Disclaimer: All rights to "Sailor Moon" belong solely to Naoko Takeuchi. I neither own this franchise nor do I profit from the writing of this story.
Author's Note: Yo what up people. Just here writing another SM fanfic cause I've been in the mood. Read and review people, make me feel like I did a good job lol. Anyway, enjoy.
Sometimes I feel like everyone is drifting apart from me.
Like leaves falling from the tree that it was born from before being whisked and carried in the gentle arms of wind's embrace, taking them to far places beyond from where it came from.
I have always told myself that this was bound to happen but not so soon.
When I look my husband in the eyes all I see is nothing. Those black orbs which once sparkled with such delight when he lay eyes on me, when his face would flush red and his words would come out stuttering was all gone now. It seems like I do not even exist to him. His new job has consumed him. I do not even know the last time he told me he loved me.
Shingo has taken to staying in his room all the time, playing video games or going out with friends. He no longer wants to go out in public with me, saying that his friends would make fun of him for being a "momma's boy."
Even Usagi, who was once so close to me, seems to have drifted apart. When I look at her, I no longer see the cheery, sprightly young girl that used to cry and whine to me for every little thing. Instead, I see an adult with her shoulders weighed down by the weight of the world. Her eyes are cold and hard and she hardly responds to me anymore.
I can tell that she is suffering. That no matter what front she puts up, I can tell.
Yet my attempts to counsel her have gone unheeded. When I pry too far, she gets angry and walks off, claiming that I could never understand.
How am I supposed to understand if she doesn't even want to talk to me?
It times like these when I wonder if I am really wanted.
I always tell myself that my family loves me, that they will always be there for me. But another voice is there, telling me otherwise. And the more I ignore it, the louder and stronger it becomes.
One day I wake up and realize that its my birthday.
As the sun's rays peak through my room, I get up and stretch ready to tackle the day. I am also a bit giddy as I am wondering as to what today's events would bring.
My hopes are shot down at once when I realize that my husband, Kenji, is not in bed still asleep. What's worse is that there is an utter silence throughout the house.
I could hear my heart race in the silence as I looked around frantically for my family and find no one in their rooms. I go downstairs and find a note from my husband.
Took off to work already since I wanted to get in an early start. I won't be back for a couple of days.
That was it. No goodbyes, no statements of love, nothing even indicating my birthday.
Around me I wonder as to where Usagi and Shingo are at and I then remember that they are both at school. I relax and decide to start getting ready. I start getting the baking materials ready.
Soon, its late afternoon and everything is prepared.
I went all out and made a large bouquet of food with a large cake at the center. It is a strawberry cake, Usagi and my favorite. I spent hours making it but it was well worth it. Even I was impressed by the way it came out and I couldn't wait to see the look of delight on the faces' of my two children.
So I sit down, waiting for my two children to come home.
I don't wait long before I get a phone call. I walk on over to the phone and answer. It's Shingo and he said that since its Friday he was going to stay at a friend's house.
My heart stops for just a moment but I could tell that he was excited and was obviously planning this whole meeting with his friends the entire week. I did not want to let his hopes down so I smiled and gave him permission to go.
I feel like I'm about to break. My lower lip is trembling but I control myself. I could spend the day with Usagi.
I soon begin to look forward to it. Perhaps we could eat a good dinner and some cake and perhaps go out and watch a movie or something. Just a little quality time with my daughter.
My hopes soon begin to go up at the prospect of spending some alone time with my daughter when the phone rings. My stomach begins to turn and I feel my heart racing. I tell myself to relax but I can't help but sense a feeling of dread.
I answer the phone and its Usagi. She called to let me know that she was going to stay at Rei's tonight. Apparently it's one of friend's birthday or something and decided to celebrate with them today.
Its then that I feel an utter dread.
Even as I smile and wish her to have fun, my mind is screaming at Usagi to come home. To remember that it is MY birthday today and she should be with ME, not her friend.
But I love Usagi and I want her to be happy.
So I hang the phone up, telling her to have fun and that I love her.
But as soon as the phone is down, I feel an irrational rage suddenly overcome me as I scream loudly. I grab the table cloth and tug at it, letting all the food and cake fall to the ground. The plates crack and make a mess.
I soon grab a chair and start hitting the wall with it, I'm so furious!
