It Was Always You
Chapter 1: Don't Get Engaged
Lorelai walks into her daughter's room to wake her up for her last day in Stars Hollow before Rory goes off to college. She bumps her shin on a box and practically topples forward. "Ow!" She hisses in the dark and her daughter stirs in bed.
Rory looks up sleepily. "What's going on?"
Lorelai sits down on the bed, rubbing her shin. "I was coming to wake you up and ran into one of your boxes. What have you got in there? Bricks?"
"Books," Rory responds, switching her lamp on.
"Books?" Lorelai repeats and then glances down as the light illuminates the room. Three boxes are marked books and Lorelai notices that one of Rory's bookshelves is almost empty. She laughs softly. "Honey, you can't take all these books to school with you."
"Why not? I've got to have things to read." Rory says simply, putting on her fuzzy slippers that feature stars and moons.
"You're going to have plenty to read for class. Besides, there's not going to be space for all these. You barely have enough shelf space for anything, not even considering three boxes of books. You can leave them here and if you want any, I can bring them to you on the weekend."
Rory looks sadly around at the boxes. "Alright," she finally says, a pouty look on her face, not wanting to abandon her books.
"Get dressed, we're going to Luke's," Lorelai smiles. Rory finally notices her mom's outfit. She's wearing her favorite sundress, the navy blue one, with flowers embroidered at the top.
"You're all dressed up," Rory comments with a smirk on her face.
"No, I'm not." Lorelai refutes.
"Yes, you are," she insists. "I never see you wear that dress except for special occasions and maybe once to work." She gives her mom a look as she pulls clothes out of her closet and begins to change.
"Well, can't I just look nice for my daughter's last day at home?" Lorelai teases.
Rory shrugs as she brushes her long hair. "I guess so." It just seems odd, she thinks. "But for future reference, you don't have to dress up for me. I think I've seen you at your worst."
Lorelai gasps. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Rory doesn't reply but instead grabs her purse and heads for the door. Lorelai follows.
As they walk into the town square, Rory asks, "So have you talked to Luke yet?"
Lorelai shakes her head. "Uh uh, he's still not back from his trip."
"Ooh really?" Rory teases, but stops short, seeing the look on her mother's face. She has never considered that her mom may have feelings for Luke or vice versa, but it crosses her mind as she sees hurt flash across Lorelai's face. "Well, I'm sure he has a good reason. Maybe he'll be back today."
"I hope so." Lorelai says, quickly adding, "Because it's your last day here and it would be sad to eat at Luke's without Luke." Rory laughs.
"It would be," she agrees. They enter the diner, the bell chiming over their heads and sit down at their usual table. Luke emerges from the kitchen a minute later. His usual dour face lights up upon seeing them.
"Hey!" He greets. He notices Lorelai's dress, he's only seen her wear that one other time, when she was going out on a date with Max. He wonders why she's so dressed up today, but realizes it's not anything to complain about and just enjoys the view.
"Luke!"
"Hey yourself." Lorelai replies, beaming at him. Surprisingly, Luke leans over, giving Rory a hug. Lorelai looks at him longingly, but knows that Luke's hugs are rare.
"It's your last day in town, kid, I think you deserve a free donut."
"Really?" Rory looks up hopefully.
"Of course." He points to the counter. "Go pick one out."
"Thanks!" Rory goes to the counter and selects one with chocolate frosting and sprinkles.
"Coffee?"
"Do you have to ask?" Lorelai replies. Luke shakes his head.
"What else?"
"Pancakes, with bacon and eggs for both of us," she replies. Rory sits back down and nods in agreement.
Luke nods and looks down at Lorelai, who seems eager to tell him something else. "What?"
"We just wondered why you were gone so long. We expected you back before us and we got back later than we planned."
"Oh really?" Luke's eyebrows rise. He's trying to hide his exultation that Lorelai might have missed him, that they wondered where he was. "Europe was good to you, huh?"
