Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
Author's Note: This is a one-shot Inuyasha songfic to 1/3 no Jounjou na Kanjou. The original song is in Japanese but the English translations that I am using are from animelyrics.com. The tone of the song doesn't really work with the fic but the words do so I used them. If you have the Inuyasha and Kagome love theme, 'Forever Love' or the love theme from the first movie, 'Feelings that Transcend Time,' I suggest that you play it while reading this fic. It's what I was listening to while writing it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kagome sat in the shade of the towering Goshinboku. She was reclined against the thick trunk, legs extended and crossed at the ankles, overall in a very comfortable position. Her eyes were closed, her ears picking up the sounds of the woods around her. Things she normally would miss were clear to her, the soft whistling of the wind and the rustling of the leaves just above her head.
But, as usual, her thoughts drifted to the only one who affected her this way. "Inuyasha . . . " the whisper left her lips softly, the sound disappearing in the breeze that brushed past her, gently shifting her clothing and hair. Kagome lifted her hands from her lap, absently tucking her hair back behind her ear.
'What does he hear?' she found herself wondering, 'If he listens, what can he find?'
She smiled, Inuyasha's ears appearing in her mind, she could almost feel their soft texture on her fingers from the one time she had reached out to touch them, right before he had been released. Her thoughts had her opening her eyes slowly, her gaze drawn to the worn patch of bark where Inuyasha had been kept for fifty years. Her smile faded. Kikyo had trapped him there.
Kikyo . . .
Always, her thoughts were drawn from Inuyasha to Kikyo. It always came down to that didn't it? She closed her eyes once more, blocking that thought before the images and memories could come. Kikyo still loved Inuyasha. She chose to die with him. Kikyo would always come first.
I love you so much it's tearing me apart
But I can't say even 1/3 of this
She wondered. Did he know how much she loved him? But then . . . did it matter if he knew? His heart still belonged to Kikyo. Still . . . should she tell him? No. It was better if he kept guessing. Then, he could make his choice himself. He didn't have to know. And then . . . if he chose to go to hell with Kikyo . . . he would be in peace . . . with no regrets . . .and he would be happy.
That was all she wanted really. If he was happy, she would be happy for him. And then, somehow, she would move on, with no regrets . . .
These pure feelings are all in vain
I can't even say "I love you," my heart
Until she died.
She drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her bent legs. Kagome hid her face against her knees, trying to hide the sudden rush of sorrow that threatened to make her start crying. She rocked herself slowly, back and forth.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Inuyasha had watched her go down the familiar path into his woods. She had assured him that she was only going for a walk, and not to the old well, the only portal to her world. She had left her bag, still brimming with items brought from her most recent trip but still, he could not shake the feeling that she was going to leave him . . . again.
And so, he's done the only thing he could think of . . . he followed her. He watched in surprise when she walked past the clearing with the well without a glance in its direction.
'Stupid bitch,' he thought, confusion more than anger coloring his tone, 'Where does she think she's going?'
He watched her from above, waiting until she was out of hearing distance before leaping to bring her into his view once again. He watched in pure bewilderment when she stopped at the clearing where the Goshinboku stood.
He watched her face carefully for any emotion that could give away the reason she was here. Kagome's eyes glazed over as she watched the tree, her expression growing dreamy. Inuyasha could figure out no reason as to her behavior but stood silently and motionless while she walked slowly forwards until she stood next to the giant tree, climbing over the roots until she had reached the highest.
She had turned then, brushing out her skirt and sitting carefully on the thick root. Kagome stretched, her arms and legs extending to their fullest. She relaxed, crossing her ankles and folding her hands in her lap. Her eyes trailed the clearing, taking in every detail. For a moment, Inuyasha froze, thinking he had been found but when her eyes moved past him, he relaxed.
Her eyes slid shut and he clearly read that she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Inuyasha shifted, lowering himself so that he was seated on the branch, one leg curled to his chest and the other dangling off the edge. He leaned back, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes trained on the girl unaware of his presence.
Inuyasha watched her carefully, wanting to know what had drawn her to this place, without protection. She had left her bow and arrows back with her pack and would have been completely defenseless to any youkai that may have decided to attack her.
But his thoughts were soon distracted as he watched her brush back her hair with slim fingers, the wind bringing him her sweet scent. Inuyasha's eyes slid shut, inhaling deeply. A small smile crossed his face at the calm and gentleness her scent reminded him of.
On long, sleepless evenings my thoughts
of you
Whisper to me "It must be love"
He knew he loved her. Denying it to everyone, even to himself but he knew. He had always known, that he loved her. But what had he to offer her? He was a hanyou. A disgusting half breed. Humans were scared of him and demon's wanted to kill him. He couldn't give her anything.
A small part of his mind argued against him. Kagome wasn't like that. Kagome who stayed with him. Kagome who fought to return to him. Kagome who cried for him. Kagome who accepted him for who he was. Kagome . . .
The smile had been completely whipped from his face and his thoughts turned to Kikyo. As she had once said, his life belonged to her. Kikyo wanted him dead. Kikyo . . . He couldn't go with her now. Kagome needed him and though he would not admit it out loud, he needed her.
