Disclaimer: I do not own TVD, or any of its characters. If anyone figures out how to obtain a Damon Salvatore, let me know ;)
Summary: After months of silently mourning Stefan together, Elena and Damon reach a breaking point that changes the delicate balance of their relationship forever.
On Razor's Edge
Prologue:
They mutually agree that they'll mourn him silently together. They shut themselves in the boarding house and exist in frozen camaraderie. They both seem to get that in their state of mind any brushing of skin would lead to an explosion; culminating in twisted and sweat-stained sheets. Until they're really ready to confront the feelings they have for one another, they'll abstain from anything physical. They usually lay in the same bed together, but always with the full width of the bed in-between their bodies. Even though their bodies don't touch, their eyes never waver for each other's. It makes them feel like their beings are intertwined so tightly, they'll never be able to separate. Elena knows that they're balancing on a razor's edge. She just wonders how long it will take before Damon and she tumble off.
Nothing could have prepared Damon and Elena for the shock of finding Stefan covered in blood and smiling like a choir boy on Sunday. The initial shock at finding Stefan in such a hedonistic state was compounded when he assured them that he was in no need of rescue, and that they could be on their merry way. He'd barely spared a glance for Elena before patting Damon on the back and speeding away with Klaus, to partake in what Elena could only assume was more raping and pillaging. Elena and Damon must have stared stupidly in the direction Stefan had taken off from for an hour before turning to one another and stumbling back towards the car.
The first week following their disastrous 'reunion' with Stefan was definitely the hardest. The full day drive it took to get back to Mystic Falls was spent in complete silence. They were both in shock; Elena so much so that she couldn't even cry. However, as soon as Damon pulled into their driveway, things changed. Elena immediately sprinted out of the car with the intention of throwing herself into Stefan's bed and never emerging again. Upon reaching the door to his bedroom however, Elena found she couldn't enter. Instead Elena stood in front of Stefan's room for a full five minutes, before realizing she'd never be able to set foot in their again. It'd be too painful. Turning away from Stefan's bedroom door, Elena meets Damon's eyes before slinking down the hallway towards Damon's room. There was no way either of them were going to be alone that night.
If not meaner, then they're definitely more cynical now. For the first couple of weeks following Stefan's refusal to come home, Elena and Damon had taken to drinking, and not much else. Elena wore one of the last shirts she'd seen Stefan in for a whole two weeks without washing it in-between. Damon was gentlemanly enough not to point out the unsanitary nature of this habit she'd picked up. Damon figured that Elena most likely would have staked him if he'd dared point that out. Instead, Damon simply joins Elena in her drinking. The both of them wander around the boarding house like ghosts, with never emptying tumblers of scotch clutched in their hands. They'd taken to sitting in the drafty hallway outside Stefan's room. One afternoon while sitting in that hallway, Elena asked Damon what he'd do when he saw Stefan again.
"I think the blood and the smile he had smeared across his face made it pretty damn clear that he's not coming home any time soon, Elena."
"I know that. But you both have eternity. So in 100, 200 years from now, when I'm nothing more than dust, what are you going to say when you see Stefan again?" Damon didn't say anything, but his face turned to stone. That night Elena dreamt of Damon reuniting with Stefan as if nothing had ever happened, while her body rotted beneath wet soil. Elena never cried as hard as she did that night.
Sometimes they take long drives. It's always in the middle of night, around 4 in the morning, when no one exists but the two of them and the open road. Whoever had the more miserable day would gain full control of the car radio for the duration of their trip. There was never any argument; they always just knew who'd had the more challenging day and conceded to the other without fail. They moved and interacted in perfect harmony these days, and in the back of Elena's mind she knew this should have worried her. But mostly Elena's just relieved at the comfort it brings.
One afternoon Damon is rendered completely speechless to find Elena in Stefan's room. She hadn't stepped foot in there since they'd returned from their 'Save Stefan, Save the world' farce of a mission. After getting over the initial shock, Damon just stood back and watched the girl tear his brother's room to pieces. He mostly watched in complete silence, but when Elena let out a particularly piercing shriek of fury, Damon figured he'd lend a helping hand. He was a gentleman that way.
