Title: What They Thought

Date: July 8, 2011

Author: BookCaseGirl

Summary: Literati. The thoughts of Jess and Rory in various important scenes throughout the series, from season two's the Bracebridge Dinner to the tail end of season three.

Author's Note: Okay, this is my first time going into the world of Gilmore Girls fanfiction, and especially Literati. I've been enchanted by the world of Stars Hollow for about four years, and have recently become re-obsessed, again, especially with Rory/Jess. I also haven't written in a while, so in a way, this is my...reintroduction to fanfiction all together, I guess? I hope everyone enjoys! Also, before I forget, I have to thank Lauren for cheering me on. This monster of an opening chapter is for her :)

Episode/Scene(s): 2x10 – 'The Bracebridge Dinner': The sleigh-ride – Rory and Jess get to know one another a bit more

The Waging War

Rory watched as the last couple, who'd been in front of her, climbed up into their sleigh and went off into the brisk, cool winter night. She pulled her coat tighter around her and gazed at the empty carriage being pulled toward her by a majestic, proud-looking white horse. The man driving the sleigh gave her a small, polite smile and she climbed up into the seat.

She couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness that was creeping over her as she pulled the blanket over her legs. While Rory understood the great relationship Dean had with his sister (great in the sense that if he didn't do what Clara wanted, his mother would hear about it and keep him from seeing Rory), she still had been a bit scorned when he allowed himself to be dragged off by Clara, rather than be a bit more firm.

But still, she understood. Relationships were about compromise, and this was one of the times where she had to do so in order to keep the teeter totter of her and Dean even and balanced. And, she understood because she was Rory; Rory, who certainly did not go about acting like a petulant five-year-old jealous of her boyfriend's younger sister and feeling put out because he was being a good brother. Thus, she put the thought out of her mind, settling in and looking around at the snow covered trees surrounding the Inn.

"That it, Miss?" the kind-faced man at the front of the sleigh asked her.

"I guess I'm alone," she said back with a small content smile, further settling the blanket on her.

The started off down the trail. She enjoyed the soft put-put of the horse's hooves against the frozen-solid ground. That is, until her carriage was rustled not two minutes after the ride had begun. She jumped immediately, turning to meet the face of who she was sure must have been an axe-murderer who preferred to strike innocent girls in horse-pulled carriages in the middle of winter

Rory was not all that surprised, however, when she was face to face with Jess. Her heart still leapt though, and began to beat a little more rapidly the more he shifted in the seat. She channeled her irrational nervousness into anger – because despite the fact that she'd momentarily had an aneurism and forgotten, she was still mad at him for getting into a fight with Dean, her boyfriend whom she loved very dearly.

"What are you doing!" Her words were tinged with the venom of anger, and she glared at him. Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-ba-ba-ba-bump, went her heart. She silenced it with a few discreet deep breaths, trying her best to not have a panic attack on what should've been a relaxing evening.

And Jess just sat there, acting like it was normal for him to be leaping into a moving vehicle (granted, it was only going maybe five miles per hour), and shifting around to get comfortable.

"Weeeellll," he began, drawling slightly, "I heard it was two to a sleigh, no more no less." He gave Rory the faintest of smiles, starting her heart on its racing spree again. Why was her body being such a traitor to her? She loved Dean.

She felt nothing for Jess. Except for, at this moment in time, an annoyance which grew greater and greater by the second. Or at least if there was something there at all (for reasons she couldn't even fathom in the least), she needed to suppress it. She was being weak, letting these random, out-of-the-blue things like a racing heart get to her, focusing on them. Soon she'd see Dean and then it would all be squared away once more.

"You were breakin' the rules," Jess waggled his finger at her playfully before reaching into his pocket to pull out his gloves. She shifted away from him, pressing into the side of the carriage almost painfully.

"You could've hurt yourself!" She scolded him. She turned away and rolled her eyes. Why did she care if he hurt himself?

She didn't know. But she did know that she did care, for some ungodly reason.

"I live on the edge," he quipped back at her, and for a moment she was drawn into the character of Jess Mariano – the crooked slope of his bottom lip turned up in a combination of smirk and smile, the playful glint in his eyes, the way his eyebrows expressed what the rest of his face did not. She stared a moment too long, in her opinion, and immediately looked away.

"I can jump out if you want," he suggested.

She could still feel his dark, dangerous eyes on her as she scowled and folded her arms, replying with a "Doesn't matter to me."

He furrowed his eyebrows at her response. "Are you mad at me or something?" he inquired nonchalantly as he put his gloves onto his freezing hands.

"What do you think?" she shot back, this time more weakly and quieter. She chanced a look in his direction and he turned to her. Their eyes met and a tingle spread through her – an unwelcome tingle that was likely resulting from the cold, or maybe her lack of liquid intake. She was probably starting to get a little dehydrated.