This throbbing that endlessly speaks to
me
Changes into a feverish sigh
Give me smile and shine days
His eyes snapped open when he heard the nearly silent whisper, hearing his name. His muscles tensed, preparing to bolt but when his eyes focused on her form, he relaxed, her eyes were still closed and his heart skipped at the soft smile that graced her lips.
With your smile
I'm able to withstand
The cold of the freezing nights
Despite the grimness of his thoughts just moments ago, he felt the corners of his mouth twitching in response to the gentle smile across Kagome's. Yes, he loved her. He knew that the intensity of his golden eyes softened the longer he watched her.
He longed to go to her . . . but couldn't. When the quest was over, Naraku defeated, she would go back. Back to her own time, never to return. He couldn't hold her here.
Did she know how much he loved her? How much he longed to hold her in his arms, never letting her go? Did she know? No. No, she couldn't know. Kagome wasn't the type that would be able to hide something like that. That was one of the things he loved about her. How everything was clear in her eyes. She didn't know.
I love you so much it's tearing me apart
But I can't say even 1/3 of this
He couldn't tell her. He wouldn't be able to. And he couldn't keep her in this world. She would have to go back. And she would be happy not knowing. And then she would forget. Over time, she would forget about how her life was in Sengoku Jidai until it became just a story for her to tell her children. She would find a nice human man to spend the rest of her life with and she would be . . . happy.
And he would die.
These pure feelings are all in vain
I can't even say "I love you," my heart
Without her, he would die. Of that he was certain. Perhaps when she left, he would go down to hell with Kikyo. Then they would both be happy. And he would never have to know the pain of living without her by his side.
His ears twitched to catch the soft sobs that drifted towards him and he turned his attention to Kagome. She was crying. Her face was hidden and she was trying to stop but none the less. She was crying.
When the wind once again brought him her scent, it was laced with sorrow and despair and he felt his heart lurch at the pain in it. So unlike the calm and joy of before. Why was she crying? She wasn't hurt . . . He watched her shaking shoulders desperately, barely aware that his legs were pulling up so he was crouched on the branch.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If Kagome heard the sudden rush of air beside her, she gave no notice to it. But she stiffened when an arm wrapped around her shoulders. She lifted her head slowly, her eyes only connecting for a second with Inuyasha before she dropped her gaze once more, lifting her arm to wipe her face dry with the sleeve.
The weak smile she gave him had his heart lurching all over again and he pulled her against him, tugging her off the root entirely. Inuyasha lifted her up, settling himself against the tree trunk on the same root she had been sitting on. He settled her in his lap carefully, his arms wrapped around her shaking form.
"Inu . . . Inuyasha?" she whispered, a thin line of tears running down each cheek.
Inuyasha's only response was to tug her tighter against his chest. Squeezing her against him. His voice was soft when he finally spoke, "Please don't cry, Kagome. Please."
Kagome pulled back to look at him, searching his face and finding what she was looking for. She nodded, wiping her tears dry. She tangled her hands in his haori, pressing back into his chest. They were silent for the next moments, not moving at all but there was a certain tenseness in the way Kagome was sitting. But when after those moments, Inuyasha did nothing but hold her, she began to relax. Her fingers flexed against the muscles of his chest through the fabric and she unclenched her hands.
Her eyes were sliding shut when her ears barely caught the whisper of her name. "Inuyasha," she said in response, her voice equally as quiet but certain he had heard. She shifted, pressing her cheek where she could feel his heart beating strongly.
Inuyasha slowly lifted his hand to cup her cheek, urging her face away from his chest. He smiled at her when she looked up at him. It was soft and comforting, lacking the usual arrogance his features usually possessed.
Kagome felt her heart jump and a light blush rose on her cheeks.
Just like the summer rains that moisten
my dry skin
Your smile is dazzling
Give me smile and shine days
She found that she couldn't look away from the warmth in his amber eyes. The tears ran unnoticed to her down her face but Inuyasha saw them all to well. He couldn't stop himself from lifting his hand to cup her face, his thumbs brushing away the moisture with a gentleness that surprised her. Her eyes were wide and liquid with emotion.
Please don't get look so grave
Because no matter what problems we have
We'll get over the obstacles
"Inu . . . yasha . . . ?" she breathed, confusion evident in her eyes and voice. Inuyasha would not answer the query in her voice, asking a question of his own, "Why are you crying, Kagome?"
She blinked, unsure how to answer such a question, spoken in a way that made her want to melt against him. "I . . . I . . ." Kagome stumbled over her response, her thoughts muddled and confused at his behavior.
"You what, Kagome?" Inuyasha would not look away from her and his thumbs absently stroked over the soft skin of her cheeks.
No matter how much I love you
I wonder if you would hear these thoughts
"I . . . It's nothing, Inuyasha," she had finally gathered enough of her thoughts to form a response but still, her voice was thin and whisper soft. She was mesmerized by his eyes and she felt guilty for lying to him but she pushed it down, telling herself to imagine what his response would be should she tell him the truth.
