Title: The Problem with Lupes
Author: Smenzer
Rating: PG
Pairing: Ares/Gabrielle
Archive: Yes, please. Let me know if you take it, OK?
Teaser: Gabrielle talks about Ares and his dog, Greggius.
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to
Studios USA or
Whoever owns the Rights to Xena: Warrior Princess. This is
just for fun. No money is being made.
Note: This story is written from Gabrielle's viewpoint.
Did you ever wonder what it's like living with the God of
War? You probably imagine he comes home every night covered in blood and gore
from some war he has going on. Well, he doesn't really do that. In fact, Ares
is a lot like a regular guy, except for his powers, Godly strength and good
looks. In fact, he even has a dog.
What? You didn't know he has a dog? Well, it's not really a
dog. I call it a dog. I'm just used to that word. What? Yes, Ares, I know it's
an Olympian Lupe. See, I wrote it right. Are you satisfied now? Good. Now stop
peering over my shoulder at this scroll! Gods, Xena never did that. But then
again, she never put a roof over my head either. Come to think of it, there are
lots of things Xena never did that Ares did. Like marry me. Anyway, back to
Ares' Lupe.
I was quite surprised when he first showed me his Lupe,
Greggius. I had heard stories of those two-headed dogs they have up on Olympus
and was a little scared of meeting him. But Ares promised me he wasn't like
that at all. He was right. I know, I know, you're thinking of that huge lizard
dog thing Hercules killed, right? Well, it's not that thing either. I would
never allow Ares to have a horrible creature like that! That was the *old* Ares
that had that monster. In the old days he seemed to like things like that. Well,
Greggius is very cute! He looks a lot like a wolf except he has red fur. His
has white on his chin, chest, paw tips and the end of his tail. Yellow eyes
like a true wolf.
Oh, and he can talk.
Yes, that's right! Greggius can talk! Apparently all Lupes
can. You'll be amazed at the other things he can do. Like read books. In fact,
Greggius loves it when Ares reads to him. Sometimes I read to him, too. We have
to keep buying new books for him from the Olympian Bookstore. He goes through
them so quickly! He just craves all the knowledge inside them, whether it's
fiction or nonfiction. So far the only book Greggius refused to read was about
proper manners. He said it was too boring and that it was for puppies.
Hmmmm...I guess maybe he doesn't really need it. He already is very well
mannered the way it is.
You know all that treasure people donate at the temples, the
denars, gems, jewelry and stuff? Well, lots of it goes for Greggius' care. I
was totally amazed when Ares told me how much money he spends on that Lupe!
Like take those books for example. The last time Ares went shopping at the
Olympian Bookstore he went a bit overboard. He bought fourteen books for that
Lupe of ours! All together that costed close to ten thousand denars! I almost
fainted when he carried that huge pile of books into our home, Greggius happily
following him. Then he told me the price and I wanted to clobber him. But Ares
pointed out that books for mortals wouldn't be invented yet for several
thousand years and that they were rare. Anyway, I have to admit I enjoy reading
them, too. I guess I'm not used to living with a God on Olympus yet. But thanks
to those books Greggius can now do geometry. Even I can't do that!
Ares told me that in the future mortals would feed their
pets dry food that comes in bags. None of that stuff for Greggius! He eats what
we eat. No, not Ambrosia. We on Olympus eat more than Ambrosia, you know. Like
we have these exotic fruits called Neggs. They come in the most oddest color
combinations and designs. Some even have magic powers. Ares once fed Greggius
one of those, hoping he'd get some magical abilities but nothing happened.
There are many other weird fruits and foods up here, too. So far Greggius ate
everything we gave him. The first thing I ever fed him was a big bag of apples
from the mortal world below. He gobbled them up and burped afterward. Truly
amazing!
Now to the bad part. I must admit Greggius does have a few
bad habits. For one, he likes to gamble! Yes, he gambles. See, when Ares takes
him for a walk Greggius always wants to go past the Wheel. The Wheel is this
huge thing Zeus put up centuries ago. Ares said it's one of Zeus' ways of
getting denars from the other Gods. You put the denars in this slot and the
Wheel spins around and around. You can win cool stuff from the Wheel, but sometimes
bad stuff happens!
