Author's note:

Summary: Why does Jake hate Edward so much? Is it because he's a vampire... or is it because of something else? Take a look from Jake's perspective of how he felt in New Moon.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is the brilliance behind the masterpiece, the Twilight series, not I

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Cheers,

TwiFii

psp. I have also written a one-shot, "How he feels" on New Moon, in Edward's perspective. If you enjoy this and like both Edward and Jake like I do, you would probably like "How he feels" as well.

Take a Walk in My (Large) Shoes

Edward Cullen.

The name alone made the hairs stand on my neck. I shivered, thinking of his sickeningly sweet scent and his stark white, granite hard skin. He was a monster.

Most people would laugh at that. How could I, a werewolf, say something like that about the creature of the night? I was just as bad in their eyes- a monster as well.

People shouldn't judge us like that. They shouldn't put us in the same category as those bloodsuckers. We weren't like them at all, in any shape or form -and never will be. I was glad for that.

Our appearance might have been more inhuman than theirs when we were in our wolf form, but we didn't get the wild urge to kill people.

For a start, there was the blood factor that that most people didn't consider. We didn't have the raw temptation to claw at humans and suck them dry until not even a single drop of blood remained. We contained blood -warm, flowing blood like a mammals; we didn't need to take those that belonged to others to survive. Our hearts beat like humans.

We were alive... and they weren't.

But that wasn't what I meant when I said that Edward Cullen was a monster. Never mind how vile he was on the outside -which was unnaturally and nauseatingly good looking to humans, I suppose-, I wasn't talking about his physical appearance. No, I was talking about what he actually was inside, which was a true beast.

Dazzling people with his looks for his own selfish needs was one thing but breaking Bella's heart was another.

How dare he come back? He had some nerve, waltzing back into her life, as though expecting to be forgiven after what he had done to her. He had stomped on her heart, crushing it until it was practically beyond repair. I had stitched her back the best I could, but there had been a hole that even I could not fill after he had left. T

he ache may have dulled, but it was still there. Every single day until he had came back.

Had he ever thought about what he would do to Bella if he left? Had he even considered the consequences... how much it would kill her inside? Although she never told me, I could tell how shaken she had been by his leave. Some nights, as I raced around her house in my wolf form, I still heard her scream his name and cry in her sleep. It pained me to think that Bella needed him so much...

that she loved him so much.

Why couldn't it be me that she loved? I would have put her before anything, even my own life. I would have never left her. I would have been there for her no matter what, like I had upon Cullen's leave.

Not only Bella, but had he even thought what it would do to the rest of us? Perhaps it would not be related to him directly, but watching Bella so broken had shattered the rest of us. It had broken Charlie as well.

He had watched his daughter go through so much agony. No matter what he did or tried, she had not even taken any notice of him for months, for gods sake! He had noticed how fragile she had grown- how weak she had become, and had been forced to just stand there, unable to help his only child as she suffered in silence.

I heard him telling Billy how she jumped every time he spoke to her. She had thrown out all her CDs, couldn't bear to sit in front of the TV and destroyed the stereo the Cullens had given her for her car. She had tried to avoid everything that reminded her of him. But school couldn't be escaped. Charlie had worried how she would never go out with friends at all, or even call them for that matter.

Okay, Bella had never been that social with humans, but still. She had friends and she needed them, right?

She seemed like a zombie -only half alive. I understood what he meant too well -although Bella was still alive physically, she had died inside.

I had seen how she'd looked after he dumped her in the woods through Sam's mind. I had seen every detail, even though I hadn't wanted to. She had looked so frail and crushed. I wanted to forget so badly what she had became for a short amount of time. Especially her eyes.

Her eyes had been empty when Sam had found her.

I had not seen her in some time. In spite of the fact that I was devastatingly perturbed about her, Billy had convinced me that she needed her space. So I had waited four long months, wondering how she was, until one day in January, she willingly drove down to see me.

No one would understand how much that meant to me.

