AN: This is a WillowClan One-shot for the August Monthly Writing Challenge.
The prompt: "Sometimes, if you just take a step back, you can have a whole new perspective. Sometimes, if you leave, you might even decide to come back. And when you do, everything will be different."
I paw angrily at the mouse bile. It wasn't my fault! I think as I strike the bile repeatedly.
"Smokepaw?" I turn my head around, still continuing to paw at the bile. The medicine cat, Dewbreeze, is looking at me with her head tilted to the side.
"What." I stop pawing and stare at Dewbreeze, waiting for her to speak.
Dewbreeze looks at me with kind eyes. "The elders are ready for you to remove their ticks, per request from Brackenstar. He didn't tell me all the details, but..."
"I was apparently at the scene of feeding rabbit droppings to Dapplefeather's kits." I reply dryly. "When in reality it was Redpaw. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time."
The medicine cat's eyes are full of understanding and pity. "Now, now, Smokepaw, you must understand that blaming others is not the right thing to do. What you need to do is embrace your punishment and know not to do wrong again. And Redpaw is Brackenstar's son! Why would he do that?"
"Of course, 'cause Redpaw is Brackenstar's son." I repeat smugly, hooking the mouse bile underneath my claws. "And I'm a former rogue, so I get the punishment. I know you Clanborn cats - not wanting to taint your pure, beautiful blood. Instead, you leave the foul blood to do your dirty work."
Shock is the only thing I can see in Dewbreeze's eyes as she stares at me, mouth wide open. "Smokepaw!" she exclaims. "You know that is not why you are getting your punishment, right? If I have to go talk to Brackenstar about this behavior..."
"Sure, go talk to Brackenstar. See if I care." I carelessly throw the mouse bile and watch as it lands with a light "thump". "Maybe I'll get a moon's worth of un-ticking the elders. Just so the other Clanborn apprentices can focus on their training."
"That is it!" The neck fur on Dewbreeze has fluffed up, and her eyes, once kind, have now hardened. "I don't know where this sudden attitude came from! Just go and remove the elders' ticks, and we'll talk about this later. With Brackenstar."
Oblivious to her threats, I pick up the mouse bile with my jaws and pad past her, not once looking her in the eye. Nothing I say will ever change their minds, I think as I walk through the clearing, head held high with the mouse bile clamped tightly in my jaws. I'm always that rogue that appeared last leaf-bare. I can clearly remember that day.
It was cold. Of course, leaf-bare is always cold, but this leaf-bare, it was cold. I was starving. I had not eaten for days. My pelt clung to my figure, showing off my bones. I had heard of cats who lived in the forest. They always had food, apparently, and they would never let any cat starve. So different from my rogue group. Sure, we called ourselves a 'group', but we really just cared for ourselves. It was really no different than living by yourself, it's just that we traveled together.
Compared to my rogue group, the cats that lived in the forest seemed like a dream. A dream, too good to be true. But this time, the dream was true. I believed that if I joined these cats, all my problems would disappear. Never did I know that the cats here were prejudice to cats outside of the Clans.
As I walk through camp, snickers rise up behind me. I look behind me and see Redpaw and his little clique, Fawnpaw and Darkpaw.
"Look at Dirtpaw! Looks like his bad attitude got him a little tick work!" I try to ignore their taunts, but inside it hurts to know that I am not accepted.
Redpaw and his clique have been teasing me ever since I arrived. They don't let me forget that I was once a rogue. They were all denmates when they were little, and they're all Clanborn. Everyone in this Clan can see Redpaw becoming the leader, Darkpaw becoming his deputy, and Fawnpaw becoming his mate. There's no denying the connection Redpaw and Fawnpaw have. The elders have high hopes in them. Last time I heard they were betting how many kits they would have.
The elders would never bet for a relationship between Fawnpaw and I...
