Supermarket Madness!

Hi everyone! L1701E here! I thought I'd do a little one-shot fic for you! I was inspired by a chapter of Red Witch's "The Misfit Chronicles" and I decided to do a little fic where the West Coast Misfits go to the market! Let's go!

A/N: This is set before "GI Joe: The Movie, Evo-tized!" I also own nothing except what I created. I HAVE A BFG, AND I AM NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!!! *Fires it into the air* YEAHH!!!! GIMME MONEY!!!!! WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"We're going to the Wal-Mart! We're going to the Wal-Mart! We're going to the Wal-Mart!" The West Coast Misfits sang as they were being driven to the local Wal-Mart by Jester, Firestorm, and Hardcase.

"I don't see why I had to come." Hardcase grumbled.

"Because, you need to spend some time with the kids. They adore you! You constantly avoid them like the plague!" Firestorm shrugged. Hardcase turned and looked at Ali Blaire. The Farrah-haired girl was petting BR. She looked up at him, smiled, and waved cutely. Hardcase groaned.

"Great. Stuck with 11 insane mutant kids from almost ten countries, and they're probably all hyper. They show their love for me by driving me crazy!"

"Dude, we want South Park on DVD!" Kyle Wildfire grinned. A thirteen-year-old from Boston, Massachusetts, Kyle was gifted with a great power. His mutant gene made his body into a living electrical generator. He had the power to generate and mentally control electricity.

"I want the new CD from the Superstars!" Theresa and Rahne squealed.

"You KNOW the Superstars! Why do you need their new CD?" Hardcase snapped. The Superstars were a glam rock/heavy metal band consisting of five members of the East Coast Misfit team. The lead singer and rhythm guitarist was Paul Starr, the heart-stealing Starchild. The bassist was Paul's identical twin brother, Craig Starr, codename Darkstar. The lead guitarist was Lance Alvers, aka Avalanche. The drummer was the insane fire-loving St. John Allerdyce, codename Pyro. The keyboardist/second guitarist/vocalist was a former solo artist, the interstellar teleporter, Lila Cheney.

"I want to get a new jacket. This one's getting kinda ratty, man." Randy Gomez looked at his jacket. "Too bad the American stores don't carry any Mexican sports team stuff."

"I want to get that sweet new video game Galaxy Invaders!" Tommy grinned. Athena was looking at a catalog. She had no last name. She was a clone of the X-Man Logan, codename Wolverine, with some genetic modifications. Like Wolverine, Athena, real name X23, had an immensely powerful healing ability, a feral ferocity, and adamantium bones and claws.

"Huh. Malerie's Surprise. That's unusual." She said. Ace Starr groaned.

"Don't get Cover Girl started on her. Long story." Ace groaned. "Hey, St. John said to me that he's working on a sequel to his hit novel 'Moonlight Metal'."  Everyone in the car let out some sounds of freakouts.

"You're kidding!" Terrell Mason snapped.

"No way!" John Proudstar gulped.

"I heard some general named Austin read it and he got a heart attack!" Toshiro Yashida groaned.

"You're kidding!" Ali said.

"No, I'm not." He shook his head.

"Oh relax. No one got a heart attack from a novel!" Hardcase snapped. "Now shut up!"

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(An office in the Pentagon)

"Ahhhh. Now for a nice read." A general sat back in his chair. He picked up a copy of "Moonlight Metal" by St. John "Pyro" Allerdyce. The back cover called it "A story of lust, rock 'n' roll, and vampires". The general opened up and started reading. He suddenly clutched his heart. "MY HEART!!!" He fell backwards. A private peeked in.

"GENERAL AUSTIN!!" The private screamed. A few seconds later, a couple EMTs raced the general out. "What's this?" He picked up the novel. The private then yelled into the air: "DARN YOU, JOHN ALLERDYCE!!!!!! DARNNNNNNN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  

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(The parking lot of the Wal-Mart)

"Please don't do anything to get us banned." Hardcase grumbled. "Firestorm, no fires! Jester, no pranks! Kids…" He turned and noticed the kids were already at the door, waiting for the Joes. "Never mind." The Malibu Joes caught up with the kids. "Alright. Randy, Terrell, Ace, no flirting! Ace, Tommy, no eating! Kyle, no calling people out and slapping people out at random! Athena, none of those looks! Ali, no dancing in the aisles! Toshi, no samurai stuff! And most of all, try not to use your powers so brazenly!"

