I glanced down at Lucy as she shifted against my chest. I smiled and tried to focus back on the TV screen. Some chick flick was playing but I could hardly pay attention.

I knew our 1 year of being together was coming up. I still couldn't decide what I wanted to do. Everything was still moving somewhat slow. I didn't want to rush her. I just wanted her to be comfortable around me. I wanted to show her just how much I loved her but going too fast could ruin my chances with her.

We had yet to make love but god how I wanted to. Lately, she'd been giving me pretty clear signals but I wasn't sure she was really ready. There were a few times she would start to get frisky but only after a few glasses of wine. I didn't want to take advantage of her. She might hate me for it afterwards. I wasn't about to let her walk out of my life.

I rubbed her shoulder as the movie went on. I hadn't been paying much attention to the whole thing but I didn't really care. It was some kind of romantic comedy but it was more like a tragedy.

"Tim." She looked up at me. "Are you watching this?"

"Not really."

She hopped up and turned it off. "Thank god. Worst movie I've ever picked."

"What about the one a few weeks ago?"

"Pretty sure this one tops it."

She turned the radio on some soft jazz. It was nice to have found a woman that would rather hear instruments than someone singing. She came back over and sat on my lap. I pulled her in for a kiss and wished I could do so much more. I wanted to rip off her clothes and take her to bed for the whole night. I wanted to see every curve in her body; every inch of her skin. I wanted to taste her until I was drunk from her lips. She deserved to be treated like a goddess in every way, shape and form but it wasn't the right timing.

She kissed back hungrily and straddled my hips. I could feel the lining of her leggings against my bulge and it was killing me. I fought for control but it was hard as she bit my lip. Her arms wrapped around my back as my hands went to her hips. She dipped her tongue in my mouth and we fought for dominance for a few moments. The taste of wine was heavy in her mouth. She was buzzed but not quite drunk.

I pulled away breathing heavily. As I looked in her eyes, I could see the lust and love pooling in her blue orbs. I wanted to give her what she wanted but not right now. It wasn't the right time. I wasn't about to let her mind be clouded during our love making. With everything I wanted her to feel, any amount of alcohol could lose the sensation.

"I think we've had enough wine."

She giggled. "It was a very good choice though."

"Tony's always given very good recommendations."

"Mhm."

She knelt down to my ear and nibbled on it. I could feel her hot breath on my neck. The bulge grew harder and I knew she could feel it. I wanted to ravish her right there but I wasn't about to lose control. I wanted our first time special. I wanted her to feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I wanted her to feel it. Right now wasn't it.

"Lucy." I could hear my voice shake.

"Yes?" She breathed across my neck.

I pulled her face to mine and kissed her hard. I wanted her to know how much I ached to be inside her. I wanted her to feel the demon trying to escape and take control.

I pulled away and stared at her for a few moments before shaking my head. I saw her eyes fall with disappointment and hurt. I knew she wanted to go further but I couldn't let the moment be like this. I wanted it to be perfect.

She rolled off and pulled her knees to her chest. She looked so sad and hurt. She looked as if she was doubting herself as a woman. I felt terrible for making her feel like that but the moment wasn't right for our first time. It was killing me just as much as it was killing her.

I got up and took the bottle of wine back to the kitchen. I could hear her follow behind me. When I turned around, she was playing with her fingers like she always did when she was nervous. She looked so innocent and child like when she did it. Almost like she'd been caught doing something bad.

"Was I doing something wrong?" she asked.

"Of course not."

She frowned and looked down at the floor. Her hair flowing over her face gently.

I went over to her and tipped her chin up. "Talk to me."

"Well," she blushed, "why haven't we had sex?"

It was the fight I'd been dreading. At least, I hoped it wouldn't turn into that.

"Well, uh, I just want you to be sure."

She leaned into me. "I am."

"I also want you completely sober." Why the hell did I say that?

She stepped back and pouted. "I'm not drunk!"

"I didn't say-"

"You certainly meant it!"

She turned and walked over to the radio. She shut it off and headed for her room. She always tried to shut me out when we fought. I raced over to the door before she could get in. I got in front of her.

"Lucy, I didn't mean it that way."

She wiped angry tears from her eyes. "Do you want me?"

I blinked dumbfounded. "What?"

"You don't want me anymore, do you?" She started to cry.

My heart broke as she stood there wiping tears away as fast as she could. Did she really believe that because we hadn't had sex yet that I didn't want her? Was I really screwing up this bad?

I took her in my arms and held her tight. "No! Don't believe that for a second."

She sniffled. "Why won't you go any further?"

I stroked her hair gently. "I just want everything to be perfect."

"It's not now?"

"Yes. I mean no. I mean." I sighed. I was really screwing myself right now. "I just want our first time to be special."

She looked up at me. Her eyes were already rimmed red. "It will be no matter where we are."

"I just don't want to screw things up."

"You won't."

I kissed her gently. "You have no idea just how much I want to ravish you right now. I want to take you on your bed and make love to you all night. You felt it earlier, I want you. Dammit, I need you every time I see you. But Lucy, I can't screw things up with you. I don't want to lose you."

She stared at me. She didn't say a word.

"I want to make love to you so much. I want to show you just how beautiful you are to me. But I also want it to be perfect because you're the perfect woman."

"You…You promise?"

I kissed her once more. "With all my heart."

She kissed me deeply but it wasn't filled with need and lust. I wanted to take her hand and lead her to the bed but I couldn't. I needed everything to be perfect. I wanted her to have a perfect day for the perfect night. And I knew exactly how to make that happen.