"I should tell Brackenstar to keep him away from the kits. Dirtpaw's too dangerous and might feed them rabbit droppings." I've had enough. This life - living as a former rogue and trying to fit in - is not working. I'm not happy here, and there's no point in trying when I don't receive any respect. I turn around and let the mouse bile fall out of my mouth.
"I'm leaving." I say, straight to their faces. They look at me with awe, mouths open with shock. Fawnpaw looks at me with wide, amber eyes that just makes my heart melt and almost makes me want to stay. No. My mind has firmly decided what I will do, and it has decided for me to leave this Clan and rejoin my rogue group. At least I was respected.
"What? What do you mean you're leaving?" Fawnpaw squeaks. Redpaw and Darkpaw have managed to recover from their shock and now they have both put on smirks.
Redpaw looks at Fawnpaw. "Don't tell me you actually care. I could care less. Honestly, I'm happy that Dirtpaw's leaving. Makes me feel more safe now that I know the kits won't be tricked." My fur bristles, but I force it to stay flat. You can't show him that he's gotten to you.
"I heard someone's leaving?" Brackenstar pads up to us, his tail held high behind.
"Dir-Smokepaw is leaving, Dad." Redpaw says, sitting up straight and puffing out his chest. Brackenstar pays no attention and looks at me with concern. "What do you mean you're leaving?" he inquires.
I conjure all the authority I can muster into my voice, and say, "Yes, Brackenstar. I have decided to leave."
Brackenstar tilts his head to the side. "But don't you feel happy here?"
I struggle to blurt out the truth. "Yes, I do feel happy. But now..." My voice wavers as the truth threatens to sneak out of my mouth. I manage to swallow it down and look Brackenstar straight in the eye. "I feel that urge to explore more of this world. While I am so..." I grit my teeth as I lie once more. "...grateful for your Clan's kind hospitality, it is my time to go." I almost collapse with relief, but I catch myself before it happens.
He lets out a huge sigh. "Very well. You may go." I turn around and pad towards the exit. When I am halfway through the thorn barrier, I hear, "May StarClan light your path." The voice is faint, but I am positive it is Fawnpaw. My heart blossoms with happiness as I leave my nightmare and enter a world of curiosity, danger, and wilderness.
I am nosing my way through the brambles when finally, I find them. Their scent, as strong as ever, is now sharp and tangy against my tongue. I step out into the open and look at the two cats, one brown, one black, that stand beyond me. both eating their prey. both unaware of my arrival.
My rogue group. The very one I left that cold leaf-bare. I guess you could call it ironic that I am back.
I clear my throat and the two cats immediately freeze, unsheathe their claws, and look at me.
"Momo, Zaq, pleased to see you again. You've been well?" I say smoothly, not wanting to show the anxiety bubbling inside of me.
The black she-cat, Momo, ignores my question and chooses to bare her teeth. Zaq does the same, looking at me with hostility. I can already tell that coming back here will not be as easy as I thought.
"Why are you here, Smoke?" Momo sneers, referring to me by my rogue name. "Clan life not comforting enough?"
I lift my head. "No, Momo, I've come back because I wanted to."
"Well, you're not welcome." Zaq interferes, swiveling his tail between his legs. "Smoke is your name, right? Unless the Clan cats changed your name into something a lot more ridiculous." My tail has started to twitch with anger, but I force it to stay still. I don't want to pick a fight with Momo and Zaq.
"And why, may I ask, am I not welcome?" I mew, looking at Momo and she begins to circle around me.
Momo stops moving and looks at me incredulously. "You left us!" she spits. "Left to explore a brand new life filled with food, comfort, and warmth! You were selfish enough to not even think of us, to not think of your home. It was all you, you, you!"
"I'm...sorry?" I meow, shocked at how much hatred they hold for me. Did I really cause all of that hurt, all of that pain, just for my dreams?
Zaq unsheathes his claws. "Leave." he growls. I stare at him, shifting my gaze to Momo's. "W-what?" I stammer, taken aback.
"Leave." Momo says in a much quieter voice. "Are you kidding me?" I say, looking from Momo to Zaq. "Don't you need me?"
