A/N: Enjoy~
Emotions were one thing, but feeling them was a rather alien concept to Mei.
It wasn't as if she never felt any her whole life. She definitely had some happy moments in her early childhood before the news of her parents' divorce cruelly entered her reality, following her father abruptly leaving her.
For the next few years, Mei grew further and further away from the feeling of happiness and clouded herself under a mask of stoicism. It wasn't as if she stopped feeling emotions. The only ones she recalls feeling very often were either of anger, frustration, hurt, and loneliness, the last two of which Mei tried to conceal.
But it wasn't as if she was entirely abandoned. Her grandfather was still in her life and took her in after her father left her in his care. Mei didn't understand why her father left nor why her parents divorced, but she also didn't think much of it. At the time, she believed that her father needed to take care of some business. As the future chairman, he put on a mask of stoicism, the same kind Mei adopted later in her life, and often put his goals and career over his own happiness. Her mother on the other hand...Mei still never knew why she walked out on her own family. Surely, he needed time to recompose himself before taking his place as the future chairman. It was how Mei accepted the situation she was in for next five years of her life.
She often waited, looking outside her window from her room in her grandfather's mansion trying to see when her father would return.
"Grandfather? When is papa coming home?" Mei asked.
The elderly man was working on his desk, filing papers and grumbling to himself, to which Mei couldn't understand. He stopped in the middle of his work and sighed before looking over to her,
"I don't know."
It was all he could answer. And it only reinforced the uncertainty that continued to boil inside her.
Days passed, weeks, months, and even years, and there was no sign that her father was ever going to return any time soon. She received letters from time to time, but Mei couldn't get herself to open them. There was this constant fear and anticipation of what he might say to her or about her. In the end, she never opened any of them.
As the years went by, Mei found herself feeling less and less of the same joy she felt as a young child. She felt there was no need to feel such things and eventually shut everything and anything out. After all, they would only get in the way of her goals, or at least, that's what she made herself believe. Himeko would often ask her if anything was wrong, to which Mei would reply no and continue working on student council business. Her friends, or people who admired Mei from afar, would try to get close with her and get the usually stern president to open up. But when they saw what a challenge it was to climb her walls, they eventually all gave up on her.
Everyone who was ever close to her, or whoever tried to get close, in her life eventually left. Her father, her mother, and then it hit her. Maybe they divorced because they didn't want her?
Curled up in the dark of her room on her bed, Mei realized two things: that she stopped feeling happiness and that she was incapable of being loved.
A few months after Mei turned 16, her grandfather had notified her that she would be living with her father's new wife and daughter. He wasn't exactly pleased with his son's choices in the past few years, but he thought Mei would be better off living with her new family than living alone in her father's house.
Mei agreed with no arguments or complaints.
She didn't know what to expect, but she definitely didn't expect the blonde girl who broke the dress-code on the very first day of school to be her new step-sister.
The first few months living with her supposed older sister seemed unbearable. Mei didn't know why Yuzu did the things she did or why she always seemed to be chasing after her no matter how hard she tried to push her away. There wasn't anything different about her, as Mei believed. She thought, in time, Yuzu would realize her wasted efforts and eventually give up on her like everyone else.
From helping her grandfather to rekindling her relationship with her father, Mei was surprised, impressed even. But it didn't answer her question as to why Yuzu did all these things for her.
The blonde wasn't exactly the smartest, nor did she ever follow the rules so easily. Mei gave up on trying to force the girl into doing something she knew she wouldn't follow. It was a bit frustrating at first, but it was that same way of thinking Yuzu had that Mei was mysteriously drawn to. And these new emotions she was beginning to feel started to scare her.
By the time they started dating, Mei still didn't know exactly what to feel for the girl. Or in this case, she didn't know how to articulate her feelings in a way that Yuzu could understand. But she did notice one thing. She found herself more and more open to the girl, and hated feeling vulnerable to another person less and less.
However, the biggest challenge for Mei was learning how to express the love Yuzu deserved. It had been awhile since she felt a sort of openness to anything, but she was willing to try putting more effort into this new feeling if it meant making Yuzu happy.
Oftentimes, Yuzu would be the one taking the lead in their relationship. From planning their dates, to the rings, heck, she was the one who plunged headfirst into confessing her feelings when Mei didn't have the courage to. Yuzu was the more romantic one in the relationship.