Why!
I don't ask for much! I just want someone there for me, someone to tell me that they love me. To be there for me, to spend time with me. To remember that today is my birthday.
Am I so worthless to them, that their friends and jobs are more important than me? That time spent with me is time wasted? With that logic, am I just a waste of space to them then?
As these thoughts fly through my head, my anger soon goes away and I feel an overwhelming sorrow as I feel my legs lose strength as I lay on the carpet floor. I begin to cry as I curl up in fetal position.
Nobody loves me.
I'm worthless.
Even the day of my birth has been forgotten. I might as well have never been born. Nobody would notice the difference anyway.
I soon find myself getting up as I walk to the kitchen. There, on the ground, was a filthy collage of cake, supper and broken plates.
One of the pieces gleams in the room light as I unconsciously bend down to pick it up.
I cringe as the piece is very sharp and has cut my hand a bit.
However, I still hold on to it as its very shape soon enchants me.
It would be so very easy.
This piece of broken china, with a quick slash or thrust, could end my life right now. And as I stare down the deadly weapon I wonder if my death would be of any notice to anyone.
I grip the piece of broken glassware, cutting my hand even more.
I notice that my breathing has calmed and that I am not afraid of dying. What would it be like to die? A way to catch up on much needed sleep? A chance to live another life?
None of that matters.
My arm goes up as I close my eyes.
As everyone seemed to have forgotten the day of my birth maybe by doing this they would remember the day of my death.
I could only hope.
I pull my arm in harshly and hold my breath. The end is now near.
Then, all of all sudden, I feel a force prevent me from hitting my heart. My eyes snap open to the sight of a woman. An amazingly beautiful woman with the most gorgeous emerald hair I have ever seen. Her eyes are stern and serious and, for some reason, I feel like a little child even though that I'm a little older than her.
"Why?" I croak out as tears begin to flood my eyes once more as I drop the piece of glass.
"Because you'll kill her and I can't have that." said the garnet haired woman simply.
"Kill who?" I asked now harshly.
"That is not for you to know, but your death will result in grave consequences." replied the woman sternly.
At once I feel my rage begin to boil. Who did this woman think she was stopping me or for that matter, being here in my house?
"So you insist that I don't die yet you are keeping secrets from me! Damn it! Why can't anyone be straight with me? Why am I always pulled along like a puppet being moved yet never knowing how or why? You say that my death will have grave consequences? Look! I'm alone in here! No one gives a damn if I live or not. My husbands no longer loves me. My youngest son is ashamed to be seen with me. And my daughter seems to have it in her head to speak down and mouth off at me when she's frustrated. Its like I'm just taking up space...that's all I'm good for."
What started off as a furious rant soon tapered down to nothing more than a whisper. The piercing pain in my chest returned as my breathing got heavy. I started to cry once more.
"N-Nobody cares..."
I feel a pair of slender arms embrace me from behind and realize that it is that strange woman.
At first I'm appalled that she took the liberty in initiating physical contact despite the fact that we are total strangers. However, I find myself returning the embrace and soon start to sob uncontrollably on her bosom as she holds me close, stroking my hair.
She spoke softly to me as I cried.
"I-I know how you feel, more than you can ever imagine..."
Her words seemed to grab my attention as I look up and find that her eyes are also streaming with tears. It is then that I notice eyes. A deep void of green garnet so full of wisdom yet pain. The kind of eyes reserved only for the very elderly who have seen and experienced far too much over the span of their lives.
The kind of eyes that radiated a maternal understanding of my wretchedness. It was almost like I was looking into the eyes of my deceased mother.
I suddenly realized that this woman, this total stranger, cared about my predicament contrary to her initial mission. That I was in her arms, feeling so safe and cared for. A warm fuzzy feeling seemed to radiate from core of my stomach.
My eyes soon begin to grow heavy as I lean my head over to the woman's warm body. She holds me closer to her, almost welcoming me. Soon the world goes dark around me and I fall asleep.
Author's Note: Meh...maybe not the best story I put out there. This may be a mult-chapter. In fact, I'm thinking about re-writing my other story as well and trying to work it out. Trying to give Ikuko a bit of love here so hopefully I did her (and Setsuna) justice. Hope you all enjoyed.