Elena paused in her current task of ripping Stefan's shirt apart with her bare hands to watch Damon. Elena started in utter shock as Damon began to whistle while pushing all of Stefan's things into a huge pile in the middle of the floor. Still whistling, Damon looked up and gave Elena a grin so sexy that she felt her empty stomach tighten in response. She watched helplessly as Damon produced a match from his pocket and lit it, producing a single orange-blue flame. After studying the flame for a moment, Damon looked back up at her, as if asking her permission to proceed. Elena felt herself grin for the first time in weeks. Damon let go of the match, and the two of them watched Stefan's possessions go up in flames. For some reason, the two of them couldn't stop giggling that night, and even took each other's arm and danced around the bonfire like 10 year olds high on sugar.
After a couple months filled with self-pitying, Damon knocks on Elena's door and offers her his hand. Silently she takes it and decides to just go with the flow. She doesn't hesitate when he takes her into the crowded Grill – even though her heart is racing in discomfort. It comforts her to know that this is the last place Damon wants to be either. But she trusts him enough now to know he's doing what's best for the two of them. She doesn't know when she started thinking about Damon and her as a 'we,' but she has. And it isn't anything close to the 'we' she thought of when she was with Stefan. Damon and she were somehow just more. She feels people stare at the two of them with a mixture of shock and pity, and Elena is frighteningly used to the rage she feels at the thought. She never used to be a hateful person. She takes comfort in the fact that not only does Damon not judge her, but he understands her feelings only all too well. Damon doesn't drop her hand until they make it all the way over to the bar. As soon as they sit, Damon casually drapes his arm around her shoulder. Elena practically sighs in relief and knows better than to question how Damon manages to get her a drink. They don't talk to anyone, or to each other; but that's only because they don't need to. They can read each other's every thought by every shift they make with their bodies. Elena meets Damon's eyes wearily as she notices Caroline trying to discreetly watch them from the other side of the room. While Elena doesn't relish the idea of brushing Caroline off, Elena knows she'll be powerless to stop herself if Caroline approaches her. And Elena really doesn't want to hurt the blonde's feelings.
Catching the direction of Elena's gaze, Damon turns and catches Caroline's shell shocked expression. After a month of avoiding any human contact besides Elena, his point blank gaze must have shocked the poor girl. They'd been there long enough, no need to overwhelm themselves. Draining the rest of his scotch, Damon slams the glass down and picks Elena's jacket up. His companion struggles to keep up with the faster vampire and stumbles when moving too quickly off the barstool. Damon instinctively moves to catch Elena with one muscled arm wrapping completely around her waist. The movement brings Elena exceedingly close into his chest. Both are unprepared for the intimate contact and freeze in each other's embrace. Neither of them moves. Although spending practically every moment together for the past several months, they'd both instinctively known to be ridiculously careful in maintaining physical boundaries. A precaution that seemed like a good idea at the time was proven glaringly necessary now. The feeling produced by their bodies being pressed up against one another, was nothing short of dangerous. As it was, Damon was clenching his jaw and grinding his teeth together in an effort to restrain himself. It wouldn't take much to spread her against the bar and thrust so deeply inside of her, that he'd never be able to get out again. Audience be damned. He trembled with the effort it took to restrain himself. Finally, he pulls himself slowly away from the girl. With his body close but no longer touching hers, Damon looks into Elena's eyes and almost drops to his knees at the breathless expression adorning Elena's beautiful face. Damon holds his breath and takes Elena by the elbow, leading her out the door. They'd had enough excitement for one night. While walking Elena silently back to his car, it occurs to Damon that being alone and away from prying eyes might not be the best idea right now.
If it were possible, the following weeks are filled with more tension than usual. They go out more, but still don't interact with anyone other than each other. One cloudy afternoon Damon mentions half heartedly that she should give Bonnie and Caroline a call. Elena's surprised at the bite in her own voice when she counters back that he should give Alaric a call. They stare each other down for a full minute before soundlessly going back to their respective books. They're sitting on opposite ends of the couch and Elena's legs are stretched across the length of it, with Elena's toes stopping just short of touching Damon's thigh. Without looking up, Elena feels Damon caress her ankle with his fingertip. Elena sighs and knows Damon hears it when he wraps his whole hand around her ankle, clutching it tightly within his grasp. They've forgiven each other.
