Title: Fix me
Pairing: McKono
Spoilers: The finale. You haven't watched yet? .YOU.
Disclaimer: not mine alright? according to tumblr I am Mrs McGarrett so, Steve is mine

A/N: First of all A THOUSAND kuddos to Christina for being my beta. Thank you!. Second, when I wrote this (on my BBR) the finale was not in my hands yet, I had read spoilers and all but I had NO idea what it was about, which I know now this is sort of like different giving the situation Kono is in. So bare with me okey?
This is MY take on Steve coming to Kono about his mom.

DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!

Love you so freaking very much. To all of you.

Fran

He always came to her, always. He couldn't quite get it the first time, why the need to speak to her about his issues, or anything that mattered to him. But with each passing day he found himself drawn to her, just like this moment. He could have come to Danny, but he was dealing with his issues with Rachel, he couldn't just burden him with his problems. So he always came to her, always.

He didn't know how bad he needed her until he was desperately knocking at her door and his heart pounded hard inside his chest.

His chest ached and he just couldn't understand why.

She was fixing a cup of coffee when someone knocked on her door. It was late, the sun had settled hours ago, and she was getting ready for bed, who can possibly be visiting at this hour of the night?

She stopped in her tracks when she saw Steve standing outside her house, his eyes fixed on an invisible spot on the floor in front of him. When his eyes looked up she saw the pain, the sadness and confusion written on his features. He looked so lost, unlike the courageous man she knew so well. His grief got to her very soul.

"Hey...I'm sorry to bother you." He whispered, the sound of his voice not quite the same as it used to be. "Can I come in?"

She was, for a brief second, tempted to say no, making up a million excuses in her mind because it was oh so unprofessional, his presence at her little bubble was not right at all and did not help her purpose of staying away from him. She could have said so many things, but right now she didn't have the heart, not really.

"Sure" she spoke finally, stepping away from the door to let him in.

He stood awkwardly away from her, hands in his pockets. It was the first time they had seen each other outside the office, it wasn't the first time, however, that they had spoken about whatever was bothering them. They trusted each other, she was forever grateful for that, God knows how many time she had used his shoulder to cry on. It was the other way around this time thought.

"Are you alright?" She asked shyly.

"No, not really" he confessed, his eyes regained the sadness she had seen before. It broke her heart.

"Do you want to talk about it?" It was pointless to ask, she knew, but she wanted to make sure he really wanted to talk; she didn't want to push him.

He moved painfully slowly towards her couch, sitting hard on it, sighing heavily in the process. He was exhausted; tired of fighting and pretending everything was fine when in reality his life had been a complete and total lie.

"My life sucks" he breathed out, closing his eyes at the statement. He was sure she was going to deny it though it wasn't a question. His life, after all he knew now, was a total bull.

"What are you talking about?" She asked because she was truly confused by his words.

"I'm talking about how much everything sucks; all I've fought for, it was all for nothing"

"I don't understand where this is coming from. What happened?" She was certain this had something to do with Joe. As much as he cared about him, that man had created nothing but trouble. His presence made her feel uneasy.

"Shelburne happened" he spoke with anger, with resentment like he was choking inside with all his feelings.

"Shelburne?" She forgot how many times she had heard the same name; it had been hunting Steve ever since Wo Fat bought it up. She was tired of all the pain it had caused him.

"I've been wasting my time, my energy. I wasted my life, Kono. All for this" he rubbed his eyes harshly, the memories of his torture, his father's death, were hunting him all over again. He couldn't erase them no matter what he did. "I was tortured, almost killed by Wo Fat because of Shelburne...my father died because of it...I just..."

"Steve I don't understand. What's going on with Shelburne? Did something new happen that makes you feel like this?" She was desperate to know what was bothering him; she hated seeing him so broken.

"Mom" he whispered, the pain he felt on his chest, just before coming here had somehow come back.

"Your mom. What does she have to do with Shelburne?"

"My mom is Shelburne" he wanted to scream, to kick something hard, for the pain to leave his chest. He wanted to cry too. He was confused, he should be happy because his mother was alive but he couldn't, maybe later, in a couple of days, months even. Because all he felt right now was pure anger.

"Wh-what?" She was shocked, more than shocked, she was...confused maybe? She couldn't quite put her finger on it. Now she understood though where the anger and sadness was coming from. He had been mourning his mom's dead for years to now know she had been alive all this time.

