Author's Note: For Asxcala :)

Hate That I Love You

But I hate it
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you
-Hate That I Love You by Rihanna and Ne-Yo

"Well fuck you, Miku!"

"Ha, only in your dreams!"

"More like yours!"

"Like I'd ever dream of you!"

"You wish you could dream of me!"

Miku might've cried for how true that was, seeing as she went to sleep each night praying that, at least in her dreams, she and Neru could be happy together, but, instead, she simply shouted another retort at the Boukaloid. She couldn't remember who'd started it this time; she couldn't remember what had started it this time. But this was how things always wound up between her and Neru. There was no one she hated more than Neru.

Neru, meanwhile, refused to admit that she'd started this fight, even if she was well aware that she had. Instead, she shouted insult after insult at Miku, her thoughts all the while on Miku's lips, the potential taste of the strawberry lip-gloss the diva was currently wearing. She'd never admit that she wanted to stop fighting, though. She was too proud for that. And, in the end, she knew that this fighting was inevitable. She hated Miku more than anyone else, after all.

It was this one day, though, that their fighting broke beyond its usual point, because Miku was already upset before they'd started yelling at each other. Because this was the day it was finally said. This was the day that, in the middle of a fight, Miku closed her eyes, summoned all her courage, and screamed at Neru, "Goddamnit, you fucking moron, can't you see that I'm so completely in love with you I can't even stand it?!"

And then Neru was stunned silent, because she had no idea how to respond to those words. For Miku to be in love with her was an absolute nightmare as well as a dream come true. Neru had never bothered considering that Miku might have feelings for her; she could barely accept the feelings she herself had for the other girl. So, in that silence, Miku took her chance to run away, and Neru was able to do nothing more than watch.

An hour later, when Neru was sitting in her room, she heard a knock on her door. While she'd normally snap at anyone for bothering her, she was in such a mood from Miku's earlier exclamation that she could do nothing but grunt something or other. She only properly reacted when she recognized Miku's voice saying, "It's me. Can I come in?"

"S-sure." Neru found herself stuttering, still too shell-shocked to know how she was meant to react. So, Miku entered the room, standing uncertainly at its outskirts. She was rubbing her arm with the opposite hand, her gaze averted to the carpet flooring. Because the Vocaloid wasn't looking, Neru was able to finally look into Miku's eyes, which were puffed up and reddened from crying. It killed Neru to know that she was the one who'd done this to her.

Neru jumped back when Miku suddenly glanced upward, catching Neru's gaze on her. The blonde scowled and looked away, feeling redness creeping into her cheeks. Miku murmured, "I meant what I said, you know." Neru was a little startled, but she'd also been expecting – hoping – that Miku had come here to say that. She still had no clue how to react, though, so she sat there in silence as Miku prodded delicately onward, "I know you don't like me. To be honest, I don't always like you, either. So I'm not expecting anything from it. I just felt like I had to tell you." Neru still wasn't sure what to say, and Miku was feeling completely humiliated now, so they both fell into silence until the tealette spoke once more, turning to leave. "I'll let you be, then. Thanks for listening."

And, before she knew it, Neru was up off her chair and Miku was being forcefully spun toward her, and their lips met. Neru's eyes were closed tightly shut, because she had no idea what she was doing, but she really did want to taste that strawberry lip-gloss; Miku's stayed wide open, because she was too shocked by Neru's forwardness to realize what was truly happening, and she was far too happy to feel Neru's affections coming through to care to remember that her eyes ought to be shut.

. . .

"Neru, what the hell?" were Miku's words of welcome as she burst into the Boukaloid's room, her eyes blazing with annoyance. Neru glanced toward Miku with a bored expression, wondering what it was that had set the Vocaloid off this time, before she caught sight of the book Miku has holding in her hand.

"Oh, that?" she wondered idly, spinning back around to gaze at her computer screen. "I couldn't remember who I borrowed it from, so I left it on the coffee table. Figured whoever it belonged to would claim it eventually."

"You borrowed it from Yuuma," Miku emphasized, shaking her head and giving Neru a long, incredulous look. Everyone knew Yuuma never left his room, and this was his favourite book, which he'd been nagging Neru to return for weeks now. Was she really so indifferent to the Vocaloids?

"Ah, my bad."

There was no sound in the room for a moment but the clicking of Neru's mouse. Miku fumed for a moment before exploding at Neru, "That's all you have to say? You should at least apologize!"

