Rules of West Coast Misfit Manor
Author's Note: Hey there, folks! L1701E here! I've been struggling with writer's block, until I got some inspiration by thinking about one of my old fics. Basically, I decided to do a "Rules of..." fic starring the West Coast Misfits. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel Comics, Hasbro, or myself or other authors. Oh, and here's your quote: "Do dwarves grant wishes?" - Peter Griffin, Family Guy
West Coast Misfit Manor
"Dum de dum..." The silent weapons expert known as Quick-Kick hummed as he placed a framed document on the wall of the Manor. He then started to whistle as he left.
"Dum-de-dum-de-dum-My Sharona..." Rahne Sinclair, the redhaired Scots werewolf known as Wolfsbane sang to herself as she walked by. "Huh?" She blinked as she noticed the document. "What is this?" She quickly skimmed over the document. "I'd better get the others." She morphed into her wolf form, and ran off.
A short time later, the West Coast Misfit team were gathered around.
"I wonder what this is?" Theresa Rourke, the Irish sound-manipulator known as Siryn, blinked.
"It must be important if it is placed in a frame." Shiro Yoshida, the plasma-powered Japanese mutant known as Sunfire, scratched his chin.
"Waste of a frame, if you ask the Thunderbolt." Kyle Wildfire, the Boston-born electrokinetic codenamed Thunderbolt, grumbled.
"Rules of West Coast Misfit Manor?" Jack McCormick, the Malibu-born animorph known as Beast King, blinked.
"Oh, this'll be a load of laughs." X23, aka Athena, the clone daughter of Wolverine, rolled her eyes. "Let's just get this over with. I got a date."
"You?!" The other mutants looked at Athena with shock.
"Ye have a date?!" Rahne grinned in delight. She grabbed the clone in a big hug. "I'm so proud o' ye!"
"Rahne, you're hugging me." Athena frowned.
"Wow, girl!" Terrell Mason, the Compton-born speedster/aerokinetic codenamed Velocity. "And to think, we all thought you're the least social out of all of us."
"Who's the lucky guy?" Alison Blaire, the lightengale codenamed Dazzler, grinned.
"Lucky?" John Proudstar, the super-athletic Apache codenamed Thunderbird, smirked. "I'm gonna call the paper and tell them to expect this headline: 'Guy Pisses off Girlfriend with Claws. Head found in next county over.'" Athena rolled her eyes.
"I have a date with a punching bag." Athena frowned. "You guys are all morons."
"Awww, man..." Ali shook her head. "You know Athena, we really need to get you a social life."
"I like to spend my nights on my chair, reading a book. What's so bad about that?" Athena blinked.
"Hey, let's just read this document, huh?" Ace Starr, the leonine mutant codenamed Wildstar, calmed everyone down.
Rule #1: If you must settle things with your fists, use the gym.
"Kyle, Shiro, this means you." Theresa smirked.
"Whatever could she mean?" Kyle blinked.
"I have no idea." Shiro shrugged.
"Isn't this about the fight that led to them getting banned from the local Target?" Rahne blinked.
"Naw, Sheila." Tommy Sharpe, the Australian shark-like mutant codenamed Chilljaw, chuckled. "I think it was the fight that led to the stadium having a huge hole in it."
"Or was it the one that caused half the streets of Bayville to need repaving?" Athena frowned.
"Oh, The Thunderbolt remembers that one." Kyle smirked. "The Thunderbolt was describing the local hockey team's playing."
"You told them my mother was the goalie!" Shiro snapped.
"It was the only way that clown was playing so badly." Kyle snickered. "That goalie had to be yo' mama."
"That's it!" A furious Shiro leapt at Kyle, but the others held him back. Kyle started dancing like a boxer.
"Come on, jabroni! Come on!" Kyle taunted.
"Knock it off!" Theresa snapped, smacking both the Bostonian and Japanese mutants upside the head.
"OW!" They yelped in unison. "That was that for?!"
Rule #2: If you get letters from significant others, don't show 'em around the base.
Everyone looked at Ace.
"What?" The feral blinked. "What?!"
"The letters, Ace." Theresa frowned, crossing her arms.
"I'm not the only one!" Ace rolled his eyes. "Firestorm gets letters from that alien girlfriend of his. You know, the one that makes the shadows?"
"Yeah, but her letters don't cause riots!" Rictor, the Mexican mutant with the mutant ability to generate soundwaves from his hands, grumbled. "Like that Austin guy who visited last week?"
"I don't know how he found those." Ace shook his head. "I swear to God. Maybe Pyro left them lying around. I let 'im read 'em so he'll have ideas for his books."
"Don't his books have that warning on them that are on roller coasters? You know, the ones that say that pregnant women and people with heart problems shouldn't go on?" Kyle quipped.
"Wouldn't surprise me." Ali sighed.
Rule #3: Never, EVER, help Jester with pranks. No matter how much he pays you. Or what he pays you with.
Jester, born Jerry Mahoney, one of the Malibu Joes, was an Air Force pilot who got his codename from his love of jokes and pranks.
"He gives me bacon when I help with his pranks." Rahne grinned.
"Rahne, did you realize that Hardcase willnae come out of his barracks right now because of what he an ye did?" Theresa frowned.
"No different than when Jester rigged Hardcase's jeep to play 'Y.M.C.A.' when he entered it." Kyle shrugged.
"Or when Jester put laxative in Hardcase's coffee." Ace added.
"Or when Jester accidentally burned down General Whithalf's office?" Tommy remembered.
"Well, to be fair, he was trying to do another one of his stupid attempts at impressing Dial-Up." Athena snickered. "When will he learn?"
"He should've had Firestorm help him with that firework display." Shiro shook his head. "The man's mental state is questionable, but his expertise in explosive devices is quite amazing."
