.Annoying Pansies.
"Ya know what's about as irritating as a squirrel in the arctic circle?" A booming voice echoes out.
Link, the Hero of Time, abruptly comes to a quick and rough halt on his bay colored steed. His head, frantically, twitches around from side to side, searching for the true culprit.
A young girl who is about his age is clinging to his back in sheer fright... Or maybe she's just being frisky. Her attire is rather skimpy as she forces out a seductive, yet cute voice, "What was that, Link?"
The green clad warrior shakes his head in confusion, "I'm not sure... Show yourself!" He unsheaths his magnificent Master sword as its metallic blade glistens in the beautiful moonlight.
A short girl walks out of nowhere.
"What is that?" Link's tramp asks. The girl's lips form into a smirk.
"I believe the correct term is 'who,' genius, and call me ASQ. Codename, AlmightySquirrelQueen," ASQ replies with a sneer.
The girl in revealing clothes, or dish rags, chuckles, "Kill it, Linky!" She grasps on even harder to Link's waist as he grins, lovingly.
"Anything for you, my love," He replies as he strokes her hair. Link causes his horse, Epona, to gallop at full speed towards ASQ. To his surpise, the short girl grins, devilishy.
Everything freezes, excluding AlmightySquirrelQueen.
"What is this crap?" ASQ asks in a loud tone. "Grey's Anatomy?" She laughs as she turns towards the dear readers.
"Hello, peoples!" she waves. "I'm guessing you're all wondering what the H E double hockey sticks is going on, right? I'll tell you!"
The wee lass marches up to Link, his horse, and his frozen girl whose occupation sounds similar to the word, horse, if you subtract the 's.' I'm trying to keep this as readable for the kiddies as much as I can.
"Any fangirl who puts herself into the story of how her and Link, or any other hot video game dude, falls in love, is about as irritating as a pansy in a downpour." ASQ rolls her eyes.
"You have to admit, y'all," she continues, poking the motionless Epona, "A lot of you have Mary Sue's in your stories. For the guys, they have Jerry Drew's. Though, the girls are a lot worse in those matters... "
"Sure," ASQ shrugs. "I, occasionally, put myself into a story, but I usually am just the annoying one that everybody hates." A smirk grows across her lips. "Quit living in a dream world, you idiotic fangirls."
"Get a boyfriend, get a routine, and GET A LIFE!," she shrieks in an annoyed voice. "Some fictional character is NOT going to fall in love with you, let alone, even meet you! They are NOT real!"
ASQ sighs as she stretches out her limbs. "So quit reading Fanfiction ALL the time, and go pick up an actual book to read, because I'm out... See ya... ," The short girl walks away as a glimmer of light consumes her, leaving nothing but swaying grass as time begins to commence once more.
Link moves his head and flexes his jaw as the girl with him whimpers. "What happened, Linky?" Link jumps as his head turns around to see the teen.
"WHO THE HECK ARE YOU!?" he demands as Epona rears up, causing a ho down... That was a pun.
"OW!" she squeals, holding her arm which hasn't even been injured. "THAT HURT! I'm you're beloved, Link! What's wrong with you!?" Tears begin forming in the girl's eyes.
"Reality, that's what!" he replies, sneering. "Go get a life! ...And a decent shirt!" With that, the hero rides away into the moonlit horizon. The fangirl sat there with an irritated scowl on her face.
"Why did that just happen!?" she screamed in a high pitched voice. "We were going to get married!"
"In your dreams, loser," the booming voice echoed once more, leaving the fangirl distraught...
.THE END.