Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura. It belongs to Clamp.
Author's Note: Wow, it's been awhile since I've written a Cardcaptors story. Actually, it's been quite awhile since I've even read one! Well, anyway, this story idea just came to me, so I hope you like it. Please enjoy!
PS- This is written from Sakura's point of view when they are 18.
"And Then There Was One"
Chapter One: The Loner*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It's written in the sciences that some 10 billion to 20 billion years ago that the universe was compact, dense, and very hot. Out of nowhere, some phenomenal event occurred, a cosmic explosion called the "Big Bang". Ever since, the universe has been expanding and cooling.
My life is similar to that of the Big Bang. Once small and ordinary, my life is now completely blown out of proportion, providing too much for me to handle.
Over the past eight years, I've been wondering where the word "normal" came from. I can sure tell you that I've had enough unordinary events on my plate to last me a lifetime. I've seen it all: dragons, talking stuffed animals, friendship, betrayal, and even love. In a world filled with magic and danger, nothing is "normal". Most people just choose not to see what lies beyond "normality" or what lies beyond the shield that protects them from the supernatural events of the world.
Take me for example. I was a normal ten-year-old girl at one time, not wanting to see or believe the magic that existed. Then the Clow came along, and it has turned my life upside down.
Sure, I had some good times. I made new friends, friends that would last for all eternity. But there were also those times when I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die. Cardcaptoring takes a lot out of a girl, and after a while, you'll learn to hate it.
Still, I tried to take everything in stride, learning new things as each day passed by. And somehow, I made it through it all. Here I am! I made it! Look at me now!
Yeah… Look at me now… Look at the wreck that I've become… I have now learned that Cardcaptoring isn't even half of what the definition of "hard" is. No, hard is something much more.
Hard is losing everything that you've learned to love and life and more. Hard is living out your days in loneliness and regret, wishing that you had a second chance to do things right. Hard is what my life has become.
I've lost them all, everyone I knew, loved, and cared about. Meiling, Yukito, Tomoyo, Touya, Syaoran…
As you probably already know, Meiling returned to Hong Kong after our Cardcaptoring adventures. She never wrote to me, or anything, although I sent several letters to her, but she never returned the favor.
Yukito quickly disappeared after his graduation. One day he was here, the next gone. I suppose that since my Cardcaptoring days were over he needn't stick around, since a guardian was no longer needed.
Tomoyo left for college two months ago. She is attending the University of Tokyo. She wrote to me that college life is busy, and provides little time for simple pleasures. After that letter, I stopped writing her and calling her. I figured that she was implying that maybe we should stop corresponding since she was so engaged in activities.
Touya… My big brother… My only brother… The one who understood me best, joked with me, laughed with me, teased me. I'll never understand why he was taken away from me, why things had to turn out the way they did. I've lived out my days since then in pain and sorrow, often wondering what would have happened if we hadn't fought, what would have happened if I had said "I love you" more times than I normally did. Would he have survived? Would he be right by my side at this very moment calling me "monster" once again?
On the day of Touya's high school graduation, we fought before he left for school. Someone had left a mess in the kitchen the night before and dad was asking one of us to step up and take the blame. Touya accused me of leaving it, and I accused him, although I suspected it really had been Kero. We yelled at each other for over an hour, thinking of nastier comments to make as each minute passed by. Finally dad decided that it was me who had left the mess since one of my favorite foods had been left out. Touya smirked and laughed as he watched me laboring over the kitchen sink, washing dishes and scrubbing the stains that had been left on the floor. As he walked out the door for school, making one more comment about my dish duty, I screamed out that I hated him since he was always getting me in trouble. Hurt had registered in his eyes, and a sad look crossed his face. Slowly he closed the door, looking back at me for the last time.