Neru took one last look at the computer screen before turning toward Miku and raising an eyebrow at the unbelievable girl. "Apologize? For what?"

Miku narrowed her eyes at Neru, completely appalled by Neru's lack of social graces. "For taking three months to return the book, and, at that, being too lazy to even go back and properly return it."

"I don't see why I should have to apologize for that," reasoned Neru. She couldn't believe how uptight Miku was being. It was no big deal, right? It wasn't like she'd fed the book to a dog or something. So it had taken her a little longer to finish it. So she hadn't remembered who she'd borrowed it from. Anyone could've done that. Miku always made her into some sort of villain.

"You're unbelievable," spat Miku, glaring viciously at Neru's indifference. However, Neru still didn't seem to be swayed from her disinterest on the topic, so Miku's anger began to dissipate, as drained as her frustration made her. So, she breathed a sigh, placed the book on Neru's bedside table, and walked over to the Boukaloid. Leaning against the chair Neru was sitting on, Miku peered over the girl's shoulder at the computer screen and muttered, "What are you doing, anyway?"

"There's a new model . . ." Neru trailed off in her mumbling as her eyes flicked across the screen to read about the phone's new features and reviews from beta workers. Miku stared at Neru's eyes rather than the computer, completely captivated in the girl, just as the girl was captivated in the newest model of her favourite cellphone. "It's pretty buggy, though, so it'll take a while to come out." Neru was only mildly aware of Miku's twintails falling over her shoulders and tickling her bare arms. Normally, Miku might draw her attention away, but this was something Neru had been following the progress of for a while, so she wasn't easily distracted at that moment. "I'm pretty sure I know how to fix most the bugs reported, though. If they'd allow for a larger range in brightness, for example, the battery life could last longer, and the sliding keyboard could be removed in order to make the phone less clunky and fragile."

And suddenly, Miku was on top of Neru, pushing herself aggressively onto the blonde. Neru reacted appropriately, luckily for Miku, and returned the passionate kiss Miku had pressed onto her lips. Whenever she heard Neru going on so passionately, Miku couldn't help herself. She loved Neru so much, no matter how much that girl could piss her off. She loved Neru more than anyone.

Of course, within moments, she'd be forced to recall the hatred they mutually shared, a hatred that she feared might never go away.

. . .

It had been fully expected that the two would break up after a few weeks, and break up they did, at least in private. In the midst of a fight, Neru had called it off, saying she had no use for a clingy diva Vocaloid who was constantly insulting her. Miku had screamed at Neru for being so irresponsible and refusing to acknowledge her mistakes, because, each time they fought, Neru would just brush it off with a smile that she knew made Miku melt, and Miku's resolve was always taken away from her. Neru took advantage of her, Miku insisted. Miku looked down on her, Neru returned. They shouted accusations back and forth for what felt like hours, even if it was a mere forty-three minutes. They'd decided to split up then, even if it wasn't entirely what either one wanted.

They agreed on one thing, though: the breakup would remain between them. They didn't want to listen to the I-told-you-so's of the other Vocaloids. They didn't want to have friends attempting to comfort them. After all, they both knew in their hearts that they didn't want to be broken up; they wished they could just love each other properly. But, they couldn't. No matter what, they couldn't be in love, at least not like how normal people were in love. After all, there was no one Miku hated more than Neru, and Neru hated Miku more than anyone else. As much as there was love there, the hate was still omnipresent.

Their relationship didn't change after their breakup, however. Miku would still come into Neru's room, where they'd talk and do things much more intimate than that. Neru would still constantly yearn for Miku's attention, even if fighting was the only way she could manage to get it most of the time. They still fought. They still bit their tongues whenever they considered saying 'I love you'. They were broken up, after all, because they hated each other. They couldn't stand being apart, though, and it frustrated them more than anything.

One day, when Miku was leaning over Neru to gaze at her computer screen, she murmured to the Boukaloid, "Neru?"

"Mm?" grunted Neru in response, still investigating the progress on the phone's latest model.

"You know I hate you, right?"

"Yep."

"Do you hate me?"

"Yep."

A brief moment of silence followed until Miku asked quietly, "Do you love me?"

Neru didn't look away from her computer screen as she replied, "Yep." Then, after a quiet moment, she added, "And I really hate that."

Miku stood there, staring at the screen in silence, before finally replying herself, "I love you, too. And I really hate it."