Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura is the creative property of Clamp.

A.N. This is a two-year-old concept, but I dusted it off so y'all could read it! May be continued, depending on how big of a response I get to the story.

Extended Summary: Sakura is frustrated with life. Still annoyed about her recent break-up and not being able to get a job with Reed Times, a goal of hers since she graduated college, she takes out her irritation in an argument with her friend Tomoyo. Tomoyo insists that girls and guys cannot be friends. To prove Tomoyo wrong and to get her dream job in one fell swoop, Sakura comes up with the "brilliant" idea of pretending to be a lesbian. With her newly discovered lesbianism, Sakura claims her American rights and gets a position at Reed Times, with Syaoran, the definition of "dick-head," as her boss. He doesn't like her; she can't stand him… What better way to prove that a relationship between the opposite sexes can have zero attraction whatsoever?

Note: In this story, Sakura is about 26 years old, but has the maturity of a 12-year-old. Tomoyo and Eriol are the same age as Sakura and have been out of law school for a year. Syaoran (when he appears in next chapter, "Resume") is almost 27.

Job Searching

"Ooo…"

One photo into the shredder.

"That..."

Three photos into the shredder.

"Heartless…"

With gusto, the brunette picked up another picture of herself and a blonde man, grimacing at it. She dangled the photo over the shedding machine, like an aquarium keeper about to feed a hungry shark.

"Son of a…"

"Sakura!" A hand swiped the picture away from her. "Stop it!"

Her dark-haired friend Tomoyo held the photo just out of Sakura's reach with her other hand placed disapprovingly on her hip. Sakura gave an exaggerated pout, crossing her arms over her chest.

"And why should I?" Sakura demanded.

Flicking a hair out of her face, Tomoyo's dark eyes narrowed. The woman sitting in front of her was a complete mess. Her puffy eyes were rimmed with red, day-old mascara was smeared on her eyelids, some of the buttons were missing from her top, and snot was leaking out of her nose.

"What you're doing is pointless." Tomoyo gestured towards Sakura's pink laptop in exasperation. "What's the use of printing the pictures and ripping them to shreds if you're not going to delete them?"

Sakura's mouth popped open like a confused carp fish as she searched for an answer.

Nudging her befuddled friend out the way, Tomoyo leaned over the keyboard and began clicking and dragging icons to the trash.

"No, no, no, no!" Sakura screeched, snatching the mouse from Tomoyo.

"What's the problem now? Don't you want them gone?"

"B-but," teetering on the edge of a meltdown, Sakura glared accusingly at her friend, "what if Facebook crashes? Then I won't be able to back my albums up!"

Tomoyo rolled her eyes. "God, you're so addicted."

"Am not!"

"Whatever." Casually, Tomoyo nudged Sakura out of the way and resumed deleting her pictures. "You don't need pictures of that jerk anyways."

Sakura's bottom lip wobbled precariously.

"And don't start crying again," Tomoyo said to her sniveling friend, "I'm helping you, remember?"

"Just," Tomoyo felt Sakura's hand on her shoulder, "keep the one from last May. You know, at that Spanish restaurant? We can just cut Kuroda out."

Scrolling up, Tomoyo clicked on it and smiled. Kuroda, Sakura's obnoxious ex, was taking up two-thirds of the photo, but in the corner Sakura and Tomoyo giggled happily with their arms wrapped around each other.

"You were wearing the dress I bought you," Tomoyo mused as she cropped the picture down to size.

"Yup," Sakura said with a faint grin. "It was my favorite…until he spilled wine all over it."

For a while they just sat there, Tomoyo clicking away, and Sakura staring into space as picture after picture was deposited into the trash. As the seconds passed, Sakura's green eyes grew duller. Deciding her friend had seen enough, Tomoyo cleared her throat.

"While I do this," Tomoyo said gently, pointing to a drink on the desk, "why don't you enjoy the ice tea I got from Café Ontario? Extra sugar, extra lime. Just the way you like it."

Obediently, Sakura got up from her green swivel chair and walked over to her bed. After jumping on top of her duvet, she leaned against the headboard and sipped her drink quietly.

"Hey, Tomi?"

"Yeah?" Without taking her eyes off the screen, Tomoyo tilted her head in Sakura's direction.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Mm hm."

"Could you change my status to 'Single?'"