While on his way to school, Touya was hit by a car. The driver hadn't been drunk and had been keeping their eyes on the road. As they rounded the corner, they saw Touya in the middle of the street. The driver tried to stomp on their brakes, but their reaction hadn't been fast enough… He had been hit…
I guess my intent to hurt Touya had really gotten to him. He always checks around that corner to make sure a car isn't coming before he crosses. Witnesses to the accident said that the car wasn't speeding, and Touya had just darted out in the middle of the street, not looking at all. He must have been thinking about something else… About how I said that I hated him…
If I hadn't made that remark, Touya would still be alive today. I know he would be. The accident was my fault. It's my fault that my brother is dead. It's my fault that I caused pain and sorrow for everyone who knew him. Although the accident was seven years ago, I still cry every night while I'm alone in my bed. Is Touya up there watching me in Heaven? I wish I could tell him that I was sorry, that I love him more than he could ever know, that I would take back every mean word that I ever said to him.
And as for Syaoran… Well, he left soon after Touya's death. Since all of the Cards had been captured, he no longer had any duties here in Tomeda. His family, the Li clan, needed him back at home in Hong Kong, so he could finish his training.
Saying goodbye to Syaoran at the airport was the worst moment of my life, that is, after losing Touya. It took me until that moment, when I was hugging Syaoran and crying on his shoulder, to realize that I loved him. Sure, I was only eleven, but eleven year olds can fall in love too. Everything about Syaoran made my stomach flip-flop, and a tingling feeling wash over my body. His steady gaze, his voice, the feel of his hand in mine, his determination to be the best Cardcaptor that he could be, his dark eyes that only lightened when he was around me… I guess that if I hadn't been faced with his leaving that it would have taken longer for me to fall for him. But we didn't have that time, and it was either then or never that I told him how I felt for him. And for some reason, I chickened out. I couldn't seem to bring myself to let him know my true feelings. What if he didn't feel the same way for me? Would the bond that we had as Cardcaptors be broken by my confession to him? I didn't know, and I didn't want to take that chance. All I could do was say goodbye and hope that we kept in touch. But how could I stand to lose someone else who was so dear to me? I had already lost Touya, and I was losing Syaoran too. So, as I gave him one last hug, I made a wish. A wish that we would one day find each other once again… That somehow, I would make it through the pain of losing him.
Every night, for at least two years, I prayed that the next day Syaoran would call, or that I would receive a letter from him. Then one day, while I was cleaning my room, I found an old picture of Syaoran and me together in a Cardcaptoring stance. As I gazed longingly at that picture, I realized that he was never coming back, that he would never try to contact me. I had lost the only person I had ever truly loved…
After that day, I lost faith in the belief that wishes do come true, that if you pray hard enough anything can happen. It was up to me to take control of my own destiny. I couldn't just sit around waiting for miracles to happen like I had done for the past two years.
When Tomoyo left for college, the little part of my life that hadn't been turned upside down soon was. All of my friends were gone… I had long ago stopped associating with the other girls of Tomeda, girls that I used to call friends. All they cared about was their hair and makeup, what boy they were going to go after next, etc. etc. etc. They didn't care about what really mattered in life: family and true love. How could I be friends with them when I already knew what life was all about, when I had already lost everything that I had to lose? I couldn't teach them about these values. They would have to find it out for themselves, and when they did, I would give them my friendship once more.
My friends… Gone… My family… Gone… The love of my life… Gone, and probably married by now. I had been left alone to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, all of my hopes thrown in the gutter.
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Author's Note: * sniff * Very, very depressing. That was even depressing for me to write. I'm not quite sure yet if the rest of the story will be as dark; I'm still trying to figure out some events that will happen in between. But until then, please review and tell me what you think! Everything is welcome, even flames. And feel very free to give me any advice you feel necessary! Hope you enjoyed it!
~Sailor Polaris~
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Preview of Chapter 2…
A mysterious note is left at Sakura's front door. Who is the sender? What do they want from her? Will Sakura be able to find the key to her past after all of these years?