"Dial-Up was funny." Terrell snickered. "She locked Jester in the fridge!"
"Speaking of fridges..." Theresa pointed at the next rule.
Rule #4: If you have your own fridge, don't raid the 'official' fridge.
"Okay, that one was directed at me." Tommy frowned.
"Because you're a bottomless pit who needs to be fed every ten minutes." John grumbled.
"John, be nice." Theresa scolded.
"It ain't just him, man." Rictor grumbled. "Everybody comes in here for food. I saw Gunbarrel and Rock 'n' Roll make off with some cheese once."
"And I'm not just some bottomless pit." Tommy grunted. The Australian mutant ten noticed something in his jacket. "Hey!" He grinned as he pulled out a candy bar. "A candy bar!" He started to chow down.
"Ai yi yi..." Rictor groaned.
Rule #5: Thunderbird, you and the Chicken Man. Settle it. Now.
"Hey, that's not my fault!" John snapped.
"John, you keep getting carted off to the bighouse because of you and that Chicken Man." Ali sighed.
"Yer last fight happened in a mall." Rahne remembered. "It brought down several stores."
"Not to mention it resulted in also three cop cars being destroyed..." Athena started counting on her fingers. "Six food kiosks being wrecked, and my favorite bookstore being burned to the ground!"
"What started it, anyway?" Jack blinked.
"The Chicken Man accidentally gave John an expired coupon." Ali explained. "John got mad, and they've been at it ever since."
"Thanks to that pile of garbage, I got ripped off." John grumbled.
"It was only one buck, John." Ali sighed.
"Yeah, yeah..." John grumbled. "Well, you listen here, girly. He should've...Huh?" The Apache powerhouse noticed the Chicken Man standing at the window, taunting him.
"Come on, boy! Come get you some!" He taunted. "Come on, punk! You ain't tough!"
"That son of a-!" The Apache mutant growled.
"John, no!" Theresa yelled. Using the great speed and power his mutation granted him, John Proudstar charged the window, smashed through it, and started trading punches with the Chicken Man. "Not again..." She groaned.
Rule #6: Do not bother Thunderbolt when wrestling is on.
"Yeah, jabronis!" Kyle snapped.
"Torpedo would totally agree with that rule, man." Jack snickered.
"Yeah, you threw him through a window, Kyle." Terrell snickered.
"The Thunderbolt apologized for it already!" Kyle grumbled, crossing his arms.
Rule #7: Beast King, no else likes tofu. Give it up.
"Yeah, Jack!" Ace grunted.
"That stuff is terrible." Tommy winced, rubbing his stomach.
"Dude, you guys are always bashing my food habits!" Jack grumbled. "It's not my fault I find eating anything that had a face totally grody."
"Okay, Wave Brain, I'm gonna explain it to you one last time." Athena growled. "Four of us have feral mutations: Me, Rahne, Tommy, and Ace. Mine and Rahne are canine, Ace's is feline, and Tommy's is shark-like. Our mutations come from predatory animals. Which means, we like to eat meat."
"Mmmmm...burgers..." Tommy smiled wistfully.
Rule #8: Stop tricking Kitty Pryde into taking driving lessons with Firestorm.
"Like we have a choice." Rictor grumbled. "Firestorm is the only one willing to do driver's ed with her." Firestorm was a red-headed explosives expert from the Marines. He was nice, but he had a deep love for fire, explosions, and things that went really, really fast. He also had a pet monkey, a Macaque named Blast Radius, BR for short.
"Even though Firestorm's sanity tends to not join him on his road trips." Athena quipped. A screeching noise.
"YAH-OOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" A masculine voice whooped in delight.
"OOH-AH-AH!" A monkey's cry was heard.
"FIRESTORM, NO! LOOK OUT, YOU NUT!" A voice was heard screaming.
KA-BOOM!
"And people wonder why Kitty Pryde runs and hides at the mention of Firestorm." Rahne sighed.
"FIRESTORM!" A voice was heard screaming. "GIVE US THOSE TWINKIES!"
"MINE! ALL MINE!"
Rule #9: When Quick-Kick and Kicker are out on dates, NO SPYING!
"Oh, come on!" Terrell groaned. "We left 'em alone last time!"
"Yeah, you and Rictor hopefully learned your lesson after you two tried to spy on Tommy's first date." Theresa frowned. (1)
"Yeah, yeah..." The two mutants groaned in unison.
"We were only trying to help..." Rictor grumbled under his breath.
"Besides, it was Footloose and Rock 'n' Roll that did the spying last time." The Compton aerokinetic reminded the Irish screamer.
"Yeah, it was so funny what those two did to them." Ali giggled.
"I wondered why Rock 'n' Roll had a flowerpot glued over his head." Shiro blinked.
"And why Footloose was in the bunny suit." Kyle snickered.
Rule #10: No more Futurama marathons!
"Stupid Firestorm..." Kyle grumbled. "He had to have those stupid DVDs and those stupid Frosted Pop-Tarts."
"You love those chocolate Pop-Tarts." Shiro reminded.
"Yeah, but the Thunderbolt don't eat fifty in one sitting like he does!" Kyle grunted.
"Although you have to admit, it was funny seeing Firestorm act like Fry." Athena chuckled. "Speaking of Futurama, remember when Colossus got into BA's coffee and started thinking he was Bender?"
"Oh, that was rich!" Ace laughed. "I got it on tape. I never thought I'd hear Colossus yell out Bender's catch phrase."
"Oh, I heard about that." Tommy chuckled.
"Hey, look at the time!" Theresa looked at her watch. "We gotta get tae trainin'!"
"Yeah, let's go." Terrell waved as he zipped away, the others right behind him.
This is L1701E, saying thanks for reading!
(1) – See "One Wild Night Out"!