THE LONGEST FALL

So there I was, minding my own business, when some crackpot bunny decides to come and throw me off a ledge. I mean, what? What is this?

At first, I was scared. I mean, a demonic rabbit headed guy came up, clenched his fist around my neck (holy crap, did he have an iron grip), lifted me clear off the ground, and tossed me off the bridge. And he kept shouting, "Have you seen her?" I mean, who is 'her'? Believe me, if I knew who she was, I would give her some words for being responsible for the whole me-falling-off-a-building thing.

So I fell. Obviously. There's this thing called gravity. It kinda sucks in situations like these.

After I got over the initial shock of things, I began to think rationally. It's kind of too bad that the last cup of tea I had was 'rational thinking.' I probably would've enjoyed something like 'serenity' more. Anywho, as it were, I began to think of my life insurance and I how I had bought it cheap off the internet for ten dollars. That was probably a mistake, but it's not like I woke up this morning and thought , "I got a feeling a bunny is going to murder me today."

Then I started thinking about my wife, and how I yelled at her for overcooking my asparagus. She told me that she never loved me and that she was cheating on me with a guy named Paul. Darn Paul.

Then I thought about my job. I thought I should probably called them and tell them I might be a little late – or maybe I should just call out completely – but then I remembered I left my cell phone on the table. I really hope they don't give my job to a teenager. God, I hate teenagers.

Once I was done worrying about everything, I really started to enjoy the trip. I mean, the breeze in my hair, the wind in my ears, the climactic downwards whistling you hear in old cartoons when the coyote falls off a cliff, and the overall excitement of the entire situation. I mean, how many people can say they were thrown off the ledge of a tea shop by a mad bunny?

I judged by this time I had fallen maybe thirty stories. It just keeps going on, doesn't it? So I shut my eyes and took a nap.

It's been nearly three day s now. But I'm sure someone will be missing me, and they'll be around to catch me at the bottom. If I ever get to the bottom, that is.

Dum dee dum dee dum…