"Alessandra theres someone on the phone asking for you" calls out my father from downstairs.
"Ugh, tell them I'm not home" I respond, not in the mood to talk to anyone.
After the conversation with my Mom yesterday about moving my head hadn't stopped throbbing. I had to figure something out, all I knew is I had to somehow show them I'm happy, show them I've changed. Show them exactly what they want to see, that I'm their sweet, lovable daughter again. But the harsh reality was that that girl they loved, their daughter is gone. She was replaced by a moody, depressed, bitter girl.
For this girl there was no brightside, just different shades of dark. For this girl there was no up, just deeper depths in her fall. For this girl was myself.
"Blake told me to tell you you were invited to a party at his house, and he would love it if you'd go. It's tonight at 8:00. You should go Sweetheart, these four walls is all you see all day. You should get out and socialize. He seems like a nice guy, I bet he has his eye on you" says my Father walking into my room.
"He's just a friend Dad, and parties aren't my thing" I respond to his elated face after he had heard me refer to someone as my friend.
"Parties were your thing all the time before, you were a party animal" he said trying to be funny. It wasn't working. "My little girl had all the friends in the world, everybody wanted to be her friend, there wasn't one party she wasn't invited to" said my Father.
It killed me, it really did. Everytime he talked about me in third person, everytime he reminded me of who I used to be, and compared me once again. He didn't understand just how far gone I really was, and for his own sake I didn't let him know how far gone I truly was either. I let him go on with hope that this would all blow over and I'd be 'his little girl again' because if that made him the least bit happier I'd do it for him, I owed him that much.
"I'll think about going Dad" I said as he awaited my response with hope in his eyes.
"I love you Sweetheart, I hope you know that" he said before closing my rooms door behind him.
"Wait..." I said.
"Yes?" he said opening the door again.
"I..I love you too Dad" I told him as I saw his face light up with re-illuminated hope, his smile was worth gold to me.
It was a couple hours later, 8:30 PM to be exact, and I sat with my Dad on the couch watching some pointless golf he was watching on the TV.
"So...that party?" he said bringing up the topic right on time, I didn't expect any differently.
"Have you thought about it?" he continued.
Yes I have thought about it. I decided I wasn't going because I hate parties, or any type of social gathering that involves other human beings. It will be boring and lame and I'll do nothing but stand around aggravated I came in the first place. People will stare at me, and I'll pretend I don't see their devil eyes. I will have a terrible time, so no, no, I do not want to go to the stupid party.
I thought to myself, but instead bit down hard on my lip before saying "You really want me to go?"
"I would love it if you'd go" responded my Dad with the most endearing look on his face, I couldn't help but feel like a huge load of guilt.
What the hell, screw it, I thought to myself again.
"Okay Dad, If it means that much to you, I'll go" I responded, I knew I'd regret it later but right at this second making him happy seemed worth it.
He smiled up at me, kissed my forehead and on that note I got up from the couch in the living room and walked myself upstairs to change. I had no idea what I'd wear, I knew how these high-ranking parties worked, I'd only been to them a thousand times before, back when that was the type of person I was. So I knew the dresscode: show skin, and look hot.
I looked forward at my closet thinking the hottest thing in my closet was my pajamas, and only because they consisted of being short shorts. I sighed heavily thinking why did I even bother? But something in me resisted the urge to just bail, maybe it was the thought of my Fathers loving face, or maybe the thought of Marcie's stuck up face when she'd see me show up to that A-list party.
Either way I grabbed the first thing I saw that looked somewhat coordinated. I slid on my black skinny jeans, and tight white button down blouse. I put on some converse, combed my fingers through my hair, and sadly got a view of myself in the mirror before heading out. I wish I hadn't because my reflection, it was almost painful to watch. My almond shaped dark brown eyes looked back at me, my cheek bones stood out violently, my small pink lips pouting out, my black short cropped hair reached barely under my ears. I runned my hand through my hair slowly grasping the ends feeling empty again.
I quickly looked away from my reflection before the pain would start again. I walked out of my room and showed my Father I had actually followed through and was leaving now. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before I made my way out the door and into my red car once more.
I drived down the street barely a minute before I saw his huge house in front of me. There were cars all over the place, so I parked further down the street and took a deep breath before stepping out my car, knowing just what awaited me didn't comfort me at all.
I walked in through the front door and found myself being bumped into and pushed around through his living room. Saying his house was packed was an understatement, our entire grade was in his house plus any plus ones, and exceptions. I squeezed through the wild teenage crowd with the biggest sense of deja vu, as I really had lived this all before, way too many times. "Alessandra, Alessandra" called out a voice from my right, it had to be Blake because nobody else would dare talk to me. I turned my head to find him waving his hands in the air signalling me to join him.
