I still think about her…

I guess… I still love her

She may have been even more alone then I was

… I miss her

- "Poison Ivy"

"Mother"

...

Another aggravating hour had ticked away and still Marik couldn't get to sleep. All manner of tossing and turning, flipping his pillow again and again, and throwing off the blankets just to pull them back up - useless.

From the kitchen, a small stove light provided a dim glow that spilled into his room through the open door. It wasn't too dark, or too light - but he just couldn't get to sleep.

'Ugh! Why!' he thought to himself. He huffed and flipped onto his back again, letting his arm fall carelessly beside him. Was there anything more annoying than this kind of situation? Not right now, there wasn't.

A shadow passed over him and he quickly raised his head, catching the end of a brown robe slipping out of sight. Marik sat up and gave the doorway a peculiar look. He waited, listening for the sound of the sink or the fridge, or even the tv to tell him why someone else would be up at this hour. But there was nothing.

Marik got out of bed and went to the hall. He looked to see both his siblings' doors were just open enough to hear through. He turned toward the living room, and saw the robe disappear around a corner again. Marik followed, pausing at the hall's end.

The person stood facing away from him, a hood hiding the head and face from sight. They stood silently, looking at the mantle where collected photographs of all the Ishtar children were presented in multiple frames. Marik cocked his head, thinking. Another moment went by, then another. The figure moved closer to the wall, but still made no sound. It wasn't Odion's robes. And the stride was careful. Graceful.

Marik moved into the room.

"Ishizu?"

The woman didn't turn around but continued to look at the photos. Marik took a couple of steps closer and opened his mouth to call again - then stopped. She did turn around, looking back at him over her shoulder. Her eyes glistened and she smiled fondly at him. A frown of confusion formed on Marik's brow as he stared at her. It looked like Ishizu but… her eyes were definitely not green.

"Marik?"

The blonde looked back. Ishizu was walking toward him from her room.

'Then who…?' Marik turned back to the woman. She was gone.

"What are you doing up?" Ishizu asked quietly. Marik looked back at her, then toward the mantle again, speechless.

...

The next day was like any other, though Marik said nothing about what he'd seen.

That evening however, Ishizu heard lowered voices as she passed by her brother's door.

"You don't ever talk about her," Marik way saying.

It was ajar, and through it she saw Marik seated on his bed, with Odion kneeling just in front of him on the floor…

"No."

"But you remember her," Marik said solemnly, "Don't you?"

Odion sat quietly, eyes running over his younger brother's face. "Yes."

Marik didn't look at him and instead chose to tug at a loose string in the quilt. "What was she like?" he asked slowly.

"Very motherly."

Marik winced, "I don't know what that means, Odion."

"She was kind-hearted. And protective. She was calm and reasonable. She made you feel safe and loved."

Marik's body went rigid as Odion spoke, his eyes burning a hole into the rug. "And then I came along."

Odion sat stunned, mouth open, staring at his brother. Marik finally raised his eyes, showing nothing but guilt and hurt. "That's it isn't it?"

"Master Marik -" Odion whispered.

"You had all of that. The exact opposite of that bastard we were stuck with. You had someone who loved you and looked out for you. Who made you happy," Marik's fists tightened on the blankets, "And then I came and took her away from you."

"D-don't say that, Master," Odion said. He placed his hand over Marik's but the blonde pulled away.

"It's because of me she's gone."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Of course it was! What do you think killed her, Odion!" Marik shut his eyes tight as his voice cracked. Odion looked over as Ishizu opened the door further, looking alarmed.

"If it hadn't been for me, you and Ishizu would still have her! She'd still be here now!"

"Marik!" Ishizu said, horrified. Marik flinched at the sound of her voice.

"It wasn't your fault, Master," Odion insisted again. "There was nothing to be done about it. It just…" he trailed off, not sure how to explain. Marik looked at him expectantly. "It just…happened."

Marik shook his head and stared at the floor again. "But why? What was wrong with me? Ishizu was born without killing her, why did I have to make her die?"

"Stop it!" Ishizu rushed over and sat beside him, taking a firm hold of his arms. "Marik you mustn't say such things!"

"It isn't fair!" Marik yelled, trying to pull away. "I'll never know what it was like to have a mother! And you and Odion loved her and you'll never see her again! Because of me!"

Odion exchanged a helpless look with Ishizu before placing his hands on Marik's knees, "Master, please."

Marik lowered his voice but sounded no closer to calm, "If I hadn't been born, you would've been made into a real tomb keeper and not a servant, Odion. You would have gotten what you wanted, and you both would've had a mother to love you -" His voice broke and his body shook. Ishizu lowered her head and placed a hand to his golden hair, trying to get him to look at her. And then his angry expression finally cracked into one of heartbreak. He hunched up his shoulders as the first sob shook his body, and didn't resist as his sister wrapped her arms tightly around him.

"Oh, Marik," Ishizu said sadly, holding him to her. She looked down at Odion; his own face looked tormented at seeing his little brother like this. Marik leaned into Ishizu, unable to stop the tears he'd been holding back all his life. The tears for the mother he would never know, and the guilt and self-hate that came with them.

"I'm sorry," Marik whimpered; Ishizu winced and placed her hand over his head again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I didn't mean to kill her." Heavier sobs came with his words as he clung to his sister's robes like a small child. "I'm so sorry."

