"Hey, it's Sonny! My phone is currently in my dressing room, but I'm off in the cafeteria right now! Can't come to the phone, but just leave your --- forget it, you know the drill!"
BEEEP
"Sonny, it's CDC. We have a Mac Falls emergency and I--we need you now."
"You got Sonny. I work on So Random! and not Mackenzie Falls for whoever out there wants to know!"
BEEEP
"Look, Sonny, there's a dog! It's a Labrador! They scare me! Now come and get it out of here!"
"This is Sonny Munroe. I'm out playing with my new dog that Chad gave me! Just leave me your name and I'll get back to you."
BEEEP
"I did not give that dog to you, Sonny! But that does not mean you can give it to me! Chad Dylan Cooper kicks puppies, not takes them in! And could you stop saying regular machine massages? It throws me off when I hear normal on a Random."
"This is a telepathic thought recording device. Think about your name, number, and reason for calling, and I'll think about getting back to you on that."
BEEEP
"Much better. Could you stop giving me the evil eye whenever I walk into the cafeteria? Also, stop sending that dog after me to -- AHH!"
"Hey, it's Sonny. Leave me a message unless you're Chad. If you're Chad and you're calling me, then I'm sending Molly after you again. Yes, I named her Molly."
BEEEP
"That dog just traumatized me! I should be suing you for not keeping a leash on that dog! You could owe me billions of dollars, you know."
"You're reached the phone of Sonny Munroe. I'm currently on the phone with my lawyer, negotiating a contract about my dog. If you have any snide comments to say about Chad Dylan Cooper, I'll listen to your message. If not, you're a big meanie."
BEEEP
"Sonny, this is Lucy. Umm, can I ask when you got a dog? I can? Ok then, I'll ask. When did you get a dog, Sonny? Does your mom even know that you have a lawyer? ... Or a dog for that matter?"
"This is Sonny's phone with the cow ring tone! But I'm Tawni and I have her phone because... Sonny! Why do I have your phone? ... Oh, yeah. Well, Sonny is picking up dog crap that her dog left in our dressing room! Ew!"
BEEEP
"Really, Sonny? Really? Picking up dog crap? I knew that you'd never get anywhere in Hollywood. At least you have your lifelong dream as a dog crap picker-uper to fall back on. Oh wait, that wasn't your lifelong dream. Oh well."
"You've got Sonny Munroe, who works on So Random! and is not going to become a dog crap picker-uper for her job when she doesn't work at So Random! anymore!"
BEEEP
"Oh, Sonny, Sonny, Sonny. I read between the lines, you know. And all I heard was I love Chad Dylan Cooper. Which, you know, a lot of people do. But few are so vocal about it even on their voicemails. I'm impressed."
"I'm Sonny and I do not love Chad Dylan Cooper! I also have a dog that will bite him in awful places for guys to be bitten at!"
BEEEP
"Is that a threat or a promise? By the way, that sounds like it hurts. A lot. Would a sorry make things better?"
"This is Sonny! I need to go and hug Chad right now, because he apologized. But I'm not hugging him right now because he had to throw up after he finished. I guess apologizing just isn't for some people."
BEEEP
"Sonny, it's Tawni! We need to rehearse for the Check-It-Out sketch! I want a lunchbox!"
"This is Chad Dylan Cooper with Sonny Munroe's phone. I have also successfully changed her ring tone to something much more suitable. Ah! Is that the demon dog chasing me? SONNY, DON'T LET IT TACKLE ME! OOOOFFF!"
BEEEP
"You know, I think I like this message. What ring tone did he set it to now?"
"I can't some to the phone right now because I'm trying to find a way to remove the Chad Dylan Cooper fan-girl song from my phone. If you're Chad, I suggest you run far away before I hear your message."
BEEEP
"Oh, so you found out. Gotta go, Sonny."
"You got Sonny. I'm out right now, making some changes to Chad's current hair products. He uses Diamond-Dust shampoo and conditioner. I thought only girls had matching shampoo and conditioners! Whatever, Chad's coming now!"
BEEEP
"Sonny, it's Lucy. Umm ... Do we need to talk about anything?"
"Hey! It's Sonny here! Actually, not here, because obviously if you've gotten my voicemail then either I'm not in right now or I'm screening my calls and I don't want to talk to you. If you're Chad, it's the second one."
BEEEP
"Why don't you listen to me, Sonny? You need to pay for the bill at my hair salon! If you mess up the hair, you pay for it. Also, you're not screening calls against CDC. No one screens calls against CDC. No one!"
"This is Sonny. All I did was put a little bit of honey and hair dye in Chad's shampoo, so that's why he looks like a poodle. If this is Chad, I'd better make it up to you. So you look like a cute poodle, okay? All better? Leave me a message after the annoying little beeping sound that will commence once I stop talking."
BEEEP
"Sonny, did you just call me a cute poodle? I'm not sure whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. I'll take it as both. By the way, I guess you look like a cute poodle too. Yeah, because that's not awkward at all. Note the sarcasm please, Munroe."