Mei, on the other hand, almost felt a bit useless and didn't feel it was fair for Yuzu to be doing all the work. She didn't even know if she deserved having all this effort be put out just for her, especially looking back on how she initially treated the blonde when they first met. And the more she thought about it, the more she began to wonder how long it would last. And the thought of losing Yuzu to someone else, terrified her.
"You look nice today," Mei complimented.
Words were how she could start. It wasn't easy for her, as the words felt like sandpaper, but it was enough to plaster that glowing smile on Yuzu's face that Mei secretly loved.
Mei had just finished a long day of student council paperwork and was ready to head straight to bed. She saw Yuzu come out of their bathroom in her pajamas shortly after, hair held up in a towel.
The raven-haired girl took a glance at her step-sister and tried to open her mouth to ask a question, but for some reason words couldn't come out.
Once Yuzu finished drying her hair, she turned off the light and crawled onto the bed next to Mei.
"Good night, Yuzu," Mei said before resting under the covers.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Yuzu grinned.
Without saying anything, Mei turned over and softly caught Yuzu's lips into her own. It started off slow and the blonde moaned in delight at the sensation. Their good night kiss ritual that was meant to be quick and chaste ended up lasting a little longer and going into different direction than originally planned.
The soft kiss they shared grew rougher on Mei's end and crawled on top of Yuzu, further deepening the kiss. Yuzu responded by opening her mouth to let Mei's tongue in.
While Mei certainly enjoyed this as much as Yuzu did, she felt it wasn't enough. If she couldn't convey herself properly through words, then she could at least pour out everything she was feeling through this.
I want you.
I need you.
I love you.
Only three simple words, yet proved difficult to say aloud.
Both girls pulled back to catch their breath and Mei stared into Yuzu's emerald eyes with awe before shortly continuing the kiss. Yuzu began to feel Mei's hands tangle in her hair as if she was trying to hold her in place.
Something doesn't feel right, Yuzu thought.
Even though she loved the greedy, but loving side of Mei, there was a sad glint in her eyes Yuzu noticed earlier. And why did her cheeks feel wet?
Before Mei realized it, Yuzu was trying to push her away and sat up on their bed, resting against the headboard.
"Mei?" Yuzu asked with concern, "are you okay?" she cupped one hand against her younger sister's face, slowly wiping away falling tears.
Mei's eyes widened after realizing the wetness coating her face. She sighed and gently removed Yuzu's hand to dry her own eyes.
"I'm fine."
Which was a complete lie, but Mei didn't know how to approach what she was feeling and was hoping Yuzu wouldn't persist her about it. But of course, knowing Yuzu…
"I'd have to be a complete idiot to think you're fine," Yuzu responded before placing her free hand above her sister's, "what's wrong? You know better than this, I'm not letting you sleep until you tell me."
There was no way she was going to get out of this situation. When they first started dating, they both agreed that they needed to communicate more about any issues and problems either one of them might be feeling. It was ironic on Mei's part, considering she wasn't willing to let Yuzu bottle herself up after her old friends made some snide remarks involving their relationship.
Mei wasn't used to feeling this vulnerable nor was she the best in expressing herself in words, but this situation was a sure sign she may as well start now.
"Yuzu...do you love me?" she asked softly.
The question surprised Yuzu and threw her off a bit. She's never heard the usually-stoic student council president ask her these types of questions. But she was also confused. Where was this coming from? They wouldn't be going out if there wasn't a sort of mutual feeling between them.
"Of course I do, Mei. Don't you remember what I've told you before? I promise you I'll always need you."
Before Yuzu, Mei had a sort of high tolerance for things she viewed as an "inconvenience". Yet, for the past couple weeks, her insecurities of wondering whether or not the blonde truly loved kept gnawing at her.
"But why do you love me?" Mei almost choked on her words and averted her eyes downward, away from her sister's eyes. She had repeated the question in her head as if practicing how to say them to the blonde, but saying it out loud made her feel like a completely different person.
Yuzu couldn't directly answer that question. It wasn't as if she didn't know what to say, it's just there were a list of endless reasons she could give that would keep them up all night. She wouldn't even know where to start.
