Chapter 1

7:16pm

She looked as though she would pass out at any given second. With her glassy red eyes and her matted hair that was tied into a ponytail, she was having the hardest of time trying not to freak out. Erin have been running across her tiny one bedroom apartment, looking for her keys. She swore she had left it by the dresser this morning but no matter how many times, she went back and forth across the small space, it was nowhere to be found.

"I'm going to be late! I'm going to be late!" she chanted to herself, still running around. She can't afford losing her job or not getting paid today, she needed the money.

That's what she kept saying.

Her job at Double Dzz was the only consistent being that had happened to her ever since she started working there almost six years ago. The job, though not a conventional one nor a reputable one, kept her afloat, kept the bill paid, electricity running and food in their stomachs. Even if it's just the bare minimum, they've survived worse.

There was only one rule in that rowdy establishment and that was to not be late. Being late equals to not being paid. And not being paid equals to not paying the bills or buying food. And not eating equals to death.

Death

She stopped to contemplate at thought of death, she wouldn't mind being a corpse at this point. No one would've even noticed she was gone. She could be lying dead in an alley and still no one would care. Her life have been and will always be miserably miserable. A struggle that could be dated back to her childhood.

She had accepted what was given to her. She had no choice but to. This was her life. Her fate. And her doing.

At times she would find herself thinking of ways to go, to run away, to leave from this world. A world where she didn't want to be in.

Slitting her wrists.

But she was terrified at the sight of blood.

Jumping off a skyscraper.

But what if she changed her mind halfway through the drop.

Shooting herself in the head.

But that was too messy. Brain matter will splatter all over the walls.

Overdosing on drugs.

But she can't do that. She can't be like her mother.

All that were just thoughts; she knew she couldn't do it. And she felt selfish and guilty for even having such inkings. She couldn't leave him here, all alone, motherless. Having practically grown up without a mother, she knows the struggle and she doesn't want him to face the world the same way she did.

She couldn't leave Noah.

One might think that, having an addict for a mother, she would've known what not to do to follow in her mother's footsteps. But one can only imagine how one mistake could lead to. One couldn't have ever known that it could have led to a never ending series of mistakes and regrets.

"Noah, Noah, shhhhh..."

Having a baby wailing on the top of his lungs wasn't helping in her finding her keys any faster. He's fussing about god knows what and Erin's about to bash her head against the wall.

Maybe that's a better way to die.

"Oh god! Noah, please stop crying! Just wait a second. Mommy needs to find her keys so she can work and buy you food and clothes." she cried, bouncing him on her hip ever so often as she still ran around the apartment.

But, like babies are, he didn't listen. And started squirming in her hold, only screaming even louder for attention. His ear screeching cries rang violently in her eardrums. She was sure it's only a matter of seconds before all her neighbours started banging at her door, yelling to shut her baby up.

"Ok. Ok. I'm sorry, Noah. Mommy's gonna get you your bottle." she switched him to her other side as her arm started cramping against his weight. She quickly got his bottle out from the cabinet and reached for the canister that was sitting on the counter.

The moment she opened the can, she felt the corners of her lips twitch into a frown. And all she wanted to do was to wail alongside her child. The barely-there specks of powder covered the bottom of the can.

It was almost empty.

"Shit!" she pinched the bridge of her nose. A migraine was forming.
She was so tired and busy lately that she must have forgotten to buy his formula. She hadn't slept. She hadn't eaten all day, only a piece of toast, and was fuelled by caffeine and a couple of snorts.

What kind of a mother would forget to buy her baby his milk?

A junkie.

A junkie was the answer.

She had turned into her worst nightmare.

She had turned into Bunny.

But the only difference between the two was that Bunny didn't become a screw up until Erin turned eleven. So, in other words, Bunny's a way better mother than her.

She can't help herself. She just needed that one blow to get her through the day. That's what she kept telling herself. Just one and that's it. Then she kept telling herself the same thing the next week and the next and the next.

A never ending cycle of defeat.

How can she be so selfish and stupid?

Noah managed to let loose another ear piercing scream before the water had even finished heating up. Pouring what was left of the milk powder, she let out a strangled cry. She stared deeply into the pale white colour mixture, she was ashamed.

She is Bunny.

"I'm sorry, love. Mommy will stop. She promise."

Again, that's what she've been saying for the last two months. Ever since she started using again.

"I promise you, baby." she smoothed her cold fingers on his chubby cheeks, wiping off his tears with a sigh as he began sucking on the bottle. With his little body pressed tightly in her arms, she rocked him, trying to get him to fall asleep.

