I lean my back against the front door, closing my eyes; Jackson is still banging his fist against the door, calling my name. I almost hope he'll get tired of it and walk away. Only if I'm honest I hope he won't. What he said, I'd just brushed it off because I can't believe it, I tell him all the reasons why he should run in the other direction from me and he tells me that. Do I want him to love me? I'm not sure. For one thing he probably would be better off without me. If he loves me it'll complicate things and I like things the way they are.

I wish something's didn't have to change but the thought of him loving me isn't exactly unappealing to me. Except people who say they love me tend to give up on me. Well, except for Paddy, but that's different. I know I care about Jackson there's no question about that but I push him away because I'm scared, if he loves me I could hurt him and I already have but if it turns out I love him…He can hurt me. So maybe it is better if we just stay away from each other.

Only, it hurts when I'm not around him, when I'm without him he's the only thing I can think about. I'd promised him I'd try and we'd scattered Clyde's ashes, I'd never forget the way he looked at me comforting me by squeezing my shoulder as I said goodbye while the wind blew the ashes away. I don't want to lose him. Suddenly I notice something has changed and it take me a second to realise what it is, Jackson has stopped knocking on the door.

The sudden silence is both a relief and a disappointment. The thought of just going upstairs and pretending I don't care finds it's way in to my head but I barely even entertain the idea before I'm grabbing the latch and pulling the door open. Only to find Jackson sitting on the step looking up at me. He gets up and I'm speechless. I have no idea what to say at all. So I guess it's a good thing that He does. "Don't shut me out." He starts and I watch him press his hand against the door, I imagine just in case I decide to shut it again.

I still can't find my voice, so I pull the door so he can walk in, which he does and I see a flash of what seems like relief in his eyes, I close the door, taking a breath before turning to face him. "I can't take it back Aaron." I lean my back against the door, watching him. He's nervous, one thing I've learnt about Jackson is that he can't hide what he's feeling very well. At least I know where I am with him most of the time, I don't know how I'd cope if he was closed off…Like me. He's looking at me and I know he's waiting for an answer, I've already got a sharp remark in my head that I could spit out, but then I'd hurt him and I don't want to.

I can't just ignore it and hope it all just goes away I have to deal with it. "I know you can't. But I'm not gonna say it back." Jackson leans his shoulder against the wall. "I wasn't expecting you to but I wasn't expecting you to say it was over either." I shrug trying to keep some façade of being calm. "You paid Mickey off." I hate that he did that, I hate that he went without me and I hate the fact that he's sure he did the right thing. "I was trying to help you I told you I was scared." I shake my head. "Scared for me, yeah I know. But I didn't ask you to be." I know I'm getting angry, but so is he. "Why does it bother you so much that I wanted to help you?" He's just not getting it is he? "Because I'm not worth it!" I look at him and we're both silent.

I push off the door and try to walk past Jackson only he's quick and before I know it he has got hold of my arm keeping me near him as he steps towards me. He starts to say my name but I don't think I want to know what he's going to say, I interrupt. "It was a stupid thing to do." He smiles. "Guess you're rubbing off on me then." He replies and I can't help but smile back. He gets nearer and then our lips meet, he kisses me softly before he wraps his arms around me and I let myself relax as I wrap my arms around him holding him. My hold on him tightening ever so slightly when he whispers. "You'll always be worth it to me." Maybe if he keeps saying it, keeps proving it I'll let myself believe him. Only I think I already do.