"She was alive, all this time she had been alive" his head fell back against the couch, unable to breathe once again. God when did this desperation will end?

"I'm pretty sure she had her reason to do everything she did"

"Kono I was tortured because of Shelburne. My father was murdered, Mary was kidnapped. She had no right...we suffered for years. She had no right" he repeated over and over again, wiping the angry tears running down his cheeks. He hated everything. Everything he was feeling for his mother, he hated it all.

"Steve..." She came closer to him, their knees touching slightly. She reached for his hand because clearly there was nothing else she could possibly do to make him feel better; she just wanted to let him know she was there for him.

"I don't want to hate her" he whispered, tears running down his cheeks. He was breaking down in front of her, he had been holding himself together for too long now, he was exhausted "but it hurts. It hurts too much..."

Her arms wrapped around his shoulder when she saw he couldn't take it anymore, when his voice became a whisper and the tears no longer choked him. He was falling apart and it hurt her more than he could ever imagine.
He received her arms gratefully, thankful for the much needed contact. Some other time he would have felt embarrassed to look so weak in front of her, but today there was no time to pretend to be strong.

He cried. Cried like he had never cried before, sobs escaped his mouth with each one of Kono's arms wrapped harder around his body. She whispered comforting words over and over again, hushing the grief inside his heart.

He wanted to forget, to empty his mind of everything surrounding him. He wanted to feel something other than total and complete disappointment.

"Make me forget..." He whispered against her ear. The despair on his voice was so obvious but he didn't care, he just wanted to feel.

Her head moved away slowly, not quite sure she understood what he meant until she was facing him, until she saw his eyes and everything written in them.
If she said yes, if she agreed to all this, their entire relationship would take a complete twist. He didn't care though, it seems, and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Steve..."

"Please, I just want to forget..."

She couldn't stop his next move, her body was frozen by the time his lips touched hers. She could have pushed him away, slapped his face and forced him to leave, but God his lips felt so soft and warm upon hers she just couldn't help but kiss him back. Her mind kept telling her this was wrong, that he was her boss and being like this with him could be the biggest mistake ever. But her heart and body were telling her otherwise. She, for once, decided to listen to her heart.

"Love me" she whispered back, her lips nibbling his sensually. She moved slowly, sitting on his lap, hands wrapped around neck. She wanted this, she really did. Her heart beating hard inside her chest told her so.

She stared at the ceiling for what seemed to be hours, she just couldn't seem to sleep at all. Her mind was working rapidly, the memories of last night's events played constantly inside her head. She smiled despite herself and how wrong it was.

She could still feel his hand on her body, caressing her in the most sensual way. His lips licked and bit every space they could find sending her over the edge.

She looked at him, at his sleeping form next to her. He is lying on his stomach, one hand hugging the pillow and the other reaching for her barely.
He looked so peaceful, like there one weight less off his shoulder, there was nothing to worry about any more.

"Are you staring?" He whispered, his head still on the pillow and a smile creeping on his lips.

"No...Yes" she said smile of her own "I can't help it, you know? You do look kind of cute"

He shifted on the bed, lying on his side to watch her. She felt so exposed and even if there was no point in feeling nervous, she couldn't help the blush creeping on her cheeks.
She mimicked his movement, now face to face with him. He smiled once more, touching her face sweetly, she immediately moved closer, the need to feel his warmth again overwhelmed her.

"I know what I'm about to say is not what is supposed to be said in cases like this" he whispered, still caressing her face "but thank you, for everything. I mean...I didn't come here to do, you know? This. I just wanted to see you, and talk to you and..." He stopped talking, finding no words to explain how he really felt. He loved her, he always had, and he just didn't know exactly how to say it without making her feel uncomfortable.

"I know we didn't plan this but I don't regret it." She moved impossibly closer, the beating of his heart echoing with her own "I never will..."

He pulled her down against the mattress, she giggled as his lips kissed the pulse on her neck sending shivers once again down her spine , whispering in her ear

"Me neither. No regrets, ever"

She smiled contently while his hand did wonderful things to her body again.

She was happy she had listened to her heart for the first time in years. Even though it meant her relationship with her boss would change, she regretted nothing, she never would.

THE END!