When I turned 14 it seemed that my father had finally noticed me, the day I turned 14 was the first day my father raped me. He was never gentle and was never sorry since I was the reason that his wife had died. He had always blamed me for what had happened to her and had never even looked at me or had any contact with me until that dreadful day, even now the only contact I have with him is when he hurts me again. That all started 3 years ago I am now 17and it still continues.
My brother Jasper and I are very close and he knows about what happens to me. We can't do anything about it though because our father is police Chief of the small town of Forks. We want to run away and we want to stop him but we can't because I don't want me or Jazz to get hurt, that's why I won't let my brother go up against my dad because my dad is vicious and everyone would believe him and not us.
"Bells what's wrong?" My brother asked as he drove us to school, today was the first day and I was happy that I had school to do to try to distract me from my thoughts.
"You don't want to know." I muttered. His face grew pained as he realized what I meant by it.
"I will never forgive myself for everything that has happened to you. I am so sorry that I can't protect you from him. This is all my fault. If I was stronger then I could stop him from hurting you." His voice was full of anger but it wasn't aimed at me it was aimed at him self.
"Jazz," I said softly, "Look at me it is not your fault it is that man that we have to call a father it is all his fault. Not you, please don't blame yourself."
"How can I not blame myself?"
"Just don't. I know that you feel bad for me but it is my pain not yours." He grimaced at my words.
"Let's do something tonight," He said suddenly, "How about a movie and dinner my treat?" I started to refuse, "Come on sis we never get to spend time together and have fun."
"Well I guess." I said softly, he looked joyous. I smiled at his happiness.
"I'll se you at lunch and please be careful I don't want you to get in anymore trouble and pain because you are accident prone." He said laughing; I glared after him and turned towards my first class.
The day went by slow and after a little while I looked forward to going out with Jasper I needed an escape for a little while. By lunch I was so bored that I wanted to ask Jazz if we could just ditch but I didn't want to get hurt worse tonight because of a phone call from the school.
I was still sore from last night. My dad was mad at me because dinner wasn't as perfect as he wanted it to be so he came in my room last night and used a sharp object (A/N I don't know what to say but I was thinking a sharpened stick) and pushed it into me stabbing the inside walls of my vagina hard. It hurt for me to even go to the bathroom.
When I saw my perfect older brother sitting at our table when I walked into the lunchroom I smiled and pushed all thoughts away that were about last night. I hurried over and sat next to him.
"Hey sis, how's your day going?" He asked.
"Pretty good Jazz how about yours?"
"it's okay but my math teacher sucks she is a mega bitch." I laughed and swatted his arm playfully.
"Watch your language mister," I said it the same way I could imagine a mother would say it to her child. He smiled softly and passed me the apple from his tray.
I took it from him and saw the differences in us and I saw how the red of the apple contrasted against me skin. I was really pale and I knew that I was skinny, I have dark circles under my eyes from not getting any sleep, normally after my fathers visits I couldn't sleep for a long time and when I did sleep the tiniest sound made me jump and go on hyper alert and not sleep again for a long while after that. My dad didn't let me eat and whenever Jasper tried to bring me food he would get hit and beat up by my unmerciful father. I didn't like it when Jasper got hurt so I made him stop. He wasn't happy about it but I ate breakfast sometimes and I tried to eat a lunch.
"Bells are you okay really you look so bad and I hate to see you in any pain at all. You need to go see a doctor and see if you can get some help." Jasper said softly making sure not to let anyone overhear us.
"No Jazz we can't do that I can't go see a doctor because they would know what was wrong right away and tell someone. We can't Jazz promise me that you won't," I whispered urgently.
"Isabella-" He started to scold.
"No Jasper you know why we can't he will hurt you and I can't let that happen." His face became pained and he looked away.
"Shouldn't it be the other way around shouldn't I be the one to be telling you that I need to stop you from being hurt?" His voice was so full of pain that I leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder.
"Jazz I am so used to being hurt now that I can try to ignore it doesn't always work but I can try. This has been going on since my 14th birthday party and I don't want you to get hurt."
"We will talk more about this later or we are going to be late to class." He said helping me stand; I hugged him hard wrapping my arms around his waist.
"I love you Jazz," I said softly.
