Tea n' Pimpin: The Story of NTom64
2006- HellfireComms did not exist. The world was in chaos. This is the story of it's rise to power, as well as the story of it's founder and leader, NTom64.
An English person was sitting in his house, drinking tea, playing videogames, and being English. Later, he would joyfully talk over it, and post it on YouTube. This was his way of life. It was enjoyable, and he liked it. However, when he went to post the videos on YouTube, a message appeared, which said: "Your account has been deleted." "WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT BARREL MONKEYS?" said Tom. And with that, his life went down the shitter.
He was without a thing to do for a while, and that time was called "The Time of Boredom." It was boring. So eventually, he just played videogames. He was playing GodHand, when he heard a mysterious noise outside his window. He went to investigate, and it was…NINJAS! "Douchebags!" said Tom. The first one came in, and punched out his T.V. "GENE! NOOOOOOOO!" Tom went to help his injured T.V., but it was too late. As it was dying, Tom heard a faint whisper…"Tom…use the pimp hand, Tom…the pimp hand of justice…" Tom realized his T.V. was right. He took his gloves off(which he was wearing, 'cause he's English like that, son), and, working up massive amounts of courage, he pimp-slapped one of the Ninjas in the face with the power of 10,000 suns. "MOTHERFUCKING GRAAARGH." said the Ninja. The shockwave from the pimp slap took out all the other Ninjas, and Tom's whole house.
Tom knew that with great power comes great responsibility, so he robbed a bank. With the money, he bought shitloads of videogames. And a new house. Yet his life was not complete, somehow. Something was missing. So, while he was playing Professor Layton, and admiring the Britishness of it all, he realized what he was missing. TEA! The ultimate source of life, the sweetest, most succulent substance in the universe, the BEST FUCKING THING EVER! He had to get some. But from where? Tom spotted a tea cart on the other side of the road. He walked up to it, and the tea man said, "Hello, sir. Would you like some tea?" Tom pimp-slapped him, and took all the Earl Grey. Then the tea man said, "Nigga stole mah tea!" Tom pimp-slapped the tea man again, for calling him a nigga.
Now, Tom, with his life complete, decided to spread some of the awesome to the common folk. How? he asked himself. With COMMENTARY! he replied to himself. So, he gathered up his best friends, and made…HELLFIRE COMMENTARIES! However, it was very complicated, and full of filler. The first member to join was TheHelldragon. He was in America, and Tom was in England. So, for no reason in particular, Tom pimp-slapped the Atlantic Ocean. The Atlantic Ocean did not survive. Tom crossed it, and once he was in America, he saw a dragon having an epic duel to the death with some bats. "BAAAAAATSSSSSSS!" said the mysterious dragon. Tom helped him to kill the bats. Afterwards, TheHelldragon said, "Thank you, mysterious English person." Tom replied, "YOU'RE GONNA BE MY BITC- commentary partner." "That sounds fun." said Helldragon. Tom replied, "MUAHAHAHAHA!"
The next bitc- member to be inducted in was FastestThingAlive. Tom was playing Sonic, and doing internet stuff, as usual. He then stumbled upon a certain website. It was called "Find the computer room!" NTom64 was fascinated by it. It was the world of Sonic fanboys! Tom sought out the leader of this fine website. It was none other than Gareth, the FastestThingAlive! Tom asked him to join Bitc- Hellfire Commentaries. Gareth said he would only join if Tom beat him in a nerd battle. The two Englishman/Sonic fanboys/Fat people met in an epic clash of wills. Meaning, Tom pimp-slapped/flailed the fuck outta Gareth. "A winner is you!" said Gareth. The Big Three of Hellfire Commentaries had been recruited.
Tom met Axel in the Lost Woods. Tom found Ron when he crossed the Portal streams. Tom met Tundra Boy when Sony was having a fanboy competition, and Tundra Boy won. Tom met RandomDCE randomly (ba dum, TISH.) Luiz Prower was fighting Waddle Dee, when Tom came in and pimp-slapped Waddle Dee. But it was TOTALLY INEFFECTIVE! OH SHIT! Luiz and Tom barely escaped with their lives. Captain was blowing people up in San Andreas, when Tom came in, and ruined his fun. "MUAHAHAHA!" he said. Captain was amazed by his evil laugh, and so joined the group. Al was gonna rape some people, and Tom advised him not to, and now Al does not have AIDS!
With all of Hellfire Commentaries assembled, they realized there was one more threat that needed taking care of. They set out to destroy the '06 loading screen! So they went to '06land, where they encountered the screen in 0.005 seconds. *Insert epic battle here.* "HOLY JESUS CREPES, THAT WAS EPIC!" said Helldragon. "I thought it was quite bland, actually." said Tom. "LOLOLOLOL," said all the members of HFC, as the camera zoomed out slowly. THE END.