A/N: I know it sounds like fem but it's not I promise~!
IT'S SOOOO HOT! Fuck this summer sucks. (I blame China, it's THEIR fault for global warming :I) it's soo hot I tried to fry one of Tonny's eggs on the sidewalk. He was NOT happy. But dudes seriously that would have been creepy it hatched. It almost worked till I sorta ran it over with my SUV. God, why does the sun hate me? :( Well it's cool 'cuz today I was gonna go to the beach. :D I packed Whaley and Tonny into the awesomeness of my SUV with other beach essentials (Ex. watermelon, surfboard, boombox, hot dogs, extra pair of shorts, umbrella, my pet rock.) and off we went. We were there in like 2 hours, (of course we stopped at Mcdonald's for lunch first.)
This was SWEET! I parked the car, grabbed my board (Tonny could find a place to put the towels and shit) raced over the hot sand, and jumped in the water. Ahh~! Bliss.
Alright Ladies and gentlemen yall ready for my kickass sufer moves? I got this!
So I jumped on to the board AND-fell. Psh, It just slipped. Just gotta go for it, right? So the first huge wave that came my way I jumped at. Of course I did my warrior cry "RAWWWWHHHHHHH-blaggha.." okay the first part was my warrior cry, the second part was when I was swallowing water. So maybe I should have actually known how to surf before I tried to do it in the ocean. My bad.
It's alright peoples don't cry your hero did NOT drown! I was just under the water for a long time and couldn't breath. But it was okay! Cause I found this girl, and she was drowning! D: I had to save her! She was pretty far under the water and wasn't really flailing or anything(I assumed she was knocked out or something like if she was already dead and was part a huge drug company.) She was really pretty with real short sandy blonde hair, this big emerald eyes and even bigger eyebrows...oh God those eyebrows were huge...but she was still a damsel in distress and I wasn't sure if I could have made it, but that's all part of being a hero! I swam with my awesome American strength and grabbed her hand. She looked at me like 'oh? am I being saved? My hero~!" and pulled her to the surface!
"BAWH AIR I MISSED YOU!" I gasped. She sorta cocked her head.
"What is the meaning of this?" she asked. Oh god. She's British! Aren't I a lucky hero? ;) I mean her voice was sorta deep for a chick but whatever.
"I saved you!" She must have been a bit slow. It might have been the lack of oxygen to her brain or something.
"I-I didn't need any saving thank you!" She sneered.
"Uh, yeah you did you would have drowned!" I corrected her. Okay this is when I realized that the chick didn't have legs. There was a tail. a TAIL. It was all green and scaley and fishy! SHE'S A MERMAID! ASDFGHJKL: I always wanted one ever since I saw The Little Mermaid. I HAVE TO HAVE IT!
"You're my pet now~!" I told her, then hugged her.
"WHAT? I am not a pet! You can't keep me like an animal!" She screamed.
"I'll take you home and keep you in my bathtub and you can sleep in my bed~!" I squee'd (hero-like.) "Awww, you could be like a kitty or a puppy sleeping at the foot of my bed~! Wait. You live in water... So I'll get a waterbed! :DDDD"
"I-I can't I- just-" Her face went completely red NAWWWW~. What a cutie. :3
"Why not~? It's cool I can take care of you~!" I reminded her, "what do you eat? Fishy food?"
"I am NOT a fish!" She hollered frantically at me.
"Come on, It must be lonely out here with only fishys and whales. Wait, whales are awesome. I have one. YOU GUYS CAN BE BEST FRIEND~! OMFG THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME! Don't mate with him though..." I rubbed my cheek on hers, she turned away from me.
"I-I ...Fine do what you wish..." She muttered. :D I picked her up princess style and then remembered that we were in the water and started drowning. She sorta saved me- I MEAN psh- I saved her from- the-the uh TURTLES! Yeah turtles those evil things... Spain should take care of those things, sheesh. anyway I ended up almost drowning saving her from the evil turtles. I kinda got knocked out...
"Are you alright?" she leaned over me. She musta gave me CPR. ;)
"Yeah I'm fine..." Man those eyebrows are huge. She didn't have a half bad face, her eyes were pretty (but dem eyebrows.)
I guess her body changed cuz she stood up. I didn't realize till now but she had zero boobs... I guess that's okay... she's got a nice body.. nice legs and-and wait a minute there's a dick there.. D:
"Uhh hey... you're a guy.." I managed to say.
"Yes I am... WHY?" he growled.
"I just-" Oh shit what the hell am I supposed to say ?'Oh yeah, I just thought you were a chick, now I don't want you.' I mean he'll still be a cute pet...naw...
"Fucking-" Tonny interrupted. Man thats guy a live saver.
"Oh, you say you're ready to go?" I answered, "is Whaley ready?"
"Fucking- Bastard. Fucking piece of shit," lol Tonny got sunburned XD his whole body was red except where he was wearing his sunglasses it was totally hilarious!
He caught a glimpse of the mermaid, "Fucking Limey."
"How rude!" He glared at Tonny.
"Oh, forgot! Tonny this is...is.. hey dude, what's your name?" I asked him,
"I am, uh... God, it has been a long time since I have used my name.. it is Arthur I believe," He shuddered, how sad the guy didn't even remember his own name.
"Well I'm Alfred but you can just call me 'The Hero' anyway,So Tonny, this is my new pet Arthur, He's a mermaid," I told Tonny, "And Arthur, this is Tonny my Alien friend~! BTW why don't you have a tail anymore and not wearing pants? Its kinda weird..."
"Because I change back human when I'm on land and I AM NOT a merMAID I am a merMAN," he scoffed then crossed his arms.
"That doesn't answer why you don't have any clothes on, dude... Anyway Tonny dude go get whaley we'll meet you at the car."
"Fucking bitch." Tonny said as he sorta waddled towards the water. XD
"Come on dude," I took Arthur by the hand and started dragging him.
"AH stop I can't walk all that well!" He struggled to get away from me. Not cool so I did what anyone would do and picked him up. I carried him like a princess (like I meant to earlier) to the car. Man, I forgot how many people were at the beach... there were so many kids... I think Artie scared them all...
Good thing I got my extra pair of pants it'd be weird if he was naked when we order at Mcdonald's.
A/N: ve~! well there you go the first chapter I told you its not fem! :P thanks for reading through, Please review I'm hoping to make this a longer fic but I'm not one with a long attention span.