"I can't read your mind..." Jess replied. She let him have that one, even though he probably could if he really tried.

"You got into a fight with Dean," Rory grudgingly replied, arms still folded and hunched a little further, trying to look as put-off as possible, despite the fact that a small, sick, masochistic part of her actually got a thrill from sitting so near to Jess. From being so close to the curve of his lips, the strong lines of his jaw.

"Dean?" he questioned, playing dumb, and crinkling his eyebrows once again.

"My boyfriend!" Rory retorted, the message of 'you're not fooling me, I know you aren't an idiot' clearly implied in her tone.

"Ahhh," he replied, the vibrations of the word giving her the urge to shiver pleasurably. "He's still your boyfriend?"

"Okay, you can jump out now," Rory said, only half kidding. Truth be told, she did want him to jump out. She didn't like the person she became around him, even if it was a person who was locked inside of her, taunting her heart and brain. She wanted him to go so she could clear her head and focus on Dean like she should have been doing. She looked out the carriage on her side, trying to separate herself from him in every way possible.

He offered up an explanation instead. "I wasn't fighting him, I was fighting someone else. He jumped in on his own."

"He was trying to help you!"

"Well then, he should go into government service if he's so interested in helping people," He smirked at her, "but me, he can stop worrying about."

Curiosity suddenly got the best of Rory. "Why were you fighting, anyway?"

"'Cause Chuck Presby's a jerk," Jess said back.

"You were fighting Chuck Presby?" She was a tad disbelieving in her tone. Rory had to make sure he wasn't just trying to cover something up, and more importantly that same sick part of her that created the person she wasn't felt this odd need to trust the things he told her, always.

"Yeah," he murmured back, turning his attention to his right.

"Oh, he is a jerk," Rory agreed. Satisfied with his answer and explanation, she followed his gaze.

"This whole town is weird and full of jerks," he stated in an almost sing-song manner, laced with boredom.

"Then why are you still here?" Rory matched his tone, shaking her head slightly. She didn't like being grouped in with the rest of the town as a jerk, or weird for that matter – despite the fact that something inside of her said that though he didn't directly say it, he wasn't talking about her. She also didn't appreciate his negativity about a place that she had grown up in, a place she was quite fond of, and a place that had citizens who took her under their collective wing as the sweet child of the town.

"Whaddya mean?" he asked, meeting her eyes. She caught a sense of pure intrigue in his eyes, intrigue which had replaced the former playfulness he'd had. She felt her bitter tone disappear word by word when she responded. His eyes were weakening her against her will.

"I mean, school's out, and..." she suddenly felt stupid, and inadequate somehow. Still, she kept going with her own explanation of why he should have left. "You don't like it here, so why don't you just go home?"

He smirked at her once more, his lips curling up a bit more before falling down in a slightly serious frown.

"My mom didn't want me to." He looked straight ahead and she could tell he was being honest because she caught a rare hint of sadness and being let down in his voice. Plus, he was hiding his face from her, meaning he likely didn't want her to see the hurt in her eyes.

But wait, since when had she paid attention to these things? No, she didn't pay attention to them; maybe Jess was just an easy guy to read.

No...he's not, a nagging voice told her. She pushed it away angrily, trying to shove everything else that hinted at feelings for Jess down with it.

She couldn't do this. Imagine what Dean would think, her being on what would've been a romantic carriage ride, with Jess! Granted, Dean didn't know Jess, not the way she did. In fact, barely at all. But still. This was wrong. So wrong.

Rory wanted to give him some kind of comfort, or at the very least acknowledgment for the rather deep thing he had shared – deep for him anyway. "I don't believe that," she told him matter-of-factly. And honestly, she didn't. Because she knew him. He wasn't a bad kid, it was all some kind of an act to protect himself. Self-preservation. His mother couldn't have hated him that much to not want to see him over the holidays. No mother felt that way about their child.

"That's your right I guess," Jess said.

"Did Luke say she didn't want you to?"

A minuscule smile formed on his lips before he responded, a smile that said 'you're so naïve.' She resented that, but again, pushed the feeling down. "Luke told me that it was his idea that I should stay," he said. Jess said this in a tone unfamiliar to Rory – one that was almost mocking Luke, making fun of the way his care-giver was trying to shield him, because Jess knew better, Jess was smarter.

"It wasn't his idea," he added unnecessarily. She understood now. Not completely, but Rory understood to the point that she knew well enough to leave it alone from that point on. Because this was a sensitive topic for Jess, and they'd just gotten somewhere that she wasn't sure she'd ever been with Dean. They'd never gone this deeply before, or at least she hadn't with him. Dean had a relatively uncomplicated life, he barely fought with his parents, and had decent relationships with basically everyone in his family. Jess had been through more though, and despite the fact that at this point Rory knew very little (even though she felt the desire to know more, as she was drawn in), she still could understand, and even relate in some strange way.