Eyes smiling, Tomoyo gave a dramatic sigh. "Fine, fine."

When Sakura had drained her tea of its contents, she reached in and popped a cube of ice into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully.

"Tomoyo?"

Dropping the last Kurodo-infected picture into its virtual wastebasket, Tomoyo turned towards Sakura.

The honey-haired woman wrapped her arms around her knees. "What would I do without you?"

Tomoyo's face broke into a wide smile. "Shrivel up and die," she answered playfully and stood up to stretch.

"No, I was being serious!" Sakura sulked.

Her friend laughed, walking over to give Sakura a tight squeeze.

"I'll always take care of you. It's my job," Tomoyo said seriously, giving Sakura and her puffy eyes a quick once over.

"And if you're going to cry all night again, call me and I'll come over." Steely black irises locked in on green. "Okay?"

Their rooms were separated by a living space and kitchen, but the T.V. had been installed in Sakura's room. On a hard night, Tomoyo would come over and paint Sakura's toenails, and they'd fall asleep watching a chick flick movie.

"Okay." Sakura nodded and turned to close her laptop.

Eight days later...

Café Ontario was located on a street corner in the downtown arts district, where city traffic was reduced to the whiz of an occasional passing car, and the buildings were decked in bright colors and flower-filled window boxes. On a nice April day like this, the Café was a prime spot for twenty-somethings to take a seat under the golden-yellow awning and sip iced tea in the springtime sunlight.

It was also Sakura's favorite lunch place, and the Café's famous Cobb salad could always pull her out of a foul mood. Well, except for today.

Sitting across from Tomoyo and her boyfriend Eriol, Sakura gave her drink a loud slurp.

"Ew, Sakura! You're not going to attract any guys that way, you know?" Tomoyo scolded, giving a passing Café Ontario waiter an apologetic look.

Sakura simply slurped louder. "I'm done with men."

After a week of Tomoyo's matchmaking, she was bushed. Who knew Eriol had so many unattractive, priggish friends? Sakura gave the black-haired man another glance. Eriol began adjusting his steel-rimmed glasses to straighten them on the bridge of his nose, another annoying habit of his. Her nose wrinkled in distaste.

Actually, she shouldn't have been surprised. Since it was his profession, all of Eriol's friends were lawyers. Sakura hated lawyers. (Well, except Tomoyo, but she was a special exception to that rule.)

"I swear, if I have to meet one more" Sakura waved her forefinger in the air, "of your friends from law school, I'm going to shoot somebody."

"Good thing you have us, then," Eriol drawled. "Who knew Sakura was capable of homicide?"

Tomoyo smacked her boyfriend on the arm. "Eriol!"

He pretended to wince in pain. "And Tomoyo of domestic violence."

His girlfriend tried to glare at him, but only succeeded in dissolving into giggles.

"Oh Eriol. You're a corporate lawyer, not a criminal or domestic attorney."

"But Tomoyo, I have taken some cases on domestic disputes. And a guy like me loving a woman as perfect as you has got to be a crime," Eriol teased.

"That's the cheesiest line I've ever heard!" she said, but her flattered smile gave her real feelings away. Her hand reached out to twine around his.

"I'm going to miss you so much when you're in Alaska." She batted her long, dark eyelashes at him as she asked, "Do you really have to go?"

"That depends," Eriol said thoughtfully, and Tomoyo leaned in even closer. "What will you do to make me stay?"

"Shut up," Sakura snapped. "I'm not in the mood for your flirting and bad pick-up lines."

Eriol peered at Sakura over his glasses. "Sounds like somebody got dumped."

Tomoyo smacked him again.

"You." She pointed at Eriol. "Stop being insensitive."

He shrugged.

"And you." She pointed at Sakura. "Lose the attitude."

Sakura rolled her eyes, and Tomoyo fumed.

"Oh look," Eriol tried to distract them, "our food is here."

Ignoring her salad, Tomoyo frowned at Sakura, who was purposefully looking in the opposite direction. God, the redhead was acting like a kindergartener! Clasping her hands together, Tomoyo took a deep breath.

"In case you've forgotten, we're here to help you," Tomoyo said as patiently as she could. "We may be lawyers, but we can't read minds. If you have a problem with something, say it."