"Oh Noah, you're gonna grow and have a good life. I gonna do what I gotta do."

The last ten months had been bitter sweet. Though it was a daily struggle, her love and devotion for her child kept her going.

"What would I do you, baby?" she asked softy. More to herself than anything. His light blue eyes blinked a few more times up at her before he grew too tired to keep his eye lids open.

She gently lifted him up to her shoulders; gently patting his back, humming a random tune that was playing in her head as she walked out the kitchen to get back to looking for her keys.

7:32pm

She sighed. There was no way in hell she was going to make it all the way to the West Side in time. Plus, not to mention dropping off Noah at her best friend's, Annie, house first.

It just wasn't possible.

A shiny object shone from underneath the couch. She rolled her eyes; it was the one she place she hadn't looked at.

"Bye, Erin. Be careful." Annie whispered, not wanting to wake the sleeping toddler in her arms.

"I will." Erin gave her a thin smile before placing a kiss on top of her baby's head, "Bye, baby. Mommy will be back in the morning."

It was hard.

Sometimes she had to remind herself that whatever she was doing was for a good cause, that one day it would all pay off. Even if it meant going through some very sketchy situations and paths for a while. Her son deserved better. A life that she never had.

She practically sprinted through the backdoors of Double Dzz in the hopes that Bunny didn't notice her being late. But that was impossible, she knew one of these ladies had already ratted her out.

She surveyed the area, behind the curtains, there stood numerous customers tonight. It was definitely a bachelor party. She was sure of it. And Erin can help but feel the pang of jealousy erupt from deep in her belly.

Half naked girls.

Belligerent drunk men screaming profanities.

It disgusts her.

She disgust her.

She was jealous of those girl since she could've made double tonight. Or even triple.

"You're late!" Bunny exclaimed the second Erin walked into the damp dressing room. The music blaring outside was still evident inside as it muffled and vibrated.

She scowled at her mother. Rolling her eyes as she plopped onto a chair. There was no point in arguing with Bunny, she wouldn't listen. Even to help her very own daughter, she wouldn't.

"Don't give me that attitude. You know the rules, dandelion."

"Bunny, can't you just give me a pass this once. There's a party out there and I could be making double tonight."

"The rules are the rules, sweetie."

"But I'm your daughter." she crossed her arms around her chest like a five year old that didn't get her way.

"All of you girls are my daughters."

Erin doesn't know if Bunny had said that with the cruel intent to break her heart but she'd like to think she didn't. She'd like to think that it was just a slip, that her mother loves her more than those bitches.

But I'm your real daughter! was what she wanted to scream. Deciding against that since she really didn't have the energy to get into an argument with her tonight.

Maybe another night.

Erin narrowed her eyes at her mother, biting her tongue to refrain herself. That comment had hurt her more than she'd care to admit.

She shrugged, "What am I supposed to do then? I don't have any money for Noah's formula."

"Maybe you shouldn't have him in the first place. Maybe you should've gotten rid of him when you had a chance. I know I should have." she spat and Erin still refrained herself from punching her mother. Knowing very well that Bunny wouldn't think twice in firing her, her own daughter. Even when knowing this job was all she got.

"Get into something cute. You got clients tonight." Bunny said before closing the door.

Standing in the middle of the dressing room, she doesn't know if she should be glad or disgusted at herself.

This was the last client for the night and it was already past four in the morning. She had been working all night and almost all morning.

She was exhausted. She was sore, bruised and she don't think she could take one more asshole tearing up her insides anymore.

Spending the last fifteen minutes in the hotel bathroom trying to cover the forming bruise on her left cheek with makeup since the previous customer had gotten too rowdy and wanted to do something that she was uncomfortable with.

"You're a fucking prostitute. Who cares if you're uncomfortable!" he growled at her, landing a punch to her left cheek.

She gave in and did what he wanted.

She may be exactly that but that didn't mean she deserved to be treated like an animal.

She has feeling. Just like everyone else in this world.

Erin sighed inwardly as she entered yet another classy hotel room. Normally, people who walk into these sort of rooms would be somewhat happy. She was sure they would be feeling what she's feeling right now.

Cheap

One might think she must have gotten used to the feeling by now but she hasn't.

Six years.

She was starting to think this was all she was worth for the rest of her life. This was who she'll be for the rest of her life.

It's been six years and she's still where she was six years ago.

Broke and broken.

You're doing this for your boy.

But was she really doing all this just for Noah?