I had been shocked to see her. She was much thinner and scruffier than when I had first seen her. There was emotion back in her eyes... but there was no flame that had once sparked in them, brightening up her whole face, making her Bella.

She had seemed so at home that day, even in my garage. It was quite obvious that she had no idea what I was rattling on about, but she politely sat and listened. Then, she asked me about school, truly interested. Her eyes lit up with subdued curiosity, but it was still there. She even laughed when as I described what I did. Her features shined when she did, and the old Bella returned for a second. Then, it was gone.

But I was still sure that I had seen it. And I wanted to see the old Bella again so badly.

I was thrilled when she asked whether she was allowed to come over again. She was more than welcome to come over to La Push.

She started to come here daily, and La Push became her second home. Little by little, the pieces that Edward had scattered around started to fit into place. Bella became more animated than she had since he had left. She appeared to be happy when she was around me. Charlie approved, seeing how I nursed his daughter back to health. However, Edward had taken one shard of Bella with him when he left -part of her heart. Despite what the leech had done to her, I could see that she really loved him.

That proved to be a problem, especially when I fell in love with her.

Bella was so unpredictable. Like the time that she had lugged over two broken, old motorbikes, demanding that they be fixed up. That had been rather surprising; Bella didn't strike me as a girl that would ride a bike around the place. She wanted me to teach her how to ride, and to fix them. The task was hard, but I was already out on my way to please her as much as I could, so I agreed. She insisted on paying for the parts, since I was fixing the rides up for free.

Everything had been going so well. I had somehow managed to dull the her ache, and she enjoyed being with me. She sat around as I worked on the bikes, no matter how boring it must have been to her. She trusted me to be her teacher, and didn't blame me the slightest when I had not been able to stop her from the crash. She liked me better than her human friends, like Mike Newton. I was her best friend, and I was content with my status. I never took anything for granted.

Then, one fateful night, I turned into a werewolf.

It was hard, becoming an animal. I had never felt so savage or scared in my whole life. Billy and Sam had tried their best to comfort me, but they misinterpreted my howls. They didn't think that I was crying because my whole future with Bella had been ruined. I had thought that she would hate me for what I was. She would probably cower away, and never want anything to do with me again. Sure, there were some good sides to things -such as the strength and the speed- but my yearning for Bella outweighed them all.

Sam told me to stay away from Bella, and that it would be better for both of us that way. At first, I protested, but he showed me what he had done to Emily. I could see how much he hated himself for it, and how he could never forgive himself. That frightened me. So being the coward I was, I never approached Bella again.

Thats not to say it didn't hurt whenever Bella came over, looking for me; it hurt like hell. Every time she came knocking on my front door, Billy would have to drive her away, making excuses for me. Worse, she didn't believe him, and came looking for me herself.

Eventually, she found me.

It was so difficult, telling her to go away, and that I didn't want anything to do with her. I knew that it would be safer for her- but for Bella, it was like Edward all over again. The despair was obvious in her eyes, and I cringed away from it. I wasn't surprised when I heard her sobbing that night. And it broke my heart, knowing that it was all my fault.

I couldn't take it no more. One night, I crept into her room. I wasn't surprised when she tried to push me out of the window. How I wished that I could have just told her why I couldn't be with her. Perhaps she wouldn't hate me if she knew that I was trying to protect her. I tried probing at her memory... I had already unintentionally told her what I was, when I was still young and carefree... and untainted. When she was unsuccessful, I left, dejected.

But the next day, she called me up. She had guessed what I was. To my astonishment, she didn't care.

She came over, and we talked. The atmosphere tensed a little when she suggested that I didn't act like a 'monster'. Then, realising that she had thought that all the killings were due to werewolves, the tension eased. She was horrified when she heard about it-and we both instantly suspected the vampires. Not the Cullens, since they were vegetarians, but ones like Laurent, the black haired leech that had tried to kill Bella. Thank goodness Sam and I made it in time to dispose of him before he sank his teeth into her soft skin.

Once the vampires are gone, I had thought. Once the vampires are gone for good, then everything will be fine between Bella and I.

