Note: Oh boy, I will probably get murdered for this but...... this is just for the fans that actually have a sense of humor. If not, then please don't sharpen the knives too much :(
Bella Swan's adventure
Once upon a sparkly time there was this emo girl that wouldn't be alive if it weren't for the man of her life. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. The One. And Only.....
MR. SPARKLYPANTS A.K.A IWATCHYOUSLEEPforthelulzTYPEPERSON
Or you can just call him Edward. It wouldn't really make a difference though ._. SO anyway Bella Swan was walking in a beautiful park with her peanut sidekick on her head.
" OMG! I'm in a park!" Our most intelligent Bella said
" LOLOLOLOLOLOLO" the peanut said, jumping around
But then, Jacob came out of nowhere from a fountain with a LeapFrog.
" I WANT YOUR BABIES!" Jacob squealed, putting his hands on Bella's stomach.
" OMG I can't defend myself so I'll just have to scream for help until a random Gary Stu appears out of nowhere to help my pale ass!"Bella said
But then, a taco shoe laced model came out of nowhere and started making balloons.
" PUDDING PUDDING PUDDING PUDDING PUDDING PUDDING PUDDING" Edward rapped, complete with a sparkly hat and 300 gold chains of doom.
Feebie the jeebie was very proud and started crying. Bugs Bunny headbanged to the sensational rap OF DOOM. Omg he made brownies and put them to his Gamecube. LolOLOLOLOLOL
" AHHHHHHHHHHH" Bella screamed ( notice how I didn't put any exclamation marks there, because that's how boring the characters are :D)
" OMG YOU INSULTED TWILIGHT HOW COULD YOU!" A fan screamed, strapping the freaking author to a freaking chair.
" Owner of the lonely hearts!" Pitusa said
" That's it! I don't want this stupid job! I will be..... I will be...... I WILL BE!" Jacob said in agony(lol)
POOF!
He turned into a magical ballerina with angel wings on his butt with a magic wand and makeup.
" A PEDOPHILE~~~~!"
" CAN YOU FEEL THE POWER OF THE NIGHT!" A Jamaican toucan sang
" It's when your HEEEEAAAAAARRRRTTT gets brooookeeeeen!" Raped Bella sang
" OWWWwwwOOOwwhhoOOOWWHWOWHWOWHWOWHo" Gangsta Edward sang, making a tidal wave
One day, Bella was picking a banana from her raspaculamiento. When suddenly, she heard a noise from the bushes.
" Oh My! There must be some kind o' strange little kitten that went ova here to make things toast!" Bella said, with Spongebob Squarepants eyes.
Then Alice came out of the bushes, with twigs in her hair (:D) then calmly said
" Bella, I need to tell you something, something important...."
" SHHHHH! I'm WATCHING THE TELETUBBIES STFU!" Bella screeched, sucking on her thumb
" B-But Bella...."
" GO AWAY I HATE YOU YOU'RE NOTHING TO ME WWAAAAAAAAHH I'M GONNA CRYYYY!"
" I never thought you felt that way. Oh well.... I guess I'll just.... leave"
Alice left. With angsty tears in her eyes, she sighed and walked to Burger King.
" OMG How was that, Kool Aid!" Bella said, apparently talking in her Bluetooth earphone. (OH MY PEAS! She didn't notice Alice at all! That means she was just talking to Kool Aid if she could get the part as Bella in Twilight! Is she going to notice? Is Alice going emo? * GASP! * Is this story actually coming up with a plotline? WRONG!)
Rings of lemonade swirled across the blue ocean, the captivating fireflies shined with the light. The only one who can save the world..... is MANGOOSE!
" Bow wow chika bow wow chika chika chika bow wow chika bow wow!" Edward falsely beatboxed
" GO WITH IT NOW!" Bella screamed, apparently singing " Bulls on parade" by Rage against the machine O_O Scary mental image.
" Las sopas de letras van asi, van asi!" A random teacher said
Just then, a kid name Cucu Polo was eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes. He carelessly threw one in the air AND IT TURNED INTO A HUGE SUGAR METEOR!
" Oh no! We're screwed!" A bowl of pasta said
" Mamma Mia!" Mario potato said
" DAMN YOU CUCU POLO!" everyone said
" Where's my Pop Tarts!" Amanda said
" Where's Waldo!" Cuchilla amargada said
Everyone looked up, then saw Waldo on top of the sugar meteor, swinging his cowboy hat in the air.