"This is Sonny Munroe! You got my line, but I'm out! So leave your name - Chad, that means you have to introduce yourself; I can't just automatically tell who you are - and your reason for calling, and I'll get back to you with that. "
BEEEP
"I never leave my name, Sonny. Unless I have to say 'It's CDC here.' But other than that, I don't do introductions. Once someone has met me, they will always remember me and therefore it should be the highlight of their day whenever I call them and leave a message. By the way, CDC doesn't do messages."
"Sonny's out right now. So this is Zora instead. She told me to tell you the usual. So leave your name and reason for calling after the beep and she'll get back to you. Also, she said to tell Chad if he calls to tell him to stop calling. So, Chad, stop calling Sonny. She's getting annoyed. Also, has anyone seen my gnome?"
BEEEP
"Sonny, Sonny, Sonny. I'll keep calling you for your information. And if Zora asks, I haven't seen her gnome. It's probably cowering in fear from the last time it saw her face. I'm hysterical, aren't I? I don't see why you guys don't want me on your show. I'm funnier than all of you put together. Plus, I'm so random! Why don't pineapples wear bathrobes? See, that's so random! Ah, I kill myself."
"You've got Sonny, I just stole Chad's phone because he kept calling me. Guess that problem is solved for now. So leave your name and whatever else and I guess I'll get back to you."
BEEEP
"Hey, Sonny. I just stole Portlyn's phone to call you. So guess what! Problem not solved after all. What problem was even there is the first place? CDC calling you is a solution, Sonny, not a problem."
"This is Sonny. If you're Chad, please do go and kill yourself. If you're not Chad, then you know the drill. By the way, asking why pineapples don't wear bathrobes isn't random, it's stupid!"
BEEEP
"It's Nico, Sonny. Marshal needs you on set. By the way, what's up with the whole bathrobes on pineapples? I heard Chad saying something about it when he was walking down the hallways. Are you on drugs, he's the dealer, and pineapples with bathrobes is your secret codeword for crack? It'll be okay, Sonny. We'll send you to a rehab group, you'll get better in no time, and Tawni and the rest of the group should know about this really. I don't want them assuming something that isn't true, do we? ... GRADY!"
"Nico, I'm not on drugs, Chad isn't the dealer, and a pineapple with bathrobes isn't the codeword. Chad, stop smirking at me like you know something I don't know. But anyways, the name's Munroe. Sonny Monroe. Sorry, I've always wanted to be James Bond on a voicemail Yes, check another off of hopes and dreams! Oh, come off it, Chad, stop laughing. Chad, stop it!" *tackle and silence*
BEEEP
"Sonny, it's Mom. Do I even want to know? Also, be home by six for dinner. You could invite this 'Chad' person over for dinner too if you want. You've never had a boyfriend over for dinner before! Wait until I tell your father!"
"You've reached Sonny Munroe. This is Chad, and I'm telling you that whoever is worthy enough to leave Sonny a message - which none of you are, I'm the only worthy one - than go ahead and do so. But seeing as none of you are worthy enough - because none of you are me - just don't leave Sonny a message. Besides, she'll be too busy with me over at her house eating dinner than to listen to any stupid messages left by people who aren't me. Peace out, suckas!"
BEEEP
"Chad, just give me back my phone. Also, you're not coming over to my house for dinner, no matter what my mother thinks. You're the one that broke down our door in the first place. You know, when Tawni turned on the garbage disposal and crushed my phone, which somehow called you and then you came and basically broke down the door in order to get into my house. Yeah, you know. But don't come over to my house for dinner! Also, Zora just wants you to know that she knows you have her gnome and if you keep holding him hostage, she'll plot a takeover. What? Zora, I am not doing an evil laugh. Fine, fine. Also, she says: Muwahahahahahaha with an extra 'ha' or two on the end. So, bye, Chad. And give me back my phone already!"
"You've reached Sonny. I'm at my house living my worst nightmare. Apparently Chad is staying at my house for dinner, my mother thinks we're dating, Chad doesn't feel like telling her that we're not dating - which we so aren't, by the way - and now my dad is interrogating the impersonator person who is acting like his daughter's boyfriend over the phone. So yeah, if you can get me out of this, leave a message. If not, just hang up now before you get my hopes up."
BEEEP
"Dinner was great, wasn't it, Sonny? Your mom is a great cook. Your dad isn't too bad either by the way! So same time same please on Sunday? Oh, I forgot to tell you, your mom invited over to Sunday night dinner. See you there! By the way, they don't even suspect the fact that we've never been out on a real date before! There was that fake date, but it has the word fake in front of the word date so it kind of cancels it out. It's perfect; everything is going according to the master plan I have decided on! Err, I mean ... I'll just see you at work, Munroe. CDC out."
Author's Note: I think Chad came a little bit OOC in that last message, but I couldn't think of anything else that would fit. I'm going to start on Chad's voicemail now.