I don't know what I'm doing right now but…padre forgive me for I have sinned. :p I don't own anything but this stories plot. This is just a humor one shot o.o
The short angel stood before the older hunter, his blue eyes seemed as if they could be staring through his soul; like he was trying to understand what Deans motive was. Dean stood relaxed, slightly intoxicated but sober enough to know what he was doing was wrong, on so many different levels. Castiel tilted his head for just a moment as he continued to examine the hunter and his features; he finally spoke, his voice was gruff and deep.
"Dean, is this necessary?"
"…Come on, Cas. Of course it is, just do it." Dean said as he gave the angel slap on the back in hopes he would actually try it. The angel continued to ponder as Dean to another drink from his beer bottle, finishing it off; he decided to give Cas some time to think while we went to get another. He walked off into the kitchen in Bobby's house, opening the old fridge and pulled out a beer. He leaned against the counter for a moment while opening it and taking another drink.
Sam was out, along with Bobby as they all had a little bit of free time, unable to find a hunt. Dean had decided to stay at around for once, with the Angel that he just loved to antagonize. Dean let a devious smile cross his lips before he walked back into the living area, sitting down on the old couch as he looked up at the angel with lidded eyes. Castiel didn't seem to move from his spot until Dean had come back into the room; the angel gave Dean a disapproving look for a moment.
"If…this is really what you require of me, I will do it." Castiel sighed on the last word, but stood tall, well, as tall as he could be. He couldn't bring himself to understand Deans motive, but a part of him thought, it couldn't be that terrible.
Dean had to hold back from choking on his beer for a moment, his eyes went wide; pressing his lips together tight to keep from laughing or smiling. Dean nodded at the angel slightly before standing and slapping him on the back once more before he slightly pushed Cas from the room. The angel disappeared from the home to wherever. Dean held his hand over his mouth a let out a small burst of laughter into it, taking a long breathe and shaking his head; the hunter walked back over to the couch to wait. He saw Sam's laptop on the table, leaning over and pulling it up, he opened it and pulled up a tab where Sam's history had popped up. Dean couldn't help himself as he began to scroll through.
"Shifters, shifters, YouTube…" Dean read through, bored with the results when he finally hit something he would regret ever looking at for the rest of his life.
"A guide to rimming, for beginners. " Dean felt like he could throw up as he slammed the laptop closed and put it back on the table; he ran his hands over his face and attempted to clear his mind from the thought of his brother doing…that. Dean inhaled deeply before standing, setting his beer on the table and going out for some fresh air, he didn't expect Cas to be back for a few hours, and he needed to clear his head.
Meanwhile…
Castiel stood inside the large store; sections broke off with labels such as "Teddies, Nighties, Lingerie, chemise lingerie, bustier… Castiel let his eyes narrow slightly, ignoring the different women that were staring at him with strange, almost lustful looks on some. The angel in the trench coat made his way towards the section with the large red letters on a board that read "NIGHTIES". His eyes wandered over the different types of nighties, going from a set of short, lingerie type of clothing. The angel raised a confused brow slightly at the sight of one specific dress type nightie, the bust area was cut out, little shining bead like things hung around that area, it was cut short to high thigh, very revealing. Castiel shook his head slightly, he couldn't imagine anybody wearing something like that, before his mind shifted to the strip club Dean had taken the angel too, he remembered the woman who he had scared away, a small crack of a smile pressed on his lips. The angel was knocked out of his thoughts as he felt a light tap of his vessels shoulder; he turned slightly to see a woman. The woman smiled slightly, her eyes resting on the man's lips, almost as if she couldn't snatch her eyes away from them. She was fairly tall, she wore a tight pair of jeans and a revealing black tank top with the words "Kinks for all" on the front of it.
"Excuse me, sir?" Her voice was soft, high, almost like he was nervous. "Is there anything I can help you with? Shopping for you wife, are you?" She grinned at him, licking her lips for a moment, her voice shifting flirtatious.
"I do not have a wife, I am shopping for myself." Castiel was oblivious to the woman and her flirting as he turned back to the racks of clothing, running over a few more white nighties, hoping to find one less revealing. The woman blinked several times, her jaw dropped slightly before he shook her head and walked off, wordless.