Her eyes were fixed on the man sitting on the bed in an expensive-looking suit. He wasn't bad looking just rough around the edges. But he was sneering at her like she was a rabid dog. She forced a smile to lighten the atmosphere. A fake smile that didn't show her dimple. A smile she had perfected in the mirror everyday. A smile that masked a deep seated regret. A smile that said please don't kill me. Every door she walked right into was like playing Russian roulette. She will never really know until she pull the trigger.

Studying him intently, she have had one too many clients just like him. One too many that looked like a trust fund baby, a brat. Rich and entitled.

A psycho stockbroker from The Loop.

The room looked cold and the air conditioning that was lightly blowing, wasn't helping either. Erin knew she had goosebumps all over her legs, the ones that were thin and spindly and covered in bruises. The leather skirt she had on barely covered her ass but it was what clients expected.

She wasn't one to disappoint.

"So I guess you had a long day at work." Erin whispered sexily, making her way over to the bed, straddling the man while loosening his tie with one of her hands.

"And you need something to destress..." she continued releasing the tie from under the man's shirt and started to unbutton his collar.

"What do you have in mind?" the man asked, playing along with Erin's act all the while kneading her ass that was readily available for him.

"Well," she started, unbuttoning his shirt further until all of the buttons were undone. "How about you do me?" she whispered into his ear, purposely pushing her breast into his face.

"I'll settle for that." the man said, kissing her roughly as she pushed him down so that he was laying on the bed with her still on top of him.

And that was that.

They had sex. Meaningless sex that did nothing for the both of them. But being this close to someone made her feel better for a while though. Not for long, only until those few seconds of intense high off of pleasure brought her back to the ultimate low.

Was the sex mind blowing?

No.

Does it pay the bills?

Yes.

Would she not do this if she was given a choice?

Yes. But this was all she've ever known; to sell herself. That's what she excels at. With no degree, high school diploma or even a GED, she can't get a job. It's virtually impossible for a woman with a rap sheet as long as hers to ever find a job. It's impossible. Only a miracle could get her a new job. And miracles do not exist.

She never should've made that mistake.

The mistake that cost her her life.

She left with cash in her hand, the fake smile plastered across her face after she had whispered something dirty to the man to which he smiled. Now came the part she dreaded the most.

The walk of shame.

Walking out the lobby, she felt even more disgusted at herself than when she first walked in.

Eyes.

Dozens of pairs.

They were all gawking at her.

They know.

They know what had just went on upstairs.

Even through her long coat, she knows they know. She could be a businesswoman on a business trip. But that was far fetched.

They definitely know.

There was no way to mask what was dirty beneath.

Her.

It's already half past six in the morning when Erin finally got to go back home. Another long, exhausting day but she survived. That was all that mattered. She wasn't that badly hurt. Just a couple of bruises.

She'll live.

Erin threw the door open before shuddering at the blast of cold air that hit her face which was now free from makeup.

This was a ritual she had become accustomed to over the couple of years. She would look at herself in the mirror and see a life she didn't want others to see. A life that no one would want to be a part in. No one would ever want to be with someone who sells their body for a living. No one has and no one will. That's for certain.

So she would take a makeup removal wipe and slowly swipe across the colourful paint that hid who she really is.

A single mom with slight problem.

"$430." she shrugged. It was what she was left with after handing Bunny her twenty percent. Since she was the one who provided her with the customers, it is only fair that she gets a fair amount. Even she did all the heavy lifting.

Rent, electricity, groceries, debt, babysitting, miscellaneous expenses. At this point with $430, the only money she had at the moment, this life would never end. But it had to. She can't live this way for the rest of her life.

Noah's formula. Noah's formula.

That was what she kept chanting to herself all night especially when that bastard sucker punched her, when all she wanted to do was run.

She'll make it her life's mission for Noah to never find out what she had to do to get through life. Never.

Tears formed in her eyes as she took a short walk to the grocery store. She looked down at her hands. Calloused hands and bony, she hated this life. She hated who she've become. If only she finished school, she probably wouldn't be in this position.

25 with no degree; it's too late for any positivity now.

She was so wrapped up in her head that when she turned a corner, her face collided into a man's chest.

The impact was so harsh that it literally took her breath away and she stumbled backwards.

Like Newton's third law of motion. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

"I'm so sorry. Are you alright, ma'am?" he asked as he tried to steady her by holding her arms.

"Yes. Now get your hands off me." she said and he quickly dropped his hands to his side. She hated being touched by men. It frightens her. They frighten her. They never really gave her a reason to not not be scared.

"I'm so sorry, ma'am. I didn't mean to offend you."

"Yeah, sure, whatever assho-" she looked up at him, so ready to get blow up at him, so ready to scream at him. But just like that a sense of calm washed over her. Something she hadn't felt in ten months.