The next time they consciously touch is a week after what Elena coined 'the couch incident.' Days following said 'couch incident,' Elena still feels the heat from where Damon's hand had been wrapped around her ankle. These feelings unsettled Elena, and so she surprised herself when requesting Damon bring them to her parent's lake house. When they arrived, Elena busied herself by cooking her mother's favorite meal consisting of chicken cutlet and spaghetti.
She'd turned on the radio and hummed mindlessly while fixing the meal as Damon leaned against the doorframe and watched her. He hadn't seen her so content in a long time. Feeling Damon's stare, Elena turned and met Damon's gaze. With flour streaked across her cheek, and a gentle smile adorning her face, Damon had never seen anything so beautiful, and his heart thudded painfully hard in acknowledgment. After dinner, Elena had put on a dusty old record and swayed her body back and forth in place. Bashfully, Elena explained that this had been the song her parents danced to at their wedding, and Elena had always loved it. Without realizing it, Damon had strode across the floor and taken Elena into his arms. They held each other close and mostly just enjoyed the moment. Their breath intermingled, and they both felt a shift occur between the two of them.
They've both managed to get back to a semblance of a normal life. Elena had begun taking college classes online, while Damon went out alone to the Grill about once a week. They still preferred to spend all their time together, no matter how unbearable the silent tension between the two of them had become. They both seemed to come to the realization that their strange isolated lifestyle was no longer in response to Stefan's leaving. While Damon had no qualms in admitting it, Elena was a little more hard pressed to admit that they'd isolated themselves simply because they had everything they needed in each other (even though they'd never had each other). Occasionally Elena made an obligatory phone call to Bonnie or Caroline. They'd both stopped begging Elena incessantly to get out of the house and spend time with them. They knew it was simply a lost cause at this point, but Elena still sensed their disbelief and confusion. She couldn't blame them, she wouldn't understand it if she were in their shoes either. During one particularly memorable phone call Caroline had blurted out, 'don't you ever get bored? I mean just how much sex can you guys have anyway?' Elena didn't dignify that question with an answer, and instead asked Caroline how her mother was doing.
However, even Elena could admit it was more than a little odd that Damon and she didn't get bored with their new lifestyle…especially considering they weren't having sex. The past two weeks had become so strained between the two of them that they'd started to avoid being in the same room with one another. Yet, they still preferred being locked away (separately), in the boarding house together. But even when Damon was all the way on the opposite end of the boarding house, Elena could still feel him buzzing like electricity underneath the surface of her skin. They'd both contaminated each other's blood like a poison, and were patiently waiting it out until the pain got too unbearable. Eventually they'd have no choice but to reach for the cure. It scared Elena that that point was almost upon them. And judging from Damon's tense behavior, the feeling was mutual.
While the sexual tension was always humming in the background like an annoying wasp, they'd learned to deal with it … without avoiding one another. Summer came, and with it the usual Mystic Falls functions. In the early evening Elena beckons Damon to accompany her to an outdoor screening of "Beauty and the Beast." While they're both nowhere near as social as they used to be, Elena likes to attend the founding family functions. They never fail to remind her of her mom. Damon knows this, and never leaves Elena's side the whole night. He knows that as much as she wants to attend these functions, she'd never get through it without him by her side. Most of the town's people know, and grudgingly accept the changes in the young Gilbert girl and her handsome companion. Still, the rumors run rampant. Just what went on behind the closed doors of the Salvatore boarding house?
They both hear the whisperings that follow them everywhere like a shadow. All the gossip does is further cement their belief that they're better off alone. They had both grown way beyond letting idyll gossip bother them in the slightest. Damon hurried to spread the blanket he'd brought over the grass so Elena could lounge comfortably while watching the movie.
