Authors notes: So this is my first sadish story so please be nice i don't know if i can really write sad stuff. (if you read my other story you would know that i have only ever wrote happy stuff!) so please tell me how i did.

Beta: music4life1202

Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own criminal minds but if i did you can't even imagine what would happen.

I wrapped my arms around my slim body as a shiver climbed up my spine because of the cold weather outside. Crisp clear rain drops dripped down and landed on my dark hair and eye lashes as I bent over to grab a tiny grey envelope that lay lonesome on the front step of my condo. I brushed the dirt clean from the corners and slid my finger inside the opening and ripped from one side to the other. I used my heel kick the door closed behind me. I closed my eyes as I slipped a simple little note and tightly creased picture out, beginning to carefully unfold them. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my pale shaking palms. I waited 365 agonizing days for this and now that it's here, now that I am finally holding it in my hands, I'm terrified.

In the night stand by my bed, there are seven more identical images, dating all the way back to the day she went missing, eight years ago. Every single one is a painful reminder of the mistake I made. I left her for maybe a minute, no more.

Each is the same common everyday house hold grey envelope with a hand written note on simple white 8.5 by 11 inch paper and a recently captured picture placed ever so gently inside. There's nothing I can do to track where this had come from. There is never a return address and the handwriting is a perfect match to Shawna. Of course, over the years, it has matured quite a bit. But still, all in all the same.

My eyes drift up and down the letter, letting each word ring clearly in my mind…

Do you remember who she was… of course you do. The smiles and all the love she gave, how much she trusted the world. Trust is a mistake. It is what was hurting her so much. We wished not to have to take her; we hoped you would help change her yourself. But you did not; you wanted her to be hurt, to be taken. And thankfully we were there to save her from you. Shawna's life is better, now that she no longer believes unrealities. So you're welcome for fixing your daughter; she is in much better hands now, you were no more than a unfit mother parenting a child who deserved the life we are giving her.

Tears streamed down my dry pale cheeks as I wept from the depths of my sole. Unfit mother? Could I have been that bad? I imagine how scared she was, being forced to write each heart breaking phrase, knowing that it was for me.

I quickly flipped the letter behind the photo and stared at it. She looked to be quite a bit taller, maybe 5'4 and her long dark hair reached almost to her hips. Her figure was slim and she looked like she rarely ate and there were dark black circles under her eyes because her nightmares were, I'm sure, getting worse. It pains me to see the scared look in her beautiful chocolate brown eyes, and the purple, blue, green and yellow bruises all over her limp, frail body. Tears spilled from my already watery eyes and drip down my cheek each time I look at how different she looks from year to year. Someone stole my baby and I was missing her life, but what made it so hard was that she looks so much like me.

I was getting caught up in my thoughts when I heard a knock at the door. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and slipped the letter and picture under a stack of case files on the dinner table.

"Coming!" I yelled as I rushed to open the door.

As I opened the door, JJ smiled up at me.

"Hey! You seemed kind of out of it today so were having a girl's night. Without Garcia and her wired drinks. I brought four hours of grey's anatomy and a pizza is on its…" she stopped and confusedly looked at my face, she had noticed my painful tear. The smile on her face disappeared.

"Are you crying?" She questioned softly as she wrapped her arm around me and warmly held tight.

I had never told anyone on my team about Shawna because it was too difficult. I had started to accept the fact that she was never coming home. I didn't feel it was important for them to know about my daughter because I felt that I needed to forget if I wanted to keep myself from going insane. Another tear dripped down my face as I let go. I couldn't let her see me break down, I had to be strong.

I walked across the room so I could wipe my watery eyes.

"Emily? Are you okay?" She asked me and all I wanted was to yell at her to get out of my house, but she didn't know what she was intruding into. She is my friend and she's was just trying to help in the best way she could, talking.

Before I could answer, both of our phones began to ring and instantly we knew we had a new case. 'Saved by the bell' I thought as she shook her head, knowing that I would now try not to find myself alone with her so we could finish this conversation.

"Prentiss." I answered professionally as I pulled my phone close to my ear and grabbed my go-bag off of the back of a chair. Then we disappeared out the door.

As I walked out of the elevator, I was greeted by a loud "You don't need that."

I looked up to see Derek standing against the BAU glass door. He was trying to point at my go bag with his pinky because his hands were filled with two hot cups of freshly brewed coffee. He smiled as I lifted one mug from his grasp.

"Thank you." I said as he followed me to my desk so I could drop my black coat and bag on my chair. I placed the coffee on the desk, wiping the water from the part in my brown hair. We made small talk for a few minutes until JJ and Garcia came running in. Garcia stepped quickly up the cat walk and knocked on Hotch and Rossi's office doors as she passed by.

Derek and I exchanged a concerning look and made our ways to our seat around the conference room table. We watched Garcia scramble to get started as JJ passed us our tablets.

