A huge thankyou goes to Nadilee on livejournal for betaing this for me ^^
Disclaimer: As always, Bioware owns all you read and recognise here. Even my Hawke to a certain extent!
Sometimes, if she concentrated hard enough, she could still hear him; berating Merrill for using blood magic, or arguing with Fenris over the amount of freedom mages should be allowed.
It made her heart wrench and her stomach plunge. She still loved him. Even after what he'd done...what he'd used her to do.
The blood of innocents was as much on her hands as it was on his...ordinary people with no involvement in the feud between the Templar knights and the Circle mages. People who had no doubt just decided on a whim to visit the Chantry whilst on their way somewhere else. All those lives, snuffed out in one single explosion that rocked the city to its foundations.
Deep down, Serra knew, that her choice to make him pay for the crime with his own life was the right one, but if that was so; why did it still hurt so much? Why did her heart seize up and threaten to climb up her throat every time someone mentioned the mage rebellions? Why did she break out into a cold sweat every time someone casually mentioned the Anderfels or spoke of the healer that used to live in Darktown?
It crossed her mind several times, usually late at night when sleep evaded her. Did he actually love her as much as she loved him? Had he really loved her at all, or had their whole relationship just been a lie?
She didn't think so; she hoped not. Her hand moved instinctively to her stomach.
She was carrying his child.
It had been a week after the battle when she discovered she was with child. The heartbreak had nearly caused her to lose the child. For once in her life, Serra was glad to be a mage, a normal woman may not have been able to prevent herself from miscarrying like she had. Although, most normal people did not have a Dalish mage as one of their best friends. Merrill's quick spell work had helped save the baby's life.
She had lost too many loved ones already in this life; father, mother, Bethany. Anders. Even her relationship with Carver was strained at best. This baby was all she had now, and she would protect it ten times as fiercely as she had protected Kirkwall against the blood mage abominations and the crazed Knight-Commander.
Serra had a new reason to stay strong. She would gladly die before allowing harm to befall her precious child.
A warm hand appearedon her arm. She smiled, looking down to the dwarf it belonged to;
"I'm okay, really, Varric."
"I know, Hawke. Just making sure. Can't have junior catching a cold in there, can we?" It was then that she noticed just how cold it had become on the balcony. The last amber rays of the setting sun kissed the horizon, painting the sky in gold, pink and mauve. A shiver ran down her spine, a delayed reaction to realising the temperature. Varric smiled and handed her the robe he had been carrying over his arm. She shrugged it on, laying a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it lightly as she gave her silent thanks to the man.
"Now...why don't you come away in? Daisy's cooked up some Dalish dish and we can talk about names for little Hawke...how does Bianca sound to you?"
A rare, happy smile flitted across her face, followed by a soft laugh. The wounds would heal with time, especially when she had friends like these.
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