The CG Rocky Horror Parody
Mantineus-Happy Halloween!! I know this is late…But who cares?!?!(Someone raises a hand) I said….WHO CARES?!?!?!?!(Person gets blown out of theatre).
Disclaimer-I own nothing!!! Nothing I say!!! Nothing!
A/N: If anyone feels the need to draw Rolo to scare their friends, please feel free to do so. BUT YOU MUST SHOW ME!!!!! Pleeeeeeaaaasssssssseeee!!!!
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"I can't believe this!" Shirley shouted. "How can we have a flat?!"
Suzaku and Lelouch were trying to fix it and Shirley was complaining. Wiping a hand across his brow, Lelouch gave her a dirty, threatening look. Suzaku wiped his forehead and stood up. Upon doing so, he spotted a house.
"Let's see if they have a phone."
"Nuh-uh." Lelouch said.
Suzaku smirked. "Oh, is poor Lelouch scared?"
Shirley joined in.
"No…" Lelouch said. "It just looks abandoned so it could be futile."
"Then try your cell." Shirley chided.
"No signal, dimwit." Lelouch said, his cell flipped open, showing them both that he had no bars.
"I though that only happened in crappy horror movies." Shirley said.
Suzaku shaked his head. "I guess there's some places so under-populated that none of the companies care about putting up a tower."
Both looked at Suzaku as if he had grew another head.
"What?" He asked. "Anyway, it seems we have no choice."
Lelouch sighed. "OK, fine."
Shirley just smiled and looked stupid like a typical horror flick chick. Suzaku led the way towards the typical two story, rundown house.
"Go on, Lelouch." Shirley said. "Knock on the door."
"Why me?" Lelouch whined.
"Because we want you to get over your fear of houses that are in the middle of nowhere." Suzaku said.
"Have either of you read H.P. Lovecraft?" Lelouch shouted, throwing both of his arms in the air. Both Suzaku and Shirley gave him a weird look. No one reads anymore(it's sad). "Ugh. He wrote this story where rundown houses have cannibals in them!"
"Jeez, ya big baby!" Shirley said, shaking her head, she walked towards the door, her fist raised to knock when the door opened slowly.
Behind the door stood a tall man with an orange monocle with dark blue hair done up with orange highlights and black spandex.
"Oh, hellooo." He said, his voice sounding sophisticated, albeit a melodious drone. "I am…"
"Orange-Boy!" Someone shouted. This one was a female with ocean blue hair that went through a buzz cut. "Oooh!" She exclaimed, stepping into the light, revealing a tank top and camouflage pants and army boots.
"We have visitors!" She came up to Shirley and slid a finger along her jaw line. "Mmm…Pretty visitors at that."
Shirley made a crept out face and tried to get away from this strange woman.
"Villetta" Orange-Boy said, sounding whinny. "Why must you always take away my dramatic greeting?!"
"Quit whinning!" Villetta shouted, still stroking Shirley.
"Hmph." He wrapped his arms around his chest. "It's rude to force your sexuality on people, you know." He then said something under his breath.
"I heard that!" She shouted. "'Stupid dyke' am I?!"
After a few minutes of their arguing, Suzaku tried to interrupt them, but to no avail. It took the appearance of this old guy in an army uniform and had a pink, curly judge wig.
"Guests!" He shouted, his voice sounded stern yet happy, pushing the two arguing people out of his way. "To what do we owe this pleasure?!"
"Uh…" Suzaku said, not sure if he should speak to this weird old guy. "Do you have a phone we can use. We have a flat."
"Oooh…" He said. "We don't have a working phone. We only come here once a year, we never saw a reason to have one. Sorry."
"What is this anyway?" Shirley asked.
"This is…"
"Don't!" Both Orange-Boy and Villetta shouted.
"We never got guests before!" Orange-Boy said.
"Don't scare them away!" Villetta said.
"Oh ok, you drama-queens." Charles said. He turned to the visitors. "Well, come in. I'm sure someone inside will be delighted to help you."
