Title: Building Blocks
Author: Karen/Lady Esmeralda
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I don't own anything recognizable
Summary: This is A/U but with some elements of the show. One of the women is dealing with a tragedy. What happens when the other finds out and how will their relationship hold up?

For the last three years, she had despised the month of May more than anything else she could remember in the thirty years she'd been alive. It had been her favorite month for the two years before the incident. From then on, she had to deal with her daughter's birthday, the day she died and Mother's day all within about a week of each other. It was too much to deal with. At first, her friends had tried to draw her out, get her to 'talk about her feelings,' but after getting their heads bitten off a few times, they didn't have any other choice but to leave her alone. She'd threatened to cut them off if they didn't. It was just too painful to discuss with anyone else. All she had ever wanted was to be a mother and now her child was gone.

Mark and George had removed the furniture from the room. She didn't know nor care where it had gone. She just wanted as many of the painful reminders out of the way as possible. Izzy and Meredith packed up the clothes and toys and the rest of the child's things. She sat and pointed to a few things she wanted to keep as proof that her daughter had existed. She didn't need anything as a reminder; there was no way she would ever forget her beautiful child but she hoped that there would be a day when she could look at the things and not hurt as much. She had them take most of the pictures down also. She kept a few in her room and many in the box with the other mementos. She couldn't deal with the questions whenever someone new came to the house or the sad looks from her friends. It was easier just to avoid anything painful.

She took almost 2 months off work after it happened. Her parents took her home with them and she let them pamper her. She didn't care where she was or what happened to her. For the first week, they literally had to do everything for her. It didn't help but then again, nothing really did. She only ate because her father threatened to have a doctor put a feeding tube in. She finally weighed the least she had in longer than she could remember and she didn't care.

Everyone said she was crazy for going back to work so soon, but they didn't understand. She needed something else to focus her attention on so she didn't completely fall apart. She needed her work. She was able to lose herself in it for a while and concentrate on saving everyone else like she hadn't been able to save her own child. It made her feel a little less helpless and a little more in control.

It didn't hurt as much as she thought it would when there was a child on the table in front of her. She just thought back to the med school lectures that reminded them to do their best to avoid becoming personally involved with the patients. She looked at them as a job more than anything else and she had to be the best. It was who she was, the only thing left to define her now.

Three months after the accident, she got out of her lease and moved to a different apartment that didn't have quite as many memories with it. She still thought of Thalia every day, it was just easier to be in a place where she hadn't been.

The biggest change for her was that her visits with her parents no longer included church. After her daughter had been taken, she realized that there was no God. God wouldn't allow her innocent daughter to suffer, nor would he take her from parents that loved her. From the day of the accident, there was no longer a God in her life, even though she allowed her parents to plan the huge Catholic funeral as they wanted. She was going through those days in a haze and she couldn't make any decisions even she she'd had to. Surprisingly, Robert didn't fight her on any of the plans, but that might have had something to do with her father taking charge as he always did. He made sure to give Robert and his family some input, but both her parents handled all the details and shielded her from phone calls and visitors.

Apart from work, she survived from day to day the best she could. She had gotten past the point of wanting to end her own life, but she knew she was really just marking time until she could have her pain end. She'd had several short term relationships and it had always worked out that she had been on her own for hell week, as she came to call it. Her father had even learned to give her space during that time. She had to deal with the grief alone. It was all her fault that her child was dead and she had grown to feel that she didn't deserve to be comforted.

She realized at the beginning of April that this year would be different. She had been dating Arizona for about nine months and even though Callie had no idea how she would get the words out, she knew she would have to talk to her girlfriend sooner rather than later.

Callie already felt that the older woman was special. She could see herself spending the rest of her life with the blonde and she was fairly certain her girlfriend felt the same way. As much as she wanted to dodge the topic, she couldn't do that. She didn't want any secrets between them. She knew in a few weeks, she would start to change, withdraw and snap at people with no provocation. In fact, it had already begun. She had to say something now, before it was too late and her nerve disappeared.

"Ari?" She questioned quietly, coming into the bedroom where her girlfriend was reviewing some files.

"Hey! I missed you. I was wondering when you would get home." The blonde put down the papers and stood up to embrace the dark haired woman. They shared a long kiss before Arizona pulled back and studied her girlfriend. "What's up? I can tell that something's bothering you. Did you have a bad day?"

"No," Callie replied slowly, reluctantly meeting the older woman's eyes. "Work was actually decent today. I got to do surgery to repair a shattered hip on a fifteen year old. She's got a pretty good chance of making an almost full recovery."

"That's great!" The peds surgeon had noticed changes in her girlfriend over the last few days. I know something's wrong but I have no idea what. I need to draw her out because I'm sure she'll feel better once she shares and then we can deal with it together. The older woman hadn't yet heard anything through the hospital's gossip network either, which made her even more curious. Then again, most of them love Callie and she's been here longer than I have. Maybe they're all helping her keep whatever it is from me.

"Um…so…I was wondering if we could talk." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other and tried to hold back tears. "If you're busy with something, it can wait." I would really rather never do this, but I guess I'm going to have to if I want to sustain any sort of relationship. I do love Arizona and she's worth it.

"Of course we can talk," the older woman replied, wrapping her girlfriend in a tight hug. "I'm just finishing up some charts but I'm almost done. There's no way they're as important as whatever is bothering you. I've been worried."

"I'm sorry," the dark haired woman replied sadly. "I didn't mean to worry you…it's just that some things are hard for me to talk about. I wasn't sure when or how to bring it up."

"Come lay down so I can hold you and you can tell me whatever you want," Arizona reluctantly released Callie and quickly cleared off the bed, piling everything on the nightstand.

"Actually…" Callie's voice trailed off. "God…this…I don't even know how to do this…and I'm sure you're going to be upset with me. I think I need to keep moving around. If you're nice to me right now, I'm going to fall apart. I have this horrible feeling that you won't want anything to do with me once you find out what I've been keeping from you all this time." A few tears fell that she couldn't hold back any longer.

"Baby," Arizona smiled at her girlfriend in an attempt to relax her. "Unless you're telling me that you're breaking up with me, you're still married or you've had another girlfriend all this time, there is nothing that would make me walk away from you."

The dark haired woman walked over to get a tissue and blew her nose loudly before continuing. "No, it's nothing like that. It's just…this is so hard for me to talk about. It hurts too much. Um…well, May hasn't been a good month for me ever since my daughter died three years ago, four days before her birthday."