" OH SHIT" everyone shouted at the same time
" Yay! Now children, time to go with uncle Jacob!" Jacob(duh) said, holding the children's hands( bad use for grammar lol)
" But where are we going, uncle Jacob?" One of the kids said
" We're going to DISNEY LAND! Where the children stay fresh....... heheheheheh" Jacob smirked, PEDO SMIRK THAT IS!
And so, the children grew wings and flew with Jacob to Disney Land, where they had epic pedo buttsmex all year. Yay
" You know what? I'm gonna be the REAL me, dawg!" Edward said, taking his bling bling off.
" Yo! What's the hold up, dawg?" Kareoke machine said
" Sorry, brotha from another motha, but I really am...... A SPARKLY GAY VAMPIRE!"
" Say Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...?" Then the kareoke machine exploded.
" Yes. And I will rightfully make the the right decision now..."
But then the count from Sesame Street beat the crap out of Edward, leaving a mountain of sparkly ashes.
" COUNT THAT, BITCH!" The Count said
" Hamsters are what ghetto pregnant whistle cleaners need to have...... TO RAPE RAKES! EVERYBODY NOW!" Mary Poppins shouted, grabbing her rake, ready to rumble.
Everybody was raping rakes while a guy with glasses was running in his underwear in a gasoline station...and close to the gasoline station, there was a Burger King... and IN the Burger King, there was Alice! :D
" Mph, I guess she really doesn't want to see me anymore...." Alice said, looking down at her cup of coffee( lol)
" COME ON AND FLY THAT'S OLD, LET ME SEE THAT TOOTSIE ROLL!" An ostrich shouted, flapping it's wings to the music
" YEAH, 1994! 69 BOYZ JACK JACKED BY THE QUARANTINE, DJ, ONE TOM!" A skinny spaghetti with an Ash Ketchum hat shouted along
" COTTON CANDY, FREETOS YO! LET ME SEE THAT TOOTSIE ROLL!" Albequerque said
" Damn, I gotta get outta here!" Alice said, leaving Burger King
But then, a homeless man came up to her and asked:
" GOT aNy XboX LiVe PoINTs lulzlulz D:?"
" Um, I don't understand your language"
" POPEYES IS MY MAN" then he exploded
" The world's getting wackier every second. I gotta go home!" Then she ran off
A chicken was playing with a hippo's vocal chords while Chuckie from Rugrats was singing death metal.
A flying Pop Tart was flying and it landed on a stick figure's foot.
" Wow! It must be my lucky day!" the stick figure said, picking the Pop Tart up and attempting to take a bite out of it.
" PUT THAT POP TART DOWN!" Amanda screamed, pointing at him
" Oh, sorry little miss. I-I can buy you another one!"
" RAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRRR!"
" What the...?"
Amanda turned into the Devil Lady and chomped the stick figure's head off. Isn't THAT COOOOooooOlL11?
So yeah, there was like, this cucumber called Goyi, and like, he was sooooooo cooooool. Oh my gawd I'm gonna like, kill myself now.
Bella was running through the city, finding her lost dead puppy. She searched and she searched and she climbed up the wall, and then she started to fly, in a diva! 0_o
" I'm not a cat!" A cat said
FUTURE REVIEWS FOR THIS STORY:
" Omg you're soo annoying! Ugh!"
" HOW COULD YOU TREAT EDWARD KINS LIKE THAT?"
" I dunno lulz"
" Your grammar makes as much sense as this story. Good day"
" RAASARDTATYAUVOUGIOGUAOUGAOUGIAUGDIOAGOADHOADOd!"
" OMG Jacob is SOOOO not a Pedo! And not all Twilight fans are like that!" ( oh, the irony)
But then, the author of this story will hear a knock on her door and see the lovely angry mob of Twilight fans with pitchforks. Great
The sugar meteor was closing in on Earth, and everyone was still raping their rakes. Alice was in her room agonizing, Jacob was "busy" with one of his children friends, Edward was still sparkly ashes and Bella was taking an old woman's nosehair into custody.
The world seems to be screwed, but wait.... is that.... a....... hero?
" KYAAAAAAAAAA!" Hannah Montana screeched, with a huge sword in her hands flying into the direction of the sugar meteor.
" What the....?" Balloon said
" I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS STUPID MOTHER%%&^%* ADVENTURE STORIES!" Hannah screamed, still in mid air
But just as she was going to destroy the meteor and save humanity, the rules staff paused the story and said to Hannah:
" Hannah, you can't be in this story, you're already copyrighted to Hannah Montana's adventure inc., remember?"
