Ello! This script was a collab with my buddy Clara. We kind of did it on a whim so please excuse the pitiful lack of words on this page. Disclaimer: (to the tune of American Idiot):
If you're reading this, you're not an idiot,
It's true that Clara and I don't own this.
We wrote the fanfic, but The Tick is not ours
We really hope this story's up to par.
Enjoy!
Tick: Hey. Arthur. Do you like caesar salad?
Arthur: Very much so, compadre? Why?
Tick: Well. Because I was thinking...
Arthur: *cutting him off* HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT YOU WERE THINKING? I'M JUST A LOWLY SIDEKICK.
Tick: I wasn't done, you nimrod.
Arthur: *dejected* Oh. Oh. Okay. Finish. Enlighten me.
Tick: WELL. Yesterday I was eating a caesar salad.
Arthur: AND?
Tick: All the other superheroes were looking at me funny.
Arthur: Why? They have a problem with delicious creamy salad dressing and crisp leaves of romaine?
Tick: NO!
Arthur: Well what was their problem then?
Tick: Well. I was eating my salad with a...
Arthur: OOH I KNOW THIS I KNOW THIS
Tick and Arthur: SPOOOON!
*charge off into distance yelling beautiful battelcry*
Tick and Arthur: -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
Arthur: Wait, I have a question.
Tick: Arthur! You interrupted our beautiful battlecry!
Arthur: SHUT UP YOU NIMROD!
Tick: Hey, that's my word.
Arthur: No, actually that's Addie's word.
Tick: ARTHUR! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BREAK THE FOURTH WALL!
Arthur: Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Tick: YOU NIMROD!
Arthur: The nimrod joke is getting old.
Tick: Sorry.
Arthur: Answer my question.
Tick: Okay, fine. Um... SPOON!
Arthur: That answer makes no sense.
Tick: Well, you never asked me the question.
*Both stare at each other*
Arthur: Oh... yeah. Well, why did we charge into the distance yelling your beautiful battle cry if there's no one to battle?
Tick: Oh.
Arthur: Yeah.
Tick: Oh, well. SPOOOOOON!
Arthur: NOT IN THE FACE, NOT IN THE FACE!
Tick: ARTHUR. FOR THE LAST TIME. THAT IS NOT OUR BATTLECRY.
Arthur: Buh-but... it strikes unadulterated fear into the hearts of our enemies.
Tick: No. It does not. You nimrod.
Arthur: STOP IT WITH THE NIMROD JOKES. You're not cool enough to reference Green Day in your insults like Addie is.
Tick: Who's Addie? And also, you're supposed to be my *loyal* sidekick. No matter how many times I call you a nimrod. Or a twit or a dipshit or anything else to that nature.
Arthur: Okay. Fine.
Tick: WE ARE A TEAM AND I LIKE CEASAR SALAD.
Arthur: But it has anchovy in it.
Tick: So? Your point?
Arthur: Fish are gross.
Tick: You wimp.
Arthur: BUT THEY"RE SLIMEHHH
Tick: Man up.
Arthur: BUT I DON'T LIKE ANCHOVIES.
Tick: Whatever. You know what I do like?
Arthur: Oh dear. How would I ever guess?
Tick: SPOONS!
Arthur: *facepalms*
Tick: *drags Arthur off into the distance still yelling SPOON*
THE END
Thank you for reading! Review if you like food. Also big thanks to Clara for writing this gorgeous collab with me and to the coolest teacher ever for reminding Clara and I of the awesomeness that is The Tick.