Sakura continued to ignore her, and Eriol took a big bite out of his sandwich. By the time he had finished it, the girls were still caught in a silent deadlock. Sakura was too stubborn to say anything, and Tomoyo was trying hard not to scream. A waiter came by to ask if they wanted their check, noticed the situation, and walked quickly away. Eriol glanced at the withered salad leaves on their plates and coughed loudly.

"If you're not going to eat, I'm not paying."

His words pulled Sakura out of her reverie. She shook her head to clear it and peered over at her extremely frustrated friend.

"I applied for that job again." Sakura said, picking at her Cobb salad with a fork.

The tension relaxed, and Tomoyo's cheeks lost some of their angry red color.

"The column in Reed Times?" Tomoyo inquired.

Sakura nodded. "I didn't make it."

"What?" her friend yelped. "But your writing is so good!"

Eriol's eyebrows rose, and Sakura laughed self-consciously.

"That's what my college professors thought," she admitted, leaning back in her chair, "but I guess I just don't have what it takes for professional journalism. Maybe I should just forget about it and go back to my old job."

"Bullshit." Both girls looked at Eriol. "Those Reed people just can't read."

"Aw, thanks Eriol," Sakura cooed with exaggerated sweetness. "I feel so much better now!"

His eyes narrowed. "It's not a compliment. It's a fact." He pulled his BlackBerry out of his pocket and began typing. Tomoyo gave him an affectionate peck on the cheek, and he returned it with a small smile.

Putting her 'lawyer face' on, Tomoyo looked at Sakura seriously. "If you want to, I can file a complaint. If they have a position available and they aren't hiring anyone else, they should have just taken you."

"No," Sakura sighed. "I think that'll just hurt my case." She took another hefty bite of her salad. "From now on, I'm going to be happy with the job that I have, and only have guys as friends."

Then she wouldn't ever have to worry about stupid, cheating, lying boyfriends again.

Tomoyo spat out some of her drink and burst into giggles. "Guys? As friends? You're kidding me."

Sakura puffed her cheeks out petulantly. "It's possible!"

Swinging an arm around her boyfriend, Tomoyo shot Sakura a cheeky grin. "Eriol and I were best friends in school, and look at us now."

"Well, there are always exceptions to a rule!" Sakura protested.

"Looks like my a friend of mine is representing a teenage lesbian couple in court," Eriol interrupted, out of the loop as usual. "It's all over the news."

"What for?" Tomoyo queried while Sakura sulked.

"They were banned from their high school prom." He shook his head. "Some people are just so close-minded."

Tomoyo nodded in agreement, then paused. Something was off. She glanced at her girlfriend. Sakura was swaying lightly back and forth, thoughtfully playing with her bangs with a dazed look in her eyes.

The dark-haired beauty stiffened. "Oh, God no."

"What's wrong with her now?" Eriol asked irritably.

"I know that face. It means…"

"I've just thought of something!" Sakura chirped with glee, bouncing up and down in her seat. "Something brilliant!"

"Damn. This is serious," Eriol laughed quietly. "Sakura. Thinking."

Sakura stuck out her tongue at him and covered her ears. "I'm ignoring you!" she chanted in a singsong voice.

Eriol chuckled again. "With her around, who needs kids?"

Tomoyo groaned. "I guess we'll just have to hear her out." She gestured towards Sakura, who took her hands off her head.

"Alright, so Tomoyo says men can't be friends with women," Sakura's tone was matter-of-fact, "and for some crazy reason, the newspaper won't hire me." Her green eyes glinted as she said, "So we'll just have to sue them."

"For what?" Eriol asked.

Sakura's mouth curved into a devilish smile. "For refusing to hire a lesbian."

Tomoyo fell out of her chair. Eriol took a moment to adjust his glasses and then retrieved his floundering girlfriend.

While Tomoyo regained her senses, Eriol calmly asked Sakura, "Sorry. Could you repeat that?"

Sakura let out an exasperated sigh. "Tomoyo will be my lawyer, and I'll sue the newspaper for refusing to hire me," she pointed at herself, "because of my sexual orientation."

"Uh…" Tomoyo murmured as she came out of her daze. "Is that why you and Kuroda didn't work out?"

"No, silly! Of course not!"

Tomoyo didn't look convinced. For good reason, Eriol seemed a little unsettled.

All this time, his girlfriend's roommate had been…?

"Do I need to spell it out for you?" Sakura rolled her eyes. "I thought lawyers were smarter than that."