Like the time a huge fireball came down from the top of the
wheel and burned Greggius! You'd think that would teach that Lupe to stay away
from the Wheel but it didn't. Nope, the next time Ares took him out that's
exactly where he headed! OK, I admit the fireball really didn't hurt Greggius
very much. It just singed his fur a bit. But Ares was boiling mad! He lost his
temper and tried to beat the Wheel up. That was bad because Apollo was strolling
past at the time and saw. Before you know it everyone on Olympus knew about it!
Well, you know Apollo. He changed the story. He didn't tell anyone about the
fireball, he just said Ares was addicted to gambling. I told Ares he couldn't
keep spending one hundred denars every time he takes Greggius for a walk but he
just can't say no to that Lupe. Besides, I think he likes it when he puts one
hundred in and gets ten thousand back! But so far that only happened twice.
Fireballs aren't the only bad things on that Wheel. There
are lightning bolts, too. Those are far worse as they are Zeus' specialty. So
far Ares was lucky and didn't get that prize yet. But he did get Dachoo. What's
that? It's like a cold for Lupes. And because Gods don't normally get sick, it's
*very* expensive to cure! The first time Greggius got Dachoo from the Wheel
Ares had to pay Apollo eight thousand denars for the cure! When Ares brought
the cure home I was shocked. I had expected some medicine, but it was just
these soft square papers. I tell you, it didn't seem like paper at all! They
were sooo soft! They came inside this little box and when you pulled one out
another popped up to take it's place. You wiped Greggius' nose with them. That
sneaky Apollo gave just enough for one cure. Anyway, Greggius was playing the
Wheel again and has caught Dachoo. Now Ares has to save denars for Apollo. I
think it's terrible that Zeus put diseases on the Wheel as prizes, don't you?
Just today Ares and Greggius were playing this card game
named Black Jack. They were playing against each other but were betting real
denars. It's *very* embarrassing! I mean, he lost to a Lupe! Yes, that's right.
And over one thousand denars, too! Ares said he's never going to play Black
Jack against Greggius again! No, Greggius, I'm not going to play that game with
you, either. I'll play Hide and Seek with you, but NO gambling! No, that look
won't work on me like it does on Ares. After seeing Xena's steely gaze a few
times, well, it just won't work. Whining won't work, either. Here, have some
watermelon. That's a good boy, go eat your snack and let me write in my scroll.
What? Oh, all right, Ares! Here's YOUR watermelon! Ahhhh! You're dripping it on
my scroll! Shoo!
Now what was I saying? Oh yes, Greggius gambles. Somehow he
heard of the Olympian Lottery and bought a few tickets. Now he's hoping he's
going to win! Isn't that amazing! That Lupe!
What else can I say? Oh! Once Greggius told Ares he wanted a
palace built out of chocolate! Can you believe that? I told Ares NO. Why, that
Lupe would EAT the house and get sick! I bet Apollo would like that though.
Ares was smart and started building Greggius his own Lupe House made out of
stone. So far he built three rooms. Or was it four? Hmmm....I think it was
four. Yeah. He placed a pink rug in the lobby. Leave it to Ares! You'd think
he's building another temple or something. I really don't see why Greggius
needs his own house when he lives inside with us. I guess it's because all of
the other Lupes have houses.
The only other thing I can think of to say right now is that
Greggius is going to school. Yeah. School! Can you believe that one? I still
find it hard to believe. Apparently this teacher only accepts these special
rocks for payment and Ares is having a tough time getting one. I'm not sure who
the teacher is, but I guess he collects rocks. Anyway, as you can see, Ares
goes through lots of trouble for his pet! He needs to get this rock AND save
denars for Apollo!
That old saying is true though. People will spend more
denars on their pets then they do on themselves! Especially if you have
Greggius for a pet! Well, I better go and clean up that watermelon mess they
left in the kitchen. Can you imagine how a Lupe eats watermelon? Ares! You
better give Greggius a bath now. He really needs it. Don't look at me like
that. The Lupe Shampoo is where you left it. You know where. Now go on.
Maybe we'll get lucky tomorrow and win the Olympian Lottery!
Yeah. Right.
Gabrielle, Goddess of Friendship
Mount Olympus