AN: Spoiler alert!
Relates to events from Avengers Age Of Ultron.
My first attempt at writing Avengers Fanfiction, please tell me what you think! I had this idea after watching Age Of Ultron, about what Natasha was feeling at the end of the film. This represents her thoughts.
Spoilers! You have been warned!
He calls, no called, himself a monster. That's not true. If anything, I'm the monster.
What they did to me there, only one person knows, actually, one person knows the most, I'll always have to have some secrets, even from him. It's the way I was brought up, never tell anyone all your secrets. I should never have told him about that place, but he's special.
Him. The one everyone thought I was in love with, the archer. It was never love, back when I met him, 'love was for children.' That was so heavily ingrained into me, that one belief that I could never love someone, that the mission had to come before everything else. We were, no are, the best of friends, training partners. I hated the day when the God of Mischief came, when he took over my archer's mind, controlled him to attack me. But we got through it, as we always do. Cognitive Recalibraion. He has a family now, three children, who call me Aunt. Probably the closest I'll ever come to having kids of my own, by sharing others, but it's alright, I'll get through it, I always do. I don't know, do I want my own children? I can't. No. That was his biggest secret, the one he revealed to me, only me, and hid from the rest of the team. His biggest secret. His family, forced to keep them secret to protect them. The one-eyed man helped to keep them hidden. We were never lovers, only friends. Close friends, yes, but never lovers.
Our team. A bunch of misfits, thrown together through a need to survive, to protect humanity. But all the death that came through that, Coulson, all the civilians. Never again, we vowed. There had been too much destruction. But of course it would, due to a creation of the brains of the group.
He could never quite trust me. I don't blame him, I lied to him, pretended I was someone else, then helped to keep him locked away. It was for his own good. He would have died otherwise. He would have died. He's irresponsible, whether for himself or those around us, I do not know. But he would do anything to protect her. He only trusts me as far as he can throw me, without his suits of course. He thinks he's above everyone else, in some ways he is, without him we would never have this, the money for these buildings, and training. He nearly died for us, back in our first battle, but still occasionally does not seem to be one of the team. We thought he was dead. He's a lone fighter, not a teamworker. Can he be trusted? It's his fault. He created this monster, the thing that was set to kill us, and to make the human race extinct. He tried to split us up, to separate us, like what happened last time. After this battle, we have improved slightly. We can work together. The team is beginning to work together, slowly, under the aid of the captain.
The captain, the boss who tries his best to control us, sometimes it works. Although control is fought between the big three, he is the one that rules overall. I can trust him, I think. We work well together, understand each other. He's stuck in the past slightly, but we're helping him. All those years asleep, he missed our victory of the war. We teach him, help to him to make sense of the world. Most of us. The science brothers seem to confuse him, they sometimes seem to be on the other side, working alone in their lab, especially with these weird events, their accidental creation.
The first of these weird events being when gods came down from the sky, one set on destroying us, and the other who vowed to protect us. He's not always here, our godly protector, and doesn't always understand our ways, but he is a good man, and a good fighter. He knows when to join us each time, when we need help, these recent events have proved him to be a lifesaver, a good worthy man. He's someone we can rely on, although we wish we didn't have to.
These previous events have been adding to our ranks.
The twins, enhanced abilities, appeared to be on the other team, until they were shown the truth. The girl, can show you your deepest fears, and project you there. No, don't remember that. The boy, superhuman metabolism and speed. They fought with us, helped to save all those people. Now one of them remains, training with us to increase our strength. The other died, saving the life of the archer, and a civilian child. They mourn the other, but, as we do, we help them through it, we'll get through it, we always do.
Added to that is a flying man, who helped the captain and myself before. He saved our lives, in a time of confusion, and has stayed to help us again, to continue the fight to find peace on our world, against the evil that comes from inside and outside it.
An old friend has joined the brains, a machine of war who proved vitally important to save the metal man's life, many times over the years. A soldier, a captain, outranking our captain through the army, but looking up to him through our team. Perhaps he will be able to calm the others.
A final person, a man made machine, made by robots, humans and a God, possessing powers above us. A good friend of the God, a man, no, machine, no. An, individual, proven worthy by the gods, who can help us, and has helped us through this battle.
And my lover.
Missing.
We have not heard word from him, nor picture through the news. Monster. Never has he been a monster, not to me. He has two sides, that merge. Code Green. A vital part of our team, although he hates the fighting. Hates killing. Hates the other side of him. It is a needed evil. There is no cure for him. For me either.
He said he didn't want me, as he couldn't have children. Told me to do the maths. I cannot either. Part of the reason I wouldn't have the archer, he had always told me he wanted kids, a nice big family, not possible when you can't carry children. A memento of my old life. We could adopt I said to my lover, if we wanted.
He said he couldn't have me, or kids, as he was too dangerous. He has never hurt one of us, always avoided civilians. Always. And I can protect myself and others. I survived on the helicarrier, didn't I? That fateful day.
He said he couldn't have me. I said I wanted him.
I said I couldn't have him, I had a horrible story and past. He told me his story.
I said I couldn't have him, I led a dangerous life. He asked if it was more dangerous than him.
I said I couldn't have him. He said he wanted me.
We wanted each other. Then he never came back. Never came back. Everyone else did, he didn't. I called him, he was stuck inside a quinjet, stuck in his other form. Was it on purpose, that he hung up when I called him? Was it an accident? Did the other guy take control? Could he not change back? Was he stuck? Did he escape it? We cannot find him. We are hopeful. But have to wait. For him to come back to us.
Is it my fault?
He wanted to leave, to run away. But I couldn't, I had to fight. So I tricked him. We fought. We were falling. I was saved. He escaped. Kind of. Into a metal trap, that in his form, was inescapable.
Why did you hang up? You didn't mean to, did you?
Where is he? Have you found him?
Where are you? Come back to me. Please.
Где вы?
Где вы? means 'Where are you?' In Russian.