Ok, so since I obviously am having a bit of trouble holding up my end of the deal on Crystal Stars, I took it upon myself to add this little gem to the collection. To begin with, I do not own Dragon Ball Z, Dragonball, Team FourStar Mario, Nintendo, or anything affiliated with this story. Have fun, and I'll see you in the next one.
Such a peaceful day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Birds sung in the sky, animals played in the meadows, no harm to be found anywhere.
Right up until a gigantic explosion erupted in the middle of Farmer T.'s property. "OH MIYAMOTO NO! MY FIRE FLOWER PATCH!" He silenced himself quickly. "Uh, I mean my, uh...Mushroom patch. Yeah."
A few minutes later he came driving up to the site of the mishap in an old, beaten up truck, thinking silently to himself. "I'd better do what any sensible Mushroom Kingdom citizen would do. Get my gun!" He grabbed a small shotgun out from behind his seat and leapt from the vehicle, sauntering up to the crater of the impact. As he looked down into the pit a strange light spilled from within it as a ball in the center of the crater opened, emitting a robotic voice.
"Hello, and welcome to Earth. With open bar." A tall, long haired creature stood up from within the ball, eliciting a few exclamations from the farmer.
"Holy crap, it's Sonic the Hedgeho...Uh, no. It's an alien. Holy $#!% it's an alien!" As the creature lifted from the pit and landed on its edge, he began to speak.
"Finally on this dead plan...Wait, what the crap?" He had just begun to notice the beautiful life spreading everywhere around him. "Did Jumpman screw this up? Oh, Yoshi damn it, I knew we should have sent Pac-man." Meanwhile, the farmer kept mumbling to himself for reassurance.
"Better think of something cool to say to make him stop." The Toad cocked his shotgun, aiming it straight at the mysterious stranger. "HEY YOU!" He grinned to himself. "Genius, farmer. Genius." The alien grinned in amusement.
"Aw, look at him. He thinks he's people. What's your power level, little Toad?" He tapped the red goggles he wore over his eyes, watching as the numbers crunched, coming to a quick conclusion. "Five, huh?" He began to advance on the smaller being.
"Gah! Protect me, gun!" The Toad pulled the trigger on his shotgun, launching the bullet directly into the alien's hand.
"Hey, no! Bad Toad!" He flicked the bullet straight back, sending it through the Toad's head, smashing him into the truck. "Bad. Now get back up and tell me you're sorry." He waited a few seconds for the Taod to get up before speaking again. "Toad? To-oad?" He sighed. "So this is why Dad said I couldn't keep Lemmy.
Meanwhile, Yoshi sat alone on the middle of a gigantic rock, staring out at the dust covered landscape. "Good ol' wasteland. Yep, sure is some kickass training." A few seconds of silence. "Dammit I'm lonely. Might as well check MySpace." He flicked open a computer. "No new comments...no new friend requests...dammit. Well, at least I have you, Tom." He glanced at a blank screen on which the outline of a Boo could be faintly seen. "You're always there for me."
"Hey you!" Yoshi spun around, looking into the sky behind him.
"What the hell?
"Hey, are you Jumpman? Seriously, if you are, stay still. I need to talk to you about killing and selling this planet. It's really important!" The tall being landed just across from yoshi, grinning smugly. "Oh, wait a second. You're not Jumpman. My bad." Yoshi sighed.
"I've got green skin, a tail, and a discolored hump on my back that I'm not quite sure what it does. Oh yeah, I must look like SO many other people." The alien raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, a smartass, huh? I don't appreciate smartasses. Prepare yourself for my signature attack: Green Thun-"
Hey, what?
Gimme the mic!
What? No, man!
Gimme the mic!
But that's the real attack name!
No it isn't!
Know what, here. Fine. Take it. I'll just go practice my Bowser. Ass.
"Now prepare yourself for my signature attack. Keep your eye on the bird- Oh, a higher power level." The alien leapt into the air, looking around as Yoshi yelled up at him.
"Hey, what the hell? Weren't you going to kill me?" The alien ignored him.
"Ah, there we go. Considering the average set by this one green guy and that Toad, the chances of this being Jumpman are...aw, screw it, I'll just go and check." He rushed off toward the west, leaving Yoshi alone once again.
"Fine, go ahead. I didn't want your company anyway. Right Tom?"
Meanwhile, back on Kame Island, a helicopter lowered itself onto the ground outside the only standing structure on the island. It's occupant stepped out and strolled over in front of the doorway.
"Hey, I'm here!" The two occupants inside perked right up, the one in the back especially.
"Dayum-I mean, Daisy. Hi." She walked inside slowly.
"Oooooookay...How's it going?" Toadsworth held up his glass.
"I'm drinking OJ." The glass dinged as it's contents changed color. "Now it's apple juice." Ding. "Now it's beer. Yay, beer!" He tipped the glass up, taking a huge gulp. Luigi walked up to Daisy, balancing a box on his finger.
"So, where's Waluigi?" Daisy gripped her jacket angrily.
"I think the bastard's cheating on me!" Luigi raised an eyebrow.
"Why do you say that?" (Flashback time!)
Waluigi popped up out of the bed, gasping for breath. "Daisy! It's not what it looks like-oh, ok, it's totally what it looks like. Can I still live here? Please? Before this I was living in the desert. Oh, and have you changed Bombette's litter box yet?" The little bomb popped out from under the covers.
"I make boom boom!"
"Oh, are you serious? Waluigi? Oh that is so out of chara-so you're single, then." Just outside, there was a slight whistle and a familiar man wearing a cap jumped out of a flying boat.
"Hey, guys!" They all rushed out to meet him, grinning eagerly.
"Mario!"
"Mammaries...wait, what?" (Doing my best here, people.) They all took the time to notice the fact that the young warrior was in fact carrying a toddler, and Daisy was the first to point it out, as we've come to expect.
