This is my first fan fic hope to have many. Let me know if I get things wrong or not. Flamers will be used to grill streaks.
Summary: We all know the story, Zero tries and fails to summon epic creature and gets weak willed
teenager. They go on adventures and he gets a harem. What if she didn`t summon a teenager, what if
she summoned an ass, a huge ass, [hey!], fuck off. Now where was I ah here we are what If she
summoned a ass and this ass didn`t come alone? It`s a story of love, friendship, magic, adventure, rats
very lovely maidens and beer, lots of beer. Our tale begins at the end of another tale.
"limy"
Ass-narrator/author
'sign' thoughts
Chapter 1
The Ass and the Beast
A man sat on chair in stone house In the middle of a flaming town. He was a roguish man in leather
armor with unkempt hair and a goatee. The man had had visited the town once or twice and he figured
no one would miss it so he came to rest at it. Screams and shouts of pain echoed in the air. The man took
a sip of a mug of ale. By his feet lay his loyal and trusting mutt, Barks. The man and mutt were waiting
for a third and final member of their party to arrive. "What in bloody hell is taking her so freaking long?"
the man mumbled in to his beer. The mutt just growled and chewed at a bone. Suddenly the shouts and
screams became louder and closer. They were getting closer and closer and the door slammed open
revealing two bloody and injured men. The man and mutt turned and looked before going back to their
respective treats. The men turned and barred the door with their backs. "Did we lose it?" the man on the
right asked missing half of his hair. The man on the left with burn marks on his clothes answered. " Yeah,
I think we did Bob." Bob looked at the man in the chair and asked "Bloody hell man! Don`t you know
there is she-demon in town killing and burning everything!" The man looked up and said "Yes and does it
look like I give a rats hair nut sack?" Bob was about ask if he was mad when a noise stopped him.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. A heavy loud set of footsteps echoed through the house. The two men
looked at one another. They slowly backed from the door and turned to stare at it.
... The footsteps stopped. The men prayed that the thing was
dead and the heroes had got it. The door was ripped from the wall and tossed at the two very unlucky
men. They were killed instantly. A red horned head with midnight black hair and pitch black eyes lowered
its self in the door way. The man and mutt looked up . The she-demon stared back. "So honey did you
enjoy yourself?" the man asked. The she-demon answered. " Oh my dark gods yes did I ever!" the Demon
smiled wide revealing sharp pointed teeth. The man smiled back at her and asked, " Ready to go now
then love?" "Yep!" the man and mutt stood up as one, finished their treats and walked out. "Shit, forgot
the lute." The man jogged back in and picked up a lute that seemed to glow with untold power. The man
walked out sliding the strap of the lute around his shoulders. The man crossed the lute over a sword . As
the man did this we get our first look at the she-demon. She stood at 8 and a half feet tall with curved
figure clothed by several bear pelts. Her feet were bare, more more than likely because they were large
ugly goat hooves, " Hey! They are not ugly!" the demon shouted at the narrator. The man looked at the
sky and flipped off the, fuck you too ass! Now let me explain the story. "No way in hells name will I let
you telk the Tale." The man so rudly shouts." No your the rude one." Quiet you…[Sign} Ok you can tell it
but keep it short. " yes well now long story short ," no you have to tell them everything. "Fuck them they
can buy the game or look it up on wiki, anyway I went on a bunch of weird payless quests and now I am
the betrothed to the queen of hell." Yes well lets continue. The man and demon had been traveling the
country and destroying and robbing as they went. Their story in this world ends soon and in anot "wait a
fucking second you rat bastard! What do mean ends soon!" You know what you ass? You can find out on
your own. "Wait what come back here!"….."You limy ass narrator!"…. " Dear I think his is gone." The
man looked at the demon and signed. " Yeah, maybe without him it will not happen." Don`t count on it
ass. "Know what its go time you limy piss fucking cocksucker!" "I beg of you…" " What the fuck?" "My
servant who lives somewhere in the universe!" Here it comes you gigantic ass! "Oh sacred, beautiful
and strong familiar spirit!" "WHAT IS HAPPENING!" "I desire and here I plead from my heart!" A giant
green and bright glowing portal opened under them. The three, a Bard a Queen Demon and a unlucky
mutt, fell though the opening in space and time. And with one final beg "Answer to my guidance!". The
portal closed sealing the fate of three. Hope the ass has fun! Ha ha hah hah! ah? What do you mean I
have to go with them? It's on the contract? Let me see that!... Fucking bloody hell with the queen
riding a donkey! Oh I hope they know how to make a good cup of tea.