Ever since Noah was born.

He has the most calming shades of blue irises she've ever since. Just like Noah's.

She smiled. A genuine smile. The ones that showed her set of everlasting dimples. "Uh, no..."

He raised his eyebrows with a small smirk and cocked his head to the side. The curl of his lips as he clenched his jaw made her feel warm inside. She haven't felt this way in a very long time. Too long and now it almost seemed foreign.

She laughed a little, realising then that she didn't make any sense. "I mean thank you."

But then his expression changed, the smile that made her feel safe and warm was replaced a look of genuine concern. Nobody has ever looked at her this way.

Nobody.

Not her parents.

Bunny didn't even bat an eye or even care to ask about the black eye. She just went on about her day like it wasn't even there.

The bruise.

Of course he had noticed the discoloured patch of broken blood vessels.

"What happened to your face?" his voice laced with care that only seemed to infuriate her.

He doesn't care about her.

"Oh this." she huffed, brushing over the sting and she knows he noticed the large purple mark marring the skin in her wrist.
"Nothing. Just fell." she said, tugging at the material, covering the vice. She doesn't know why she felt the need to explain herself to a complete stranger.

He doesn't know her.

She doesn't know him.

Things should just stay that way.

With his knitted brows and narrowed blue pearls, she can sense that he doesn't believe her.

"If someone's hurting you I can help you."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes at him.

Why was he doing this?

Why does he even care to ask?

Why doesn't he just mind his own business?

She doesn't need help and definitely not his.

"I'm fine. I don't need your help." she spat, side eyeing with more venom than necessary as she attempted to move past him.

Pulling something out of his back pocket, Erin watched as he open out his wallet. Her face scrunched in disgust. She doesn't need his pity money.

"Ma'am, here's my number. Feel free to call me if...you want." he said as he pulled out his business card.

Snatching the small card out of his hand, she felt a breath caught in her throat as their skin grazed. She shouldn't be feeling this way. It doesn't make any sense.

Det. Jay Halstead

Great. A cop.

Life had thought her to never trust cops. They only care for their own. Once they got whatever they needed, they just eventually throw you under the bus.

He wouldn't want to help her after finding out what she really does for a living. Dozens of girls just like her goes missing everyday, the cops are very much aware of the epidemic but they don't seem to care enough to do anything about it.

They're just worthless hookers who do not deserve respect for the profession they're in.

Enraged, "I don't need your help!" she thrusted the card harshly in his chest, "I'm not a charity case, Mr. Detective."

"Thank god! You're back!" Annie exclaimed as she turned around from where she and Noah sat reading on the couch upon hearing Erin enter the apartment.

"Mama!" Noah cried happily as he crawled down of Annie's lap and ran for his mother. Going as fast as his little legs prevailed with Annie right on his tail to make sure he didn't hurt himself.

"Hi, baby!" she gave a smile as she placed the groceries by the side of the door and hung her coat.

"I'm so sorry I'm late...had a long day, you know..." she said as she scooped Noah up in her arms who have given up on running after he stumbled and swiftly crawled the rest of the way to his mother.

"I was starting to get worried." Annie said quietly.

Erin understood her concerns. For all Annie knows, she could be lying dead in an alley.

"Anyway, we had lots of fun, didn't we, Noah?" she cooed to the toddler after the long silence. He quickly looked up at his mother and begun babbling incoherently.

Erin looked down at her miracle she had created. She was wrong; she's not alone. She has Noah to live for. Every time his piercing blue eyes fluttered up at her, she would fall deeper in love with him. She can't believe it was possible for her to create something so beautiful, so full of innocence, so pure and clean out of all wrongs in her life. She was nothing before him. He changed her for the better. Of all the mistakes she had ever made in her entire life, Noah was not one of them.

Annie left a while later after helping her make lunch. For the first time in months, she finally had a warm meal to comfort her. She had almost forgotten what chicken taste like. It was heavenly though it was a little dry.

She tried to focus on humming a random song to put her fussy baby to sleep since she as well desperately need one but the harder she tried to concentrate, the more he didn't leave her mind. She was so rude to him. He was just being friendly. She just wasn't used to people being nice to her for no reason.

But no one's ever friendly if they didn't want something in return.

"Detective Jay Halstead." she said in a whisper and smiled. He seemed like he would be amazing with kids.

Noah would've loved him.

It's a good thing she'll never see him again.

Hey guys! Started a new fanfic! Here's the first installment. Please feel free to review and let me know how it went! I'd love to know what you guys think about it! Thanks!