Remember Every Scar

I'm back! I've removed any story on here that I hadn't finished because they demotivated the hell out of me, but I'm giving it another go with yet another all human VA fic! I hope you all enjoy the first chapter and reviews would be greatly appreciated so I know if I'm any good anymore ;)

Lyric: Hold on to that heartbreak, hold on to that hell you have to pay

Chapter One

"You have to do what makes you happy and unfortunately that isn't you anymore."

I'd had those words stuck in my head since the day Dimitri had voiced them to me two months ago just before we left college. Every morning I woke up and replayed the conversation that had left me feeling so broken and every morning I felt just as shitty about it as I had at the beginning.

I didn't for one second believe he had done it to deliberately hurt me, but I was so angry at him for doing it in the first place that I couldn't see past any of that and all I saw was the unquestionable need to make him hurt just as much as I had. And I hated that. I hated the person I had become over the summer. I had never realised just how much it could hurt to lose everything that had made you so vulnerable in the first place.

I hadn't even wanted the relationship to begin with. I had said no countless times to the boy, yet he had persevered until I had said yes. He turned me into a whole new person. I wanted the soppy stuff, I wanted to feel loved by another, I became dependent and that only left me open to getting so hurt by him. In the end I had needed him more than he had ever needed them and that was why I hated him more than words could express. Why had he let me fall so deeply in love with him when he could turn his feelings off for me as quick as blowing a candle out?

I was already regretting today before it had even started because I knew I would see him for the first time since the breakup. We were going into our last year of college and back into the same friendship groups that had seemed so perfect last year when we were all happy to be in each other's company. I couldn't possible imagine anything closer to hell at this point.

"I know you're awake and you're coming to college" A voice said from my open doorway and I knew exactly who it was before I had even turned round. My mother had allowed Lissa in and that meant there was no way in hell I was going to manage to skip the first day because she was adamant I was being a drama queen and that I needed to step out into the world and face this head on as thought the very thought of it wasn't ripping my heart to shreds.

"Lissa, for once can you just let me be weak and lie in bed with a movie and a bottle of vodka?" I groaned into my pillow before whipping round to face her and shooting her with an accusing stare that she simply shrugged off.

"Are you kidding me?" Her voice showed nothing but mild annoyance over my behaviour and that only served in irritating me further. "You don't even like vodka. Get out of bed and get your arse in the passenger seat because we're going to college. If you don't I'll Dimitri just how much you love him and want him back."

And with those words, I was out of bed and striding straight over to Lissa. I could see a flicker of fear in her eyes, but she quickly pushed that deep down and regained her cool and collected demeanour. She hadn't seen me like this in a long time, it was like a I was a teenager just going through puberty all over again: emotions were hectic, I didn't know who I was, what I stood for. It was like I was trying to find myself all over again and for a girl who had always been pretty scathing, that was a weird turn of events.

"That's not funny and you know it" I muttered, grabbing my hoodie from my wardrobe and pulling it over my head.

"I never said it was funny" She retorted, walking out of the room and leaving me to follow behind her to her car. "You just can't live your life hiding away from what's happened. You spent the last two months doing that and I'm not letting it go on for a second longer."

I knew where she was coming from I really did, but it was just like how I felt about Dimitri. I couldn't see past anything other than my own feelings. I was angry at her for not letting me wallow like I had wanted to. There were just moments when I wanted nothing more than to sit in my room and just be alone. This was beginning to feel like one of those moments.

Almost as soon as the doors had closed in the car and Lissa had pulled off my driveway, she began working extra hard to make things feel like normal. She shifted the car into fourth gear and I felt us speed up, her mouth practically matching the speed of the car as she talked a mile a minute about all of her plans this year and how great her night was with Christian.

"So Christian came to mine last night and he brought a bunch of roses just because" the smile on her face was anything but fake and I wanted to be happy for her, but I just couldn't summon up the energy to do so. "He said he wants us to go on holiday together this year we're just trying to pick a place. Where do you think would be best? We were thinking either Florida or Italy."

"Italy, Christian would look like a prick in a Mickie Mouse hat roaming Disneyland" was all I said. The line should have been delivered with a good old Rose Hathaway grin to show I was just joking, but all that met me was a dead pan silence and I began to feel as though I wasn't even joking in the slightest.