Wait. When had it become okay for her to compare this boy to Dean, her loving boyfriend who never did anything rude to her, and always had kind, gentle words, not confusing, sarcastic ones? She mentally scolded herself and turned her gaze to follow Jess's. He was looking at the town square, dotted with snowmen of varying personalities.

"It's good," Jess told her in a moment of kindness.

"What?"

"Your snowman," he said. "Snow-woman, actually," he corrected himself leaning in toward her face.

His mouth was near to hers for the briefest of seconds, his breath blowing slightly on her lips. She stopped breathing. She didn't know why, and couldn't even gain the sense of mind to mentally yell at herself for the zillionth time that night. Jess did something odd to her, and she hadn't even known him that long. Her mind was blank, foggy, and in that same instant, her lungs were forcing air back in because he had returned his attention to the field of snowmen (and woman).

"You know which one is ours?" Rory asked him, glad that the squeak in her voice wasn't obvious since she'd meant to sound surprised at the fact that he could so easily tell which snowman she and her mother had constructed.

"It definitely has the most personality...Kinda looks like...Bjork," Jess turned to Rory once more, leaving little time for her breathing and heartbeat to have regulated. Her insides were in shambles again, though she was partially proud of her ability to conceal it. She smiled slightly at him, to which he smirked pleasantly in response.

"That's what we were going for!" She said excitedly, eyebrows raising. Finally, someone who understood it! She'd tried explaining to Dean...and well, it wasn't like he wasn't nice about it, but she could see in his eyes that he didn't totally get it. But Jess...he got it right away.

How could that be...she wondered, a grin still spread on her face.

"But everyone thinks that the one on the end is gonna be the winner," Rory told him, gesturing to a well-done sculpture of what looked like Scrooge.

"Really? It's so overdone!" Jess responded.

Rory liked the easiness with which they had their conversations. Jess was so much like her, they had so much in common, and that made getting along with him and finding things to talk about really easy. Talking to Jess was like talking with her mom in a weird way. She was comfortable with him in a way that she was normally only comfortable with people she had known most of her life. Because that was the thing – Rory felt like she had known Jess most of her life. Even though he was a new friend, he felt like an old one who had come back to visit or something.

As she thought about this, she realized that easiness wasn't always there with Dean. It was getting to be there more frequently, but still she saw that sometimes, they just weren't on the same page. She'd have to explain things to him, or just let little quips go by without him acknowledging the hilarity of what she'd observed.

And this time, she didn't even notice or scold herself on the fact that once again, she had compared them.

A few moments had passed since their conversation about the snowmen had ended. Suddenly, he looked at her, doing that leaning over thing that took her breath away. Though this time, it didn't take her breath away quite as fast, nor did her heart beat quite as hard. She had it under better control the third time around.

"Hey, what do you and Dean talk about?" He asked her, putting a little extra emphasis on Dean, with a tone that was somehow akin to the one he'd used when mentioning how it was 'Luke's decision for him to stay.' A small part of her resented that, the fact that it seemed he didn't really like Dean; and that, based on Dean's reaction to Jess earlier that evening, Dean didn't like Jess. Great. The last thing she wanted was to be refereeing between the two of them, in addition to the serious fire-dousing she was already doing between her mom and Jess.

"What?"

Perhaps more than Rory resented his saying Dean's name like that, she was taken aback by the fact that he was asking such a...personal question. It was between her and Dean what she and Dean talked about. Jess didn't need to know. Why would he want to know, anyways?

There was a pause, and Jess looked away before meeting Rory's eyes again. His tone became a bit more serious. "I mean...does he know Bjork?"

She was confused now, and pushed her eyebrows together when she responded. "I've played him some stuff," she said, not leaving much room for the conversation to go further.

But he pushed it further. Because he was Jess and that was what he did, she could already tell.

He nodded, a short 'hm' escaping his lips and an understanding expression falling over his face. "So you got a...teacher-student thing goin," he said, jokingly, his eyes squinting as if he were trying to imagine it.

"Stop!" Rory told him firmly. He turned his head away, some kind of invisible string pulling one corner of his mouth up and to the side in a crooked smile.

"No, really, I'm curious." She could see the genuine wonderment in his eyes, and for a moment she considered telling him what she had thought earlier. And then Rory thought better of it. Where did he get off, asking her about this stuff? Why would he possibly want or ever need to know it?

A part of her – a part of her being fueled and growing from the attention she was getting from Jess this evening, the things they had shared – knew exactly why. Because it was his covert way of trying to figure out where things stood. How easy it would be for him to get in.