"Um, Mario, I can't help but notice that five-year-old you're carrying." Luigi raised one eyebrow.
"Mario, just because we picked you up in the middle of the woods when you were little doesn't mean you can go around stealing children." Mario set the boy down and turned to his friends again.
"Oookay...This is actually my son." Their eyes all bulged, and suddenly a voice rang in out of nowhere from Direc T., a famous Toad director who suddenly disappeared through the power of terrible early episode writing.
Daisy sidled up to him. "Oh, wow. So I guess this means you finally...you know..." He looked thoroughly confused.
"Know what?" Toadsworth rushed up to him.
"You know...bow-chicka-wow-wow."
"What are those noises you're making?" The same thought came to all of them at the same time.
"Oh, dear Miyamoto, he's a parent." Luigi took it upon himself to break the awkward silence.
"So when's the little guy gonna start training?" The little marshmallow of a child strolled up to the ocean's edge, jumping back in mild fear every time a wave hit.
"Actually, Peach is making him study. She wants him to grow up and be...what's it called?"
"A productive and responsible member of society?"
"Yeah, lame. That's it. Hey, son! Come here! Stop playing with that Shellcrawler. We don't need people saying things." Daisy leaned down to the boy's level.
"Hey, is that a Crystal Star on his head? Doesn't that kind of make him a target for villains who might want them?"
"Aw, come on. I beat Yoshi. I'm strong enough to beat anyone who HOLY GREEN ON A MIMI, WHAT IS THAT!?" Toadsworth leaned in.
"What's wrong?"
"I just felt a power level bigger than...Luigi's losing streak!"
"You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy."
"He's getting...closer..." Luigi piped back up.
"Shouldn't we grab Mallow and put him insi..." Too late. A tall, dark haired being landed mere yards in front of them, causing Mario to drop into a defensive stance. "Oh, son of a..."
"It took me a while to get here, but I finally found you, Jumpman." In classic Mario style, our hero replied.
"What?"
"That's right. That's your name."
"What?" The taller being stuck out one hand, pointing straight at Mario.
"The name you were given before we sent you to this planet."
"What?" This left a bit of a gap in the speech before the alien put all the pieces together.
"You hit your head as a child, didn't you?" A brief flashback of a shocking headache followed by a warm smile from Grandpa Mallow.
"What?" The alien's face grew in annoyance.
"Oh for Miyamoto's sake, listen. You were sent here as a child to take over the planet. You are part of an intergalactic race of superwarriors known as the Sprites. (It's a gaming reference that you probably get, but I'm telling you anyway so it doesn't sound overly girly.) And to top off this expositional onslaught, I...AM YOUR BROTHER!" Everyone's face erupted in shock, enough so that even a nearby crab fell off of the tree it had been climbing.
Luigi strolled up to the taller alien, grinning now. "So you're his brother, huh? That must mean you'll be involved in a lot of future events, right? Right?" There was a pause, and then the alien's hand swung forward, smashing Luigi into the corner of the house. Luigi owned count: 1. It begins. "What did I say?"
Mario pointed accusingly at the alien. "Hey, stop hitting Luigi!"
"Why?"
"Because you're breaking Yoshe house!" From inside the hole in the building, Luigi piped up again.
"Yeah, stop breaking Yoshe house." Mario leaned forward, ready to fight if need be.
"So, what are you here for? The Crystal Stars?" The alien blinked in confusion.
"The...The Crystal whats?"
"The Crystal Stars. You know, there are seven of them, they grant you any wish you want. Like immortality." From inside the house, Larry Koopa muttered to himself.
"Or Daisy's panties." Far out in space, two Sprites sat across from one another, one initiating an exited conversation.
"Bowser, did you hear that?"
"Oh yeah, we're totally going to Earth to get our wish."
"Yeah, we're gonna get panties! I mean immortality. Immortality's what I meant, right Bowser?" The leader of the two leaned on his transport ship.
"Just get in the damn pod." Back on Earth, the alien had walked straight through the small crowd dramatically, speaking as he went.
"No, I'm here for you, Jumpman."
"So, what are we gonna do? Play some Golf? Throw a Party?" The alien grinned maniacally.
"We're going to kill everyone on the planet and then sell it to an alien overlord who may or may not have destroyed our own planet."
"Oh...well, uh, I sort of like people here, so with all due respect-" Suddenly he had a knee buried in his stomach and he was floored.
"Daddy!" Mallow rushed to his father's aid, but before he could get there, the alien grabbed ahold of his head.
"I'll be taking this. Yoink!" He leapt into the air unobstructed.
"Quick, somebody stop him!" When nobody even tried moving, crickets began chirping to fill the silence. "Dammit Luigi!"
"Hey, I was bitch-slapped through a house, what's your excuse?"
"I was kneed in the stomach!"
"You guys are pathetic." Everyone glanced up at the shock of hearing the voice of Yoshi. "What?" He lowered to the ground beside them, eliciting a response from Mario.
"Aw, jeez. Hey look, I know you totally wanna kill me and all, but today's kind of a bad day. My brother just showed up, turns out I'm an alien, he stole my kid..."
"Oh, yeah. I was watching that. That was priceless!" He burst out laughing for a few seconds before calming down. "Ah, sorry for your loss."
"Yeah, anyway. Wanna help me get him back?"
"Whyyyyyyy?"
"I'll friend you on MySpace." Mere seconds later, the pair was soaring through the air, Yoshi thinking to himself triumphantly.
"Tom, you've been replaced."
In an alternate universe, Toadsworth was still at it. Ding! "Now its a Nestle Crunch Bar." Ding! "Now its a gummy bear." Ding! "Now its Wario!"
"Wait, what the hell?"