" BUT WHAT THE HELL I WAS GOING TO SAVE THESE USELESS SCUMBAGS AND END THE ADVENTURE SERIES FOR GOOD!"
" But you are still from another story. Furthermore, you must be deleted from this story and brought back to your crappy Hannah Montana's adventures series"
" Well, at least it's better than THIS one!"
" True. But rules are rules, good bye Hannah"
" SHI-"
And so, Hannah Montana was deleted from the story and the meteor is still going to destroy the world :P
" That's it! I'm gonna run up and tell her!" Alice shouted to herself, putting on her coat and running off
OOGLY EYES OOGLY EYES NOSERING
Le dadadadadaadaaadadadada
Bella found Edward on the street, crying soooo much.
" OH MAH GAWD EDWARD WHYYYYYY!" Bella sobbed, hugging the little mountain of sparkly ashes
" Don't worry Bella, I'm still alive" Edward grumbled
" OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG MY GARY STU! YOU'RE ALIVE!"
" Yes *cough * Now, Bella, the only way to save the world is to..... buy me a sandwich from Subway......."
" YES HONEY I'LL DO JUST THAT DON'T YOU WORRY BABYYY~~~~!"
" Heh. Thanks......"
Bella ran to the nearest Subway, but then got hit by a huge truck D:
" Oh no! I'm too late!" Alice said, gasping in horror( lol how can you do that)
Alice ran to where Bella was, lying on the street heavily bruised. The people around them were mostly Sesame Street puppets, staring at all the blood. ( GET JASPER THE F&*& OUTTA HERE) Alice was holding Bella, checking her breathing( NACHOS)
" Bella you can't die! I-I...l-l-lo-ve... y-you...!"
HOLY FISHSTICKS
Everyone's head exploded, then these two random mechas started fighting for no reason whatsoever.
" Bella.." Alice said, trying to FREAKING WAKE HER UP!
" A-Alice..." Bella lowly muttered, eyes still closed
The two mechas kept fighting, and one of them had a typical hero type dude that kept screaming for no reason. How odd.
But then Alice slowly leaned into Bella's face in a slow motion like movement ( NACHOS) while the dude kept screaming. One second, it showed the mechas fighting, the other Alice getting closer to Bella.
" Happy Birthday" Alice whispered before starting a make out session with Bella
" AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" the dude screamed, never seeming to shut up :| By the way, if you say the reference from where this scene is from, I give you 1,000,000 dollars
" HOLE SHYET THE METEOOUUURRR!" A statue said, pointing to the sky.
But then it turns out that the meteor was none other than Kermit the frog.
" OMG WTF!" Everyone said
" Uh, yes I'm here to look for an overly dramatic lesbian angst story" Kermit said
Alice and Bella were still making out as Kermit turned his head over them and shouted:
" Hey, you two! How would you lovely ladies like to star on the L Word season 6?"
" Uh, I'm not sure. Bella, would you..?" Alice asked
" Of course I would! I can't wait for the mindblowing smex scenes with Edward kins!"
" W-What! But I thought that......"
" Oh, you? Nah, I just imagined when we were making out, that you were Edward kins~~~~!"
" …..."
" Uh, I'll just leave you two. It seems too complicated... Maybe I'll go visit Japan or something...." Kermit said
The drumsticks made a granny perfumed crocodile, and waffles were still awesome.
" You know what? I was a fool, I was a mother&^**% fool to even LIKE you in the first place!" Alice said, letting go of Bella.
" Aw come on, you can still work like my vibrator when Edward's not home!" Bella said ( NACHOS)
" F%&^% YOU! I hate you now! I hope you live a long happy life with my emo brother. Good Bye!" Alice said angrily, standing up and walking back to her home.
" Hmmph. Edward kins is NOT emo at all! I still have to buy him that sandwich though...." Bella muttered, standing up.
But when Bella saw Edward, she could not believe her eyes, he was actually talking to three other girls! OMG
" EDWARD KINS! WHAT THE HELL!" Bella screeched
" Oh! Sorry Bella sweetie, but these girls have the Verizon Wireless map!" Edward said, suprisingly he's still a mountain of sparkly ashes ._.
" WHAT WHAT WHAT!"
" BABY BABY OOHH LIKE, BABY BABY BAY OHHHHHHH!" Jacob sang
But then Alice appeared in a spaceship and destroyed the world. And yes, Froot Loops are good. Very good.
THE END
Wow, I'm practically digging my own grave here aren't I? ._. Oh well, again, I DON'T own these characters bla blah blah. All I own is Amanda the Pop Tart eater. ha.