I walked towards him, which took a bit considering the crowd I was walking through.
"You made it" he said through his perfect smile.
"Yeah, small invitation list" I said sarcastically. He laughed before replying "Yeah, it kind of got out of hand." I realized he was practically shouting at me though we were inches away. The roar of the music and teenagers was too much to overpower.
"Want to go outside?" he yelled again. I nodded and we both walked towards his patio outside, there was a large pool where more kids partied. There were still alot of people outside but nothing compared to inside his home.
"This is an amazing view from your backyard" I started to say as I looked out towards the huge lake in which he had two jet skii's parked on his deck. The moonlight hit the water and leaved a path, it was a truly beautiful sight to see.
"Yeah, thanks, over the summer we..." Blake started to say right when I felt a sudden jult on my right shoulder, but it was too late. I tipped and crashed into his pool until all I saw was the water that surrounded me. I came out of the water gasping, shock reading all over my face. I looked trying to see who had pushed me, and saw Jessica walking back inside the house towards Marcie. She was doing exactly what I suspected, Marcie's dirty work.
"I'm so sorry, are you ok?" asked Blake offering me his hand, as I was in the deep end of the pool. "Yeah" I replied pissed off. I took his hand as he helped me out of the water, he offered me a towel but I was soaked.
"Do you know who did that?" he asked me seeming upset.
"Yeah, but don't worry about it" I responded, I didn't want him confronting Marcie, I just wanted to be under my bed sheets waking up and realizing this was all a nightmare.
"No, tell me, I'll kick them out" he said in all seriousness.
"You don't have to do that" I said before walking away from him leaving the patio behind me. I walked toward the left side of his house, I had noticed there was a gate on that side. Which is the way I planned on leaving.
"Wait- where are you going?" he asked following me.
"Home" I replied with water still dripping from my hair.
"No, don't leave. I know it's been a pretty crappy night so far, but don't let it ruin the night. Come on, lets get away from here, I'll show you my secret hide-out" Blake said.
I turned back to face him, his face read sincerity and for some reason he still seemed to care about me, and for some reason I liked that. I nodded and he grabbed my hand as we walked past the crowd getting stares from everyone. We kept walking further and further right of his backyard to this huge tree. "Blake I don't have the fondest memories with trees" I said to him looking back down at my now unswollen ankle. He just smiled and showed me the ladder on the other side of the trunk. "Ok climb up" he told me. And I did, I took every step carefully trying not to lose balance and fall. He followed me up and showed me around his little tree house of sorts. I had to admit it was pretty cute. He was a 17 year old guy showing me his tree house, I couldn't help but laugh in my mind.
"It came with the house" he said in his deffense at the tree houses immaturity.
"You don't have to deffend youself, I like it" I said almost laughing back at him.
"You know everyone must be looking for you inside" I said reminding him, I mean it was his party, he was the host.
He looked at me confused, as if I was speaking a different language.
"Who cares, they're not my real friends anyway" he admitted.
I took off my towel and looked down at my soaking body thinking how incredibly stupid I must have looked. He caught me looking down and told me wet should be my knew look. As much as I wanted to hate the world at that moment I simply didn't, I couldn't, because he was there with me, casually making me smile.
We talked for a while while we looked down at the party, our feet dangling from the tree house's edge. "Why did you have this party?" I asked out of pure curiosity. I mean the party was totally random. "There's never a wrong time to have a party, right?" he said laughing. I didn't buy it and just stared back at him. "Honestly, I don't know, my parents were cool with it and I guess I just wanted an escuse to..." - " An escuse to what?" I asked again. "An escuse to see you again" he told me looking down towards the party probably embarassed to admit it aloud. "Then just ask me, when my Dad told me you invited me I'll be honest I wasn't going to come" I responded looking away. "Why?" he asked. "Well parties aren't my thing" I said looking down at my soaking wet body, and white shirt that was practically see through, as if it wasn't totally obvious. "Marcie really dosen't like you" he tells me. "I hadn't noticed" I said winking back at him, he laughed and placed his hand right on top of mine- acidentally?
I looked down at our hands before I felt the chills go down my arms, I could feel the goose bumps. I didn't understand them . I looked up at him embarassed before saying, "I should go, I'm soaking wet, and it's late anyway"
"But the parties no where near over" he protested, it made me feel good, it made me feel wanted.
"I know, and for the most part it wasn't completely terrible, thanks for inviting me" I said removing my hand and climbing back down the ladder.
He walked me to my car, but just before I was about to rev the engine and leave I could see Blake inside yelling at Marcie, until she eventually walked out the door yelling profanity back at him. I suprised myself by smiling at the sight before driving away.