Inuyasha could tell that she was preparing to push herself out of his lap but his hands released her face and went around her back to pull her against him once again. She stiffened, not knowing what to make of the blatant embrace. She tried to lean back to look at his face but the muscles in his arms tightened, warning her that he was not going to let her move away from him.
When I can watch you the words I can't
say
Dance in the skies
"Tell me, Kagome," he murmured, breathing in her fresh scent. There was something in his tone that warned her that lying was not an option.
"I was . . . I was thinking. That's all, Inuyasha," her voice shook despite her best efforts to sound convincing.
"What were you thinking about?" his voice a subtle caress on its own, while his hand stroked her hair slowly.
Kagome was in a state of shock. Nothing he was doing was making any sense to her jumbled mind. She responded slowly, hesitantly, but rambling all the same. "I . . . I was . . . nothing . . . It . . . wasn't . . . It wasn't important."
It was obvious that he didn't believe her, even to her own scrambled thoughts but to her relief, he just sighed and nodded. This was so unlike him that Kagome almost tumbled from his arms and would have had he not been holding her so tightly. She shifted once more so that she was straddling his legs instead of sitting across them. She looked at him, confusion and curiosity warring for dominance in her eyes and he could tell when she opened her mouth, she would ask questions that he would be unable to answer.
The truth of the matter was that he didn't know why he was acting the way he was. He hated seeing her cry. He always did. But why? Why did he care if she was upset? And why was he holding her now? There had been so many times . . . so many times she had cried and he had never gone to her before. Always suppressing the strong urge to comfort her like she had comforted him so many times before.
But then . . . what had changed? Was this any different? No . . . then why?
He had felt the jolting pain when he had thought she was going to leave him behind. Running to her world as she always did when she could. But then, she had passed it and hadn't even considered leaving. What did it mean?
The more we're apart
The more I realize you're the one I love
Did it mean that she was finally accepting that she belonged here? With them? With him?
Even
when I wish, no matter how hard I wish
I can still feel the painful distance, my heart
Where did that come from? He couldn't say when he had begun to think like this. Thinking that she belonged here with them. Thinking that she belonged with him. The longer he spent time with her, the more he was aware of his feelings for the girl. But it wasn't possible that they could be together in the end.
He was a hanyou from five hundred years in her past. She was a human, who lived in the future and called it her home. She would grow old and die someday. He would not.
Kagome could almost feel the depression that his thoughts had fallen into and she reacted to it almost instantly, lifting her hand up to lightly touch his face. Inuyasha's eyes jumped down to hers, startled at the sudden contact. She smiled at him, her eyes filled with concern and warmth for him.
Give me smile and shine
days
Give me smile and nice days
He leaned towards those eyes, almost completely unaware of it. Their noses were almost to the point of touching when she murmured, "Inuyasha . . ."
He pulled back in surprise. Had he almost done what he thought he had? He had been close. So close to revealing his feelings about her.
Kagome blinked, breaking the heat of her eyes to his and his eyes to hers. He had . . . Inuyasha had almost kissed her. She had felt the warmth of his breath on her lips. Everything in her screamed that she wanted him to but then he had moved away. What did it mean?
She pulled back to look fully into his face and he let her, reluctantly.
If only I could hold onto you
With these arms
Her eyes were wide and a blush was spread over her cheeks but still she looked into his eyes once again. Inuyasha could feel the heat in his own gaze and knew that she could. She was leaning forwards just as he had done, her eyes captivated by his own. But just as suddenly as she had begun, she stopped, her lips a breath away from his.
No matter how much I love you
I wonder if you would hear these thoughts
Her eyes were half closed and her lips parted. But before they could touch she froze, the light blush darkening and she hid her face against his throat. Inuyasha was in a state of shock. What was wrong with him?
Even though in my dreams
I certainly should have been able to say them
Why was he reacting so strongly to her? Inuyasha pushed the questions from his mind. The more he thought, the most confusing the questions became. It had never happened before. The urge to hold her had always been there but he had always been able to push it down. But now . . . He was holding her and finding it hard not to kiss her.
She was shaking against his chest. She wasn't crying, he knew that but her scent clearly told him that something was distressing her. He couldn't bring himself to lift up her face and ask what was wrong, the fear that he would do something irrational locking his muscles.
I love you so much it's tearing me apart
But I can't say even 1/3 of this
Kagome was disgusted at her trembling but the force of her emotions had been enough to scare her into it. She had been with him for ages it seemed. But he had never acted like this towards her, nor had she acted like this to him. It scared her that she could not handle the urges that rocked through her every time her eyes caught the heat in his.
She loved him. But he could never know. And despite her best efforts, a single tear made it's way down her cheek.
These pure feelings are all in vain
I can't even say "I love you," my heart
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Author's Note: The End. *sigh* I'm having a bit of a writers block with 'The Prophecy.' And I can't work on 'Forlorn Hope' until Tan-chan comes back from vacation so, I wrote this as an apology to my delay in updating. I hope to update both stories soon and maybe restart on some of the ones that I have on hold. Until then. Ja.