Ranger24: Hope you all, especially Chibi enjoy.
Chibi special.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Ranger24 swept down the steps of his shop, Fanfiction may cry, and threw himself behind his desk then instantly propped his feet up on the table. He reached under the desk and pulled out a can of coke before he popped the top. Then he took a long draught and wiped the excess from his early whiskers.
"Nothing like relaxing in the quiet of your own shop forilling all sorts of crap." He said with a sigh of contentment. He glanced at the calendar of the wall and noticed the date September 5 was circled in red.
He frowned and, getting out of his chair, he made his way to the calendar and scrutinized the small red ink scribble on the calendar square. He instantly gulped.
"Oh shit," he whispered and immediately began digging through his desk for his wallet. September 5th, Chibi Skitty Dona's birthday. Only thing was Ranger didn't have shit to give her. Shopping for women was always a hassle for him. He quickly found his wallet under a pile of badly done drawings.
"Oh please have some money." He pulled it open revealing… a single butterfly fluttering off into the air.
"Freedom! Freedom!" It shouted free of it's confines while Ranger had an anime sweat drop. The wallet was other wise empty. Ranger groaned and threw himself behind his desk and put his hands in his face.
"Great," he muttered. "I don't have anything for Chibi, and I don't have any money to buy her a present with."
Then he suddenly slapped himself on the forehead. "Oh yeah I'm a mercenary. I just need one quick job and I'm loaded."
He instantly pulled up his contacts list and grabbed the nearest phone.
"Okay let's try you…" Before he could finish however the phone rang. He quickly snatched it up. "Fanfiction may cry," he said automatically.
"Yes I am in need of a special person to do a special job…" Said the voice over the phone. Ranger pulled out a pen and note pad.
"Keep talking," he said simply.
"I need someone to break into the Cyrus house hold and get their hands on back stage passes to Hannah Montana's next performance." The caller said smoothly.
"Okay how many do you need, where can I find you when the job is done, and how much are you paying me?" Ranger said jotting down quick notes on the mission.
"Oh three or more passes. Meet me at the docks, pier three. As for payment… that is to be revealed when you complete the job." The caller finished.
Ranger weighed the information in his mind, he didn't like not knowing what he'd be paid. Breaking into the Cyrus estate wasn't going to be a walk in the park either. Still it might be the only job he could get on short notice.
"One last question," Ranger said. "Rules of engagement?"
"Limit casualties, non lethal." The caller replied.
Ranger muttered a curse. "Okay you've got a deal."
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Two hour's later Ranger was outside the Cyrus estate. The Cyrus's were not present thankfully, but that didn't mean Ranger wouldn't have trouble. This mission required stealth, cunning, and a lot of patience. Unfortunately Ranger only had two of these, stealth being the first and cunning the second. However Ranger was in a hurry so basically that meant screw the security systems.
When he reached the gate it was locked. Ranger pulled out his trusty M6C magnum pistol and fired it at the lock which broke instantly. He then kicked it in and pushed his way inside through the gate.
Suddenly there came the blaring of alarms! From both sides came hordes of rotweilers and German shepherds! They barked and growled charging at Ranger! The twilight warrior/mercenary instantly flipped out his desert eagle ejected the regular rounds and slipped in a strip of darts into both of his guns! Then he leapt into the air firing both pistols in a circular motion!
"Down boy!" He shouted as he fired his weapons! The darts hit the dogs with enough morphine to put a Rhino under. They collapsed to the ground out cold and lay there. Ranger landed with a thud on the stone path and holstered his weapons.
"To easy," he muttered.
He made his way up the path eyes alert ready for anything. Nothing happened, not even a bush stirred from some motion. He made his way right up to the door and grasped the knob.
Suddenly the door mat fell out from under him and he fell down into a pit lined with bones! Out of the darkness came a roar and a rancor stepped forth thirsty for blood. Ranger shook his head unimpressed. "Seriously? They think a Rancor can stop me? How return of the jedi." He said yanking out the Moon sword.
