The Break-up – Wishful Thinking
Disclaimer: All characters and settings are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.
"Good-bye, Bella. Take care of yourself." His lips against my forehead seared me like vampire venom and an unbearable agony clenched my soul. In seconds, he would be gone and I had to do something faster than he could leave. He was already beginning to move.
"You're not always the most dangerous thing out there." I hurled the words like a weapon, the only one that I had that could pierce his granite skin. I opened my eyes and saw that it had worked, at least for the moment. He had been leaving and I was not surprised at how far away he was already. This had stopped him, though, and he stood rigid, unmoving almost lost in the trees. I wasn't finished with him. "And I know how to find the things that are."
He flexed his hands. "What are you talking about?" He asked, turning back towards me as I marched deliberately toward him. I was sure-footed in my determination, where I normally would have stumbled on the loose rock. When I reached him, I saw that his face was no longer stoic, but angry.
"Edward Cullen, you are a liar and a coward and if you think that merely by leaving you can erase yourself from my life, you are not as smart as you think you are." I hoped my words bit him as surely as James had bitten me, but with more lasting results.
He'd not expected this reaction and he stood immobile as I circled him. He would not look at me, his eyes downcast. "I know you're hurt and angry, Bella, and I am truly sorry for that, but this is for the best...for both of us."
"Shut up, Edward. You've had your say. It's my turn now." I continued to stalk him, afraid that if I did not keep talking, he would be gone and my chance at saving our relationship would be gone forever. "I KNOW what you are doing: Exactly what you always do. This is your misguided attempt at nobility. You think you are saving me, saving your family and you are willing to sacrifice your own happiness to do so. You love me, Edward. I know it."
He looked at me then and his words slapped me. "I....don't....love you.... anymore."
I starred at him, stunned, for just an instant. Then I stepped as close to him as I could without touching him. He could not avoid my eyes. "Liar." I whispered. We stood there, starring into each others eyes for a moment, and then I stepped away and started circling him again. He was MY prey now and I would not be merciful. I had too much to lose.
"You think you've got it all figured out. You've made your choice. Well, I've made mine, too. You've released your hold on me, so you have no say or concern about what I do now."
He wanted to protest, I could tell, but he was conflicted. If he did, he would completely blow his cover; prove that he was NOT indifferent to me, as he wanted me to believe. My mind raced to find a way to argue my point.
"Let me tell you how you are wrong, Edward. To begin with, time does NOT heal all wounds..." I thrust my wrist under his eyes and the scar where James had bitten me gleamed white hot, as if it were fluorescent. "This is with me forever, a constant reminder that you exist."
"And you forget," I went on, circling again, "I've spent enough time with you, Carlisle, Alice." My voice broke when I said her name, but I continued. "I don't know exactly where to find others of 'your kind', but I know where to look. I can Google it. And I know what to look for. Yes, I know that much intimately, better than any other human, I bet."
"I WILL find them, you know. Whether they are like your family or not, I will find them and they will change me...or they will kill me. Either way, I don't care. There's nothing left for me with you gone."
"You're wrong." He insisted, his voice tormented. I ached to put my arms around him, to comfort him, but I resisted. "You WILL move on. You WILL find a human who will love you...."
I laughed bitterly. "You underestimate my love for you, Edward. It took you a hundred years to find me and you waited. Do you think my love so feeble that a hundred years will diminish it? I will die having loved only you, whether it is tomorrow, or twenty years, or a hundred years. You are taking my heart, Edward; I have nothing left to give to another."
I knew that I was weakening, that I would soon fall into misery and despair and I struggled to finish what I'd started. As I walked behind him, I bent down and scooped up a smooth, flat stone with a jagged edge. I jabbed the point into my arm just a little above the scar and tore a ugly, three inch gash into my tender flesh.
Two things happened immediately: Blood sprang from the opened wound and began to trickle down my arm. And Edward whirled the instant he smelled the blood. I'd caught him off guard and his eyes were filled with savage lust. Boldly, I placed my arm on his shoulder, so that the blood smeared on his shirt. If he left, he would take this scent with him.
"Tell me now that you don't want me." I demanded, as he fought for control. I gave him just a moment, my bleeding arm still close to his face, but he had stopped breathing now. Not fair, I thought. He reached up and tore the sleeve from his shirt, took my wrist in his hand and began to wrap it around my arm to stop the bleeding.
"You can be such an idiot, Bella," he swore "you need to get to the hospital and have this cleaned and...."
"But I can't," I said, sarcastically, "my doctor is out of town."
As he neatly tied the ends of the sleeve together in a make-shift bandage, I stood on tip-toe so that he could feel my breath against his cheek as I whispered in his ear, "What does Alice see right now?" I was determined in my resolve. If he left, I would find other vampires. And Alice knew.
It was as if the world stopped for an instant. There was no sound from the forest, no movement of the breeze. He was completely still and his eyes filled with shock, then with horror. I watched as he crumbled to his knees in anguish, his tortured cry echoing through my hollow heart.
My strength spent, I fell to the ground with him, ready to beg if I must, no fight left in me. I took his face between my hands, the bandaged arm soaked with my blood and my tears began.
"Oh, Edward, Edward," I cried, kissing his face, feeling my tears against his cold skin. Slowly, he began to recover, softly, slowly kissing my eyes, my forehead, my cheeks, and finally, tenderly, my trembling lips. With his plan defeated, his kiss grew hungry, desperate with longing and relief. I felt the same flicker of passion bring to life the dream he had almost destroyed. He was more out-of-control than I'd ever known him and I did not care. I'd rather die in the arms of the man I loved than live forever without him.
And yet, with that infuriating self-control that I knew so well, he suddenly stopped, although he did not pull away. Instead, he entwined his fingers in my hair forcing my face to stay close to his. His voice was husky as he said "Why can't you let me protect you?"
"Don't you know?" I murmured, kissing the side of his mouth, "Love has no safety net."