"I don't get it…" Mei continued, snapping Yuzu out of her minor fantasy of worshipping the raven-haired girl.
"Wait, what do you mean?"
"I've caused you so much trouble in the past. It's just...why would you go out of your way for someone like me? Someone who treated you so coldly, who pushed you away so often, who…" Mei didn't know how to continue that last part. All she could do was recall the memory of the very first kiss they shared. Or should she say, the very first kiss she stole from Yuzu.
Yuzu finally understood and took Mei's chin to face her to give her a small, affectionate smile.
"Mei, you're wonderful," Yuzu began, "when we first met, yeah, I thought you didn't care about anyone or anything at all. You seemed so focused in your own little world that I thought you didn't need anyone."
Mei sighed silently listening to that last part.
"But when I realized the kind of situation you'd been in, you know, with the teacher, the school, your dad leaving you, I don't know...I just wanted to make you happy in some way," Yuzu continued.
"And when I realized I was starting to fall in love with you, I felt more grounded in reality," she leaned closer to Mei so that their foreheads were touching.
"What do you mean by that?" Mei asked in confusion.
Yuzu closed her eyes for a bit before continuing. She went on and explained to Mei how she tended to lie to herself often just to maintain her image and her friends. Whenever they often talked about their love lives, she made up stories about the kinds of things she'd do in her so-called relationships just to fit in with them. Mei, of course, hid the jealousy of Yuzu possibly being with anyone else, especially a boy.
But when Yuzu transferred to the school, she felt she no longer had to put a facade just to maintain any friends.
"I've met so many great people that like me for me. I honestly don't think I'd be comfortable in my own skin if it wasn't for meeting Harumin, Momokino, and especially you, Mei," the blonde let out a small laugh.
It was true, everything Yuzu said. Despite constantly causing trouble, violating the dress code, sleeping in class, and many other endless reasons that make all the other students question why she hasn't been kicked out of the school, eventually they all got used to it. They knew she wasn't going to listen anyway, but it's not like she was causing any real problems for the school. Plus, Yuzu did manage to do well in her studies. Usually when Mei asked her to.
Being Mei's older sister wasn't an easy task at first, but the responsibility made her realize what's important. Feeling this amount of love and care for someone else felt terrifying, overwhelming, yet amazing all at the same time. Even though she had no idea whether or not Mei could reciprocate her feelings, Yuzu always wanted to be there for her no matter what.
"You might not see it in yourself yet, Mei, but there are so many great things about you. Everyone at school looks up to you. I...look up to you. There are days I wish I could be like you," the older girl finished.
"Do I really deserve all of this?" Mei contemplated.
"I think one way or another...everyone out there deserves to have someone who can see the good in them," Yuzu explained, "and you just happen to be stuck with me," letting out a small laugh afterwards.
The Mei who initially held nothing but indifference towards the older girl would've seen being stuck with her as a curse. But if being stuck with Yuzu for the rest of her life was a curse, then Mei would never want it broken.
While she sat in silence comprehending Yuzu's words, Yuzu circled her arms around the younger girl's back and rested chin above her head.
"Also, I hope you know I'll never leave you," her voice softening to a whisper, "you couldn't get rid of me even if you tried. You of all people would know that."
Mei buried her face close to her sister's chest, feeling the calming, rhythmic pulses of her heartbeat right through the fabric. It matched the same tempo as her own and contrasted greatly from previous moments when with each other. The feeling wasn't erratic or pounding or, for lack of a better word, suffocating.
In the dark of their room, both girls felt calm around each other. It felt so right. Was this how love actually felt?
Resting in that moment, Mei realized that for the first time in her life, she truly felt happy.
A/N: Boy, oh boy...I haven't written anything since Kingdom Hearts. Actually the last thing I wrote for was for Frozen and all those snips are on Tumblr. Even though I tend to get self-conscious about my writing and hesitate a lot because of potentially making characters OOC, I wanted to try writing for Citrus because I ain't going nowhere if I keep complaining about not making content for something that already has so little. Anyway, my organization in writing literally anything (I mean I still wonder how I'm doing well in writing class) can be pretty weak so that might be noticeable here. I felt like I dragged this on when it was originally supposed to be around 1000 words, so the ending might feel a bit cut off.
But enough about that, hope you guys enjoyed and please critique my writing it's been so long ^^;