The Rancor bellowed it's challenge and charged him! Ranger took a deep breath and brought the blade back into a striking fashion. The Rancor was nearly on him when Ranger leapt forward swing his sword!
"Thousand slash!" He shouted with a glimmer in his eyes! He hacked at the Rancor's hide without mercy! The beast howled in agony as it's leathery skin was cut to shreds by the sword! Then as Ranger hit slash number one thousand he leapt into the air and brought his sword in a rising arc! "Blast off!" He shouted as the blade passed cleanly through the Rancor's skull and he landed behind the creature.
The Rancor gave a gurgle in it's throat as blood sprayed out it's chest and it's now split in half skull. Ranger pulled out a rag and wiped his sword clean of the blood before returning it to it's sheath with a flourish. The Rancor fell dead behind him with a thud and the sickening crunch of bone.
Ranger then noticed a staircase behind the Rancor's pen. He made his way up the stairs one hand on the hilt of his sword. He reached the top without incident and came upon a rotund African American woman.
"Boy you got some nerve breaking into this place." She said going into a kung fu stance. Ranger rolled his eyes.
"Hey I know I guy who says puma's don't exist." He said thinking of a certain red armored sergeant. The woman's eyes flashed.
"WHAT!" She shouted in anger.
"Yeah," Ranger continued. "He's a bit shorter than me, wears red armor, has a shot gun, and speaks with a southern accent."
She instantly turned away from him.
"To the Puma mobile!" She shouted before running down the stairs out of the room.
Behind where she had stood was a safe. Ranger gathered power to his hand. "Twilight frigra!" He proclaimed before hurling a ball of grey light at the safe which burst open instantly. Inside amongst other things he found what he was searching for. With a smirk he pocketed the extra back stage passes and made his way down the stair case the fat lady had just gone down.
"To frigin easy." He muttered.
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It was nearly noon when Ranger reached the pier where he'd been requested to deliver the goods. He leaned against a warehouse wall and stared up at the clouds. All he had to do now was hand over the passes and then use the money to buy Chibi something. Though what that something he didn't yet have any idea of what to give her.
"Why is it that knowing what other people would want is harder when they're of the opposite sex," he muttered covering his eyes from the sun.
Suddenly the waves splashed up over the walls of the pier and slammed against a surprised Ranger! Before he could do anything about it however the water rapidly froze! He was trapped! He struggled against his icy bounds trying to move but it was no use. Then he heard laughing.
"I can't believe it actually worked!" Said one voice.
"Who would have guessed he was so gullible?" Said another.
"What do you expect? Look at the crap he writes." Said a third.
Ranger snarled in anger. "Show yourselves!" He shouted!
Out from around the corner came, to Ranger's surprise, No Limit, Wormtail, and Darth Ben Valor all of whom were laughing at Ranger's predicament. "What the hell do you guys want?" Ranger growled itching to put a knife to their throats.
"What isn't it obvious?" No limit said mockingly.
"We're here to collect our prize," said Wormtail. No limit unfroze Ranger's bag and Darth Ben used the force to bring it over to him. The ex sith then unzipped the bag and pulled out the three backstage passes.
"Who would have thought it would be this easy to trick some idiot into getting these for us?" Darth Ben said handing the other two passes to No limit and Wormtail.
Ranger's anger grew, he'd been used! They had tricked him into getting him those passes. Then they double crossed him and took the passes without payment.
"Well we have to get ready for the big show," Darth Ben said with a smirk.
"Later darkness boy." No limit shot over his shoulder.
"You know," Ranger said with icy venom. The three authors stopped in their tracks.
"There's an old saying." Ranger continued as black marks began to snake their way up the left side of his face and neck. The three of them turned around just in time to see the black marks cover Ranger's body. His eyes were only visible as they changed from brown to scarlet.
"Never double cross a Twilight warrior." Ranger continued as terror gripped the three authors.
"Or a mercenary! Don't pay a mercenary and you haven't got a pare!" He shouted then the ice exploded and Ranger burst forth! His skin was now a deep grey, his hair was a shaggy black mane, and his fingers were clawed. But what was most noticeable were the leathery grey wings that had appeared in the place of his cloak. Ranger was now in his curse mark level 2 form.