Tomoyo slapped a palm to her face and Eriol groaned.

"I'm not really a lesbian, but the newspaper doesn't know that. So you," she winked at Tomoyo, "are going to pretend to be my girlfriend."

For the first time in their careers, the two lawyers were speechless.

"And then," Sakura continued, clapping her palms together, "when I get the job, they'll see how talented I am, and I'll be best friends with my boss, and he will like my writing so much that when he learns the truth, he won't fire me!" She threw up her hands in glee. "Don't you love my great plan?"

With identically blank expressions, they stared back at her. No, Eriol and Tomoyo did not love Sakura's plan.

"There's just one little problem to your 'great plan,'" Eriol said tersely. "You and Tomoyo are going to get your asses sued for suing."

"I'll lose my job!" Tomoyo exclaimed.

"If the Gay-Straight Alliance doesn't get to you first," her boyfriend added. Tomoyo paled.

"I admit there are a few flaws…"

"More than a few," Eriol corrected.

"…but it's not like we should trash the whole idea." She tapped her fingernails against the stainless steel tabletop and bit the side of her lower lip. "Right?"

"Wrong," Eriol replied.

Clearing her throat, Tomoyo elaborated, "In claiming to be a lesbian, not only would you be lying to the court, you would be guilty of false charges, offending a minority, and countless other things."

Sakura took a moment to digest this. "Wait, but what if we didn't have to go to court?"

The couple was now convinced Sakura was insane.

"What if the threat to sue got me the job? Would you help me then?"

Eriol opened his mouth to protest, but Tomoyo cut him off, "And if they didn't?"

"Then we'd forget about it," Sakura said. "I wouldn't want to get you fired!"

Tomoyo crossed and uncrossed her legs, leaning against the back of her chair thoughtfully.

Her boyfriend looked concerned. "Tomoyo, you're not actually considering…"

"Okay."

Eriol and Sakura looked at each other. "What?" they said at once.

"I'll help you." Tomoyo clarified, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "It's going to be a massive headache, but I want you to get that job."

"Eee!" Sakura squealed in delight, running up to give her friend a bear hug. "Tomi, you are the best of bestest friends ever!"

"But let me make this clear." Tomoyo held out a hand, and Sakura gave her some space while she bounced with glee. "It was your idea, not mine. I'm not going to take any legal responsibility for this, and you're going to sign a contract that makes sure if anything goes wrong, it's all on you."

"Whatever you say." Sakura sported a grin that stretched from ear to ear.

"And if anyone asks, I'll say that I did it for my old psychology professor." The brunette suddenly looked ten years older.

"Yipee!" The redhead jumped up and did a little dance. "I'm going to be a reporter!"

Her friend leaned heavily against Eriol for support, and he rubbed her back in gentle circles. Sakura continued to perform her happy dance.

"Why the hell are you doing this?" Eriol asked his girlfriend quietly.

"I honestly do not know," Tomoyo admitted, turning her weary gaze toward her spazing friend. "But look how happy she is." She smiled weakly. "I haven't seen her this crazy since she graduated college. If anything, this will help her get over her boyfriend."

"And kill you in the process."

"That's my choice. Plus, I think it will be worth it."

They looked on as Sakura began composing her own sing-a-long, "I'm gonna be a reporter," repeat, repeat, repeat.

"Call me crazy, but I just have this feeling," Tomoyo's forehead wrinkled with thought as she bit her lip, "like something good is about to happen."

"Whatever you say, babe." He kissed her on the head. "Whatever you say."

Please note: I don't plan on continuing "Charade" unless a significant amount of people express interest in the story. Digging this baby out took a lot of effort, and reviving my drive to write "Charade" would require a strong force to push me forward. Namely, the support of readers like you! :)

"Charade" was not written with the intent to attack, mock, belittle, caricature, or patronize homosexuality or homosexual individuals in any way. It's a silly fic about a very silly person, and I'm not trying to offend anyone by writing it. Sakura is choosing to pretend to be something she is not for ulterior purposes, and I'm not saying that's okay! It just makes for an interesting story.

There may be a minor homosexual relationship, since Meiling will be a lesbian in this fic. However, the focus will be on the main heterosexual romance (Syaoran and Sakura, although from Syaoran's side of things, he'll think he's falling for a lesbian).

Like it? Love it? Want some more of it? Then please review!