"You've been replaced." Zaq says throatily. Time seems to freeze as their words slowly start to sink in. Just then, a gray cat steps out into the open. Its sharp green eyes look straight at me, piercing me in the heart.
"Meet your replacement." Momo's eyes are glittering as she watches the horror enter my face. No one cares for me here. I think as I watch the gray cat elegantly flick his tail. Not like in the Clan, where Dewbreeze always looked out for me, or when Brackenstar was concerned about me, or when Fawnpaw wished me good luck on my journey. And it's now that I realize that no matter how much I hated living there, with Redpaw and his clique, it is my home.
The gray cat steps toward me. I instantly take a step back, repulsed by the smell of crow-food this strange cat brings.
"I'm Jeaux," The cat's voice is smooth and tender. "Pronounced, "Joe", spelled J-E-A-U-X." I look at Jeaux and shake my head.
"Something wrong, Smoke?" Momo says in a sweet voice. My gaze locks onto Momo's. "Yeah. I just realized that I came to the wrong place. I thought I was going to a group of cats, not a group of crow-food."
Momo hisses. "Never come back, traitor." I turn around and plunge back into the forest, now knowing what I really want.
I pad warily towards the thorn barrier. I don't know what kind of welcoming I will receive, but surely it will be better than the one Momo and Zaq gave me.
I take a step in, ready to return home, but I stop. Is this really what I want? To live in that world again?
Hesitantly, I step back. Maybe I do belong in the forest. It is clear that nobody wants me there at camp.
I go through my thoughts, trying so hard to make a decision - to return home, or walk away.
As the sun rises high into the sky, I know. It's time.
With my head lifted up, and confidence in my steps, I walk into the Clan camp, not knowing what to expect.
The first thing I spot is Fawnpaw choosing a sparrow from the fresh-kill pile. As she turns around to take it to the stump, where Redpaw and Darkpaw are, she halts and stares as I walk into the camp. She drops her prey and runs up to me.
"Smokepaw!" she meows, breathless. "You came back!" My heart explodes as she rests her muzzle on my shoulder.
"Is that Smokepaw?" I turn around to see Dewbreeze padding into camp, her mouth full with herbs.
Fawnpaw nods enthusiastically. "Yes! He came back! See," she turns her head to Redpaw and Darkpaw. "I told you he would come back. It seems that I have won the bet. More fresh-kill for me!" Redpaw lets out a snort.
"He probably got too scared of the woods. Just admit it, Dirtpaw. You're a scaredy cat." Redpaw and Darkpaw both let out a mrrrow of amusement.
"Redpaw!" I turn my head to see Brackenstar padding towards his son. His eyes, usually warm, are now stern and cold. "I just got word from Dapplefeather's kits. They told me that you were the one that fed them those rabbit droppings! How dare you do that! Ruining the family reputation!"
The cocky apprentice's eyes are filled with shock and terror. "I-I didn't mean to, Dad. I..."
"And apparently you also teased Smokepaw! And he was also blamed for the wrong thing...what have I done." Brackenstar sits down and sighs, looking down at his paws.
"But, Smokepaw came back!" Fawnpaw pipes up. Brackenstar looks up and stares at me. "Smokepaw," he murmurs. "I'm so sorry-"
"It's fine." I cut his words. "I left because I thought I could live a life better than this. Instead, I was wrong. This is my home, and this is where I was destined to live and die."
Brackenstar blinks at me. "Well said. You certainly are much more wise than I thought. Never will we underestimate you again or look down on you just because you were a rogue. From now on, you will be known as Smokestorm. Every cat in this Clan will respect you from this day on. May StarClan give you a strong and happy life."
I am in awe as Brackenstar stands up and walks toward me. I close my eyes as he rests his muzzle on my head. It seems so crazy that just this morning, I was still Smokepaw, the former rogue, the one who no one respected, the one who was teased.
But now, I am Smokestorm, the wise one, the respected, a warrior.