A/N: The result of watching "The Time Traveler's Wife." There are spoilers in here for that movie/book if you haven't seen and/or read it before. This is post-New Moon but pre-Eclipse, and involves an Isabella who is a little more self aware than the one in Eclipse. It's also very short.
The Vampire's Girlfriend
I fell in with the movie "The Time Traveler's Wife" in those dark days after Edward had left.
At the time, it had seemed like a metaphor for my life. I was Clare, torn away from my Henry by a cruel twist of fate. In the movie, the twist was frostbite, in my life it was a papercut.
Looking back, my thoughts seemed so dramatic. I was to be Clare, who would never love another, who would simply pine for her lost love. Since Edward's return, I had found myself returning to those thoughts, those comparison's I had made.
Clare had never loved another. She had lived out the rest of her days missing her husband, just waiting for his return. I wondered, had Edward stayed away, would I have done the same?
Before the call that changed everything, that sent me on a path to my near death and Edward, I had been considering giving Jacob a try. Considering kissing him while my ex's sister was just outside. Looking back now, I wonder if I would have gone through with it.
In my most secret of thoughts, I think I would have.
Oh, I love Edward with all my heart, and he will always be my first choice, but in a world where I couldn't have my first choice, I would have settled.
That fact is why I hate myself for what I'm doing now. I can hear Charlie in the next room watching TV, but the noise hardly registers with me as I stare at the two words on the paper in front of me.
Dear Jake,
I shouldn't be doing this. I chose Edward, I'm happy with my choice… and I should let Jake go.
But part of me, the part that still feels I'm not enough to hold him, grasps to Charlie's wish that I keep contact with Jake, that I keep that connection strong. I smile, and agree that the friendship is too important to let go, but inside I know better.
I do not grasp to Jacob because of his friendship, I grasp to Jacob because I can't bear the thought of being abandoned again. I selfishly use the boy who has only ever selflessly cared for me, because to let him go would mean putting all of me on the line again, and I don't think I could survive that pain a second time.
I do not love Jacob the way he deserves to be loved, but should Edward leave again…
I am no Clare.