Castiel pulled out a knee length nightie, it was white, it had sheer sleeves and a button down front where the bust was, it was clearly made for a larger woman, or an average sized man such as Castiel. The angel walked through the store with his head held high, women continued to stare at the oblivious 'man'. He set the nightie on the desk where a woman stood by a cash register. She pressed her lips together and held her face to keep from smiling, it wasn't often she saw men in here, but she wasn't one to judge… She rung up the price tag that hung by the sheer sleeve. The numbers on the little register read "$65.00"; Castiel tilted his head as the woman waited, looking down, he felt around in his vessels pockets, a leather wallet he pulled out. He opened it, and pulled out a few dollars before looking back up at the woman who was desperately trying not to laugh.
"Honey, do you have a card?" She asked; her cheeks were a light shade of pink as she smirked slightly. Castiel looked back at the wallet, there before him was a plastic little card with the name "Jimmy Novak" on it, along with a line of numbers; he handed the card to the woman and she ran it through a contraption before it asked for a 4 digit code. Castiel thought back through his vessels mind, memories of Jimmy entering the numbers 1103, which seemed to be his daughter's birthday. Castiel slowly pressed the numbers, then the button with the green check mark on it and the woman waited as a receipt printed. She folded the nightie neatly and set it in a white bag with the store name on it.
Meanwhile…
Dean pushed the front door to Bobby's house open, letting it slam behind him as he walked in and stepped on the mat. He looked around for Cas for a moment before he shrugged to himself and walked back into the living area that was covered in old books, all set up for a researcher such as Bobby. The hunter ran his hand through his light hair before sitting back down. He closed his eyes for a moment, relaxing and just enjoying the few minutes left he most likely had to himself. It wasn't long before the hunter drifted off; his mind was slipping into a dream-like state.
Dean's eyes opened up in his dream, a woman with semi-dark skin lay next to Dean. All the woman wore was a lacy light pink draw that covered her large busty breasts, a pair of matching pink panties. Dean leaned up from the bed slightly, his eyes running over the busty Asian beauty before him; he raised a brow and grinned slightly. "Well, hello…" The woman smiled at him slightly, leaning up herself; her hand on both sides of her breasts so they popped out with larger cleavage, obvious she wanted the man to stare, she had a lustful look in her eyes. The woman leaned forward more, pressing her lips against the hunters into a soft kiss, her hand slipped up to rest on his jean covered thigh while she let her tongue slip between the man's lips. Dean was only slightly taken off guard by the sweet kiss of the plump lipped beauty, he kissed back slightly, the sound of Def Leppard played in the background, Dean whooped internally as he let his hands slide under the woman's rear, pulling her onto his lap and around his waist so she was straddling him. She tilted her head back slightly; her breasts were at eye level with Dean. He bit his lip slightly and he placed soft kisses along the revealed flesh of her chest, his hands ran down along her ribs over to her back where he fumbled and unhooked her bra, the straps slid down her shoulders and she let it fall off before she pulled Dean closer and began to grind her hips against his waist, his jeans were beginning to feel tighter with ever grind.
"Mmm…Dean…" The woman whispered as her kisses moved along his jaw line to his ear, she nibbled on the lobe for a moment before she let out a whisper of a moan.
"Deaaann…" Her voice trailed as Dean started slightly from his dream.
"Dean…Dean…"
Dean's eyes widened open as Castiel stood over him with a confused look; he held a white bag in his hand. Dean had little beads of sweat on his forehead from the heat of his dream. The hunter gave the angel a dirty look before pushing himself back against the couch.
"Damn it Cas, personal space?!"
"My apologies, Dean." Castiel stepped back from the hunter, his blue eyes never leaving their spot. Dean felt slightly uncomfortable, as there was an actual tightness in his jeans, he pressed his legs together a bit and shifted in his spot before nodding. "So, you're back. You're not going to bitch out on me are you?" Dean raised a brow as he looked up at the angel who tilted his head, ignoring Dean's sarcastic remark.
"No, I'm not going to 'Bitch out'." The sound of Cas swearing made Dean blinked in surprise, his lips curling down in an interested look.