Watching Damon spread the blankets out does strange things to Elena's emotions. An overwhelming swell of affection to rises so swiftly within Elena that she has to work her throat several times before being able to swallow it all down. So when they finally settle down in all the blankets and pillows Damon had provided, Elena finds herself unsurprised when she'd scooted as close as she could get to him. Elena rests her head on his muscled shoulder and observes Damon's throat; it's his turn to swallow his emotions down. They sit that way the rest of the night, with music and a cool night breeze surrounding and caressing their flesh. Damon pulled Elena even closer into his chest, under the guise of keeping her warm with his body heat. They both know however that it isn't his internal body temperature keeping Elena warm.
Soon after the evening in the town square, Elena slips her hand into Damon's while they stroll down the street together. As she laces their fingers together, they both realize that it means something more this time.
They fight more now, and you wouldn't think that foreshadowed the evolution of their relationship, but Elena knows better. They actually have the energy now to care, even about the simple aspects of their lives together. When making breakfast one morning, the clash of their tempers results in Elena dumping raw egg over the top of Damon's head.
He'd stared at her for a minute before throwing Elena over his shoulder and unceremoniously dropping Elena onto the living room couch. Damon crawled on top of her, tickling her and delighting in the squeals of laughter that gurgled out of Elena's mouth. Without really meaning to, Damon finds every curve of Elena's body enmeshed with the contours of his own. An unbearable heat burns through his veins, incinerating his blood until Damon doesn't even feel like a separate entity anymore. Instead Damon's become some kind of incubus, drawling life and affixing to Elena's form. Elena's eyes are shimmering up at him and Damon just can't help himself anymore. He's wanted her forever. She'd been unreachable for so long now that even the thought of having her breaks him out into a sweat. He hadn't even known that was possible for a vampire. Damon feels her heartbeat thudding hard against his chest, and Damon nearly weeps at the feeling.
"Can I say I love you yet, Elena?" The fire behind them crackles, echoing the electricity that is flickering between them now. The glow from the fire throws an orange like halo around Elena, and Damon is enraptured with the unearthly image she makes. But mostly, Damon is ensnared by the gentleness he see's in her eyes.
Elena traces Damon's jaw line with the palm of her hand, feeling the tickle of Damon's stubble against her soft skin. She tries to ignore the hardness of his body, and how it makes Elena's body come alive in a way it never has before. But she wants to do this right, and there are things they need to talk about before she gives herself to him completely. "Escort me back to my room, darling."
They don't turn on any lights as they climb the darkened staircase together. Damon has Elena huddled against the side of his body, and they both just breath one another in. When they reach the doorway to Elena's bedroom, a sudden hunger descends upon Damon. He pushes Elena against the wall with just his hand pressed low against her stomach. He keeps her there for a moment and his burning gaze feels like it literally sets Elena on fire. Reading the desire on her face, Damon abruptly crashes into Elena, and descends upon her mouth with an accuracy that disorients Elena to the point of deliria. He devours her. He uses his lips, tongue, and teeth to claim Elena like an explorer claiming a newly discovered land. Elena can feel the triumph coming off him in waves. When Damon finally pulls back, Elena feels thoroughly ravaged, like he'd just had his way with her seven times over. Elena stumbles backward, reaching her hand behind her to fumble with the doorknob. Damon lunges for her again, bringing her swiftly back into his arms and burying his face against the side of her neck. He begins nibbling and sucking at the hypersensitive flesh and Elena mewls at the unexpected pleasure it brings. Damon's lips find her ripened ones and using his blunt teeth, he bites down, drawing out a thin line of blood. He pulls back enough to watch the thin line of crimson trickle slowly down her chin, towards her neck. Leaning in, keeping his eyes locked on hers, Damon licks it all up. Struggling for air, Elena feels Damon cup her face between his large hands, forcing her to meet his gaze. The air is thin with unresolved sexual tension boiling between the two of them. They look at each other for a minute before Damon leans in and places a lingering kiss against her silken cheek with more tenderness than Elena expected.
"I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning," Damon whispered gently. Slowly Elena forces herself to back away from him and into her bedroom. They smile softly at each other before Elena finally closes the door and collapses against it.
That night Elena gets no sleep. Her body's restlessness causes the bed sheets to come clear off her mattress, and eventually Elena forces herself to get up and rearrange them. Damon and her had been balancing across a razor's edge for eons now; it looked like they we're about to fall off. Elena smiled.