"I love you too sis," He said taking off for his class. I sighed and went to my biology class. I love science but I just wasn't in the mood after my talk with Jasper I knew that he wanted me to tell someone that could help but I was too scared about what would happen to us, mainly to him but I was also scared because if we told it was sure to get worse.
I shuddered as I sat in my seat in the back of the class. I was sitting alone and was grateful but then a boy walked in that I hadn't seen before. He was gorgeous and that was a massive understatement. He was tall and had messy bronze hair and beautiful emerald eyes that seemed to go on forever pulling you into his enchanting gaze. I quickly moved my books when I realized that my lab table was the only one that had an open space.
He came to sit by me and smiled a beautiful crooked smile that had me melting in my seat.
"Hello" He greeted me, "My name is Edward Cullen."
"Hi Edward my name is Bella Swan it's nice to meet you. When did you move here?"
"It's nice to meet you too. I moved here from Chicago with my adopted family. What about you how long have you lied here?"
"All my life and let me tell you it is really boring." I said but also adding, except my father beats and raped me since I killed my mother. I cringed as that thought crossed my mind.
"Are you ok?" He asked noticing me cringing. I nodded. "Do you have any siblings?" He asked.
"Yeah I have an older brother he is one year ahead of me. His name is Jasper. What about you are you an only child?" I lowered my voice to a whisper since the teacher had started the lecture.
"Technically no but I do have 3 siblings 2 sisters, Alice and Rosalie and 1 brother Emmet. Carlisle and Esme adopted us all. This might sound weird but even though we are kind of related Emmet and Rosalie are together they have been for a long time but we are all one family." He confided in me.
"You're lucky to have a family that loves you. All I have is my brother, my mom died delivering me and my dad doesn't like me much." I said softly.
"I'm sorry for your loss." He mumbled softly. I was so scared that I had given something away by talking about my father that I turned to the teacher who just called on someone, who was talking, for an answer. I figured that I should pay attention so that I wouldn't get in trouble.
Edward was quiet the rest of the class period and as soon as the bell rang I was gone. School was almost over I only had one more class and then I could leave and Jasper and I could hang out. I let my mind wander through my last class and it wandered back to Edward. I don't know why I just blurted all that out to the beautiful stranger but I was scared that he would somehow find out my dirty secret and I couldn't let that happen.
I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't notice the passing time and jumped when the bell rang signaling that the first day of school was over. I was out to Jasper's truck before he was so I just leaned up against the passenger door and waited. I saw him walking off of campus with a pretty pixy like girl; she had short spiky black hair and had great grace from the looks of her gait.
"Hey sis," Jasper said walking up to me.
"Hey Jazz"
"Alice this is my little sister Bella, Bella this is Alice Cullen." He said introducing us, Edward's sister, they didn't look anything alike but they were all adopted so why would they.
"Hello it is nice to meet you, you have a wonderful brother." She said with a smile her voice sounded like wind chimes and was bouncy.
"I know he's the best," Jasper blushed slightly, "And it's nice to meet you too."
"I'll see you tomorrow right Jasper?" She asked excited again.
"Yeah I'll be here, unfortunately." Alice laughed said goodbye then left.
"She's nice." I commented. "Her brother is in my Biology class he sits at my table, he's nice as well." I smiled at the memory.
"Yeah she's great" He said with this far away look in his eye. I smiled I knew that look.
"Ohh… Jazz and Alice sitting in a tree." I started singing, he turned to glare at me as he started the truck, I just laughed and continued, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love then come marriage then come a baby in a baby carriage."
He was so red by the time I finished I couldn't help but keep laughing. I broke off wincing suddenly as a sharp pain started in my abdomen. I hissed as the pain rolled through me again, it felt like I was getting stabbed all over again.
"What is it Bells?" Jasper asked worry evident in his voice, "Are you ok?"
"Yes" I answered through clenched teeth, squeezing my eyes shut in pain. After a minute the pain subsided and I was fine.
"Ok now I'm fine." I said bouncing in my seat a little, "Where are we going to go to dinner and what movie are we going to go see?"
"Are you sure you want to go or do you want to go home?" My eyes widened in fear.
"Don't take me back there not yet Jazz please I don't want to go there." My voice was low and I could hear the panic in it so I new that Jasper could as well.
