Jewel
So you killed her then, you and the rest of them finally killed her with that godforsaken sawing and that– thing, that damn coffin.
I said to move it. I said to take it away from her, she didn't need to be hearing all of you getting ready for her to die, watching her like you did.
But no, you just had to sit right outside, sit right there and saw away like you were doing her a service, like no one could give her a better present than killing her like you did.
She wasn't that sick. She wasn't that sick, and she wouldn't have died if you had looked after her better.
None of you could take care of her right, and now look what's happened.
You couldn't even keep her alive long enough for us to come home.
You couldn't ever do anything, though.
Sitting around lording over everyone else, and never even getting out of your chair to take care of your wife, never even getting up to see she was taken care of, never even getting up to see that she was alive, and now you're getting up for this.
But you can't even do this right, let go, then, go back sit down then. You can't even walk right, and you couldn't even make her live, go back then, sit down again.
If there is anyone I hate, it's you, you lazy bastard, because you never even looked at any of us like anything but something to do your work for you, 'cause you wouldn't move your own self.
If she's dead today, it's you whose done it, and I could kill you for all you done wrong. She wasn't that sick, you've done it to her. She shouldn't be the one in here, it should be you, you who never done a day of hard work in your life, who never done anyone any good in the world, you should be dead.
All of you could be dead, and it wouldn't have mattered at all, because you weren't anything like what she was.
I never had anyone for my own except that horse. Me and her and that horse. I knew the moment I saw that horse that I would have it. I was going to have it if it killed me.
None of them knew it, that I went out to work all night in old Quick's fields, clearing it out, all of it. None of them even thought anything of me being asleep for all of that time at all.
She knew though, I could tell that, she knew something was happening, but she didn't know what, and she sure as hell didn't say anything to you, because you wouldn't even listen, would you?
She cried when I got that horse. She was the only one who saw it for what it was. That I was getting something all my own, and that it was all for me, crying 'cause she knew I wasn't gonna need taking care of anymore, that I wasn't ever gonna live off you, you who couldn't even work a day in the fields, you who couldn't even see past your own nose, and your own field to see what it was I was doing and why.
That horse, he was everything to me. It was the only thing that ever looked at me different. That horse knew me, but he would fight me all the same, fight me like he hated my guts just to prove to me and the both of us that he wasn't gonna be used that way. Just glare at me and try and hit me even though we knew, the both of us, that he was mine.
"We better wait-"
What's there to wait for now, she's already dead, isn't she, you already killed her didn't you, what's there to wait for now?
And he's looking at me again, with that look of his, like he can see what I'm thinking, like he just knows what I'm thinking.
That Darl, that Darl, he's worse than the rest of them, because he doesn't care about a damn thing that happens to anyone. He sold off his own mother for those three dollars, for three damn dollars. He's never wanted anything but to get away from us and have us gone. He's standing there looking down at me like I'm no good at all, like he knows what I'm thinking and it don't mean a thing to him.
It wasn't like that before, but now it is, and I want him dead like the rest of them, I wish that none of them were here, just her and me and that horse.
Now he's saying it, too.
"Wait, Jewel," he says. But I waited long enough, and now I waited too long enough and now she's dead. I shouldn't have gone at all, and now she's dead.
You all stood there and killed her, and watched her die. "Goddamn you. Goddamn you."
They stand quiet for a second watching me, but I walk past them, all of them. I know my way to the barn, I've been there before.
The horse rears up like always when he sees me, bellowing loud and angry.
"You calm down now, hear me? You calm down now." I go over and reach out for him.
"You shut up and calm down now."
The horse knows me, and he's quiet, he stands there silent with that look in his eyes saying "I know you."
I reach up and pet him softly. "You know me." I say "You know me, and you always known me. I won't hurt you ever. Don't you worry. I'll take care of you. I'll always take care of you."