"Yeah, it was great," Rory replies enthusiastically. "Mom will have to show you the pictures sometime."
"So did you get seasick?" Lorelai returns to the subject.
"What?" Luke asks, confused.
"The boat, the boat, did you get sick on the boat? I bet you'd look attractive green," she teases.
"Oh no, the boat was fine. I'll, um, tell you about it later. I need to put your orders in." He wanders back to the kitchen, leaving Rory and Lorelai looking at each other in confusion.
"Did he just?" Rory starts.
"Yeah, that was weird," Lorelai replies, shrugging. "So do you have everything packed?" She asks, changing the subject.
"I think so," Rory squishes up her face as she thinks. They spend the rest of the time until their order comes going through everything. As Lorelai is paying, Luke leans forward.
"I need to talk to you about something later," he whispers, looking to see if Rory is paying attention.
"Alright," Lorelai says warily. "You can come by the house anytime. We're just getting Rory ready to go." Luke nods and gives her her change. Lorelai notices how his fingers slightly brush the palm of her hand, seeming to linger there a bit longer than necessary. But she doesn't say anything, she never says anything, at least not about that. She smiles and heads out the door to join Rory outside.
"What was that about?" Rory asks as they walk back to their house.
"Luke said he needed to talk to me about something later."
"He didn't say what?"
"Nope. Maybe he's bringing you a going away present." Lorelai says, trying to get off the subject.
"Maybe, but he said he needed to talk to you. Wouldn't he just say he got me something?" Rory asks, purposely digging. She's been trying to get her mom to admit for months that Luke dating Nicole has been bothering her, but they haven't really talked about relationships a lot lately. Her mom had been dating Alex and then one day, Rory had noticed that they hadn't gone out in awhile, but she never brought it up and Lorelai never mentioned it. And Rory had never told her mother that she suspected that Jess had been calling her and hanging up.
Lorelai shrugs. Something. The only something she can think about would be something dealing with Nicole and their trip. What if something happened? What if, like she had feared, Luke had proposed? She hadn't admitted to herself until recently, when he had been dating Nicole, that she may have feelings for Luke, that she thought of him as more than a friend. She had never confessed these things to Rory. She had wanted to while they were in Europe, but hadn't found a good time to do it. Rory probably already knew anyway, she was certainly smart enough to figure it out herself.
Later in the afternoon, Rory walks back in to town to go see Lane one last time. Lorelai joins her, figuring it is as good a time as any to find out what Luke wanted to talk to her about.
The bell rings over her head as she enters, the diner is empty, but soon it would be filled with people, having dinner.
Luke looks up from counting the register. "Oh hey," he says quietly. Lorelai takes a seat at the counter and waits for him to finish.
"Rory wanted to say good bye to Lane so I decided to come find out what you wanted to talk about." Luke sighs, rubbing his face. "It's about Nicole, isn't it?"
"Yeah," he replies quietly.
"Well, what is it?" She prompts, trying not to show that she is nervous. Her heart is pumping in her chest and she rubs her hands on her dress.
"We're engaged, Lorelai. I asked her while we were on the boat." He looks up at Lorelai, a serious look on his face, trying to gauge her reaction. His dream pops into his head. Don't get engaged, she had said. But he hadn't listened. It had just been a dream, it didn't mean anything, right?
Lorelai hopes her face doesn't fall. "That's great," she tries to say enthusiastically. She hopes the smile on her face isn't as fake as it feels. Luke frowns at her. He knows something is up. She is quiet. Lorelai is never quiet. He had always noticed since she had started coming to the diner, how everything kind of focuses on her when she enters a room. He had hated that about her at first, but now he found it endearing, enjoys bantering with her. Plus he knows she can be serious too, that she always isn't so lively and attention craving.
"What's wrong?" He asks, knowing perfectly well and knowing perfectly well that she won't tell him.
