Title: Cherries
Rating: M
Status: Complete
Word Count: 834
Disclaimer: I only own plot bunnies
Summary: Today Hidan was finally going to pop his freaking cherry! HidanxSakura
A/N: Inspiration? I stumbled in on a smut fanfic … oh the joys and nonsensicalness!
Also, this is where I will be dumping all my one shots and drabbles from now on. I figure it'd be easier this way.
Today was the big day.
No, they weren't getting freaking married.
No, they weren't adopting some beggar of a child.
Hell, he wasn't even going to do a sacrifice today. No, it would be so much freaking better then that!
Today he was finally going to pop his freaking cherry! Hallelujah! Praise to Jashin! And it had only taken a few decades or so! He was still a flipping young wild buck compared to most Jashinists. So in his eyes, he's done pretty good. Actually, giving the nearly nude Sakura a once over he should say he's done pretty darn good.
'Heh, couldn't have happened to a better freaking guy if I do say so myself' he thought.
"Hidan?"
He let out a blinding smile filled with joy, this was gonna be freaking angels and shit glorious. "Yea babe?"
"I …don't get it."
And that joy just died. He wrinkled his brow as he voiced his confusion. "Eh, seriously what's not to get? I'm like a freaking key and you're like a lock." He took one hand and curled it into an 'O' while pointing his index with the other. "Here watch," slowly the pointed finger moved its' way towards the hole "all you have to do is sit pretty and wait for me and the-"
"NO! Seriously Hidan stop being gross! I freaking know how to do it! That's not what I was talking about!"
It's a good thing she was the fucking smoking bird he loved, because he wouldn't let any other bitch hold him back like this. And seriously, things needed to get going. It was getting painfully uncomfortable.
"Seriously, what don't you get? You freaking told me today was the day! You didn't fucking change your mind again did you?" Raising his voice he shrieked in indignant horror, "I'm telling you, you can't keep doing this to me! It's damn torture to keep my hopes up! I'm gonna explode if you-"
Getting silenced by a hand over his mouth was one of his least favorite things, right next to being denied… for the fourth time. Looking down angrily at the pink haired medic he watched her fidget nervously as she looked at him with apprehensive eyes.
"I didn't change my mind! I know you've been looking forward to this. Why else would I go out and buy this stupid lingerie set? It's really not comfortable you know!"
Glaring at her then peeling her hand off of his mouth he angrily boomed, "Then what the HELL is the problem?"
She visibly deflated into a jumble of shyness much to his confusion.
"Well" she looked at his naked silhouette and blushed terribly. "Well it's… that" she nodded at him.
"…That what?" What was she fucking talking about?
Blushing even harder she pointed at him. And following her finger's projection downward Hidan's eyes widened in comprehension.
"Well shit! You mean my-"
"Yes!" she garbled out, "That!"
Exasperated Hidan crossed his arms and asked "What's wrong with it?"
"It- it"
"It what?"
"It's ugly and gross!" she wailed, "How am I supposed to go through with this when all I can think about is how it looks like that?"
"…"
Horrified, mortified, terrified, and any other word ending in "fied" couldn't even begin to describe what he felt at that moment.
Realizing her mistake Sakura walked forward to make a speedy apology but was shocked when Hidan stiffly turned and headed towards the door. "Hidan wait!" Hugging him from behind she cried, "I'm so sorry! That's not what I meant to say! I was, I mean, I am a bit freaked out. And I-"
"Sakura…" His eerily hollow voice slowly interrupted, "Right now, I just need to jump off a fucking building onto something sharp…preferably covered in rust." Robotically Hidan removed her arms from him and staggered forlornly away leaving a stunned Sakura in his wake.
Once he got to the bathroom and locked the door he looked down at himself and instantly his heart dropped. Seriously, was he that fucking nasty? He had thought it, no, he was pretty damn impressive. But now… should he ask and compare with one of the guys…?
Oh shit. The mental images of going to second even third base with Naruto, Kakuzu, or even worse that Chouji were burned into his retinas.
Slapping his face into the heels of his hands Hidan just couldn't take it anymore.
He just wanted to bang his girl blind. And now he was getting his nonexistent knickers in a twist over his masculinity.
Fuck. It couldn't get any worse than this.
"Hidan," Sakura's muffled voice came through the door, "what if…we wait a bit longer?"
Staring at the closed door in terror Hidan's jaw dropped.
"You know, just for a couple days so I can get used to… it."
He could feel the "Denied" slapped brutishly across his face in mockery. If it had been in his personality he would have sobbed like an obnoxious prepubescent girl right there and then.
…