I was proven so wrong when she jumped off a cliff.

I guess it was partially my fault. I never should have driven past the place when the others were cliff diving-especially since Bella had acquired a love for danger.

What was she thinking? She could have drowned, if I had not been nearby to drag her out. It brought waves of pain larger than the sea that had tried to swallow us moments before. Was she trying to commit suicide?

Sam and the rest of the rescue party came over and she survived. She looked a mess, but she assured me that she was fine. She also promised me that she had not been trying to kill herself.

One tragedy after another, a vampire came back after her cliff-diving session. She was disgusting -partially because she was a vampire and another because she was a Cullen. Her scent burned my nose and eyes, and I nearly threw up upon seeing her. Along with her stench, she brought grave news with her-that Edward had decided to go to some bloodsucker place in Italy to get himself killed.

I would have thought that Bella would be pleased, after what he had done to her.

But instead, she went into panic mode. Everything around her seemed to have disappeared-this was only about the filthy scum and him only. Before I could stop her, she was on the plane with this Alice and off to Volterra. I couldn't believe it-it was like bringing wine to the royal leech clan, except Bella was much, much better than that alcoholic substance.

I cried while she was away. I couldn't breathe properly from fear, and my chest hurt just at the thought of her in some sort of creepy cave with even creepier people -no, not people. Things.

It had seemed eternity until she finally arrived. I had been so anxious upon her return. Charlie nearly got a heart attack, like Harry Clearwater. We all breathed out in relief when she returned safe. However, she brought an unwelcome guest with her.

Edward Cullen had returned, and once again resumed his place as her 'boy'friend.

My comfort flared into fury when Bella allowed him back into her life. It was as though all the time she had spent with me didn't count any more. It was especially embarrassing, now that the pack could hear my thoughts. Jared's soothing words and Embry's sympathy hardly did anything to relieve the pain I was feeling. It was as though someone had reached into me and crushed my soul.

I was distressed. I could no longer keep the promise to always be her friend.

The last time I had seen her, in the woods, she had been accompanied the leech. But she did not hide the emotion in her eyes. She wanted to be with me, too. Maybe not as much as I did, but she missed me. That made me feel the tiniest bit better. I felt slightly bad for leaving her motorbike in the Swan driveway (that had caused Charlie to nearly faint) after learning that she had been grounded, but it still wasn't enough to make me want to accept the fact that the vampire was back in her life.

Even if Bella had, I would not... I could not forgive him.

It stung when Bella hissed at me, "its none of your business" in relation to her getting changed into one of them.

Regret rolled off her as soon as she said that, and she looked at me, horrified at herself. She would have came over and apologised, if he hadn't stopped her. How ironic of him to say that I was dangerous-I would never hurt her.

The serious mask I had been wearing could not hold for much longer. I didn't care how vulnerable I looked to the leech, as I stretched out towards her. "Miss you," I mouthed, feeling a lump in my throat. I had to tell her how much I needed her. She must have felt the same way, because she reached out, too, and mouthed back, "Me, too".

For a second, it was just her and I. There was no interfering vampire, no cars on the road, no angry father's ready to re-establish his grounding rules; just Bella and Jacob.

I would never know what would have happened, because Charlie's voice burst our little bubble. He bellowed for Bella, evidently enraged. I scowled bitterly as the bloodsucker towed her away from me. Her eyes never left mine, and they glistened with unspilled tears. Bella didn't look away quickly enough to miss the expression that flashed across my face as I succumbed to my emotions and allowed the pain to break through. A haunted look flashed across those lovely brown eyes before they, too, vanished from my site.

Once they were both out of hearing range, I surrendered to my own tears and cried.

When would I ever see Bella again? I still loved her, even if she had chosen the parasite over me.

More importantly, would we ever be friends again?

A/N:

Hope you liked it! I'm planning on keeping it a one-shot, but if I get very positive feedback (many reviews), I may actually continue this and make another following chapter from inside Jake's head...

In other words: Review!

Much Thanks,
TwiFii