"And now you've gone and crossed the line." Ranger said before lunging forward! He tackled Darth Ben and sent the Ex sith flying into a pile of crates! He then turned on No limit and Wormtail gathering Dark energy to his hands! "Dark firgra!" He shouted launching the two blasts which caught them both in the chests and flung them to the floor!
Suddenly Ranger was thrown forward himself! Darth Ben was back on his feet and began to gather force lightning to his hands! Ranger instantly gathered dark energy to his finger tips! They both launched their attacks at the same time and the bolts of lightning meet in mid air! The two strove back and forth in power against one another.
Then a massive block of ice slammed into Ranger's side and sent him sprawling to the floor! No limit had shaped some water with his keyblade and Wormtail had frozen and launched it. The attack broke Ranger's and Force lightning slammed into Ranger forcing him out of curse mark level 2! He cried out in pain as lightning slashed at him! No limit rested on his keyblade.
"All right! Show him Darth Ben!" No limit shouted.
"Show him why you shouldn't step out of line in fanfiction." Wormtail added.
Darth Ben smirked increasing the force flow and Ranger screamed louder! Slowly Ranger was working his hand slowly to the hilt of his sword. When he had a grip on it he yanked it out and the lightning flowed into the blade! Then Ranger rose to his feet and with a spin sent the lightning flying back at Darth Ben!
Before it could even hit however a spray of water intercepted it and then shot around Ranger's legs! Ice began to crawl up Ranger's lower appendages as No limit slowly froze the Twilight warrior/Mercenary. Ranger however smirked. Just as the ice was about to cover him entirely there was a flash of flame, the roar of some mighty beast, and a burst of silver light that temporarily blinded the authors.
Ranger's sword had transformed, it had grown at least a foot in length and it had a massive blade slowly curving up to a point. From that point, down the blades back were seven serrated blades on the sword running down to the hilt. At the hilt was what looked like a motor cycle brake.
Ranger stabbed the sword into the concrete and gave the small red band closest to the hilt a twist. There was a roar of flames out two small nozzles on the blade near the hilt, they were concealed within a metal plate decorated to make the nozzles look like rose buds. Then Ranger swung the sword onto his shoulder. He was in final Twilight form. He raised his left hand and a mocking bow.
"Shall we dance?" He said in a sarcastic tone. Before any of them could answer Ranger had already hit them! The three screamed like little girls as he began to beat the living shit out of them.
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Later that evening at Chibi's party everyone was having a ball. Chibi pulled what looked like a large square box out of the pile of present and unwrapped it. Inside was a photo album. She flicked through it quickly. Pictures of herself, Xibchi, Eragon, Inuyasha, David, Nukid, Asia, and Ranger covered it's pages.
Then when she reached the last page of all she burst out laughing looking at the picture. It showed No limit, Darth Ben Valor, and Wormtail severally beaten up with make up covering their faces. Someone had also written the words, We're Pseudo Fags, on their faces. She then checked the wrapping to see who it was from.
Then she looked up to see Ranger in some argument with Inuyasha. Both of them seemed near the point of pulling out their swords. At that moment Caboose tripped over a table and fell on his face. Some how the drink he was carrying rolled under Inuyasha's foot and Inuyasha tripped! Ranger gave a cry as the half demon fell on top of him. Caboose quickly got to his feet. "Tucker did it!"
She smiled and the set the album down. On the cover in big gold letters were the words, good times.
Ranger24: Well Chibi I hope you enjoyed the story. Happy birthday. Oh and P.S to Darth Ben, No Limit, and Wormtail… The Disney parodies are getting old, Zutara is for fags, High school musical should be named gay school musical, you guys are wimps, Bowser is a pathetic villain which is why I kill him and piss on his corpse, heartless are retard choices for bag guys, Kingdom hearts isn't the only decent video game out there, and P.P.S… BATTLESTAR GALATICA OWNS STAR WARS EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK!!
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