Lissa halted for only a minute before launching in to her next story about how excited she was to study English Literature this year. I had never been more grateful to see our college rolling in to view and how satisfying it was for the engine to be turned off and to get out of this prison car that was filled with forced happiness.

It felt strange to be walking back into the building that I'd had some of my best times in last year. I had enjoyed college and now I felt like this was the worst place I could be in. I knew exactly what it held. Dimitri.

We walked through the doors and Lissa was swept into a hug almost immediately by Christian and I felt everything around me grow cold and the hairs on my arms stood on end. This was it. Lissa would be the one in a relationship and I would be the one to be standing courtside wondering what it must be like. It was embarrassing to admit but I wanted my best friend back. If I was single, I wanted her to be too. If that made me a bad friend, so be it.

"How's it going, Rose?" Christian asked. It felt weird to have him be nice to me and I knew exactly why he was doing it. He was treating me as though I was fragile. It was as though he thought an insult from him might push me over the edge. "I didn't see you all summer."

"Yeah, I was super busy having a pity party for myself" I replied with a fake smile "cut the sympathy, Ozera it doesn't suit you." Lissa gave a disapproving shake of her head as Christian's face split into a grin that made me feel as though one friendship may be salvaged.

"Oh good because it was really straining my face to act this concerned" Christian sighed with a sloppy smile he never really showed often. "Seriously though, you good?" I had never really seen this side of Christian before that was a genuine care for others except when he was talking about Lissa and, even then, he never let it show often.

"I've got to be" I sighed as I raised my shoulders in a shrug and I felt just how heavy the world around me was. "I can't spend the rest of my life wondering what's going on in Dimitri's head." Again, I knew the words I was saying were true but I just couldn't put them into practice.

"Well, I'm glad you've figured that out" Christian nodded as he chewed his lip nervously and I knew what his next words were going to be before he even got them out of his mouth. "Be prepared to implement that because Dimitri's coming over in 5, 4, 3, 2…"

"Hey" and my heart melted the second I heard his voice. My eyes stayed fixed on Christian, refusing to turn around and make eye contact with Dimitri. I could feel him stood behind me. He was so close, if I just turned round I could be in his arms. But I couldn't…because I didn't make him happy anymore.

"What's up?" Christian began, moving to the side to make some room for Dimitri to squeeze in our small group and he came in to vision. My eyes met the floor and all I could see was Dimitri's shoes. I couldn't do this. I was falling in love with him all over again and he couldn't care less.

"Not much, still feel ill off last week" Dimitri chuckled and my heart both swelled and shattered at the same time. The sound that emanated from Dimitri was beautiful. I missed being the one to make him laugh like that. It had been so easy, so fulfilling and I knew it was never going to go back to that. No matter how much I tried there was just too much water under the bridge and there was simply nothing I could do about that now. And then I realised what his words meant. The group had been hanging out without me all summer. I knew where they would have gone. They'd have gone to Black Creek that had always been our usual hang out spot. We had always been concealed under heavy trees and no one could hear the music we were blaring and the police never knew that there were underage kids drinking there. They had gone without me.

That meant they had taken Dimitri's side. Everyone knew that when a power couple split up all of their friends had to choose one of them to remain friends with. That was just the rule. It was made clear to me that everyone had chosen his friendship. After all, his winning personality and charm had made him a hit with everyone in college. I, on the other hand, was the bitch who their friend just happened to fall in love with.

"That night was crazy" Christian laughed as the bell sounded loudly to notify us to make our way to assembly. "Let's enter hell." The group began to walk towards the assembly hall and I noticed for the first time that Dimitri was staring at me.

"Rose" he nodded in acknowledgement and all I could do was walk away without saying anything. It was done. I had claimed the start of war from my actions. Dimitri now knew that I was not okay with him and all of the bullshit excuses of 'we'll still be friends' were over. Our acceptable break up had now turned hostile and I was completely to blame.

Okay, so that's the first chapter! Don't worry, it won't be Rose feeling sorry for herself for the whole story this is just an introduction really! Let me know what you think please

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Baby You're My Immortal