He motioned with his hand. Suzaku, being the bravest(or dumbest) went first into the mansion of strange, oddities. Shirley went after him, dragging a scared(though probably the smartest in the group) Lelouch.
The group walked through the hall and straight into a ballroom doors, Charles leading the way. As he opened the doors the song "Time Warp" was playing from a turn table, all of the guests dressed in weird fashion like the ones whom our heroes met at the door.
"Charles!" A young boy shouted from the dance floor. He was heading over towards them. "So this is why those idiots left."
The boy was eyeing each, looking up and down.
"Were they giving her fashion advice?"
"WHAT?!" Shirley shouted, offended.
"No, Vi-Vi." Charles said, saying the name like it were a beloved nickname. He leaned over and planted a kiss on the lips.
Our heroes cringed.
"I'm fourty-five." Vi-Vi said. "And this big lug is fourty-four."
Our heroes tilt their heads and make is if to go "wha?"
Just then, "Time Warp" ends and "Sweet Transvestite" begins. Lelouch, being in touch with his something-is-behind-us senses turned around. And right behind them was this elevator with stairs that revealed weirdo with thick face paint making him look pale he had a light teal eyeliner and wore a black cape with an electric white on the collar, his lips had black lipstick.
But…He gasped, the music ended and this new oddball gazed upon Lelouch. But Lelouch looked at him as if he were weird.
"All these years, wasted." He said. "I've been trying…And here he is! The perfect man!"
"Well," Suzaku said, blushing. "I wouldn't say 'perfect', but…If you insist."
"Not you." The new comer said. "Him!" He pointed to Lelouch.
Villetta came behind him and took his cape and revealed him to be in a black, tight, leather tank top, a pearl necklace, with fishnet arm guards with black, leather panties that has a strap attached to his fishnet stockings attached to black high heels.
This one guy grabbed Lelouch by the hand and dragged him towards this throne that just came out of the floor.
"How come everyone feels the need to drag me?!" Lelouch shouted.
"Cause," Suzaku shouted, dejectedly. "Mr. Perfect's a coward!"
This, seemingly, really important person glared at Suzaku, sat on the throne(Lelouch sitting on another fancy chair that was placed beside it) and then he looked at Lelouch with love-y, dove-y eyes(feel free to throw up, the bags are located to your left, unless you are in Japan; then it is to your right).
"Don't feel bad, uh…" Orange-Boy said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "What's your name?"
"Uh…Suzaku."
Orange-Boy smirked. "What a sexy name." He leans closer to Suzaku's ear. "Sexy name for a sexy person."
"Hypercrite!" Villetta shouts.
"Am not." Orange-Boy pouts. "He was clearly jealous when Rolo denied his claim of being perfect. No straight-boy would ever feel that way."
"Actually…" Shirley said. "He's curious."
"See! See!" Orange-Boy said. "He's ripe for the converting!"
"Countless attempts at making the perfect man." The man introduced as Rolo said. "But here, right before me…What is your name?"
"Uh…." Lelouch began. "Lelouch."
"Lelouch!" Rolo said with flourish. "Such a perfect name for one such as yourself."
Rolo looks over at the other heroes. His eyes land on Shirley.
"Oh good." Rolo said. "We have a terrible drag in the house." He turns to Lelouch. "I'll be back, Lelouch."
He steps down towards Shirley.
"Ok, screamie-queenie," Rolo said. "Sing."
"WHAT?!" Shirley shouted.
"Ooo," Rolo said. "Spunk. I like spunk."
Shirley smiles.
"In men. Not horrible, very obvious, drag queens. Now sing!"
"Uh…" Shirley thought for a second and then it came to her.
Sadly, it was not a good idea. Meatloaf is never a good thing for a drag queen to sing. And that's cause it's over done. Meatloaf and Cher are the most played acts in drag queen places.
"Take her to the kitchens." Rolo said, annoyed. "Where she can be of better use to our guests and myself."