"Aw relax, Hardcase. What's the worst that could happen?" Jester asked. A couple minutes later, Hardcase found out. When Jester and Firestorm glued him to a wall. "HEY!!!" More screams and yells were heard.

"Ooh! We need this! And this! And this! And this! And this!"

"Sir, please stop booby-trapping the aisles!"

"Hey, where'd that tornado come from?"

"HEY! THIS INSANE GUY WITH A MONKEY JUST BLEW UP THE AISLE!!!! NOW HE'S SETTING IT ON FIRE!!!!"

"What the-? This kid's tuning the guitars!"

"Where'd that girl get that flashlight? I think she had a flashlight. Either way, I CAN'T SEE!!!!"

"I didn't see that girl turn into a wolf…I didn't see a girl turn into a wolf…I didn't see a girl turn into a wolf…"

"HORRRRRRRRSE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Get this monkey off my leg!!!"

"Will you stop with the cart races already?!"

"Hey, somebody tell this kid to stop slapping people!"

"Hey, this weird shark-kid's eating all the fish!"

"Marco!"

"Polo!"

"WHY IS THE GREETER FROZEN SOLID?!?!"

"How did they do that with duct tape?"

"Who TP'd the doll aisle and set it on fire?"

"Kid, stop throwing the fireballs! I'm sorry! I didn't make that policy! I can't help that we don't have any bushido swords!"

"AAAAAGH!!!! Who set the alarm clocks to go off every five minutes?!"

"Help! This blonde started screaming and broke all the glass!"

"Put that down now!"

"There's this big Native American kid brawling with some Hispanic kid over a book!"

"FREEDOM!!!!!!!"

"Kid, leave the saxophones alone!"

"Hey, this kid won't stop slapping people!"

"IF YA SMELLLLLLL-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LOOOW!!!!!!!! WHAT THE THUNDERBOLT…IS COOKIN'!!!!"

"Who set all the romance novels on fire?"

"Where'd that earthquake come from!?!?"

"Hey, this guy in a flight suit is dueling with a red-haired guy using plastic lightsabers! They're starting to freak people out!"

"Firestorm, I am your father!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"WHERE'D THIS MOKEY COME FROM!?!?!? AND WHAT'S IT DOING ON MY LEG?!?!?!?"

"WEREWOLF!!! I JUST SAW A WEREWOLF!!!!!"

"Who put shaving cream bombs in the sports aisle?!?!?!?!?"

"OH DEAR GOD NO!!!!"

"Hey! Watch it!"

"WHAT DID THAT GIRL DO WITH THE MAKE-UP?!?!"

"WAAAA-BOOLA-BOOLA-BLAHHHH!!!!!!"

"Can some help me? This brown-haired kid and this Asian kid are arguing and fire and lightning is flying everywhere!"

"Hey! I caught my daughter trying to seduce this lion kid!"

"Water balloon fight!"

"No! No water balloon fight!! AAAGH!!!!!"

"Where'd this ice loop-de-loop come from!"

"Look out, baby! Shark Man on skateboard!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

KABOOOOOOMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Oh my GOD!!!! He just blew up every Britney Spears CD in the store!"

"Cleanup in aisle 3…and 4…and 5…and 6…"

"Who wrote that?!"

"Well, that is kinda true about Paris Hilton."  

"Sir, are you alright?"

"I hate my life." Hardcase moaned. As soon as we go home, I'm launching a full investigation! Someone's been smuggling that clown LeCarr's infamous coffee into Malibu Base! I just know it!

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(General Whithalf's office, an hour later)

"Hello?" General Whithalf picked up the phone. He and Trojan were discussing battle tactics. "Uh-huh. Oh, I see. My, my. No, I don't know anyone by that name. Okay, thank you."

"What was that?" Trojan asked.

"The police. They said that a couple parents and their children demolished a Wal-Mart."

"Huh." Trojan shrugged. "Amazing what families will do to bond."