I looked up at the television screen in front of me as a large picture of a semi toothless, grinning little blonde haired girl appeared suddenly. Her blue eyes sparked in the sunlight and she seemed to be no more than six years of age.

"This is five year old Carly Patterson." JJ started drawing everyone's attention to the screen.

Then Garcia took over and JJ sat next to Hotch at the end of the circular dark wooden table.

"She went missing just over two hours ago, Carly and her mother where walking home from Carly's figure skating lessons. Carly's mother Megan claims her daughter saw a penny and stopped to pick it up. Megan kept walking and after about thirty seconds she turned around to see why Carly was not at her side. Carly had vanished, and Megan said she heard no screaming or any kind of noise. Megan started looking around and she found a hand written letter talking about how she's a terrible mother and how she doesn't deserve to have her daughter."

That was how long it took Shawna to disappear. Under a minute, I left her for under a minute

Flashback…

I was in our back yard. It had always seemed like a safe and private place to play with my five year old daughter because the fence was made of wood so no one could see in and it only opened from the inside. The latch was too high for her short little arms to reach on their own. Her shoulder length brown pig tails flopped up and down as she ran swiftly around the yard.

I sat on the edge of the porch with my feet dangling off; soaking in the warmth of the summer sun as I flipped through a magazine. I felt two tiny palms land on my leg so I dropped my article on the lightly colored wooden deck and smiled down on Shawna. She looked upset as a frown covered her pale face.

"What is it baby?" I asked as she lay down with her head resting across my legs.

"I'm bored mommy. Will you play with me?" her big brown eyes sparkled as she bit her lip the same way I did when asking questions.

"Of course I can play with you Shawn." I stood up and brushed minuscule specks of dirt off my black shorts. "What do you want to play?" she looked around the yard.

"Sophie from daycare showed me a game she plays with her older brother. It's really fun! It's called ninja's and you…" the phone began to ring and the happy smile on her face quickly turned into a frown.

"I'm sorry baby. Mommy will be right back." I said as I ran for the phone.

When I finally picked up there was no answer on the other end. "That's funny." I whispered, but thought nothing of it as I grabbed two cookies we had made that morning, knowing it would cheer Shawna up.

I closed the back door as I stepped out onto the deck.

"It must have been a telemarketer or something, sorry Shawn. Here's a cookie, now what was that game you were telling me about?" I looked up when she didn't take the chocolaty sweet from my hand and didn't answer my question about the game she was so anxious to teach me. I turned around slowly, expecting to see her tiny figure trying to sneak up on me, but I saw no one. A loud noise caught my attention, metal hitting metal. My eyes darted across the lawn to the open fence gate that swung in the wind. I raced across the grass, leaving the cookies in a pile on the porch.

"Shawn!' I screamed bloody murder as loud as I could. "Shawna!" By now, all the neighbors were outside helping me try to find my precious daughter. After calling the police and searching for over an hour just on my property, we found a note and a photo of the two of us strolling down the street. It broke my heart as I read each word. Since that day, I had heard nor seen nothing except the letters. My little girl was missing all because I left her alone for a minute.

End flashback

I understand the heart breaking horror of losing a child and how desperate I am to bring her home. I began shifting uncomfortably in my seat. I could feel JJ's darting eyes on me then I heard my name.

"Prentiss? Emily? Are you okay? "Morgan asked me as I stopped fidgeting and snapped out of my daydream or more like nightmare.

"What?" I was hoping that he was the only one that really noticed anything but when I looked up everyone was staring at me. "Yeah fine I just… I think I left the light on at home and global warming is killing the dolphins." I instinctively rolled my eye at myself. Nice one Emily, the dolphins? I sarcastically said in my head. As I looked around I got the same what are you talking about glare from all my colleges. I didn't know what to do so I just tried to ignore it and change the conversation. "So this is a single abduction. Why are we working it?"

Garcia pressed a button on her remote and what looked to be about thirty pictures of little girls flashed up on the screen. "I'm not done yet gumdrop, let me finish. "

"Wait, all these kids are missing and they think these cases are connected?" JJ questioned with a stunned look on her face.

"Oh, they more than think there connected, they know there connected. Each of these girls are all from Virginia and they all have single mother's that were left a note. There too many similarities for them not to be connected."

She began identifying each child on the Television for us. "So everyone meat Kathryn Roy, this is Mallory Kelly, oh and this is Madison Landry, this is Shawna Wilson and the list goes on." Garcia said chocking on her words a bit. We all hated cases involving children, and each one never seemed to get easier.

I slowly flipped through the images on my tablet until my figure slid across Shawna's face. Tears formed in my eyes. I hadn't seen a picture of my baby smiling in years. I missed her so much and it tore my heart to pieces as I stared into her shimmering eyes.

I began to get chocked up so I quickly stood and walked out of the room as droplets of salty water spilled from my eyes.

(So what do you think? Should i stick with it? Is it worth it to keep going? I am almost finished the next chapter so it should be up very soon if you want it.)

Please leave a review, thanks