Two underlings whom we shall never see again came and dragged her away towards the kitchen with-a sobbing Villetta following them-where horrible things will happen to her. Luckily for you readers with weak heart conditions, this is not even a semi-goru fanfic. But….THEY CUT HER UP WHILE SHE'S STILL ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(You're laughing, aren't you…XD).
"Now, where were we." Rolo said, sitting back down next to Lelouch whom was laughing at the horrible singing Shirley had done.
"Uh…" Lelouch said.
"That's right!" Rolo said.
"We were gonna go to the bedroom like everyone else."
It was then that Lelouch noticed that only Rolo, Orange-Boy, Suzaku, Charles, Vi-Vi, and himself were in attendance.
"Speaking of rooms." Orange-Boy said, a perverted smile on his face as he leaned in towards Suzaku. "Would you like to come with me to my room?"
"Uh….You see…"
"Oh, come on." Orange-Boy said. "I have twister."
"Twister?!" Suzaku said. "You're on!"
They quickly run towards Orange-Boy's room to play twister.
"Come on, Charles." Vi-Vi said. "I'm tired."
Charles picked Vi-Vi up like a bride and carried him towards their room.
"So…" Rolo said. "It's just you and me, now."
"Let's go in my room and talk."
A few games of Twister, a nap, and a long conversation later…
Rolo sat at the head of the table, Lelouch to his right. Orange-Boy and Suzaku on the left where Charles and Vi-Vi take the seats next to Lelouch. Villetta walks into the room sobbing, she sits down next to Suzaku.
"What's wrong with you?" Orange-Boy asked.
"Shir…Shir…Shirley!" She cried out.
"What's wrong with Shirley?" Suzaku asked.
"You mean you didn't hear Rolo's command?"
Everyone in attendance-besides Rolo-shook their heads in the negative. The answer to 'what's wrong with Shirley' came apparent when the soup bowls came out and she sobbingly hugged it. The same thing happened when the meatloaf came out. But did anyone notice? Nope. They ate all of it, leaving Villetta to sob and hug the meatloaf and soup bowl filled with soup and tears.
"She was so young." Villetta said. "I barely knew her…But I loved her soooo much!"
"Quit crying!" Orange-Boy shouted. "You're spoiling the mood for the rest of us lovers."
Both Suzaku and Lelouch spit out the drink that they were drinking.
"Lovers?!" Both Suzaku and Lelouch shouted.
"Yes." Rolo said. "We're now lovers."
"Why?" Lelouch asked.
"Cause I said so, Lelouch."
"Ok." Lelouch said.
"But I have one thing to tell you." Rolo said.
"What is it, Rolo?" Lelouch asked.
"We're all space aliens from a planet called Transylvania and we just ate one of your best friends."
"What?!" Lelouch shouted. He turned to Suzaku. "Told you they were cannibals!"
"Technically, they're aliens." Suzaku said. "We're the cannibals."
"And they're aliens!" Lelouch cried.
"But is that such a bad thing?" Vi-Vi asked.
Lelouch thought about it.
"I'm an idiot." He said. "It's every nerd's dream to fall in love with an alien."
"Let's get married!" Orange-Boy shouted.
"Yay!" Everyone-Including Villetta-shouted.
"Except Villetta." Orange-Boy continued. "Cause bigamy and incest is sick."
(I know what you're thinking. And the answer is cheese. And he mostly said that to make Villetta cry. He's evil that way ^_^).
Villetta began to cry again.(See! See! I told you).
And everyone besides Villetta and Shirley lived happily ever after. Had weird, mutant babies, and when they die, they were incinerated, their ashes being launched into space where they were intertwined forever, seeing parts of the galaxy that no one living has ever seen. Yes, they all died at the same time, yes, they were launched at the same time…they were all friends, and yes…Villetta did not get incinerated and stayed on planet Transylvania until it exploded from the blast from its neighbor Krypton.
Which then led to certain things that have been redone so many times that me even mentioning it will involve you wanting to shoot yourselves. So I will not mention it. You should feel lucky. FEEL LUCKY!!!!!