That small part of her told the bigger part – thus all parts were communicating adequately. However, the agreement stopped there. The overwhelming kindness in Rory told her to keep her mouth shut. Dean didn't deserve to be hurt by any information she might tell Jess in what the innocent part of her thought to be confidence, and that Jess would then use against Dean, theoretically.

"What do you guys talk about?" Jess pressed further.

"Everything," she replied simply.

"Liiike..." he lead, eyes widening as his head dipped in a gesture saying 'elaborate, please.'

She began to lock up slightly with her words. He was making her uncomfortable. It was like Jess knew what she had been thinking earlier, about how easy it was to talk to him, and how sometimes it was harder to do that with Dean.

"Just, everything. Tons of stuff. Whatever."

"It's just in the brief, non pugilistic time I've spent with him in class, he doesn't seem like your kind of guy."

That statement set her heart on fire – half in anger over the demeaning of her and Dean's relationship being meaningful, and half in excitement over the fact that hidden in those words was an invitation, a set of words that said 'I, however, am; why don't you come see how much.'

Again, she began to wonder if him saying he couldn't read her mind was a total lie. Because what he'd alluded to with that statement, that meant that he'd heard and understood the previous battle she'd been having with herself; a battle which consisted of one side saying that Dean was wonderful and loved her and had never been mean to her in the least (all true), and another side telling her that in reality, she and Jess shared more common ground. Yet even as her feelings for Jess began to grow from a tiny dot to a bulb to a bud inside of her, she still felt a pull to Dean.

It was ridiculously confusing, and utterly baffling to her.

She scoffed. "Well, he is my kind of guy. He's exactly my kind of guy."

Rory's inner turmoil was getting the best of her though, and while the statement was emphatic and borderline vehement, there was still a few shreds of uncertainty laced in it.

Jess conceded, though, saying "Okay," while nodding his head. "Guess I don't know him that well."

She was happy he'd given her that. Because it was true, and quite honestly, as good an excuse as any. "You don't."

He turned to her, giving her a look that told her he didn't believe her. They both knew he could read people, just like Rory could, the second he met them. And he'd nailed Dean on the head. But that didn't change the fact that some part of Rory was still madly in love with Dean, in a first-love-blindly-smitten sort of way.

"You don't," she re-confirmed. He smirked knowingly at her and they continued on their journey mostly in silence, though occasionally, forced conversation was made. It was just difficult after the loaded conversation they'd shared – one that they both knew held so much more beneath the surface.

When they reached the Inn, Jess leaped out of the carriage just before it stopped, walking briskly inside, and leaving Rory alone once more. She ended the night as it had began, and in some way, things had come full circle.

The next morning, as Rory and Lorelai stationed themselves in the lobby to say goodbye to the guests, she found herself pleasantly at peace, somehow. Things came to a lull, and Dean came over with Clara in tow. He smiled at her and she grinned warmly back at him.

"Thanks Rory!" Clara said brightly as she and Dean neared. Dean came closer to Rory, but before they could kiss goodbye, they were interrupted by a certain eight year old.

"Don't kiss."

"Oh, come on!"

"Don't kiss," Clara stated again, with finality and a bit of disgust, if Rory was detecting right.

Dean reached his arms across his sister's head, putting his large hand over her eyes. Their lips met in a warm, soft kiss full of love and promises of seeing one another later.

Rory pretended she didn't feel Jess's eyes on her back while her lips were against Dean's, blocked out the sound of his sarcastic comment to something Luke said about the luggage. She smiled at Dean when they pulled away from one another with help from Clara, who was tugging at her older brother's hand.

"Come on!" the small girl whined.

"I..guess we're leaving," Dean shrugged.

"Guess so," Rory replied, raising her eyebrows and smiling at him.

She turned around only to meet Jess's eyes. She startled a little bit, and almost stumbled backwards at what seemed to be an intense stare from him. The smile she'd given Dean was still on her lips, and somehow was morphing itself into something that resembled a small, coy smile. Jess smiled shyly back at her, ducking his head a little bit before using his eyes to gesture to Dean. He moved his mouth almost as though he were biting back laughter.

His expressive eyes were taunting her, somehow. When they found hers once more, they playfully said, in a way that surely only Rory could understand, 'really, him? C'mon, we both know you can do better than that imbecile.' Her body tingled, and a wave of something unknown to her washed over her, making her feel the tiniest bit woozy.

She should have been offended, but instead shyly looked down at her feet, still smiling like she was an imbecile herself. The waging war inside of her ceased, with a silent victory in a recent battle from the side of her heart that was pulling for Jess.

End Note: Holy cow. Long. Please, if anyone's out there, review? Thank you for reading! :D