To Read An Unreadable Expression
Night cascaded over the land before the old country's eyes. It gave a surreal feeling, that thick blanket intertwined with sheets of glistening stars, woven like the intricate tapestries from ancient Chinese dynasties that coated the walls. Yao stretched out, sprawling her limbs across the porch, bones crackling in protest as she shuddered with the descending twilight. Crisp air nipped at her skin. Where had the time gone? The paper screen door slid open, the red inked dragon insignia disappearing behind the paneled wall. After a pause, it clattered shut. Yao's hands trembled in response, as she listened to the pattering foot steps. She knew he was there.
"What was it you said about the moon again, Kiku?" Yao's voice was little more than a whisper, heavy with a thick cloud of nostalgia. She released a breathy laugh at Kiku's lack of response. She knew her younger brother would not remember.
With tiny palms Yao massaged her shoulders, aching with the gravity of the passing of centuries. Age had crept up on her with an unbearable weight, but it was hardly comparable to the pain of being around him. Her gaze lifted to the country's brilliant red eyes, radiating the crimson of spilled blood. He no longer wore a uniform which bore of a pure white, like the undriven snow on a frozen winter. It was black, to hide the blood and sweat stains. Wars and bombings had taken a toll on Kiku, his cherry tree no longer bloomed, and his eyes never sparkled. Both the tree and the man's eyes were dead. Yao pecked Kiku's cheek, blush smeared across the bridge her nose as she attempted a smile. She knew the pointlessness of it.
"Please, don't do that, China-san," he stated coldly, and a pang resonated through Yao's heart, an unknown hurtful feeling imprisoning the organ in a mesh-like caging. Trapping it in thick wires that cut into the flesh with every beat.
Tightening the army green coat around her quaking shoulders, she felt her body tense. The hurt coursed through her veins like the pumping of blood, steady and flowing throughout her body. Could he not even call her by name? Her heart pounded into her rib cage like a hammer. Kiku was lost to the world. But no, he would get better. Draping her arms around the young country's shoulders, she laughed, wincing at the falsified optimism. How much longer would she be able to lie? Repress the strong feelings that burrowed into the hollow of her chest, laying parasitic notions that made her insides churn.
"What happened to the cute boy who used to call me Onee-chan, aru?" The Chinese woman's hand raked through her chocolate brown silken hair, plucking a small strand that strayed from her tight buns.
Kiku's raven black locks glinted blue with the tiny light that seeped through the pitch black veil of sky, and for a moment she thought him more beautiful than the stars, and bliss was all she felt. That moment quickly ended. "Will you no longer acknowledge me as your sister, Kiku?"
Yao tucked a tuft of dark hair behind the Japanese man's pale ear. His eyes were filmed with images of the past, and no response came. Tears welled at her dark brown irises and Yao's eyelashes grew dewy with the clear liquid. She supposed that was her answer. Kiku's skin was like porcelain china, an ivory that gleamed in a night drenched with starlight, but his insides were black. Hardened with the cruelties of the world. Was this not what Kiku wanted? The small island of Japan had grown large. Power can only be attained through violence. Kiku became tainted, it had only been a matter of time. But the idea that Yao could not stop the process incessantly tugged at her heart. Guilt shadowed her being.
"Please, aru," Yao whimpered, without knowing what she was begging for. One thing she knew for sure was that not only had the world lost her little brother, but so had she. Tears trickled down his cheeks, droplets pouring against the icy wooden floorboards. "P-Please, I-"
Kiku sat, folding his legs beneath him, pressing his index against Yao's soft lips, two cherries pinched together in a sea of milky white skin. She quieted, her heart slowing, her breath growing faint. Yao knew what his response would be.
"No, I can no longer call you older sister." There it was. His gaze followed to the stars, and she stared on in confusion. The stinging pulsed, a throbbing slicing through her as the black of the sky turned to a lighter blue, soft puffed clouds twining between the snowy peaks in the distance.
The choked laugh that was emitted from her lips seemed forced. Why? Why was he so mean? Yao flushed with humiliation, wiping away the streaming tears, her voice cracking and uneven. "Have you become so great, that you cannot stand to be near me? Why are you here, then? Go away, aru! I no longer want to see your face!" The Chinese curses flooded from her mouth as she struggled to keep the tears from coming, but they wouldn't stop.
Her hoarse voice was cut off, muffled by his broad chest as Kiku's arms clasped her. His fingertips dug into her waist as if Yao would somehow disappear, slipping from his finger tips like a wispy haze carrying no more reality than a dream. The heat burned between them like an exploding volcano, and Yao's eyes felt swollen as she flailed awkwardly like a fish out of water. She felt vulnerable yet somewhat protected in his grasp. The clashing between her incoherent jumbled pile of thoughts, made the old country feel even more bewildered.
Japan's cool voice came quietly and sadly. "Yao-san, do you hate me that much?"
Yao… A word that had never left the young country's mouth. Now, the name rolled across his tongue so easily, like a melting caramel. It carried a tangy sweetness in it, like molten honey, dandelion spores carried across a gentle breeze through her stomach, ticklish and soft. Was Kiku trying to confuse her, aru? So many questions drowned Yao, but her voice stuck at the back of her throat in a lump. Subduing, she melded against him like a missing puzzle piece, in reluctant surrender. The question slipped through her lips softly.
"Why…?"
The word wafted through the air with so little intensity that it could be barely captured, but Kiku merely smiled. Yao wondered where she had gone wrong. When had she let the little country mature so much?
"I no longer want to be your little brother, Yao-san." His breath drawing a trail of goose bumps along the elder country's shoulder, as he slowly drew away, adjusting his collar shyly. "I'd much rather be your equal. I've always looked up to you, Yao-san. You always seemed so far ahead, and I wanted to catch up to you. So that some day I'd be able to address you by your first name."
"My little brother grew up, aru." They both rose to their feet, inches apart, and Yao giggled, the bricks that were strapped to her back dissolving to faded red granules, the burden lifting almost too easily. Why was Kiku able to do this to her? It seemed strange to Yao. But gazing into the young country's eyes to read an unreadable expression, she could see the twinkle again. That little spark that she so longed to see. Happiness warmed her like a steaming cup of tea. Only one thing pointed out to her "When did you grow so tall? It annoys me, aru. Why must you grow up when I'm not looking? How troublesome..."
"But it allows me to do this," Kiku chuckled, pressing his lips to the girl's forehead.
"Don't get so high and mighty, aru," the old country huffed in mock anger, swatting him away. But the smile crept back to her face, and she looked curiously at the tall Japanese man. "And don't bother to kiss me, unless you do it here."
Lifting to her toes, Yao brushed a delicate butterfly kiss onto Kiku's lips, tickling the cracked pink skin. "And definitely don't ever worry me again! Indignant child…. Being disrespectful to your elders, aru…" She trailed off, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, as she stubbornly looked away.
Kiku's calloused fingers tangled in between Yao's, and he beamed, his face alive with tender feelings of love. "Suki nan desu, Yao-san."
Yao smiled back shyly. The once weightless words that he had spoken to her repeatedly as a child now meant so much. "Wo ai ni, little one." And they both watched the sun rise, the golden light peppering kisses onto her skin. It reminded Yao of her first encounter with Kiku and what the young boy had told her when they met. She laughed lightly, the bell-like sound ringing gently through the morning air.
"Kunichiwa, China of where the sun sets. I am Japan of where the sun rises."
But it no longer mattered whether Kiku could remember such things anymore. Even for Yao, the memory would fade with the moon, because as of that day, new memories were to be made.