"Oh, okay…" The hunter trailed off as his eyes darted to the bag that was in the angel's hand, a flash went through his mind, just imagining Castiel doing this made him want to bust a gut. Castiel looked at the door for a moment, almost as if he was zoning out. In all truth, Castiel was worrying about Gabriel, he knew all along what was going on with both Sam and Gabriel, and he was just worried that they would decide to show up in the middle of this. Castiel took a few more steps back before he sighed and nodded to Dean, who just grinned wide before the angel disappeared with the sound of a flutter from the room. Idly, Dean wondered what Cas' wings would look like, he figured he'd never see them other than in shadow or when an angel died, and he definitely was not going to let Cas die, so he quickly pushed the thought away as he waited.
Minutes passed by, before the sound of a few steps came from the other room. Dean looked up, along with leaning with a grin; this was going to be just perfect.
"Hold on!" Dean yelled out to Cas as he quietly pulled up the video to Like a Virgin by Madonna, the music began to play as the angel slowly stepped out to the beat of the music, once he was out in sight, Deans face had turned red from trying not to laugh.
The angel wore a tight nightie that was white, sheer short sleeves over his surprisingly light muscular arms; the nightly clung around him slightly, it only went up to his middle thigh area, the moment was golden.
The angel sang along to the voice of Madonna as he moved around the room, not so gracefully waving his hips to the music.
"…I made it through the wilderness; somehow I made it through… Somehow I made it through,
didn't know how lost I was, until I found youuuu."
Dean was snickering across the room like a little bitch as the angel held his head high with confidence in what he did; he seemed to have no shame.
"I was beat incomplete
I'd been had, I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
Shiny and new.." The angel continued to slowly dance and prance through the room, he held his arms high on the last note, the nightie lifting higher on the angels muscular thighs. Dean would never admit it, but aside from the humor of what was going on, he couldn't help but stare at every bare bit of Cas' skin.
"Like a virgin
Touched for the very first time
Like a virgin
When your heart beats (after first time, with your heartbeat)
Next to mine
Gonna give you all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
Cause only love can last
You're so fine and you're mine
Make me strong, yeah you make me bold
Oh your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was scared and cold"
The angel stood before the hunter, swinging his thin hips around to the beat, his eyes didn't hold much other than focus. Dean was turning red once again, even hearing Castiel say "Gonna give you all my love, boy" is what was killing him in that very moment. He couldn't hold it in much longer.
"Oooh, oooh, oooh
You're so fine and you're mine
I'll be yours till the end of time
Cause you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
I've nothing to hide
Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgi-"
"Cas! S-..Stop!" Dean had to yell before he burst into a fit of laughter; an ache was building up in his sides as the angel stopped his singing while the music continued to play, tilting his head confused.
"Why did you ask me to stop Dean? The song isn't over…"
Dean couldn't respond to the angel as he held his sides, his eyes were pressed tight as his booming laugh sounded through the room. The hunter continued to laugh for nearly five minutes before he began to calm down, a few tears had slipped from his eyes until he felt another tall Cas standing over him, the angel had a brow raised.
"Are you pleased now that I've made a fool of myself?"
"Hell yes I am!" Dean laughed again as he stood, slapping Cas on the back before he turned to walk away. "I'm sorry man, but that was gold." Dean was about to start laughing once more before the sound of the front door shut as Sam walked in with an angry look, Gabriel following behind while muttering a few swears; but Bobby nowhere to be seen. Sam and Gabriel both froze in place at the sight they saw, Dean and Cas stood close to each other, while Cas wore…that.
All Gabriel did was grin, walking up to Castiel and looking up and down at him.
"We leave for a few hours, and come back to see some weird kinky Madonna fetish? I didn't know you had it in you, baby bro." Gabriel grinned as he saw Cas' face drop even more, Sam was silent.
Dean just stood there with his eyes wide for a moment before they all heard the front door slam once more, Bobby walking in and stopping in his tracks, where Crowley follow in after them.
"Crowley?" Dean growled as he stepped forward towards the Demon, the room was silent after that, long and awkward.
"Wait…what were you two doing together?" Sam asked as he narrowed his eyes slightly, Bobby's cheeks went pink and Crowley just smirked slightly, walking around Bobby to place a long, tongue filled kill on the bearded man before walking from the room.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry the ending is weird, I can't stop laughing and it's affecting my writing. Just know this is not serious, it's just a humor one shot. Oh god, don't judge me.