried to kill her was going to bleed out in front of her eyes. Hidan chuckled.

"Nah," he smirked, taking her hand. He straightened out her fingers and pressed them into his warm chest. Sticky blood mated the cotton of his shirt and costed her fingers, but above all she felt the wound, slowly, gently, and apparently without pain she felt his skin scab, heal and close without a scar all within seconds, "That's all lord Jashin babes. Takes real good care of me."

Bewildered hazel eyes looked at her fingers as she drew them back and then pressed them back into his skin. Iris meet iris in confusion, producing another chuckle from the jashinist.

She took a deep breathe and exhaled as he took her fingers and used what was left of his shirt to wipe her fingers and then the blood from his chest.

"What do you think?" He asked, shrugging his cloak back on and anchoring his sythe to his back. She wasn't sure how to respond to him at first, but then spoke with few very carefully chosen words.

"You are made of crazy."