"What? Nothing. I thought you might ask her. I'm just surprised that's all." She smoothes her dress and tries not to make eye contact with him. The diner suddenly seems very quiet, even though the radio is playing in the back. "So have you all set a date yet?"
Luke shakes his head. "We think sometime before Christmas. We were at her parents' this week, trying to work some things out." Why did I tell her that?
"Oh," Lorelai says simply. "She seems nice." She feels like she can't breathe, that she is suffocating even though the diner is cool. She needs to get out of there. "I better go," she excuses herself. "Still a lot of stuff to do before Rory leaves. But congratulations, really." She tries smiling again. Nope, still feels fake.
Luke looks surprised. "Alright," he says hesitantly. "Wish her good luck for me," he calls, but Lorelai is practically already out the door. He watches her dark head bob down the street, slightly bent and for a moment, he wonders if she is crying.
Lorelai can't hold her tears in for long. She tries to walk quickly so maybe they won't fall and she can get out of the main town square before bawling, but she feels one roll down her cheek and can practically here its splat on the sidewalk. She wipes at her eyes hastily, trying not to look up. If anyone sees, it would be around the town in five seconds flat and Luke would inevitably hear and show up at her house five minutes later with apologies and it would be awkward again and now she really is crying. Once she gets out of the main square, she starts to jog home, wanting to just shut herself up in her room with some cookies or ice cream or whatever junk food they have. She finally reaches the house, taking a stack of magazines up to her room, where she quickly changes into navy sweatpants and a yellow tank top. She wanders down to the kitchen, stocking up, and hopes that Rory stays at Lane's for at least a couple hours so she can wallow in self-pity, read about other people's problems, which are always more horrible and embarrassing than her own, and indulge her junk food fetish.
Rory comes home later, not too late and is surprised to find the lights on downstairs, but her mother already asleep upstairs. Rory tucks the covers over her and removes the pile of magazines from the bed. The light from the hallway lets her notice the empty pint of Ben & Jerry's. She shuts the door, smiling and wondering if that will be the last time she tucks her mom in for awhile. She tries not to think about it, she had already gotten all emotional and nostalgic at Lane's earlier. Twice in one night is too much. She throws the empty carton away and the spoon in the sink and heads to her room, trying not to trip over boxes. She stares around for a second, her bookshelf stuffed again, her Harvard board now plastered with pictures of Yale, and her desk cleared of belongings, only one box sits there, marked: Desk. The last night she will spend in the house before she is officially a college student and technically not living at home anymore.
Luke sits in front of the television, trying to watch a baseball game, but it's not working. Normally he would be with Nicole, talking casually about whatever came to mind, just enjoying each other's company, nothing overly exciting. But she is in Boston. He likes his simple relationship with her. It is predictable and adult and calm. But sometimes he wants the opposite of all that.
He wants Lorelai, who is wild and immature and funny. He has to admit that he has always sort of been attracted to her, he doesn't mind flirting with her. He had been jealous of her relationships with Max, Christopher, and Alex. But he never told her anything, tried not to comment, although it was especially difficult when she was one the cusp of marrying Max. He hadn't needed to say anything though, she had realized her own insecurities about it and taken off.
He's never told her, even after she had told him about her dream. He's afraid of what he might do and that he might ruin what they have, this crazy kind of friendship. They have been mistaken for a couple many times, their closeness has driven off various dates, not to mention Rachel. This problem has not gone away with Nicole either. He talked about Lorelai too much on their first date, but it hadn't seemed to bother Nicole. She doesn't seem to be bothered by much, he's never seen her get worked up over something. She just accepts things easily. And this woman is a lawyer? Lorelai would make a better lawyer—at least she would put up a fight. Then why isn't she putting up a fight over him?
Author's note: While there is a second chapter of this fic I DO NOT plan to continue. Too much time had passed in the fourth season while I was writing this and I didn't feel very inspired to continue. I have written a couple of one parters (post-season 4) and am working on yet another long piece that is posted here as well. Thanks for reading!