"Shhh… it's ok I won't make you go back yet." I looked up at his face; I knew he hated seeing me like this. He thought that I shouldn't be afraid to go into my own home.
"I'm sorry Jazz." I buried my face in my hand and tried not to cry.
"Everything's gunna be fine. We'll get through this Bells." He said pulling me closer to him so he could hold me close. Even quieter I heard him add, not sure if he meant for me to hear, "Even if I don't you will, I promise no matter what happens to me you will get out of there." Pain ripped through me but I didn't want to dwell on the fact yet.
"Are you ok Jazz?" I asked softly.
"Yes I am fine if you are I don't want to see you hurting Bella it's not fair to you." We pulled up in front of an Italian restaurant just then and he got out of the car and walked around to my side. He helped me down noticing I winced when I landed on the ground luckily I didn't fall I was just sore.
"Come on lets go get you some food." He led me inside and asked for a table for 2. The waitress looked him up and down but saw me and turned away. I didn't know what she was thinking and I'm pretty sure I didn't want to know either.
She led us to a table and we sat down. We both ordered water and took our menus looking over them in silence. I was going to have the grilled chicken breast and I was sure I wouldn't even be able to finish that even though all I ate today was the apple Jasper gave me at lunch. Since my father didn't let me eat much I had grown used to not getting food and was weak and tired all the time. Jasper tried getting me to eat but I just wasn't hungry anymore.
"Are you ready to order?" the waitress asked appearing with our drinks.
"Yeah I'll have the grilled chicken breast." I said softly my voice quieter than I thought it would be.
"I'll have the mushroom Fettuccini." Jazz told her looking at me with concern in his eyes. I tried to avoid his gaze but it didn't work.
"Will that be all sir?" she asked him, he nodded looking at her briefly. "Ok I'll be right back with that."
"So how was school? You said that you met Alice's brother, Edward correct?" I nodded, "How did that go?"
"It was good we just talked he told me that they moved here from Chicago and that they were all adopted by Carlisle and Esme Cullen. And he asked about me family and I told him about mom and you and I said that dad didn't like me much. I told him he was lucky to have a family that loved him." I said my voice low, Jasper let out a growl when I told him what I said to Edward about our father.
"Why did you tell him that?" He asked.
"I don't know Jazz it just happened and there's something else." I said even quieter, hesitating to tell him more.
"What is it Bells you can tell me I won't get mad."
"It's just that I didn't have a problem talking to him, I felt like I could tell him anything. I won't but honestly Jazz he is the first person that I have talked to that I didn't cringe away from, besides you of course, but really I hate talking to people and I hate it when they touch me because I always expect the worst. I'm scared that I will get hurt more that people will hate me if they knew what was happening to me and I just don't feel safe." I had never told him that before and the look of pain and torture on his face made me regret saying it instantly.
"Why didn't you ever tell me this?" He asked softly, "And you seem fine when you talk to people around me."
"I was scared so I didn't tell you I know that you beat yourself up enough about what is happening to me and I didn't want anything else to bother you so that you could hate yourself more. And when I am with you I know that you will protect me I can always trust you Jazz." His face was still tortured but he tried to get it under control as our food arrived. We ate in silence and when we were done he paid the bill and we left.
"Jazz say something." I pleaded when we got in his truck.
"What do you want me to say?" He asked harshly, I recoiled from him and leaned against the door. "Aww.. Bella I'm sorry it just hurts that you are in so much pain and you feel like you can't even tell me. Just know that I am always here for you and that you can tell me anything." I nodded and scooted closer to him again.
"You're the best, big bro." I said as we pulled into the parking lot of the movie theater.
"I'm not," he muttered and he pulled me towards the ticket line. We saw a comedy and it lightened my mood. We laughed the whole way home and when we got to the front door I was still laughing at the impression that Jasper just gave of one of the characters from the movie.
We quieted as he unlocked the door and I hoped that my dad was asleep but all hope was lost when we opened the door and saw my father standing there looking very angry.
Plus he had his gun…..
AN: so hey that was the first chapter of my first ever fanfic I really hope you like it and I know everyone tells you this but I would really like reviews and everything. Criticism is allowed and even welcomed!
Thanks for reading,
OECD