He vaguely felt more weight on the bed and then Odion's great arms wrapped around him from behind, hugging him close.

"We don't blame you, Marik," Ishizu said in a hushed voice. "We never blamed you."

"Never," Odion said into his brother's back.

Marik shook his head as he continued to cry.

"You're our brother Marik, we love you," Ishizu said, brushing back his hair to give him a kiss. She leaned her head against his for a moment, trying to keep her own emotions under control, before whispering to him, "Marik, I have never once regretted the day you were born. You and Odion are the most precious things in the world to me, I would never give you up for anything."

Odion carefully rubbed his hand along Marik's shoulder and back, remembering the scars and thinking of all the ones his brother must have carried with them that weren't even visible. It was too much for anyone to bear alone, and especially at such a young age. Odion leaned forward and said through Marik's sobs, "And neither would she."

Marik hiccuped and wiped at his eyes, before wrapping both arms around his sister again. Fresh tears continued to fall down his reddening cheeks, but he quieted down as his older brother spoke.

"Do you know what her last words were to me, Master?" Odion glanced at Ishizu, who looked uncertain but didn't stop him. "She told me it was alright, and had me promise to look after you both. She wasn't sad, Master Marik. In her last moment… she was smiling."

Ishizu's eyes glistened and she took a breath to steady herself, still leaning her head on Marik's. The youngest Ishtar finally opened his sad, bleary eyes to look vacantly at the floor, sniffling. Odion gave his shoulder a loving squeeze, "I don't believe she would've asked for such a thing if she did not care for you… my brother."

Marik looked sidelong at him, the corners of his mouth still pulled back in a closed, weepy manner.

"What I saw," Odion continued, "- was that she was happy to give her life to you, her son. Her true son. She would not want you to spend that life regretting ever being born."

"That's right," Ishizu whispered. "She would want you to live happy and free of our family's burdens. All of us."

Marik sighed deeply but said nothing. He wrapped one arm around Odion's and closed his eyes again, letting the rest of his tears fall. Many moments crept by with the three siblings embracing one another without any words. And finally, just when the others thought Marik had drifted off to sleep, he tightened his arms around them and murmured, "I don't know what I ever did to deserve you both, but I wouldn't trade either of you for all the riches in the world."

Afterword…

That night Marik dreamed again. Not his common nightmares, but a gentle, relaxed dream. One that seemed all too real. He lay on his side, half turned onto his back, strangely conscious of how comfortable his bed was beneath him. His whole body felt weighted down with exhaustion, while his mind seemed anxious to sleep but somehow couldn't. A small rush of air moved over him, so soft he barely felt it - and he became aware of someone near him. But for the first time, he felt no fear or worry for it at all. Somewhere, in the deepest depths of his mind, he knew who it was. He could almost imagine a charming, aromatic blend of oil and incense; and he could almost feel the careful movement of someone sitting next to him. Marik tried to open his eyes. They felt so heavy. He wanted to sleep but, more so, he wanted to see her. He opened them again, succeeding only half way.

The faintest difference in color made up the layers of her robe; shaping her form that sat upon the edge of his bed. Further up, the cloth wrapped about her chest, showing her shoulders were faced toward him. Marik closed his eyes and opened them again. The cloth continued up and over her head, forming the traditional hood he'd seen before. Her face… He could barely make out the details. His eyes urged him to go to sleep, but he fought against them, struggling to see. As before, her skin and hair resembled Ishizu's. But her eyes… her eyes resembled the vibrant color of the sand outside their tomb. The sand he'd waited so long to run outside to. The sand that spread out as far as he had ever seen, and promised to lead him to new lands… Showing him a better future… All in her eyes.

Marik's hazy thoughts hinted to him: 'if I could have only had her too… Could have looked into her eyes every day like my brother had, I'd have seen a better future ahead. That desperate longing to escape might have been dulled if I could have just…' Marik's breath shuddered. She smiled at him.

An indescribably touching smile, one that could only come from…

"Mother..?" Marik murmured in a weak voice.

She leaned forward, hand brushing against his cheek. He didn't know if the fragile sensation was real or imagined, but he clung to it as desperately as his mind would allow him.

"My precious boy," she said in the softest whisper.

Marik opened his mouth to speak, tried to turn over and see her directly, but she leaned in closer.

"Shhh... Rest, my son."

He tried to hear what her voice was like, but it was so light. So quiet. And yet very clear.

"Put peace on your mind… You are my treasured joy." Her eyes all but sparkled with pride and adoration. Then they closed as she kissed Marik's forehead.

Marik closed his eyes too, doing everything he could to savor her closeness. The sight, the sound, the scent of her - all mere hints of a supposed vision of someone who once was. And still, it was everything he'd craved since his earliest memories. Now he cherished it, kept it all tucked safely in the place his guilt and shame had been for so long. The place that now felt warmer…filled. Finally, his mind let him rest.

...

AN: Found this in my folder. I meant to post it at least two years ago, but I didn't have it ready for Mother's Day like I wanted. Sadly, there were a few gaps in my notes and, since this was written almost entirely back then, I couldn't remember what I had planned to fill those gaps with. So I tried to make this flow together as best I could. Hope you like it :)